Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism
by Silent Magi
Summary: Jiraiya has run out of story ideas, and decides to use his favorite student for a bit of fun. This is the tale of Naruto dealing with the results. Rating changed from T due to suggestive content and language, still a crack fic. Finished
1. Chapter 1

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 1: Jiraiya

Jiraiya sighed looking around his apartment trying to divine some inspiration from the surroundings. He had just finished his latest hit series Icha Icha: Seasons and now he needed something new to write. The only problem for the great and wealthy author was that he had nothing to inspire him.

While it's true that he's had dry spells in the past, he has always at least had some idea of a story to write. This time however was different, this time he had another that was occupying his time and energies that he usually dedicated to writing his novels. That person was none other than Naruto Uzumaki, the Kyuubi's container. While it was nice to teach someone that was eager to learn, the kid seemed to be impossible to sate. Even after learning the Fourth Hokage's Rasengan the kid had just demanded another 'cool jutsu' and to be honest, Jiraiya was running low on them. Looking over his library of jutsu scrolls his eyes landed on one particularly old and dust covered scroll.

Standing up from his favorite recliner, Jiraiya strode over to the scroll and pulled it out, reading over the title curiously. "Mesmerism no Jutsu?" he inquired to the air before unrolling the scroll carefully. As he read a small smile spread across his face as it seemed this scroll would solve both of his problems very nicely.

Now, all he had to do was meet up with the brat tomorrow and teach him this jutsu. And then his writing problems would be over, and Naruto might just learn to be careful what he wishes for. It seemed to be nothing but a win-win situation for Jiraiya, and maybe even for Naruto.

-Scene Break-

Jiraya sighed as he waited outside of Naruto's apartment. He was having second thoughts about this plan. Sure, the brat was annoying, and the drive to constantly learn new techniques was a pain, but this could really hurt him if it backfired. It might even get him killed or exiled from town. Maybe he'd just see what they could dig up at the library instead...

"HEY ERO-SENNIN!" Naruto shouted with that damnable foxy grin of his. "What cool jutsu are you teaching me today?"

'To hell with pity... let him burn!' Jiraiya thought as he pulled out the copy of the scroll he had made.

"Got a special one here... made just for you brat..." Jiraiya smiled his best convincing smile. "Mesmerism no Jutsu."

"Huh? What's that?" Naruto asked while his head tilted in confusion.

"It's a very special transformation jutsu..." Jiraiya started before being interrupted, as expected.

"That's not cool!" Naruto protested loudly.

"But this will make any woman you want fall in love with you, and increase your senses so much..." Jiraiya suggested as he held out the scroll teasingly. "Of course... if you don't feel like you have enough chakra or control for this..."

"BRING IT ON!" Naruto shouted with a snarl.

"Alright brat... the seals are ram, horse, tiger, hare, dragon, snake, dragon. Got it?" Jiraiya asked, showing him the seals in order.

Naruto nodded and repeated the seals carefully. Jiraiya smiled as he nodded. "Good, good, now all you have to do is focus all the chakra you can spare into this jutsu, and the results will be there when you wake up. They'll even stay for a while depending on how much you use."

"COOL! I'm going to use it right now, see ya tomorrow Erro-sennin!" Naruto called out as he went back into his apartment.

Jiraiya smirked as he watched Naruto's door closed. "Heh... that was too easy... time for some 'research' to celebrate..." With a perverse smile Jiraiya left the area, just before a large surge of chakra filled it with a blinding light.


	2. Chapter 2

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 2: Sakura

The next morning Naruto woke, slipping off his bed carefully as his tail felt pinched. Letting out a yawn as he swiveled his ears and shook out his tail, he headed for the bathroom with bleary eyes. After relieving himself he pulled out his toothbrush and started cleaning his teeth, eyes closed as he went through the routine blindly.

Bending forward he cupped some water into his hands, splashing it against his face and scrubbing hard. Sloshing his hands back, he ran the remaining water through his hair, and up over his ears. Turning away from the mirror he paused as a thought finally trickled into his mind. Turning back slowly his eyes widened in fear as he saw that he wasn't seeing things. He had a fluffy reddish-orange tail and a pair of matching ears in the proper locations, if he was a fox.

Two miles away, a farmer tending his fields looked up as a sudden panicked shriek filled the early morning air.

Peeling himself off the ceiling, Naruto set his mind to the task of figuring out just what was going on. His first thought was that he was still dreaming, and this was a nightmare. However, a quick punch to his gut later he was fairly certain that it wasn't a dream, and that they needed a better way of telling if people were dreaming or not. Pacing around his room he frowned in thought, trying to think of what could have caused such an odd change, maybe it was a genjutsu or something.

As soon as that thought left his mind, realization hit him like a punch from Lee. It wasn't a genjutsu, it was that Mesmerism no Jutsu that Erro-sennin taught him yesterday. It had to be that, and now came a new problem.

Looking out the window he sighed seeing the villagers walking around down below. Even running across the roofs he'd never go unnoticed by them, and cries of Kyuubi's escape would fill the air. He had to hide the ears and tail before he left.

The tail would be easy enough to hide in his pants, but he didn't think he had anything to hide his ears with. He never really liked hats, and his headband's cloth had been so cut and torn over the years it would likely tear apart if he used it fully deployed.

Sighing he cast his eyes over his apartment, looking for something to use to hide his ears. Spotting his old goggles from his academy days a grin grew on his face, Those would work nicely. Snatching up the goggles, he proceeded to stuff his ears into them before pulling the band down the backside of his head.

It wouldn't hold for long, but he only needed it to hold long enough to get across town, get the counter from Jiraiya, and allow him time enough to perform the counter. Simple really. Turning to the door he frowned as he saw the calendar he kept beside the exit. It was a team training day, and that meant he was already running late, and Sakura would probably kill him for skipping, not to mention what Kakashi-sensei might do. Heaving a sigh he pulled out a scroll and wrote out a quick note for his teammates.

After rereading the note to make sure that it had all the keywords to prove that it was written by him, he bit his thumb and summoned up his favorite pair of toads. Gamakichi and Gamatatsu appeared before him in a puff of smoke.

Naruto smiled as he tossed Gamatatsu a bag of chips and handed Gamakichi the scroll. "Listen guys, I need you to deliver this to Sakura-chan or Kakashi-sensei as fast as possible. I'll even throw in two bags of chips if you get back here within the next five minutes. Deal?"

At the mention of more snacks, Gamatatsu snatched up his brother and bolted out the open window. Naruto sighed and plopped down to wait for the toads to return. He had to hold up his end of the bargain after all. Removing his goggles he let his sore, fox ears unfurl, marveling at the new range of hearing these ears had.

He could hear the children at the academy laughing and playing before class, six blocks away. He could hear the wind blowing through the leaves in the trees outside. He could hear the pounding of feet and Sakura's voice screaming his name in a blind rage. He could hear the sounds of thousands of kunai hitting a wooden target over near where Gai takes his students.

These new ears weren't so bad, especially since they made Sakura-chan sound so near to him, like she was just on the other side of his door, that for some reason seemed to rattle with blows. Opening his eyes he looked over to his door, just in time to see it flying inward.

"DAMMIT YOU BAKA! WHERE ARE YOU! YOU'RE LATER THEN KAKASH… shi… sensei…" Sakura trailed off as she stared at Naruto, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks. "Umm… I mean… I got your message… and I… I was wworried about you Naruto-kun…"

Naruto blinked as he unfurled from the protective ball he had put himself into. Had Sakura-chan really called him kun? Maybe he had misheard her, but he was fairly certain he had heard her correctly, and why was she acting like that weird Hinata girl? Something weird was going on.

"Sakura-chan… I told you in the note that I was going to take the day off because I had to talk to Erro-sennin and baa-chan…" Naruto answered while using his hands to hide his ears. "In fact I was just about to go…"

Looking at his now demolished door he mentally sighed as he calculated the price for a new one, remembering the last few times that villagers had done it. This one might be reusable though, he thought optimistically as he inspected the damage; the hinges seemed to have popped out from the rattling instead of anything being torn off. His poor kitchen table however will never see another ramen binge again.

Walking over to the door and picking it up Naruto started setting it back in place, when he felt a sudden growth of warmth behind him, two soft points resting on his back. "Here… let me help you Naru-kun… it's the least I can do…"

The wildfire spread of red on Naruto's face when he realized exactly what was against his back almost threatened to ignite the door, if he hadn't pulled away to slip the bolts into the hinges.

Turning around Naruto came face to face with Sakura, her arms still against the door. There was a deep blush to her cheeks as she leaned in towards him. "I'm sorry for scaring you Naruto… how about we go out on a date so I can make it up to you?"

Naruto's mind seemed to tear itself in two over this, half knew something was wrong with this picture, the other half knew as well but really wanted to play along, and maybe see those two lovely little hills hidden under Sakura-chan's passionately red shirt.

Naruto however regained control of his hormones and slipped out of Sakura's arms. "Sakura-chan… I really like you, but you're not acting like yourself right now… so… I'm just going to go find Erro-sennin and see about getting back to normal… or maybe Baa-chan knows. See ya!"

With that the blonde-haired fox boy sprinted for his window, barely clearing it before Sakura could catch him. Getting up onto the roofs and sprinting away Naruto thought about what had just happened, and failed to notice the spread of weird looks women and men across the city were throwing up towards him in his wake.

Meanwhile, back in his apartment Sakura was blinking her eyes, as she leaned out the window. "What… just happened? I better tell Tsunade-sama…"

Sakura took one look at the sun and then sprinted off to Tsunade's favorite bar, as she'd most likely be there than anywhere else. She only hoped that Tsunade would know what was going on.

Neither of the ninjas noticed as a white haired form emerged from across the street, holding a pair of binoculars. This was turning out much better than expected, and if Naruto kept this up, he'd have not only a book, but an entire series after the kid. Chuckling at the thoughts racing through his mind, Jiraiya leaped off of the roof and started heading for the Hot Springs. He just had to see Naruto's face when he tells him it's irreversible, and that he'd likely have to spend weeks if not months with his new features.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey all, just thought I'd do something I hadn't done in a long time. It's time to respond to reviews. and make an author note.

Starting with only the ones for Chapter two.... sorry Chapter one people.

InsaneMagician - For future reference to everyone, I'm male. but thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it funny.

wolfdiablo - Yes... yes it is and he has another one coming up in this chapter... maybe more.

Demonkid - Thanks! ^.^ Glad you enjoyed it.

badkidoh - I'm glad you're enjoying this, here's the update.

JadeStoneTheYounger - Glad you like it, hope this is soon enough for ya.

Author's Notes: I'm making new chapters of this story again, and need a new beta reader, any volunteers? The reason for needing one, is that I've lost contact with the old one.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 3: Team Gai

Naruto looked around nervously, he had found out from Jiraiya that the effects had to wear off, shortly before he had to flee from the people that had been bathing in the hot springs. If nothing else, this jutsu was helping him train in his speed and avoidance tactics more than anything he's been through since his prankster days.

Currently he was hiding at one of the most isolated training grounds, having sent a toad to Tsunade about his current condition rather than risk having her come onto him like Jiraiya had. Pausing a moment in his scanning he shuddered from tip to tail at the thought of Jiraiya making passes at him. Suppressing that memory would probably count as an S-class jutsu if anyone asked.

Seeing no one else around he let out a breath he'd been holding in a silent sigh while allowing himself to finally relax. If he could just avoid people long enough, he'd be able to wait out the effects of the jutsu. After all, what was a few weeks avoiding people when you were a ninja. Excellent training, right?

Tucking his ears back into the goggles he had managed to hang onto he looked around the training grounds cautiously. He could almost swear someone was looking at him right now, turning around he let out a little eep, seeing three sets of eyes staring at him lustfully.

"Naruto-kun! It is wonderful to see your youthful energetic face today!" Lee exclaimed while hugging the reluctant kitsune tightly. "Yosh! It must be a sign that we are to train with you today!"

"It seems that fate has decided for us to be partners..." Neji replied with a leer, his pupil-less eyes seeming to be aiming to the lower parts of Naruto's anatomy.

Naruto continued squirming, trying valiantly to get free of the hold that Lee had him in, especially since he didn't think that was a kunai pressing into his thigh. "Now guys, you really don't want me hanging around do you? I mean I know I'm a kickass fighter, but I'd probably hold you back from your own training..."

Tenten reached over and put a finger to the struggling blond's lips gently. "Don't be so modest Naru-kun... I'm sure that we being your elders could... teach you some new moves..." The whispers from Tenten were causing shivers to run down his spine as he watched her hand drifting upwards. "Now, why don't we get more comfortable, no? These goggles seem to be on much too tight..."

Naruto's eyes widened at the mention of his goggles, causing him to pull his head away again. "No... th... that's not necessary... How about some tracking training? I'll go hide somewhere and in thirty minutes you guys come find me?"

"No... I think we have a better training for you..." Tenten purred as she slipped the goggles off roughly, despite Naruto's struggles. Once the optical protectors were removed, the kitsune's ears slowly unfurled, free of their uncomfortable prison. Team Gai looked at him stunned before Tenten reached out and began rubbing them. "They're real..."

"EEEEE!!!! SO CUTE!!!" came the shrill cry from Neji, causing poor Naruto to curl slightly in pain from the loud noise. However, he did notice one thing, Lee had loosened up when his ears had been revealed. Just enough for Naruto to slip free.

Now most would not consider Naruto one to run away from anything, save maybe ghosts, but those that knew him, knew that he always seemed to have a last minute desperate plan come to him out of the blue. This was how he found himself running away through the trees, with three genins chasing after him, each professing undying love.

For some strange reason Naruto had new found sympathy for Sasuke and having to deal with fangirls. There was one benefit of having his ears out, he could hear a lot more of the surrounding environment such as how he found out that Lee was going to swing out wide to the left and try and trap him with the others herding him. Then again, he could also hear Tenten's perverse giggle when she asked Neji to get out the explosive tags.

Hearing the first kunai whistling past with the explosive tag flapping behind it brought tears to Naruto's eyes. He knew that they'd take advantage of the fact he could heal from nearly everything short of death eventually. Diving to the right he scampered through some thick foliage, trying to let his natural talent at evasion to wake up and get him away from the older team.

Suddenly an idea popped into his mind. Diving down to the ground level he summoned up a swarm of clones, while using a henge to turn himself into a fox. Taking a hard turn to the right, he had his clones spread out, partially obscuring him, he hoped. Judging by the fact all of the memories from the clones just flooded his mind, he doubted it.

Hearing the sounds of the older ninjas behind him he put on an extra burst of speed, trying to gain distance. His escape was almost foiled by a fence looming in front of him, save for the hole that he saw that he could barely squeeze through.

Diving through the hole he heard his pursuers slide to a halt on the other side of the fence. Letting out a sigh he thanked whatever power that be that gave him the shape shifting ability instead of just the illusion technique, it had once again saved his life. Turning around he heard something from the other side of the fence that nearly made him wet his fur.

"Why would he run into the Forest of Death?"


	4. Chapter 4

Hey ya'll, still looking for a beta reader please. I will not post the new chapter until I find a beta. Please message me if interested.

Annnnnd now! Responses to readers!

JadeStoneTheYounger: Love to see a returning fan! Here's the update.

badkidoh: Thanks! Here's the update...

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 4: Anko

Naruto looked around the forest he had ran into nervously, he knew he had to get out of here and soon, lest something decide that eating him would be a good idea, or worse, Anko found him. Turning ninety degrees from the direction he was heading, Naruto began running through the wooded area, heading out of the area as fast as he could.

The trees blurring as he passed was kinda soothing now that he had time to think about it. He felt so light and full of energy in this form that he'd almost swear that he was flying through the air. Blinking he looked down, only to confirm that he was in fact parted with the ground, and judging by the pressure around his waist, something was carrying him.

Looking upwards he paled as his eyes traversed a familiar trench coat, one that perpetually haunted his nightmares. Seeing the purple hair, and the devilish smile just confirmed it. He was in Anko's arms, and she was taking him deeper into the forest.

"Hey kitsune-chan.." Anko said with a sinister laugh "This is no place for you, especially with those two tails you have."

Naruto sweatdropped when he heard about the two tails part, he had thought he'd only have one. The stupid fox must have messed it up on him. It was bad, but he could take care of it. Just so long as nothing else goes wrong.

Anko stopped and stood under a large tree, looking at the curious fox in her arms. She couldn't help but smile at it. It was just too cute. "I just want to take you home and cuddle you to death, and then feed you to my lovely snakes!"

At this Naruto started sweating and squirming in earnest to get away from the psycho snake lady. Little did he notice a small leaf falling down towards the pair, gently landing on Naruto's hips. A poof of smoke later Naruto reappeared, only this time he had long blond hair, flowing down to the middle of his back, his blue eyes were paler as he blinked in surprise, he barely realized that his orange jumpsuit was missing now, replaced instead with a faded orange Chinese style blouse and baggy black pants. The biggest problem is the small fact that he was now female.

He could deal with this, just so long as he could get away from the psycho snake lady... whose eyes seemed to be trying to escape her head at this moment. With a nervous giggle and a small wave Naruto started edging away from the crazy woman, only to be cut off in her escape by Anko's arm against the tree, with her leaning over, very close to his face.

"My... my... my... little kitsune-chan... you are a very cute little trickster," Anko purred softly as she drew in closer to Naruto. "Maybe I should eat you instead of my snakes..."

Naruto's pupils dilated at that thought, as only a moment later Anko was licking his whisker marks and playing with his ears. "Come on... I'll show you so many fun positions... Kits-u-ne-chan..."

It was about this time that Naruto decided that the best course of action would be to initiate a strategic fall back plan. After all, ninjas never ran away, so the orange and black blur that went screaming through the forest, followed by a tan blur was not Naruto being chased by Anko as he ran away. No it was Naruto falling back until such time as he could detain or lose Anko.

Leaping over the fence on the far side of the Forest of Death ten minutes later, Naruto almost wept as he saw Team Gai waiting for him. Almost as he was currently too distracted by Anko calling out for him as she leaped after him. "Kitsune-chan! I just want to be your bed buddy! I promise nothing too risky until after the first three hours!"

Tucking into a ball and literally bowling through Gai's students, Naruto used the distraction of Anko crashing into them to make good his escape into the forest. After ten minutes he slowed so that he could listen for signs of pursuit, but only the faint sounds of bugs buzzing, birds chirping, and someone breathing heavily in his sensitive ears filled the clearing.

. . .

Wait... someone else was breathing heavily. Turning his head slowly, he let out a whimper of terror as there before him stood something so awful, so unimaginably horrible, so completely and utterly wrong, that it shocked him to the core. For there, in all it's glory stood...

To be continued.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey all, sadly I've burned through all my stock on this one, so I'm uncertain when the next update will be. Yes, I know I'm late, but it's been a hectic day and night.

badkidoh: Glad you liked it.

narutohaloevolved: Heh, now I wouldn't exactly say that I'm against that pairing, but ya know... not my bag. But if he gets too close, Naruto will have to run from the super pervert himself.

JadeStoneTheYounger: Always glad to see a repeat reviewer. Been meaning to ask, is there a JadeStoneTheOlder? Anywho, glad you liked it, hope I can get another one out soon.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 4: The jounins

_**Last time in II:AM...**_

_Tucking into a ball and literally bowling through Gai's students, Naruto used the distraction of Anko crashing into them to make good his escape into the forest. After ten minutes he slowed so that he could listen for signs of pursuit, but only the faint sounds of bugs buzzing, birds chirping, and someone breathing heavily in his sensitive ears filled the clearing._

_. . ._

_Wait... someone else was breathing heavily. Turning his head slowly, he let out a whimper of terror as their before him stood something so awful, so unimaginably horrible, so completely and utterly wrong, that it shocked him to the core. For there, in all its glory stood..._

_**And now, the continuation.**_

There before Naruto, stood Asuma-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, and Gai-sensei barely in speedos, and looking like they had been severely over oiled up. Just beyond them was Kurenai-sensei rising from a reclining chair beside what looked like a wrestling ring and a camera. Naruto didn't even bother asking questions, instead he turned and ran for his life, the mental scarring from the sight alone was more than enough for him, he didn't need an explanation. In short order the still slightly stunned jounins gave pursuit.

Naruto was glad that this form was thinner, and lacking the breast size of his Sexy no Jutsu form when Asuma-sensei tried to tackle him from behind and he was popped out due to the oil. True it sent him sprawling onto the ground, and left him oiled up, but it left him free. Scrambling back up, he barely dodged Kakashi-sensei's attempt to grab him, and nearly ran into Kurenai-sensei who had tried to snare him in a genjutsu.

Leaping over the startled female jounin, Naruto took to the trees bounding from branch to branch as fast as he could. He nearly wet himself when he saw Gai and Kakashi matching him bound for bound. Instead he sprang backwards off the tree and doubled back trying to lose them. He had boughten himself all of three seconds, but that was enough to summon up a swarm of clones, which spread out in random directions. This gave him a bit more time to get away with the senseis following some of the clones, but also this had a downside to it. Team Gai and Anko were standing right in front of him, ready to intercept the squad of eight clones and himself.

Gritting his teeth in annoyance, he decided it was time to use the one jutsu he had sworn to never use if possible. To him, it was a super perverts or cowards only jutsu. Forming the seals for horse, snake and dog, he turned transparent, and changed course in mid stride. Leaping away through the trees, he searched for chakra signatures, and let out a sigh when he felt them all heading away from him. It looked like he was in the clear from the senseis and Team Gai.

Looking around, he smirked as he realized where he was. Up ahead there was a deep lake with an underground passageway to a secret hideaway garden he hung out at occasionally. As far as he knew, he was the only one to know about it, and that was just what he needed. Searching out ahead of him, he smiled as he noticed that there were no chakra signatures in his path.

Taking a deep breath, Naruto sprang off the last branch and dove into the lake. Using his momentum to accelerate his descent, he felt the water pressure pulling him towards the tunnel. He never knew what fed the lake to keep it from draining out, but this was the part that he loved. Tucking his arms to his side he let the current pull him in, sending him shooting along the underground rapids. With the phosphorescent algea that lined the rocks along the top of the tunnel he had a nice view of the tunnels, and he enjoyed it to the fullest.

Just as he felt his lungs start burning with pain he washed out into a pool of water, riding the surface at a gentle pace. The willow branches brushed over his nose and caused him to smile as he realized, he was safe. This was the garden the old man had given him; it was his sanctuary. Inhaling the scent of the flowers he had planted around the pond, he savored the scent and sense of peace it gave him. The warm night air of the valley made the cooler water of the pond slightly less biting, and even a little enjoyable. Bumping against the shore he decided to finally pull himself out and shook off, sending water spraying everywhere. Noticing something about his form he looked down and let out a whoop of joy at the lack of breasts. He was back to normal, save for the tails and ears.

He had a few things to do, he had to summon one of the toads to get a message back to Tsunade to hopefully explain what had happened, he also had to get a fire going to dry off and warm up with. Even if it was warm now, he knew that if he didn't dry off soon it'd get very cold, very quickly. Walking a short distance from the pond, he entered a small clearing where a ring of stone waiting. This was one of the few comforts he afforded himself in his garden, a small stack of tarp-covered wood for quick and hot fires with little smoke. Making a small pile of dried grass from the tinderbox in the center of the pit, he pulled out a kunai and flung it at one of the stones to the side. The sparks off the rock hit the dried grass and began smoking nicely. Kneeling to retrieve the kunai he sighed as his backside was warmed by the building fire, aided by the light breeze blowing in.

After a few minutes of warming up, he stripped down to his boxers and laid his clothes out to dry. His tail curled around himself as he sighed heavily. This day just seemed to be completely weird and confusing. Whatever was causing the chases had to be based on him, and judging by how people reacted, it was carried on the wind. His thoughts were distracted when he pulled down the back of his boxers to let the tail out at a more natural angle. Stretching it out he let out a purr like sound of contentment as the knots in his lower back around the tail began working themselves out.

Biting his thumb, he summoned Gamakichi and smiled sheepishly as the toad just stared at him. "Hey 'Kichi... look, I need ya to do me a favor... Can you run to Tsunade and tell her that I'm in my garden valley please? I'll even buy you some chips after this whole things over with, okay?"

"Uh... sure thing boss..." Gamakichi answered remembering what had happened with Sakura earlier, the toads had just gotten back as Tsunade was hearing Sakura tell what had happened.. Taking off he sprang through the flora with ease, knowing the shortest route to the Hokage tower by heart.

Naruto sighed as his eyes closed, he felt safe, and he knew no one came out here and that nothing would bother him, so long as he stayed here. At least he thought he knew that. For not even ten miles away, two canine uses paused to sniff the air with their dogs, all of them taking on predatory grins as they began stalking towards the scent that had aroused them.

"Maybe you should go back Kiba... this is not for cubs..." the older female growled playfully at the younger male.

"No way Hana," Kiba barked back with a smirk, "This one is all mine."


	6. Chapter 6

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a happy one. And for you that don't celebrate, I hope your holidays of this season are/were good. Many thanks go to nartohaloevovled for his work as a beta reader. Has the brain bleach reached you yet man?

And now! READER REVIEW SHOUTOUT!

Lina Ben: Hey, are you a new one? That's cool! I'm glad to see a new face popping up along with returning readers, makes me all warm and tingly inside. Thanks for the praise, and even if it's not this story, I do normally work on some sort of writing every night.

WINDxNINJA: How gay is too gay exactly? Anywho, Naruto is currently avoiding males and females alike, so I suppose that it may go into the 'too gay' category, but that's not a derogatory term in my book. Thanks for the review, and I hope I continue to hold your interest.

Ana-chan: ^.^ Glad to see you're enjoying it, just remember to keep breathing please ^.^;; I'd feel bad if someone laughed themselves unconscience...

badkidoh: Still glad. Updated.

Kitty Otaku: Welcome to the story, I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far, and hope that you continue to.

bandgsecurtiyaw: Thanks, I hope it continues to hold your interest.

and finally, JadeStoneTheYounger, who has had me smiling at the reviews they leave since the very beginning: I'm glad that you like the story, and you continue to. Here's the update, is it soon enough?

Anywho, I'm glad that all of you have stuck around, and that the new ones are coming in as we follow the adventures of Naruto in his jutsu. If anyone has a request for a character to run across Naruto, please let me know via PM, and I'll see what I can do... Canonical characters only please, no fan characters.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 5: Hounded by the Inuzuka

Naruto sighed as he woke up, his eyes slightly blurry from his nap wondering what had woken him. As he Rolled up and started rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he heard something out of place in his garden, voices. He went towards the waterfall that fed lake. He slipped into the water and scanned the surrounding area nervously. The scent of the water filled his nose, but he could still smell something over it. It was like a wet dog, and dog piss mixed together... he'd smelt it before though, where he wasn't certain where, or whom.

Then he saw them: Kiba Inuzuka and his older sister Hana with their canine companions in tow, entering the clearing he had rested in. With a silent bout of swearing he dove under the water, hoping that it'd help him hide from the noses of his pursuers. Swimming deeper, he made for a small cavern that he had found years ago, it would give him an escape route to the south of the Hokage monument, but for now he just wanted to use it to recover from the sudden swim he had to take. After all, he had to go back for his clothes if nothing else. Taking stock of his supplies, he almost let out a groan of dismay as he realized that being only in his boxers meant that he only had a loop of ninja wire, and a pair of sheathed kunai strapped to his inner thighs.

Surfacing in the cave he gulped down air as he swam towards the shoreline. He should be safe here for a few minutes, after all, he'd dodged the other ninjas by diving into water, and the Inuzuka clan should be the same right? Pulling himself out of the water, he shook himself off, trying to warm himself up and grumbling about the sudden invasion of his garden. He was willing to bet that Kiba was pissing on his trees right now, and that Hana had dug up some of his flowers. It would take years for him to recover from this invasion.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt something small, warm, and fuzzy rubbing against his leg. At first he'd put it off as his tail, but that was currently soaking wet, and not fuzzy. Looking down, he saw a pair of small green eyes gleaming at him from a red fur-covered face. Groaning he picked up the small fox kit and held it up at eye level, inspecting it curiously. It looked harmless and cute, but he knew that the mother had to be close by, and he really didn't feel like dealing with another pissed fox today, Kyuubi was enough thank you very much.

Setting down the little ball of fluff, he tried to get it to leave, but instead he or she kept rubbing itself against Naruto's legs affectionately. Grumbling about the fox, he stalked around, trying to warm up.

Just as he was about to give up trying to warm up, he saw the water bulge out and four forms burst forth. He recognized the two human forms, and knew the other two canines would be their animal companions. Before they had even touched the ground, Naruto had turned and bolted out of the cave in a panic. He didn't want to run into Konoha naked, but it'd be better than getting caught by them.

Bursting out of the cave with the fox matching him stride for stride, Naruto took the hardest, most insanely difficult route possible to try and lose the trailing animals and ninja. Leaping off a cliff, he growled in annoyance as he tried to figure out a way to get away from these two. He knew that they'd be on him like a dog on a bone, so he had to pick a way that would get him some separation from them.

A hand seal later, and ninety other copies of himself appeared in the air surrounding him. He needed to disappear, and with the ninety of the others flanking him he figured that he'd be able to get away nicely. Splitting up, all the clones and the original went in ninety different directions, all in an arc towards Konoha. The real Naruto used the clones to screen his strategic evasion tactics, scooping the fox kit into his arms, trying to hide it with his body so that the clones wouldn't stand out from the others. Then a smirk crossed his face as another idea popped into his mind, half of the clones henged into identical replicas of the fox kit and curled up into the other clones arms.

Naruto smirked as he heard Kiba and Hana chase off towards the one that was going straight, instead of himself. Instead of going into Konoha, he and a few other clone pairs hooked back towards the cave's opening to head back for the cave's opening that he'd just bolted out of, he really wanted his clothing back. The clones spread out as soon as they got near the cave, creating a mess of tracks for them to follow. Naruto took the moment to look down at the kit in his arms curiously, only to find it had fallen asleep. Sighing he sat down next to the water and tried to figure out what to do.

The Inuzukas had caught a couple of his clones that had disappeared, giving him the memories that they wanted to know what was going on, and were very aggressive in their mating habits. Flattening his ears he let out a sigh as he tried to think about what to do now. Standing up, he began walking away from the cavern's pool, petting the fox kit in thought.

Slipping out of the cave, he used his clones as scouts, most disguised as various woodland creatures and a few remain in their natural form to throw off the trackers. His path was a simple one, made more difficult by his having to leap from spot to spot in order to lessen the scent trail that he was leaving. He figured it would be harder to track him if he touched fewer spots. Getting into an easy loping rhythm he soon found himself on his favorite overlook to the garden. From here he could see the stones he had laid out in a replica of the Konoha swirl, and the entire field of flowers that grew around it. All the colors he could imagine in a random explosion of colors

It was an amazing sight, that always managed to make his heart beat with pride. It was a beautiful expression of his heart spread out before the eyes of the world, open to anyone who could see it. He would love to get a small place built up here, giving him the beautiful view that he could share with someone. Maybe after this jutsu ended, he'd be able to find someone to share it with. But for now, he had to slowly pick his way down, made all the more difficult thanks to the fox kit in his hands.

Getting back to his garden, he was fairly surprised that nothing had been destroyed or peed on. In fact, save for the foot and paw prints littering the ground, he'd have never guessed anyone had come to his secret garden. Upon arriving at his camping spot, he smiled seeing his clothes next to the smoldering embers of his fire. None of his other clones had been attacked yet, so he had to assume that he was safe for a while, and that the dog users were busy elsewhere. Setting the kit down next to the fire, he pulled on his clothes and smiled feeling the familiar weight of his weapons settle into place. Sitting down next to the kit, he let out a yawn and shook his head, eying the sun to see the time. It would be dark soon, so he might as well stay here overnight, and look for a better place once the sun had risen again.

Adding some more wood to the fire, he let out an annoyed sigh, vowing to kick Jiraiya's ass for pulling this stunt on him. With another yawn, he pulled the fox kit close, having decided to protect it, since it seemed to be alone right now. Besides, having someone to go through this with him might just help keep him sane, even if said someone was a fox with no clue what was going on.

Closing his eyes, his last thought was that he'd have to figure out what gender the kit was, and then give it a name. Sleep found him easily that night, and so too did Kyuubi.

_Naruto found himself in a familiar and dank sewer, walking forward he traced the path towards Kyuubi's prison slowly, knowing that he had to go, or Kyuubi'd never shut up about it. That was about the time that he stumbled upon what was possibly one of the most mentally scaring scenes in his life. Kyuubi, the great and powerful fox demon was no longer there, in his place was a feminine looking man, putting on lipstick while looking into a mirror. Something told Naruto this would be a long and disturbing night._

To be continued


	7. Chapter 7

Hey folks, how's the new year treating you? I hope it's a happy one so far.

The Elemental Dragon Emperor - Here's the update, thanks for the compliment.

Serenity Reigns - Yeah... he can't exactly run from this one... I think... and yeah, it's low for Jiraiya, but too funny not to do. Oh, I am continuing it.

CelticReaper - Thanks, I think it's an interesting story too. Hope that you continue to read it, and find the finale worth the trip. I've tried to make it funny, and am pleased with how it's been received. Glad that you're enjoying yourself, and yeah, the chase is always the fun part of the journey, isn't it? As for Ino and Temari... well they may make an appearance... AS for the request... yeah, not going straight up yoai. Here's the update.

WINDXNINJA - It's fine, just please be mindful that there are those that enjoy yaoi out there, and I'm glad that you continue to enjoy this.

Leon89 - One of the funniest... wow... uhh... thanks... I'll try to keep up the good work. Thanks for faving it.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi - Thanks. Am writing. Updated.

Elemental Dragon Swordsman - Uhh... well... have a bucket ready for this part please.

bobdd0 - Thanks for coming back, the mind soap will be sent as soon as possible...

badkidoh - Thanks, updated.

JadeStoneTheYounger - Thanks for your continued support, here's the update.

spottedstar2 - Thanks, I hope that you continue to enjoy this, your suggestion for temari and shikamaru has been noted, and I will see where it goes.

And now, here's the part you've all bee waiting for... the story!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 6: Devilish Fox.

_Naruto found himself in a familiar and dank sewer, walking forward he traced the path towards Kyuubi's prison slowly, knowing that he had to go, or Kyuubi'd never shut up about it. That was about the time that he stumbled upon what was possibly one of the most mentally scaring scenes in his life. Kyuubi, the great and powerful fox demon was no longer there, in his place was a feminine looking man, putting on lipstick while looking into a mirror. Something told Naruto this would be a long and disturbing night._

_Naruto could only stare in absolute horror at what was before his eyes. Even now, it was changing. The shoulder length fiery red hair was growing longer, finer, and more supple. The body was narrowing in the shoulders, legs, and abdomen, while expanding in the bust and the hips giving it a gentler and more appealing form. That's when he... she... it turned towards Naruto, golden eyes half lidded with lust, instead of incensed with rage and blood lust that were their norm. That was when the silken voice purred out, "Little kit, come closer... I wish to see more of you..."_

_Naruto shuddered as Kyuubi licked her full and passionate looking lips, fine delicate fingers slowly pulling down the shoulder of her kimono. His feet were already backing away slowly when the buxom woman pouted and played with her obi's tucked end. "Come on kit... I won't bite... hard..."_

_Horror and arousal fought for control of Naruto's body, keeping him pinned in place as the female form duplicated and reverted back to the male form, a proud and cocky smirk on his face as he bared his muscular and hairless chest. "Come on Naruto," he growled tauntingly his lips pulled back in a teasing smirk. "You can't resist us both... we know all of your dreams... all of the ways that you like being touched. All we want is to make you ours..."_

_Naruto let out a squeak as he felt his southern half awaken to this assertion, almost taking a step towards the seal lined cage to succumb to the strange draw the twin forms of Kyuubi was pulling him with. "No... not you bastard fox..." he muttered in defense, steeling his will against the intoxicating lure that the fox demon held over him._

"_But Naru-kuuuun..." the female fox-eared form whined petulantly as she pouted. "You are so adorable in our form... and you did use our power to gain it... Our pheromones have a hold over you too... give in kit, and we'll show you a demon can take you to heaven."_

_Naruto's mind snagged on that little piece of information, the word sending up a warning flag, sirens and all. "Pheromones..." Naruto muttered, shaking his head, "That's... that's the scent things that draw boy animals to female ones... right?"_

"_Oh yes Naru-kun," the woman purred as she curled a finger invitingly towards the blond ninja, "It means you're ready for sex kit."_

"_So give in to nature... and let us teach you pleasure and pain, lust and love," the male kitsune continued, walking up behind his female self and licking her neck lightly._

_Naruto's eyes bugged as he shook his head again to try and clear it. When that failed, he wound back and punched himself in his stomach. Using the pain he focused on thoughts not involving sexing up the two hot demi-humans in the cage before him. "No... I don't want you... I want Sakura-chan..." Naruto muttered crossly through grit teeth. "You two will not seduce me with scents... I love Sakura-chan and will save myself for her."_

_As he turned and forced himself to walk away, he heard the twin cackles of Kyuubi behind him. "You can't escape us Naruto, we will always be with you..."_

As Naruto's eyes opened, closing painfully at the sunlight burning into his retinas he let out a groan of pain and dismay. He could feel that his exposure to the demons had been effective outside of their seal area as well as inside it. Stripping off his shirt and pants he walked over and dove into the cold waterfall fueled lake, letting that help reduce the Kyuubi's effect. All he wanted was for this jutsu to be over, and his normal life to come back, maybe today would be better than yesterday.

Little did he know, that a few miles away, a quad ponytail wearing female was taking a deep drink from a stream that was fed by the pond in which Naruto swam in. As she wiped her mouth, she let out a little muffled moan as she turned to look upstream, something about this water made her want to find the source and drink more. Something about it really made her feel great, if she had to put her finger on it... she'd say she felt down right sexy, beautiful, and horny.

Turning towards her brothers she smiled and pointed up river. "Hey you two, I'm gonna do some exploring, meet ya in Konoha."

Gaara looked up at his sister and nodded silently, turning towards town. "Take care Temari, I want to spend some time with Naruto on this trip, and I don't need to waste it looking for you."

"Have fun," Kankuro supplied as they began moving off. "Be in town for supper."

"Oh... I'll try..." Temari purred out as she leaped into the trees, heading towards the source of the river, her fan strapped casually to her back. She knew that something was waiting for her... and she wouldn't want to leaving them waiting long.

Arriving at a small clearing she saw a small fireplace with cooling coals and a pile of clothes near a tent. Her inspection of the campsite was interrupted by the sound of something in the waterfall fueled lake surfacing from its depths, the sheeting of the water off a muscular, toned form had her drooling, as the sound of his voice gasping in air brought to mind another reason to make the water god before her arch like he was.

Temari gasped in surprise as he turned towards her, his bright yellow hair shining like the very life giving sun above, while his blue eyes drew her into their depths, beckoning her like a glass of ice water during a drought. She could almost hear the angels singing an immaculate chorus as their eyes met, and he smiled shyly at her.

She returned the smile nervously, undoing her top to join him in his swim. She could see his lips moving, but her own heart thundering in her ears made it impossible for her to hear what he said. A moment later her smile turned to a slack jawed look of shock as all she saw was his backside, firmly swaying in the air before her as he ran across the water away from her. A moment later the shock turned to fury as she realized that he was running away from her. And that, just wouldn't do.

Summoning forth her favorite weasel, she merely pointed at the retreating form before her, and ordered, "Sic' em'."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

narutohaloevovled - Emergency services are already en route.

Leon89 - Thank you, and yes... it was Temari.

CelticReaper - Bipolar much? I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far. Sorry about the ocular discharge of vital fluids. Glad that you're loving the fic.

WINDXNINJA - I'm glad you enjoyed Kyuubis' part(s) I had a lot of laughs doing that.

badkidoh - Thank you... is this whenever enough for you?

Anonymous - Glad you love this story. *blushes* I don't know about the funniest, but I do try. Yeah, that's a common problem with fanfics out there, is that either the ideas are unimaginative, done to death, or impoosible to read. I'm glad that you like my work, and consider it well done. As for Kyuubi, I figured a centuries old demon with access to Naruto's mind and jutsus would have some fun, no matter the cost to his/her host's psyche... might be visiting them again... As for Temari, yeah she was a fun one to throw in. Naruto is male currently, he turns female when a leaf lands on his head, and reverts to male about an hour after its removal. Long reviews are fine with me, I have a lot of fun reading and responding to them. As for the 38 reviews, I'm glad that they're coming at all... makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. Here's the update as requested.

spottedstar2 - Cool, I spotted a star! Oh wait... that's not right... anywho, the weasel's only hunting Naruto for Temari, not for itself... so no hot weasel loving. Here's what's happening.

Elemetnal Dragon Swordman - Umm... sorry EDS? Dragon, please take care of him for me... I'd hate to lose a reader like that... And he probably will lose the weasel... I dunno...

PaulRap Raptor - Thank you, glad others think so too ^.^

AA TTrue GGamer - Thank you, here is more... not sure what moar is though...

SuzyQ - . . . *blushes and gets a Jiraiya grin with a slight nasel discharge of blood* Uhh... umm... hehe... the problem with that is he'd probably end up with death by snuu snuu if he was caught... oh but what a way to go...

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 7: Fanning the shades

Naruto whimpered as he heard the familiar sounds of something being summoned, he knew Temari had weasels, and that they were fast. He wasn't exactly slow, not with how he was zipping through the trees on all fours, but something felt off, like he had some extra weight or something. Looking back a moment eased his suspicions, until he saw the little fox kit biting onto his tail and holding on for dear life.

Turning back around, he nearly fell flat on his tail when something heavy and orange slammed into his face. Peeling the toad off his face with one hand, he set Gamakichi on his head and kept running along.

"Hey Boss!" Gamakichi shouted, hanging on for dear life. "Tsunade said to get to the hospital! She has a safe room for you there!"

Naruto didn't waste any breath responding, instead turning in his tracks towards town, not caring that he'd left his clothing and underwear in the distance. When he heard Gamakichi let go and poof away, he let out a mental sigh of relief before realizing that the trees had disappeared, along with the ground. Looking down he let out a scream of panic as gravity took its effect on him.

In a moment of sheer panic, he summoned forth an army of shadow clones, forming a ladder of himself to the ground. Using them to slow his fall, he managed to land just inside of Konoha, on the opposite side of town from the Hospital. Fortunately though, it was a straight run, and he should be able to make it without a problem.

This plan was met with some difficulty when he found that he couldn't move his feet. Looking down, he saw his shadow was darker than it should be, and extended off to his side. Following the linked shadow, he saw Shikamaru standing there with a lustful smirk on his face.

"Hey Shika..." Naruto started with a nervous smile as he fought against the hold on him. "I don't suppose you could just let me go... could you?"

Shika's answer came when he stepped forward, causing Naruto to do the same. "I don't think so Naruto... see I have taken a liking to you. And as troublesome as this method is... you seem too much of a flight risk without it..."

Naruto took this as his hint to start fighting the shadow control, at first he didn't want to hurt his friend, but now... Now he just wanted to get to the hospital as fast as his feet could take him. His struggle caused Shikamaru to stop his approach towards Naruto and focus on his hold. Sweat beaded the pineapple haired young man, when something happened that made Naruto want to curl up and cry.

Temari leaped down from her fan, right behind Naruto's trapped form. "Thanks for catching the brat, Lazy bones. I'll take him from here."

"I don't think so, troublesome as it is..." Shikamaru drawled out as he licked his lips, eying Naruto hungrily. "This one is all mine, but... I am willing to share... he has too much troublesome energy for me to handle alone..."

Naruto pulled against the shadow control, praying to any deity that might be listening as he overheard Temari chuckling lightly. "Hey guys... how about you let me go, and we'll all talk about this like rational people?"

Any response from the other two was cut off when the small fox kit sunk her teeth into Shikamaru's crotch, effectively breaking his concentration. While Shika screamed in pain, and Temari checked to see what was wrong, Naruto made good his escape. As he neared town, he took to the rooftops again, hoping that'd dissipate the pheromones enough to keep people from mob charging him. Considering his current state of undress he could only hope that no one looked up as he ran.

Modesty was left in the dust when he heard footfalls behind him. Casting only a curious look back he paled and sped up more, finding that the ANBU had caught his scent literally, and were chasing him. If it had been just one or two he wouldn't have had a problem, but the full seven squads behind him nearly made him lose control of his bowels all over the marketplace below.

Turning back towards where he was running towards, he smiled as he saw a window with bright orange paint marking it up ahead. That must have been the path Baa-chan had made safe for him to get into the safe room. Pouring on the speed, he prayed that he'd be able to get away from the ANBU after him and into the room.

He was just about into the window when a body flew up into his path, unfortunately causing both of them to go tumbling into it. As they slid down the tube into a sealed room, Naruto tried to call out an apology, only to have his mouth covered in soft and warm flesh.

After a jarring end to the fall, Naruto found himself in a plastic cube, with seals covering most of the walls. Diving for the blankets in the corner he looked back at the person he'd collided with, and felt the color leave his face. He wasn't sure if it was the dog leash and collar with his name on it in her left hand, the whip in her right, or the fact that she was barely in a leather corset, vinyl mini-skirt and fishnet stockings... but something about this woman scared him, and by the sounds of whimpering in his mind, Kyuubi too.

"H... Hey Hinata," Naruto started nervously after gulping against his dry throat, "Sorry about running into you... I totally didn't see you..."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

CelticReaper: Thanks, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. You should feel sorry for poor Shika, but what about that poor little fox? So much mental scarring for a widdle foxy woxy... *sighs* Naruto? Hmm... what will he do? Here's the update.

bandsecurityaw: Thank you.

90MLLu: Hey! Oh, folks, I'd like you to meet one that leaves some of the longest reviews I've ever seen, say Hi to 90MLLu folks, and be nice. Yeah, there was a lot of action in that chapter wasn't there? I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the comment on the plot. I tried to get the characters as much in character during their chases as possible, but sometimes it's just impossible. As for the shadow clones, I just think what I'd use them for in the given situation, and pray that it's something he'd do. As for Shika's binding of Naruto... hehe I just loved doing that. And part of that is those oh so troublesome pheromones acting up. Poor little Shika... I don't think the Nara clan will ever forgive me... Embarrassing for whom? I'm sure it was very educational to some... Welcome to the current chapters^_^ glad that you caught up, ne? And I am trying to keep up the good work, but the encouragement helps.

anotamous: She? Oh you mean Hinata? HEHEHEHE Yeah, couldn't leave her out, could I?

nartohaloevovled: Not true! I prefer to stick with betas that I had before I got popular... makes it more family like, ne ne? Ara ara... thanks for the praise. Besides being popular is somewhat scary...

CeddarPixie: Ara ara *blushes* I hope that Hinata remained as good (that's what you meant right?) as the previous chapters. Here's Hinata's chapter, is this soon enough?

Leon89: *looks angelically innocent and walks away* Thanks for the review!

Elemental Dragon Swordman: EDS... uhh... sorry? _ Seriously it's not that bad... right? T_T Oi Dragon, tell your boss I'm sorry, and pass me some of that popcorn will ya?

Anonymous: (Another awesome long review leaver) Yay! I'm happy to help when things get confusing, hope the circles stopped now. Rather a spastic response to the bondage thing... do I have to lock my doors and windows? I wonder what's going through your mind during this chapter then... hmm... anywhosits, I'm not taking you wrong... I hope... but I did take the chance to hint at an explanation, hope you did well on those tests, long reviews? Wow thanks!

badkidoh: Thank you. Nothing to fear from the recessive woman walking around in broad daylight as a dominatrix? *rescans that sentence* Am I MISSING something here? Here's the update... and there's the stuff... *points to the suspicious pile in the shadows*

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you, I intend to keep writing, and here's the update... soon enough? Your wait my friend is over! But I do have one minor point... with all this attraction going on... why should he have to leave the village for them? I mean... sometimes good things comes to those who wait... sometimes it's not exactly good things... *shrugs* As for the demon thing... I think if I'm right the tailed demons stop at Nine, so sorry about that. The Shinigami is a character I already have plans for... *chuckles evilly* Oh the plans that I have... . . What?! Don't you judge me until you see it... I'll keep your ideas in mind though, thanks!

spottedstar2: Heh, yeah, good fox... and poor humans... they're all gonna go insane.

PaulRap Raptor: I'm not sure if anyone else has the chakra to do it... cause remember Naruto was out for a full night after doing his, and that's with Kyuubi's healing. But I can think of a few likely targets...

Sabaku no Sable: I just have to know... do you think he cares? This is going to be GREAT material for a series of novels, ne? And at least Naruto would go with a smile on his face.

HatakeKakashiSensi: Thank you! I love you loving it. I tried to make it funny and enjoyable. Hmm... Kakashi chasing Naruto... Gonna have to do that I think... soon... Here's the update.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 8: Hinata's Feelings

"_H... Hey Hinata," Naruto started nervously after gulping against his dry throat, "Sorry about running into you... I totally didn't see you..."_

Hinata smiled wickedly as she turned to look at Naruto, her motion causing the leash to sway menacingly by her legs. A faint blush settled on her cheeks as she took a deep whiff of the pure and undiluted essence of Naruto that was filling the room containing them. "Oh no Naruto-kun, I leaped into your path... I wanted to run into you... I followed you all day yesterday... until you dove into that lake..."

Naruto paled as the thought of exactly what that meant passed through his already panicking brain. It meant that she had a lot more pheromones in her system, and apparently the effect multiplied the more exposure one had to it. His thoughts were interrupted when Hinata took a step forward, the click of her high heeled shoe echoing in the suddenly silent room.

"I've been watching you for years Naruto-kun... but you've never noticed my feelings for you," Hinata's voice was cold and calculating, despite the pout on her face, "If you won't see me as your lover... then you will bow to me as my pet!"

The declaration was driven home by Hinata cracking the whip against the floor, causing Naruto to nearly jump out of his hiding spot and take off running into the sealed wall of the container they were in. "Hinata... you... you're not thinking straight... it's these pheromones things that are making you like this..."

"Oh... no Naruto, they're making it so clear to me..." Hinata whispered huskily as she put a finger to her mouth and bit the first knuckle lightly. "Don't you feel it Naruto? The passionate heat between us? You said I was your type..."

Naruto swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. He had to admit, looking at her right now was causing reactions in him that he'd never have imagined feeling in this type of scenario. But something she said had struck him. "That's right... you were my type... the kind gentle girl Hinata, not this... Maybe after I go back to normal we can go on a date or something... but right now you're under the influence of pheromones, you need to fight it, get out of here and get them out of your system..."

Hinata tilted her head in thought for a moment, before taking another step forward. Her eyes were wide and manic, with a grin to match as she drew nearer to her long time crush. "No Naruto... we are not going anywhere..."

Naruto was about to try again, when he saw a pair of gas bombs drop in through the hole he fell in. With a steady hiss, they released a gas into the room. Burying his nose into a pillow he used that to filter out the knock out gas, smiling as Hinata slumped down to the ground already snoring peacefully.

Naruto was just about to join her in slumber land, when a large vacuum sucked the gas out of the room. Seconds later a door in the side of the side of the room opened up, and two biohazard suit clad people entered. One went over to Hinata, gently scooping her up and carrying her out, while the other carried a pile to Naruto and dropped it before him. Looking down he was surprised to see that it was his clothing and a radio headset.

After the hazard suit wearing duo left, Naruto pulled the pile of clothing under the pillows and began to get dressed, having felt hunted and exposed since Temari found him. Normally he wasn't much for modesty, but this was a bit much even for him. Just getting his boxers on made him feel a lot better.

After he finished getting dressed, he slipped the radio headset on and called out. "Hello? Who's on the other end of this?"

"Hey Brat... got yourself in some trouble again, didn't you?" Tsunade's voice came over the radio waves, sounding completely drained and unamused.

"Yeah Baa-chan, but it's not entirely my fault," Naruto countered while pacing the room he found himself in. "See Ero-sennin told me he had an awesome new jutsu to teach me, and when I tried it, this happened. Oh... is that little fox that bit Shikamaru alright? I don't know what happened to her, but I don't want her hurt because of me..."

"She's safe brat... no worse off than any of your other victims..." Tsunade growled as a display showed off all the ones that had chased Naruto in a single room. Some like Hinata and Temari were strapped and chained to their beds, while others were walking around, talking and playing games. Kakashi and the other teachers were being given a wide berth, maybe it was the fact they were still oiled up and in speedos... or it might just be that Kakashi was going into porn withdrawls and begging for books from anyone nearby. The one that made Naruto feel worst however was Shikamaru with a bag of ice on the bitten area. Shortly after, a picture of the little fox kit playing with some of Akamaru's toys while he and the other dog watched on in amusement came up, making Naruto smile. "You will understand if we want to keep you in quarantine for a while, right Naruto?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I understand... it's just until the jutsu wears off right?" Naruto replied without really thinking about his deep and desperate love of all things confining. Tsunade on the other hand gave him an hour before he was ready to gnaw his way through the seals.

Meanwhile, outside of Konoha a force massed ready to try and invade Konoha again. Orochimaru stood next to Sasuke chuckling as they looked at the city that had thwarted Orochimaru so many times in the past. Sasuke on the other hand was lost in thought about who he'd see inside the city. For some reason his former teammates Naruto and Sakura were heavy on his mind. If he saw them in there, he might just try to get them out of the way. Maybe even explain his reasoning to them, try to get them to see that he had done what he thought was best. These thoughts were quickly squelched under the heel of the painful burning from the cursed seal on his neck.

As he rubbed the burning mark he barely heard Orochimaru chuckling next to him, making plans for the invasion.


	10. Chapter 10

HatakeKakashiSensi: Thank you, and I'm glad that you enjoyed that part with Kakashi. That was a fun one that just came to me as I wrote. As for the traitorous duo, well you'll see in this chapter. ^.^ Oh... and I have plans for Kakashi to make another attempt at Naruto...

2008: Good luck with the story. As for poor little Hinata, it wouldn't have been her that had gotten Naruto sadly, but I will make it up to her. And the early ending with other things would just lose the flow of the story, no?

CelticReaper: I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, you're very welcome. Here's the update.

O.o: Heh, yeah, you'll see what they do now.

Anonymous: Another long review ^.^ Glad to see you back again. I hope that your sides healed up alright. Friends like that make it great amounts of fun times. Never regret that. I'm not entirely sure that Naruto really wants Sasuke back at this point in time... but it's possible he'll get him to come back... hmm... decisions... decisions... Moral? There's a moral to this story? Oh dear... Here's the next one.

nm1716: Glad you're enjoying it, and I hope that you continue to enjoy it, here's the update.

90MLLu: Ara ara... very verbose once again. Welcome back to the author notes. As for the spelling, I try to keep them spelled correctly, sometimes though, I really want to correct it when they're common words spelled wrong. Thanks for telling me it's hilarious, humor's not my best work, but I try hard. I'm glad that you got a big smile and laugh outta this story. Yes... they are Shikamaru approved troublesome. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story and that my descriptions and suspense. As for their success or failure... you'll see ^.^ Thanks for the praise.

Trinity the Kistune Kunoichi: Thank you, I will keep writing, here's the update. Hope you keep getting a kick outta it.

badkidoh: Hehehe, glad that you're enjoying. Updated, and stuff.

spottedstar2: Poor Shika indeed, and since I'm using Orochimaru and Sasuke together as they are, probably post time jump. Glad more people are getting a kick outta Kakashi.

HelKat: Into their laps... hmm... nah I don't think I'll do that just yet... Updated! ^.^

Elemental Dragon Swordman: E.D.S.: Enjoying that popcorn? The invasion is a bit of a cosmic pull from the jutsu. Hope your stomach's settled. Yeah about them... well pheromones are pheromones... *munches popcorn*

TP-Kataang: thanks

Alyondria: Don't worry, I wouldn't leave you hanging like that for long! Yeah, run away Naruto! RUN AWAY!!!!

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 9: Sounding off.

Naruto was enjoying a nice, and peaceful confinement in his usual way, trying to plot an escape in any way possible. Even if it was for his protection, as well as that of his entire village, he just couldn't sit still. However, he found that Tsunade had taken every lesson learned in keeping him trapped in a hospital room and applied it here. Every inch was covered in seals that would prevent him from using chakra to break through or stick to a surface. The chute that had deposited him, and those smoke grenades now had a grate covering it, with a filter system beyond that from what he could see. Even the floor had seals to prevent him from going through it. To put it simply he was stuck until the jutsu either wore off, or something happened to set him free.

As if in answer to that very thought, one entire section of wall suddenly collapsed with a loud explosion. Rolling to his feet and hands, he felt his hackles raise as he saw new forms filling the breech in front of him. He was about to charge in and take them out, when a familiar voice stopped him. "Naruto? What happened to you?"

"Sasuke? What are you doing?" Naruto challenged, turning towards the source of the voice that had spoken.

"What? I can't come and..." Sasuke started, pausing for a moment as he shook his head, causing the inner alarms to go insane in Naruto's mind. "Come and... visit my teammates... yeah... I've been thinking about you two... especially you Naruto..."

Naruto gulped at the sound of purring in Sasuke's voice, as his traitorous teammate began to... was that sashaying? ... towards him. That's when it struck him. He'd been in the room, moving around and probably sweating a lot for a little over three hours, which means that the pheromones were probably super concentrated right now. Naruto decided that rather than risk his tenuous grip on sanity he had now, he'd just bum rush Sasuke into open air, and hope instincts caused him to fight rather than the alternative.

As the two flew out into the open air, Naruto smiled, relishing the feeling of sunlight again. Pushing off his best friend he landed on a nearby rooftop, ready for a fight. Seeing Sasuke prep across the way brought a smile to his face. Their fighting was second nature to them, and it was long overdue time for another spar. Charging forward, Naruto closed the distance towards Sasuke, hoping to keep him fighting instead of falling into the spell of the pheromones.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru was watching his future body fighting from the top of the hospital roof. This was to be Sasuke's operation, with everyone under his command. Orochimaru was her to occupy his former teammates Jiraiya and Tsunade... but something... something held his attention on the blond boy that his apprentice was dueling with. Licking his lips he watched as Sasuke brought forth his sword, slashing open parts of the blond's jumpsuit, showing off Naruto's fishnet covered torso, muscles rippling deliciously under sweat covered skin. Oh, if only the demon hadn't been put into him... he would make a fine choice of bodies, especially with the chakra reserves he held.

While wiping off the drool he'd built up on his chin, his ears finally recognized the fact that he wasn't alone. Looking to his left and right, he found that nearly all the sound ninjas, and several dozen worth of Konoha ninjas were standing there watching the fight, all with equally lust filled eyes. The one that surprised him the most however was one he recognized as a hyuuga in a corset and mini-skirt yelling to Naruto that and he quotes "Her pet wouldn't lose to anyone!"

Back in the fight, Naruto was panting, really missing his weapons and armor with his other jump suit. The kunai he was using weren't enough to keep Sasuke from cutting into him, which thankfully healed quickly, but still hurt. It was time to kick this up a notch, summoning forth a quad of shadow clones, in a star formation around Sasuke, they all attacked in one fluid motion, having used his thoughts to coordinate an attack. Even in the middle of the attack, Naruto couldn't help but notice that Sasuke had the oddest grin on his face, a smile he'd only seen on... Jiraiya... and that's when it hit him. He was half naked, sweaty, and Sasuke was under the effects of the pheromones, meaning that the shadow clones likely accelerated the arousal, and Sasuke was thinking of doing some very, VERY disturbing things. Letting the clones keep him busy, the real Naruto fell back a moment and looked for a quick escape route, only to notice one very disturbing fact. He was surrounded, and by the looks of it, everyone was under the influence.

He was about to whimper when he heard a familiar chomping sound, and a high pitched squeal from Sasuke. Turning slightly, his suspicions were confirmed when he saw the little fox biting down on Sasuke's crotch. Using the momentary distraction he summoned forth as much chakra as he could, and pumped them into his feet and legs. The next part was going to be interesting to say the least. Charging at Sasuke, he made it seem that he was going to attack the downed man, but instead two of his clones helped him to spring over him, and with the chakra release over the crowd, while they dispersed into smoke to help and cover his escape attempt.

Running flat out he bit his thumb and rushed through the summoning seals, slamming his hand down and summoning any toad he could to help him out. What he got was a new one, very thin but very powerful looking, and the bright red of his legs seemed to appeal to him. The toad only took a moment to look behind them before leaping in front of Naruto and shouting. "HOLD ON TIGHT!"

Naruto didn't even bother questioning what it had seen before latching on to the toad, and holding on for dear life. A moment later the toad sprang away into the air, bounding off walls and street like one of those pinballs off of bumpers. Naruto looked behind them for a moment to see that this toad was carrying them farther away from the pursuit... which if he wasn't very much mistake... was the entirety of Konoha and then some.

The toad carried him out of the village and through the woods as fast as toadly possible. But Naruto's grip was weakening. As they leaped over a gorge, Naruto's grip finally failed him, and gravity took its course.

Closing his eyes, he waited for the landing to come, knowing that this was going to hurt like hell. However when he felt himself landing instead on a feathery soft cloud, his eyes opened in surprise, and there before him was a face that scared him to the core, and seemed to piss Kiyuubi off to no end.

"Hello Naruto, I am the Shinigami, and welcome to the land of the dead," the death bringer said cordially as it extended a bony hand. "Don't worry, it's only a temporary stay as a favor to some friends of mine, they'd like to meet you."


	11. Chapter 11

Hey folks, glad to see you're still here. Credit for the "Porn Senses" used in this chapter goes to AceroTiburon, over on Deviant Art... go read their comics.

90MLLu: Heh, thanks. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter. Yay for funniness I guess, I'm glad that you enjoyed that line, gotta love some crack fics, don't ya? Yeah those pheromones are dangerous, guess that's why I gave them to Jiraiya. ^.^ Thanks for the comment about the fighting part, I wasn't entirely sure it'd come out well. Yeah, shadow clones are great aren't they? Very useful. You don't have to say it, but you can if you'd like.

HatakeKakashiSensi: Yep, it's the Shinigami, but don't worry, I'm not nice enough to kill Naruto off just yet. Yeah, Sasuke's a little pervert, but that's what the Sharingan does to people, why just look what happened to Kakashi. *runs from Kakashi fans* HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Alyondria: I might just have to use that rope to tie Naruto up later on... hmm... Anywho, nah, the dead aren't affected, something about the lack of resperation making it impossible to inhale the pheromones. Doesn't mean it won't be a trip to remember.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updating now. Here's some more. That it is... I'm not so sure about all those people you listed, but I did have some of them already picked out. Hope they meet with your approval. And yeah, the Shinigami's an interesting fellow, isn't he?

CelticReaper: Easy now, just breath, it'll all be better soon. Yeah, it's crazy, maybe it's brillian, but most of all, it's fun! ^.^ Thanks for the praise, here's an update for you.

spottedstar2: To paraphrase Monty Python "He got better"

Anonymous: How do I come up with this stuff? Uhh... sugar highs, caffiene buzzes, and sleepless nights leave me plenty loopy I suppose. Yeah, I think it was from fast typing, and the beta missed it, ah well. The state of the mob is addressed in this chapter, as for fully clothed... umm... well you got Anko who's regularly half naked... and then the male jounin instructors who were in speedos to begin with... *looks around at the shuddering* What?! Anywho... fully clothed is subjective to their normal levels of clothing... Moving on! He gets to meet a few people in the land of the dead, and I think he'll be happy with it. Can you PM me with the name of the song? Sorry about getting you those weird looks, thanks for the praises though ^.^ Here's the next chapter, you're welcome, but thanks for the compliments.

badkidoh: Thank you, here's the next update. & stuff.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Are you sure I'm not endangering your health? Anywho, we're meeting those friends now.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: Do I like to torment Naruto? I guess the answer to that is... oh look! An obvious distraction! *points to the side* Moving on... Haku and Zabuza... hmm, I'd thought about putting them in this chapter, but I might have a better idea for them later on. There's oh so many that are after a piece of sweet, sweet Naruto *censored*, but I'm going to have to review the stuff about Sasame before I can make a call, and as for Yuki... well she's not the ONLY foriegn lady he's touched emotionally, now is she? Hehehe, yeah, it'd be funny... and possibly an international incident... multiple international incidents... I'll keep writing, and yes, Naruto had better run, or someone'll get him. Not entirely sure who/what will happen to Naruto, but this is Naruto we're talking about, he may just surprise you. You only have yourself and others to blame for encouraging me to continue. Sailor Ranger.

HelKat: Poor Naruto... Everything seems to be going AT him... Updated. ^.^

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 10: From Beyond the Grave

Naruto was slightly confused as he followed the Shinigami through the surprisingly vibrant and life filled land of death. All the Shinigami would say is that his friends were waiting for Naruto, and they were going to go see them now.

He was just about to ask how much farther it was, when before his very eyes came a form he'd thought he'd never see again, but that he knew from the depths of his heart. The conical beard, the white hair, the liver spot, and the old smoking pipe in his teeth only served to confirm one thing for Naruto, it was the man that would forever be in his heart and mind. It was the third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, the man that had all but raised him.

Without even thinking he ran up to the man he owed so much to, and pulled him into a tight hug, tears of joy springing to his eyes. The old man even smelled like smoke and paperwork, just like he remembered him. Sarutobi's gentle chuckle brought Naruto back to reality as he looked up at the man whom he missed every day of his life. "It's good to see you too Naruto," the old man said as he settled down on the grassy hill, patting to the ground next to him, which Naruto took happily.

"I've been watching you Naruto," Sarutobi started before taking a pull on his pipe and sending out a ring of smoke. He looked at the young blond, still as full of life as ever and smiled warmly again. "You've made me really proud Naruto, and this past week has been very entertaining for us."

Naruto looked around curiously, trying to find anyone else. "Us Ji-san? There's no one else around..."

"They'll be here in a moment Naruto, I just wanted to talk with you first," the wizened old man answered as he took another draw on his pipe. "Haku says hello, Zabuza and he are somewhere around here too. Also, Genno is around here, playing games with his son, but he's kept an eye on you too."

Naruto smiled, knowing that the people he'd befriended before they died had found such a nice place to rest after such hard lives. Pulling his tail onto his lap he began stroking it in thought as something occurred to him. "Hey Ji-san... are my parents here?"

"They are," Sarutobi confirmed as he watched the nervous young boy. "I've stood with them and watched them as they watched you."

"Oh..." Naruto said as he lowered his eyes, "So... they didn't leave me all alone...they died..."

"No Naruto, never!" Sarutobi protested as he mussed up Naruto's perpetually spiky hair, "They were very excited about your birth, and had loved you deeply before you were even born, and their love and pride only increased every day that you were alive. It's been hell for them to watch over you from afar, and never be able to hold you."

Naruto found himself wiping his eyes with the tail he'd been cursed with for the past few days. His ears twitched as he weeped manly tears, his mind a whirl of confusion. He was about to say something when his ears perked up at a feminine squeal from behind him.

As he turned to see what new terror was after him, he caught the briefest glimpse of red, and heard a squeal of "It's HIM!" before getting tackled and scooped up into the air, twirled into the air. He smiled as she pulled Naruto into a tighter hug, for some reason it felt right to be held by her. After the redhead stopped spinning him in her arms, she set him on the ground and looked at him, smiling happily. "Hey Naruto, how's my baby boy?"

Naruto's jaw dropped at her question, his eyes widening in surprise as he looked at her questioningly. After a second he pulled her into a tight hug, almost as though afraid that letting go would cause her to vanish from his sight.

"If you weren't my son," a male voice said calmly behind Naruto, "I would beat you for touching my wife like that."

Naruto looked over his shoulder, seeing a man through his tears blurred eyes, he could tell that he was tall, and had blond hair like he himself had. The man reached over and mussed up Naruto's hair, causing the younger man to smile and wipe his eyes on his sleeve.

Looking back to the man his jaw dropped as he finally recognized the one who had claimed to be his father. It was so obvious when he was right in front of him, because there stood his second greatest hero, after Sarutobi. Because there stood in all his youthful glory was the Yellow Flash, the greatest of the Hokages, Minato Namikaze, smiling proudly at Naruto. A moment later blackness claimed him.

Back in Konoha, the entirety of the populous had gathered at the gates nearest to where their Naruto had disappeared. Every single one of them were ready and raring to go hunting, but were being held back by Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Shizune standing in front of them. They were telling people that they'd send out a couple squads of ninjas to find Naruto, but they had to be in control of their senses, and wear air filtering masks.

Kakashi somehow managed to get on a team, and his dogs were spreading out to find his cute little student. As he started out the gate, he perked up slightly, turning into the forest and heading forward, muttering "Porn sense tingling..."

The gleam in his eye was enough to unnerve his teammates, Iruka Umino, and Genma Shiranui, who shared a look between each other to convey their nervousness.


	12. Chapter 12

Terminally Ambivalent: First off, like the name. Second off, yeah, Kakashi's on the hunt, and Naruto's on the run... My money's on whoever would have the better comedic value winning. I'm glad people liked the land of dead part, it was just something I felt I should give the poor kid, since I was driving him nutters. As for Iruka and Genma... I pity them, but I'd probably figure it was good that Kakashi got some sun on that skin of his... he's probably paler than a ghost.

Celtic Reaper: Thank you, I'm glad people liked it. As for Genno and son, since a few people asked, he was the infiltrating ninja from a village that had gotten wiped out during the war taking his son with it, he was working to complete his final mission (the destruction of Konoha), when he met and took a liking to Naruto. In the end, he had the Konoha 11 running around on a treasure hunt type deal. I think he was anime only, one of the filler arcs. Thanks for liking the fic thus far, and I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: Why do we get so much pleasure out of tormenting the poor boy? Ara ara... now I'm feeling guilty... here's the next chapter.

spottedstar2: Heh, yeah it makes sense for him to have a sense like that. Again that sense is taken with requested, but not confirmed, permission from AceroTiburon on Deviant Art. If you liked it here, go check it out there.

geetac: Thanks! I'm glad that people are liking it.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Am now. Yes you can, but the wait's over for now. I thought it was from chapter 1... Yep, Naruto meets mommy and daddy, and grandpa Sarutobi. Zabuza & Haku are currently indisposed and will not be making an appearance... for now. See the note on Genno up above in Celtic Reaper's response.

Anonymous: I will find out who you are yet! Mark my words! Ara ara... Don't worry about it, I have a very short memory for details like that myself so I'm not entirely surprised that others don't. Don't let me get in the way of your academics my friend, they are important to your future. Speedos, the gift that just keep giving... sometimes for ill, others for good. Well, I'm not entirely sure about them being in them... they might just be going around in the buff... *cracks a whip* BACK TO WORK I SAY! FINISH THAT ESSAY!

Silver_Bells: I wish I could claim ownership of the porn senses, but I have to give credit where credit's due, and say it's all AceroTiburon from Deviant Art, that I'm hoping and praying doesn't mind me using the Porn Senses... if she's reading this, please let me know! I don't want to offend her by using her idea without her permission. Anywhosits, here's the update.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Yep, Naruto's with his family. And don't worry the bad part you were thinking was avoided. Enjoy!

badkidoh: thank you, updated

Alyondria: 100th review! AND it's another cool name, I have a lot of reviewers with cool names. Yeppers, parental love, though Kushina seems the type to snap spines accidentally... nah Tsunade's just desperate for her little brother to be back. Wait... two of the perviest men? I didn't know Genma was a pervert... Iruka's like a brother to him... and Kakashi... well maybe he counts as two... hmmm... Anyways... remember one thing about ninjas... they can pick locks, so the whole chastity belt ain't gonna work, good thinking though. Here's the next chapter.

90MLLu: Well, I figured that there needed to be a chapter in which people can recover from the assault of humor, while not completely killing the buzz. Sorry if I did that to people, didn't mean to. Again, AceroTiberon had great material with the porn sense thing, and I hope that she'll give me her blessing to keep using it. *puppy eye no jutsu* pwease go and wead her comics too... *end jutsu* Yeah emotional and touching chapter, I hope that it helps balance out my karma with everything else I've done to the poor boy... I'm glad that everyone really liked it, took me a couple rewrites to script them out properly. Thanks for the praises by section. Here's the next chapter... PS. should I have a special reward for reviewer number 200? Ara ara... I dunno...

jolteonforever: I'm glad I found another fan of AceronTiberon's comics here too. ^.^ Makes me smile. Yep, Naruto meets his mommy and daddy, and cries them thar manly tears of manly, manliness!

Okay folks, that's all the reviews, and I loved each and every one of them. And thusly I merely ask for ya to keep them coming. But more importantly, go and read AceroTiberon on DeviantArt's comics involving porn senses. It's good stuff. And now... without further delay... here's the story!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 11

Naruto eyes peeled open slowly as he returned to consciousness, there was something odd about his location. It was warm, fluffy, and not the rocky ground he had expected. Looking around, he could only note one thing, it was his room, rolling off the bed, he went through his apartment with a look of wonder as he pondered how he had gotten back home after falling off that toad. That's when it occurred to him, everything before had been a dream, and he would have an entertaining tale to tell Konohamaru.

Laughing he took a cup of ramen from the yawning mouth of his toad cupboard and started some water to cook it. Yeah, it was going to be a great tale to tell his friends about it, Sakura might even laugh at it. Hearing a knock at the door he stood up and walked over to it, opening it to find that it was just the mail-fox dropping off more bad new, bills. Grumbling he sat back down and ate his magic self-cooking ramen. Oh sweet ambrosia, it was the richest, most delicious beef ramen he ever had. Finishing the surprisingly deep bowl of ramen, he went over to grab his brush, and started brushing out his tail with smooth even strokes.

Eventually he finished, when something stuck his sleep ladened mind, he never got bills. And that was when everything fell apart, literally. His walls, the toad cupboard, everything was shattering like glass and collapsing around him in a cascading shower of noise. After all the noise died down, a familiar scent tickled his nose as a gruff voice called his name, he opened his real eyes after getting a paw padding on his forehead lightly. Directly above him was the perpetually unhappy face of Pakkun, as if the smell of Floral Green Shampoo wasn't enough to hint at who the dog was. "Hey boyo, what's with the napping place? It hurts my paws, see?" the dog asked while holding up his paw towards the flattened Naruto, looking offended.

Naruto reached out and rubbed the paw gently with his forefinger for a moment before he bolted upright. "Oh Kami-sama! Kakashi-sensei's here?!"

Pakkun snorted and shook his head. "No boyo, I was sent out in advance to scout for you and..." the dog started before sniffing, "Oh, that's why he wanted to find you first... he's drawn in by you being in heat..."

"I'm not! It's this stupid jutsu of Jiraiya's!" Naruto shouted defensively as he pointed wildly at the ears and tail he had not been born with. "Wait... why aren't you reacting like everyone else?"

"Simple, I'm canine, you're emitting human and vulpine pheromones," Pakkun explained off hand, before realizing the blank look on Naruto's face meant he'd lost him. "In other words, humans and foxes want you, not dogs like me."

"Oh... uhh... if I promise you a steak, would you mind leading Kakashi-sensei away from me?" Naruto asked nervously, knowing the dog's weakness.

"Make it two, and I'll only promise five hours, after that he'll know that I'm misleading him," Pakkun countered around the drool in his mouth. Loyalty to Kakashi was one thing, but this was beef, glorious delicious, ambrosia delivered by the all mother to Earth as succulent, moist beef. "I'll even give you a warning when we're getting near, deal?"

Naruto weighed the trade off in his head, realizing that it would mean that he'd be short ramen for a few weeks, but it wasn't anything a couple of missions wouldn't take care of. So with a smile he shook Pakkun's offered paw and took off.

Pakkun smiled as Naruto ran away, giving him a several minute head-start before turning back to go find Kakashi and lead him on his wild goose chase. After all, he was getting ten steaks from Kakashi for helping him out. Didn't mean that he couldn't get a few extra while he was at it, now did it?

Naruto cleared the ground as fast as he could, not really looking where he was going at the time. And that's how he ran into a tall blue haired female with a lip piercing. Sprawling out on the ground, he hurriedly offered an apology, and tried to run away, when he noticed her black cloak with red clouds. The shock on his face somehow translated into his feet growing roots into the ground.

The blue haired woman smiled as she got up, seeing Naruto and whispering that she got the nine-tails. As she sashayed close, panic filled Naruto's heart, finally breaking his shock and allowing him to make a run, only to find himself surrounded by six orange haired people, all with a vast array of piercings on their faces.

Naruto knew right then and there, he had either walked into the ugliest mosh pit ever, or he was in serious trouble. His mind locked onto the second option as husky breathing filled her ears and warm feminine arms encircled him, rubbing his front through his jacket. "Mm... so firm... you'd look good with a few piercings you know? Don't you think so, Pein baby? We've heard of his stamina... maybe the seven of us could share?"

Pein seemed to be the orange haired guy with three piercings through his nose, and a pair of fang like ones out his bottom lip. The cold, icy look seemed to alleviate some of Naruto's worries, until he spoke. "I don't know Konan... he looks like a virgin, it would take us forever to get him properly trained. And we still have to kill him for world peace..."

Naruto pounced on this tiny, if completely nerve wracking bid for freedom like the lifeline it was, because even now he could feel his zipper being undone, and Konan's fingers slipping inside, inducing a shudder from the blond virgin, who hoped to keep that status for right now, thank you very much! "Yeah! That's right, I'm a virgin," Naruto countered trying to slip out of Konan's grip, "Besides, I don't think I'd look good with earrings, or things like that."

"Who said anything about _**ear... **_rings silly boy..." Konan whispered huskily as she stalked after Naruto in the circle of Pein. "Why, I have about twenty piercings that you can't see right now."

Naruto's mind took that moment to run through the list of other places Jiraiya had told him about girls getting pierced, and the resulting twin geysers of blood was enough to send him flying into the air. Rather than passing out, or even worse, giving in to his sudden curiosity about what she had hidden, he turned around and bolted like a little boy from Orochimaru.

Back in Konoha, Sasuke and Orochimaru shared a sneeze, before returning to the tea they were sharing as part of the temporary truce.

Naruto's luck just didn't seem to be wanting to go in his favor today, as all seven of the piercing fetishists were already even with him. Summoning up one of his favorite tactics he crossed his fingers and let out a shout of "TAJŪ KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" he created enough clones to flood the entire rock valley with clones, most of them pinning down his pursuers, while he himself slipped away into the surrounding mountains, hopefully losing them. It was ten minutes later that he started getting the memories from his clones, and he really wished he didn't. It seemed that Pein, Konan, and the rest wanted him pierced, and not with rings only. He couldn't really fault his clones for dispersing before that happened to them.

Instead of waiting to find out if they figured out he had left them in the dust, he simply kept running, not caring where he went, so long as it was away from them.

Meanwhile, back with Pakkun, Iruka and Genma were still a little unnerved by the gleam in Kakashi's eye, when they saw him whip his head around and point off in the opposite direction they were heading. With a cry of "PORN SENSES HO!!!!" the speedo wearing man took off, followed after a while by Iruka and Genma, and then finally a grumbling Pakkun.

"At least I still get my steaks..."


	13. Chapter 13

Howdy folks, how's it going? Just promoting my Random ficlets on my account here, probably gonna post a few more sometime, it's listed as SR Randomness, and also check out the comic I'm writing for call Roses and Thorns, at www (dot) mouseworxunlimited (dot) com. And now, reviewer responses!

jolteonforever: First, one of my favorite pokemon designs... now then to the review itself. Pakkun is such a great straight man isn't he folks? Might have to use him again later on. Yeah, the innuendoes were sorta intentional... Thanks for the praise. Konan told me over tea last month. Here's the next update.

CelticReaper: Can I trade the internet in for a couple billion? Here's the next update, enjoy.

Catzi: Nope, not when I thought it myself... though now I have to wonder about your mental state, since mine's all screwed up.

Terminally Ambivalent: We'll not go into how bad my Spanish is right now. Soooo... moving on... Thanks for liking the chapter, and yeah, the piercing thing was aweome. I wonder if I should pity Naruto, or his therapist more... Woe is Naruto, indeed. Updated.

volrath77: I'm guessing that you enjoyed this then. ^.^ Thanks for the fave.

badkidoh: Thank you, updated.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Naruto is running for his tender little virginity... RUN! Oi Dragon, remember E.D.S.'s blindfold!

Anonymous: I'm gonna call you Bob, just cause I can. Congrats on the essay, you're welcome for the comics. Yes, they are in speedos, and Kakashi's getting some much needed sun on his bleach white skin. About your friend, convert her, she'll thank you for it. Here's the next update.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. You're done with waiting. I thought it was always interesting. Dream and reality are divided only by a thin, thin line. So, was it real or a dream... I might have Naruto visit the land of the dead again later... hmm... maybe the dead can visit him instead...

spottedstar2: He might make it... ya never can tell with Naruto, Konoha's number one unpredicatable knuckleheaded ninja!

Alyondria: *looks at the sea of Naruto-clones chanting "Springer"* Nope... I just can't see it... oh he's on the run still... can't end the story that soon, now can I? No more waiting for you! The story loves you too.

The-Eighth-Sin: PORN SENSES HO!! . . . Just makes you feel good saying it... Someone do it in the middle of a mall or something, I wanna see what happens! Here's some more.

Reykja: Yes, this little labrynth of a fic is a gnarly Gordion knot isn't it? The creativity just comes naturally, so thanks! I'll try to keep up the good work.

90MLLu: Thanks, I'm glad that you liked Pakkun, and yeah, he's a greedy gut isn't he? Not that that's a bad thing mind... Yeah, he meets Akatsuki, and gets away again. I'm pretty sure Naruto's scarred for life mentally, and to think I won't be lightening up on him anytime soon... Kakashi's great for cracktastic porn senses, isn't he? Thanks again for all your praise, hopefully I'll reamain good enough for you.

geetac: Thanks! I loved making it!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 12: Bugging Out.

Naruto was well known for his endless stamina, but when he while he slumped against the tree catching his breath, he had to admit that after having been on the run constantly even he was tired. Looking at the shredded remains of his second orange top, he really wished he'd been able to stop off at his house to get his mission supplies, or at least a change of clothes.

His musings however were cut short by the arrival of a familiar ball of reddish-orange fur, that leaped onto his lap, forepaws on his chest, licking his nose. While he was laughing and trying to get her to stop, a strange thought occurred to him. "Hey, I should give you a name... if you insist on helping me out all the time. What'd be a good name for ya, girl?"

"Kon!" the fox seemed to bark, while looking up at Naruto with shining, innocent eyes.

"Kon-chan it is then..." Naruto agreed while scratching her behind the ear. "At least you're still too young to try and get me to mate... Thanks for watching out for me."

"That's nice and all Naruto," a calm voice spoke up from the other side of the clearing. "But I think you and your friend should keep moving, the bugs I put on the other teams tell me they're closing in on you."

Naruto looked up, and upon seeing Shino got ready to bolt. "Hey bug-man, uhh... yeah... was just about to go..."

"I shall aid you then," Shino replied evenly as he walked over, holding out a set of clothes. "Your friend, Kon-chan, had us stop at that garden of yours and pick up your clothes from there. I left a few of my bugs there to help pollinate, I hope that does not offend you."

"No... thanks Bug-man..." Naruto answered nervously as he took the clothes from the strangely subdued male, when a thought occurred to him. "Your bugs are blocking the pheromones, aren't they?"

Naruto couldn't tell for certain but he could almost swear that Shino was smirking as he nodded. "Very clever Naruto, it is why I am not infected by them," Shino replied calmly as he turned his back to give Naruto some privacy. "Hurry up and change, my bugs are telling me we should get moving."

Naruto changed as quickly as he could, something about what Shino had said struck him as odd, but he just couldn't place his finger on it. Tugging his shirt into place he sighed and tapped Shino on the shoulder. "All set, let's go."

Shino nodded and waved for Kon to lead the way. The little fox nodded and began walking along, causing Naruto to look at Shino oddly. The bug user merely pulled Naruto along onto the trail. "I do have to confess something to you Naruto, I have my own reasons for doing this."

Naruto sighed and rubbed his ears in annoyance. "What's that Bug-man? I know it can't be because you like me. I mean that'd just be weird... right?"

Shino's reaction to anyone that could read the Aburame clan would call a pained wince. However Naruto didn't even notice that Shino was a few seconds longer in answering than normal. "I would not consider it weird Naruto, since you are a very likable person. Though this homophobia of yours would be highly upsetting to your fanboys. One of my reasons is because I owe you for keeping that secret from that mission. Another is that you are very important to Hinata, she holds deep feelings for you, and this situation has driven her to the point of madness because of them."

Naruto frowned as he and Shino continued to move through the trees, following Kon's wondering path. "I'm not homophobic... it's just I thought you hated me..." Naruto whispered quietly as he ducked under a tree branch, "So Hinata's feelings were there before the whole pheromones thing? I'm gonna have to make it up to her then."

The silence between the two held for a few minutes after that, each of the two males lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Naruto broke the silence, "Oi, Shino... did I miss anyone else's feelings? I mean if I'm gonna make it up to Hinata, I should make it up to others too..."

"Aside from the ones of outside nations and kingdoms, I can only think of one other..." Shino answered calmly as they pulled up even with Kon, who was sniffing the air cautiously. "But he would rather I didn't tell that secret. Focus on Hinata, it is proper for you two to be together."

"I didn't ask that Shino," Naruto growled as he turned to stare Shino in the sunglasses. "I want to know who I've hurt by ignoring them. Nobody should be an instead of, but nobody deserves to be completely ignored, either! I don't want to hurt them because I'm a clueless idiot anymore. Tell me who it is... please..."

Shino was going to be evasive again, however the tears and pain he saw haunting Naruto's eyes stalled the answer on his tongue. He knew from the bugs that Naruto had grown up with a hard life, and that Hinata had attempted a few times to be brave enough to tell Naruto her true feelings, even before the pheromones drove her completely insane. She was worthy of Naruto, but still... seeing those passionate cerulean orbs staring up into his own hidden eyes kindled a little flame of compassion for the blond.

"It's... me..." Shino answered quietly, waiting for Naruto to recoil with his eyes shut. However, when Naruto's hands only loosened their grip on his arms, instead of letting go entirely, Shino opened his eyes and saw one of the rarest sights ever. Naruto Uzumaki was stunned into silence, and his jaw seemed to be trying to formulate words. Shino stored that memory away for future reference, should he ever need a laugh, and simply used his thumb and forefinger to shut Naruto's mouth by pushing up on the chin, inadvertently tilting his head up slightly so that it looked like Shino was going to kiss him.

"I know that you hold no romantic feelings for me Naruto..." Shino whispered as he studied every inch of Naruto's face, his heart beating harder in his chest, as his hand moved to cup Naruto's cheek. "That is why I never said anything, that and Hinata loved you first. I do hope that at least we could be... on friendly terms if not friends outright."

Naruto pulled back from Shino, clearing his throat as he leaned against a tree, looking down at the ground. "I don't know Bug-man... this is a pretty big secret you kept from me..." Naruto grumbled as he flicked his ears and blushed lightly across those sun-kissed and whiskered cheek which drove Shino's tightly restrained lust nearly insane.

Licking his lips he approached Naruto slowly, his eyes focused on that blush, that seemed to spread with every step he made, finally he had Naruto pinned to the tree between his outstretched arms. He smiled slightly as he stared down at the shorter foxy blond, ever single fiber of his being struggling to remain in control. "Naruto... I must admit to misleading you earlier... I said that you couldn't infect me with your pheromones, when rather they effect everyone around you. Even with everything me and my bugs can do, but... I hope you can forgive me... this one time..." Shino started strong, but ended in a whisper as he pulled down the zipper of his coat, exposing his face to Naruto, the faint blush on his cheeks, the tremble of his lips, everything but his eyes.

Leaning in closer he inhaled the scent coming off Naruto deeply, and repressed a shudder, barely making out Naruto's voice in his lust induced haze. "Shino... please think about this..." Naruto whimpered as he pressed against the tree fully. "This isn't you, it's the pheromones, get it under control! You can fight it off again, just let me go now, and when I'm out of this jutsu we can go on a date, anything you want to do all night. Just don't do this now man!"

Shino fought to control himself, leaning in even despite all his willpower to stop. Finally, he got himself under control only an inch away from his goal, so close he could feel Naruto's panicked breath against his own lips. "Run Naruto... I... I can't keep fighting this close to you," Shino whispered his order, pulling back his bugs he'd been using to distract Kon from attacking his privates.

Naruto was just about free of Shino, when a green blur shot past him, barely missing him by inches. Turning to look he heard Lee crying out "COITUS INTERUPTUS!" while kick Shino into a nearby tree. He took one look around and nearly soiled himself. Apparently Team Gai had followed Shino, and the looks they had on their faces told him that the pheromones were in full effect.

One set of crossed fingers and a shout later, the entire area was swarmed with orange clad ninjas, while the real one disguised himself as a two tailed version of Kon, and barked at her to run. Together the pair of foxes ran like the devil himself was after them, meanwhile Tenten was cutting through the clones left and right at Neji's direction as he tracked the two foxes running away, and Lee struggled to free himself of the dozen or so Narutos hanging off his body. Lee's struggle was complicated by the fact that he really didn't want to part from this dream-like scenario.

Naruto and Kon blurred through the undergrowth of the forest as fast as their legs could carry them. Kon held half a body length of a lead on Naruto, acting as a guide through the forest. His joy at having gotten away was short lived however, when he saw Kon disappearing down and to the left of him, telling him he'd been scooped up again. Looking up he let out the fear and other matter that he'd been holding back since Shino had him pinned, all over Anko's trench coat.

Anko looked down at the urine and scat now coating her favorite trench coat with annoyance, almost dropping her prey. She did however loosen her grip enough that Naruto could gain leverage enough to spring free. Two rebounds later and he was streaking through the undergrowth, aiming for a opening that Kon was standing beside letting out calling whimpers.

Naruto dove into the hole without even thinking, letting out a cry of shock as he started sliding down a black tube towards a bright light. He could hear Kon sliding down behind him, if he didn't know better, he'd almost swear that she was giggling.

Arriving in the blinding light of day, he looked around curiously, finding himself in the center of an entire village, seemingly populated by foxes. If he hadn't just voided his bowels and bladder all over Anko's coat, he would do it now. Especially since every single member of the city took one whiff of the air and turned to look at him lustfully. Meanwhile, behind him Kon said, "Welcome to the Hidden village of Kitsunes, Naruto... or should I say welcome back Kyuubi-sama."


	14. Chapter 14

Hey folks, hate to say it, but I'm having issues with my main system, and cannot use that to upload to , or even go onto it. What that means is that I'm working on my laptop, which I haven't installed open office on, and have crashed USB ports on, so I'm taking a copy outta my e-mail in order to load this. Yay for redundant copies!

I'm gonna make a statement right now, two tails and younger aren't effected by Naruto's pheromones, and Porn Senses do not belong to me, they belong to AceroTiburon.

CelticReaper: Yes... yes it was on both accounts. First things first mate, gotta get a person to be with, but I'm really shy around women. Here's the update, and yes... yes I can, and have hung ya out like that.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: No, it's not over yet. Naruto's gonna be screwed in a variety of ways if he doesn't keep running. Yes, there are males and females.

The-Eighth-Sin: Thanks, sorry it's not neat and clean.

anonomus: Thank you, the porn's in Kakashi's pants, left back in Konoha.

WINDXNINJA: Thank you, I'm glad people are enjoying my attempt at humor, and yes there are people ingo NaruShino. For example myself if it's done right. Yes, I enjoy Yaoi and Yuri if they're done nicely. Here's the next chapter.

Alyondria: Poor Shino, all he wants is a little love, that's not asking much is it? I dunno about this turning into a yaoi, but ya never know. And yes, he has to deal with the horny foxes, and other problems.

badkidoh: Thank you, yeah the end was a bit of a wow point. Updated.

geetac: Yeah, I like Shino, he's a great guy, and I hope I did him up right. Thanks again.

Terminally Ambivalent: Hmm? Oh those foxes, yeah, I suppose I don't have mercy for Naru-chan... or do I? Naruto's therapy bills are going to be in the billions. Thanks, here's the update.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updated. Yeah you can, you just don't want to. I've always thought it was interesting. Maybe he will, maybe they will, guess we'll see. Hmm... NaruHarem's always fun... but so is NaruShino.

spottedstar2: Not many did, and yeah, I thought the Anko part was fun. I'll keep writing.

Anonymous: Hey Bob! Actually this was the 13th chapter, updated on the first of 3 Thursday the 12ths in the year 2009, but I like your claim better. ^.^ 13's always been a lucky number for me. Soon she'll be one of us, one of us, one of us... *listens to the chat* Oh yeeeeesssss.... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! err... yeah, just let her come over at her own pace. Thanks about Shino, I wasn't sure that he'd get any loving when I brought him out, but I was pleasantly surprised. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! As for why you read that like it is... you'd have to take this from the source... maybe not. You know, maybe you should get some more humorous music to listen to while reading my fics... _ _ I listen to **Nanne Grönvall** - _Håll om mig _while I'm writing, if you can find the princess tutu video on Youtube, that's a great AMV for it. Here's the update, and don't ever stop! PS: listening to **Chaba** - _Parade_ while I'm uploading this. Bonus points to all that know this song.

90MLLu: Thanks, I'm glad people are enjoying the story, I'll try to keep it entertaining to the very end. Kon is actually an onomotopeia of what the Japanese thinks a fox's bark sounds like. Sorry I don't really have a more creative origin for you guys. ^.^;; Was I really that obvious about it being him? Ah well, I'm just glad that people are accepting his love for Naruto. Heh, yeah, that line was a fun one to write out, I'm glad the whole scene came out as nicely as it did. Thanks again for the reviews, it's always nice to see longer reviews, pointing out what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. I dunno if I'll throw in Ibiki, cause I might be winding down on this fic, and yeah, things would definitely go wrong in a hurry. Thank you, I'm writing with a ferver.

jolteonforever: Poor Naruto, poor sweet Shino, poor innocent trench coat, poor therapists... so many lives tormented by the accursed jutsu. T-T DARN YOU JIRAIYA!!! You not a fan of the power of Youth? YOSH! We will write 1000 fanfics in order to get you to change your mind, if we fail that, we shall run 10000 laps on our tongue! *sounds of breaking steel support beams is heard* GET AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER YOU TWO! Sorry about that... seems Gai and Lee took over for a while... Ara ara... what's wrong with speedos on Gai?

Anonynous: Yeah, definitely a win saying... if anyone else wants to know, it pretty much is Latin for "interupted sex", I think...

HelKat: Are they? Are they really revealed? I'm not entirely sure there, I think it's time to continue reading to find out... Shino'll be fine... I'd worry about Team Gai because of that sneak attack on the bug user. I like a lotta Naruto/people pairings, Shino's in there, I also like KakaIru, but that's for another story. Update... NOW!

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IchPPa Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 13: From the Pan to the Fire

Naruto turned on Kon with a shocked expression for only half a moment before the sound of others drawing near alerted him to his sudden need to run. Looking back, he estimated about fifty foxes, ranging from three tails to eight tails drawing towards him. He only estimated, because he was already running away before his head had turned back around, so he never saw Kon tailing him with a playful smirk on her face.

Ducking into one side tunnel, he screeched to a stop at the sight before him. As he reversed direction and ran away, he tried to not think about what he saw, but couldn't help wonder how they'd gotten speedos in their size, and why those three seemed eerily familiar. Leaping over a jet of flame, his eyes bulged as he realized that these foxes weren't planning on playing around, and he'd likely not survive if they caught him.

Ducking down a tunnel that smelled of vanilla, he ran through what seemed to be a kitchen area. Here, there were bustling larger foxes making everything from stews to desserts. Naruto's jaw dropped at the sight before him, tears rolling down his cheeks, for there before him was a large steaming pot of the gift from the heavens, RAMEN!

One of the foxes, this one a one tail with dark blue fur, and lilac eyes spotted him, and his look of rapture at the sight of ramen before him. With only a quick look around she nudged the pot closer. He could have sworn that she was blushing. With a little wiggle of his tail in thanks, he wasted no time in sticking his face into the ramen and began gulping it down with wanton abandon.

After his binge, which was surprisingly neater than he ever managed as a human, Naruto sat back with a sated smile on his face. That was good, and at least no one had tried to jump him in here. Maybe it was because they were one and two tails... that probably meant they were young still. Under the age of mating. Good, he could use this information.

Rolling into a standing position, he smiled and winked at the fox that had given him the food, smiling as she giggled and her cheek fur seemed to darken before his eyes. The others seemed to be jealous of her now, and with that thought in mind, he climbed out the back way and began heading away, letting his nose and the feel of air on his fur to guide him out.

Taking another side tunnel, he smiled as he caught the scent of grass and trees. This had to be the way out, he'd be able to return to human form, and figure out where he was. If he was in a safe location, he'd find a hiding spot and relax, if it wasn't he'd run like hell again. Bursting out of the tunnel and into the sunshine he smiled at the familiar face before him, knowing that scar across the nose anywhere.

Reversing his transformation as he tackled Iruka, he hugged the man he considered a brother tightly. "Man, I'm glad to see you Iruka-sensei, everyone's gone nuts lately... but... you wouldn't would you? I mean you don't find me attractive, right?"

Iruka looked down at Naruto, his eyes widening even as the denial died on his lips. A faint blush tinged the ends of his scar, making it stand out even more as he tried to fight the building outward signs of his attraction. Looking away he swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled himself and Naruto up. "N...not normally Naruto, but remember you're under that jutsu, no one's immune apparently. Save family, and children. According to Jiraiya's calculations you have another forty-eight hours. Run Naruto, run as fast as you can, don't let them get you."

Naruto staggered back, mentally disturbed as he had felt Iruka's failing resolve poking him before they stood up. He started turning to leave, when he heard something that made that disturbing mental image a million times worse.

"CAPTAIN PORNO AWAY!" was all Naruto heard before the air was knocked from his lungs and he got spirited away by one speedo wearing masked jounin instructor, by the name of Kakashi. As they whizzed through the trees, Naruto reflected on something Iruka had mentioned. He only had to deal with this for another 2 days, and then he could rip into that damned pervert of a sensei. But first, he had to lose this pervert.

"Oi Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called to gain the jounin's attention, a flicker of Kakashi's eye told him that he had it. His brain came up with the fastest way to get out of the jounin's hands. "Can you put me down pwease?" he asked with a pout, sad soulful eyes, ear flat back, and tail held sadly. The idea worked almost as well as planned, Kakashi ran smack dab into a tree, releasing Naruto.

After a tumble through the underbrush Naruto was up and running again, pumping his legs as fast and hard as he could. Dodging under some low branches he heard a thunk that alerted him to pursuit. Looking back he let out a whimper as he found dozens of ninjas and foxes hot on his tail.

Paying attention to where he was going finally he found himself skidding to a halt, right at the edge of the fourth Hokage's hair. Looking around he couldn't really find a way off, and when he tried to run back, he found that his retreat route had been blocked by his pursuers. Looking for an escape, he noticed the entire group was moving in closer, crowding him towards the tip at the end of the Hokage's hair.

To say he was nervous, would be like saying Kyuubi had a temper. A gross understatement. The situation looked dire indeed, he could see all the jounin instructors, Team Gai, Hinata, a scat covered Anko, and a small army of various foxes surrounding him. Blinking at something he'd just seen, but couldn't identify he nearly lost his footing and let gravity do its thing. If he had to guess, however he'd have said it was Hinata flashing him. She had an impressive pair hidden under that coat of hers.

While berating himself for being a pervert, he smiled nervously at the gathered crowd. "Now... let's not do anything rash folks... I'm sure there's something we can work out."

What had finally sent him into unconsciousness and ultimately dropping like a brick through the air was when a buck naked eight year old girl with fox ears and a tail pop out of no where, and yelled. "LEAVE MY DADDY ALONE!"

Naruto stared blankly at her for a moment before her scent finally reached his nose. Kon's scent confirmed the identity of his savior. And at that moment his brain decided to overload.

As he was falling off the mountain, he almost swore he heard Kyuubi's voice whisper in disbelief. "She's alive... but... I saw... I saw him... kill her... that snake bastard killed her!" But as darkness overtook his mind again, he couldn't investigate any further.

The next thing he knew, Naruto found himself staring up into the eyes of the Shinigami again. "Ya know kid, you're not going to get frequent diers miles with me."


	15. Chapter 15

Ara ara, so many wonderful reviews, I'm touched, really I am. No Naruto, you don't need a doll to tell the court where... everyone in the Elemental Nations touched you... this is different... I'm glad that everyone enjoyed it so far, and I hope that you all continue to. Sadly, my main is still unable to visit , but I'm still able to use my ancient laptop to submit and read stories. Anywhosits. Time to respond to reviews!

geetac: Thank you, I'm glad to make people laugh.

spottedstar: Heh, nice to see you anyhow. Captain Porno, a super powers super being from the village Konoha, masquerades by day as mild manner Jounin Hatake Kakashi... Someone has to write about that now... NOT IT! And yeah, Kon'll be revealed eventually...

CelticReaper: Thank you, glad to have made your day, where can I deliver it to? Here's the update.

Anonymous: Well Bob, I'm glad that you're enjoying more appropriate songs instead of laughing through sad ones. Hopefully those odd looks stop soon... So much love for this chapter, and this story itself. I just can't seem to love you guys enough in return. Yep, Captain Porno... so much crack in this fic, I think the grand canyon could be filled. I try to be unpredictable with my cliffhangers, makes it more interesting for everyone, ne? As for the OC... well I guess the main thing with her is that I basically needed a character to fill in a protector/comedic relief role, and could only thought that a little fox kit would work... and her character just snowballed from there. I've already established limits for her powers to myself and I think that they're fairly balanced. *bows* Please forgive me if she seems... as with your example, Mary Sue-ish. I'm glad that it's a cool story and that Kon is enjoyable. As for your friend's study hall teacher... I feel really sorry for her, should she write fanfics too. Updated. Ja ne!

anotamous: I'm just punishing Naruto for sins he never commited, there's more coming.

Terminally Ambivalent: I'm glad you liked that pun. Yeah poor Naru-chan, the worst is yet to come. I do show mercy... sometimes... don't I? *looks at the characters breaking down in laughter* Hmph for that YOU'RE on my list... *sees them stop laughing and start crying* Anyways, thanks, updated!

The-Eighth-Sin: K... here's more.

badkidoh: Wired? Like on caffeine? And yeah it was a little flashy at that point & stuff. Updated.

Senyor Fier Mensheir: Multiple-S rank mission? It's just training in survival and evasion... against entire nations of people... and animals... Uhh... *grins sheepishly* Sorry Naruto-kun...

Elemental Dragon Swordman: I'm glad someone noticed little fox!Hinata... little sweety isn't she? And ya know... Iruka barely held himself off... Kon is Kyuubi's daughter, and well... Oro-teme might just be to blame...

HelKat: I dunna think that the Shinigami can offer them without clearance from his boss, seeing as how rare they're likely to be... But it'd be an interesting Bloodline Limit... the Nine lives of a cat... Most of this fic has been the amusing but frightening, so Kakashi sorta fits... and yes... Daddy!Kyuubi! Who makes an appearance in this chapter.

Alyondria: Yeppers, Kyuubi's baby girl, gotta love her, she da baby! Uhh... Kyuubi's male isn't he? Did anyone bother to check? OI KISHIMOTO-SENSEI! Can we get a ruling? But Kon called Kyuubi her daddy, so for this fic, he's a male... I'm glad to keep improving.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updating. Yes you can wait, you just don't wish to. I've always thought it was interesting, yeppers, Kon's Kyuubi's precious daughter. I pity any man that tries to date her... I mean a regular dad's bad enough... but the nine-tailed fox... yikes... Yeah, Zabuza and Haku are really wanting to see him... Raiga, not so sure about.

90MLLu: Thanks! Glad you liked it, especially with all that was happening, and my original character Kon-chan, Kyuubi's daughter! Huh... I wonder if someone were to draw it, what she'd look like... she's still learning to transform, hence her lack of clothing... I'm glad that people liked the cracktastic "CAPTAIN PORNOOOOOO!!!" Maybe someone should write that story... or better yet, draw him... hmm... maybe I should... . . ANYWHOSITS! Thanks for the review, yeah you can wait, just no longer for it is HERE! I hope it's good for you, like it's good for me.

jolteonforever: That'd be a bit messy don't ya think? Twisted crap... yeesh. Yeah, Kyuubi's got a daughter, and everyone's failing will saves left and right... Poor Naruto... And no, he's not womanizing her... he's vixenizing her. But hey, her reputation probably just went up ten-fold with the other one tails, no? Seeing as a two-tailed, one persued by everyone from three-tails and containing the great and powerful nine-tails paid attention to her, and only her. And the speedos may make a comeback... kukuku

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 14

Naruto stared blankly at the grinning face of the Shinigami before him. He didn't know if telling the very representation of death itself that he needed to work on his jokes would be a bad idea or just really stupid. Instead he just rolled up off his back and looked around the land of the dead quietly.

"Oi, why am I back? Am I going to see my parents again?" Naruto asked hopefully, his eyes searching for them.

"I'm afraid not Naruto-kun... there are a few others that want to talk to you though..." the Shinigami explained before turning and leading Naruto away. "Come, we mustn't dawdle, the afterlife comes from being late, so I find people prefer punctuality."

Naruto chuckled nervously at the lame joke for a moment before a black streak of hair knocked the wind out of him, and he was pretty sure shattered a few ribs. When he regained his senses, all he could hear was squealing of a girl. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SOOOO CUUUUUTE!!! CAN I KEEP HIM ZABUZA-SAMA~"

"Haku..." the gruff man growled as he plucked the younger ninja off Naruto, "You know very well you can't keep him, he's only visiting."

Looking down Zabuza smiled widely with his serrated teeth. "Hello again Brat."

Naruto stared up at the man who had tried to kill him last time, smiling warmly at him, holding an androgynous young man by the scruff of the neck with seeming ease. He did the only thing he could think of. He started laughing until his sides hurt.

Zabuza let him catch his breath before unleashing the squealing and clutching force that is Haku on the poor, unfortunate, and pinned temporary kitsune boy. A smirk of vengeance served crossed Zabuza's face as Naruto tried to claw his way out of Haku's grasp. He'd seen many an animal try that same tactic, only to meet the same result as Naruto was having now. None.

Eventually, the Shinigami interceded on Naruto's behalf, pulling Haku off by the ear and putting him facing a tree in time out. He then bade Naruto to rise, not wanting to risk accidentally killing Naruto before his time. The paperwork on that alone would make an entire century of being Hokage seem a breeze."Sorry about that Naruto-kun, but Haku has been dying again to see you."

Zabuza groaned loudly at the joke, pulling Naruto aside with an arm slung over the blonde's shoulder. "Look kid, I pulled a few favors to get you up here, so I just wanna tell ya one thing. Thanks for burying us, I really don't want to be animal chow. Also, keep trying to do that thousand years of death on that Kakashi-bastard, he deserves it." Zabuza schemed before muttering off to the side, "Though that pervert probably would enjoy it..."

Naruto blinked and edged away from the dead ninja slightly. "Look, I don't know if you've been watching recently... but I'm not really wanting to try anything like that for a while... Especially since that means 'piercing' them..." Shuddering at the memories, Naruto turned to walk away. "Well it's nice seeing ya guys and all, but I think I have others to go meet."

"That's right Naruto-kun," the Shinigami answered as he signaled for the blond to follow him. "We must get there soon, after all, you're falling towards the ground and the you have pressing matters to deal with before then."

The pair walked a ways away, heading towards a large orange mountain. As they got closer, they found that the mountain was in fact the Kyuubi, who was sobbing his eyes out into a massive tub of tootie-frootie ice cream. "It's not fair, I find out my daughter's alive... and I'm stuck in the gut of the brat she calls daddy."

"As you can see... Kyuubi isn't taking finding out his daughter's alive that well..."the Shinigami explained as the giant fox used its nine tails to shovel ice cream into its maw. Afterwards, the fox picked up the container and tossed it off to the side, forming a new sports center that smelled delicious, and would eventually be swarmed by bugs. Kyuubi then glared down at Naruto and the Shinigami angrily, before breaking out in tears. "IT'S MY PRECIOUS WIDDLE KOOOOOON-CHAAAAANNN!!! AND SHE LOVES NARUTO!!!"

Naruto stared at the demon fox for a few minutes as it continued to bawl his eyes out, before he slowly turned to look the Shinigami into where he assumed his eyes were. "I'll be going home now, please."

Naruto blinked his eyes, and found himself staring up at an orange ball of fluff falling towards his face. Sticking his arms out he caught the fox and smiled as Kon giggled and licked his nose. "Hey Kon-chan, your dad says hi..." Naruto laughed before a whistling noise caught his attention. Looking around he let out a string of cussing and tucked Kon against his chest. Using his now free hands to form the familiar cross seal, he summoned a swarm of clones underneath himself, hoping to use them to cushion his fall.

His plan would have worked... save for the swarm of pheromone incised people and foxes diving after him. Instead of being splattered into the ground, he'd instead be crushed by nearly two or three tons of lust filled beings. This would be one death that would definitely be remembered for ages. However, he found out that death was not planning for his visit again, when something tackled him from the air and tumbled with him into a building.

As the dust settled, Naruto was disturbed to find he had somehow been placed into an orange wedding dress, and the scarred and sadistic interrogation specialist was kneeling before him in a full tuxedo, bared head and everything. In his outstretched hands was a tiny felt box with a sparkling diamond ring in the center. "Naruto Uzumaki, would you do me the honor of being my man-bride?" Ibiki Morino asked quietly, almost drowned out by the sounds of dispelling clones and people yelling outside.


	16. Chapter 16

Ara ara... I'm upset with right now... T.T

I spent a good hour coming up with responses and disclaimers for this new chapter, and it goes and deletes them because it logged me out! It's just not fair!

Alright... let's see if I can remember what I was gonna say... 1) Narutohaloevolved asked me to request fanart from you guys. I'd love it too, PM me on here or DA (SilentMagi) if you take me up on the fanart, I'd love to see it. 2) I don't own anything, save maybe Captain Porno and his cracktastic theme... 3) No more dying on me people! Zombie reviews are always so boring, all about brains and what not... 4) We upped the bar on number of reviews again, this time with a glorious 19 reviews! Ain't that wonderful? 5) I'm back on my wonderful, magnificent main system Wizard, and Ranger(Laptop) is taking a well deserved break. Rogue(File server) has been busy too, so I'm glad my team is holding out, Fighter and Sage are both down for now.

Onto Responses, which I'm sorry are gonna probably be shorter than normal. Sorry folks.

Kitty Otaku: NYA~! It's Nekotaku! Ara ara... sorry about the name thing... Thanks for the review, don't worry about the lack of reviewing so far, I'm just glad you're enjoying it too. MSkyDragon's "The Mating Frenzy" is a personal favorite of mine, so that's quite an honor, thanks! Here's some more for your enjoyment.

spottedstar2: Yay for Loggage! No, Ibiki's not gay, he's just under the influence of the pheromones. And I think it may be best to just leave Kyuubi alone for a bit... Thank you!

WINDXNINJA: If this is wrong, can I refuse to be right? Ara ara, I miss the comedy of younger Naruto sometimes, don't you guys? If you've kept current, you know what I'm talking about. Here's some more, hot off the presses.

naturokurosaki: *looks at the various character based muses floating around behind him* Am I strange? *smiles at the nodding* Thought so... Ara ara, you flatter me. ^.^;; And yeah, Ibiki swoops in to save his precious darling Naruto from a fate worse than death. Hopefully the next part is as interesting as you thought.

Ezra Troup: Good? Alrighty then... More flattery? Stop, you're making me blush! Ara ara, the Ancient Mechina is sleeping now, behold the unleashed power of my main system! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *pets Ranger* Don't worry baby, daddy still loves you... yes he does... he still wuvs you... *looks up* What? I'm allowed a few quirks... Anywhatsits, glad you're having fun on this trip, stick around it's bound to be interesting... and I shall endevour to continue writing.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: . . . *passes over the brain bleach and a couple ice bag* You set mates? Good. I'm sure it won't be that bad this chapter... (all lie detectors in ten miles of any reader of this fic are going off now)

Terminally Ambivalent: You think **_YOU'RE_** mentally scarred... think about Naruto for a moment... As for the trip... I'm sorry by the therapists are booked solid with the other therapists... What can ya do? *shrugs* Ara ara, updated.

volrath77: You think of the children... personally I think they'll be dashingly handsome little sons and beautiful daughters... oh you meant the ones living... uhh... kiddos advert your eyes, and don't mind the bleeding eyeballs, gnashing teeth, and lamentations to the deities of their choice...

Anonymous: Hey Bob. Good seeing you again. Yeah, the clones are warding off evil, ya know? As for the tux... wouldn't a better curious point be Naruto's dress? Fitted in his size? Go figure... Yeah... considering that Kyuubi's usual method of taking things not so well is leveling countries... I think this is going well... Everyone once removed from the jutsu will have a variety of reactions, that I'm sure we'll all enjoy. The Grand Crack Mountain... cops and junkies as far as the eye can see... Updated.

badkidoh: Thank you.

The-Eighth-Sin: Yep, Man-bride. Sorry about the short chapter, was sick. Kon-chan lost focus when Naruto fell, thus lost her transformation... what do you expect? She's only a kid! Here's some more!

90MLLu: Yours is the one I hated losing the most... so much said, lost T.T *goes to sulk for a couple minutes* Anywhosits... Kakashi asked me to pass on that it's proven in canon that no, he would not like to have Sennin Garoshi done on him... Kyuubi gets some loving soon I think... Thanks for the details, I'll try to continue to improve... A speech? Uhh... I can but try...  
First of all, I'd like to thank the English teachers that said I'd never be a good writer, HAHAHA! Second, the Dark Lord, Satan, cause his hand has to be in this somewhere... Third, any and all deities that have seen to it that the characters haven't leapt off the page and tried to kill me in my sleep... and finally you Fans... CAUSE YOU'RE FREAKING AWESOME! WOO!

CelticReaper: Sorry about the sides, you're welcome, updating now.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: *revives through a dark and foul ceremony binding your soul to mine* Come my minion... we have much to d-ACK! *gets brained by a muse* Sunnova... Right the review... Thank you. Will do. Updating. Here's more. I've always found it interesting. As for Ibiki's proposal... well he is a gentleman...

AkioofWind: Captain Porno's detained... and uhh... he'd probably lead them... ya know... cause he's a pervert? More to come!

MissDude93: *revives with the wonderful, mysterious, and awe inspiring authorial powers, otherwise known as a defibrillator* Bad fan! No dying! BAD! As for those golden double arches, I'm fairly certain they have nothing to do with this fic... though if I see a clown walking towards me, I'm burning it alive and salting the ashes.

O.o: (No, I didn't make that one up...) Yeah... sorta the point, to be unexpected.

Goategg: Yep, there's more of the point, insanity comes free of charge too.

jolteonforever: *passes over glue and duct tape* Here, attach your backside with this... makes it easier to sit... You can keep Haku... buuut Zabuza does NOT come seperately... just passing on the message from Zabuza... Yeah innuendoes will happen... and I'm gonna enjoy them each time. Aren't you? Kyuubi's not dead, it's because of the seal being influenced by the Shinigami that he's able to appear like he is... yeaaaaahhhh... that's the ticket... Those lust filled beings, with a cream center! ^.^ Sasuke will be making an appearance, as will Orochimaru... kukuku enjoy

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 15: Fortissimo Crescendo

Naruto looked down at the man before him, he was proposing to him, after having dressed him in a very lovely, if curious dress. "Uhh... well Morino-sama, we hardly know each other... I mean we haven't gone on dates or anything... I don't even know why you're proposing to me..." Naruto offered, feeling very out of place, what with the leading torturer of Konoha kneeling on the debris strewn carpet before him.

The last thing he expected was for Ibiki to pull out a storage scroll and summon forth a baby grand piano. In fact, Naruto didn't even know that one of them could fit into a storage scroll, having seen one once before in his travels with the damned Ero-sennin who had gotten him in this damned mess. The next thing he witnessed blew seeing the summoning of the piano out of the water. Ibiki began playing a gentle song on it.

After a moment Ibiki's deep gravelly voice began to sing out, "You are... so... beautiful..." Ibiki sang, sounding like a blender stuffed with pebbles and sand, on high. "To me!"

Ibiki played a couple of notes, his eyes locked on Naruto's, winking suggestively to the now physically ill genin. "You are... so... beautiful..." Ibiki crooned, leaning towards the nauseated kitsune, "To me..."

Ibiki closed his eyes as he began to belt out the next part of the song. "CAN'T YOU SEE? You're everything that I hope for.... You're everything I need..." Ibiki finished, before quieting and lowering his eyes. "You are... so... beautiful..." Ibiki softly sang, his voice sounding almost normal, "To me..."

Ibiki would have continued singing, had it not been for the small fact that his audience had hiked up his skirt, and took off running like a little girl, while trying to hold down what little he had on his stomach so far. Ibiki only took a moment to look hurt before he stood up and ran after him, holding his hands limply off to the side. "Naru-kuuun! Wait for me my darling! You haven't accepted my proposal!"

Naruto meanwhile was running for more than his life, more than his virginity, more than even his sanity. If he didn't get away from that disturbing mental image soon he'd very well dump is stomach all over the place. Skiddind past a door, he rebounded off the next one and dove into an empty room, hooking the doorknob with his foot and slamming it shut.

Leaning against the door he panted for breath, his chest heaving as he looked around the room he found himself in. The room looked like it had been empty for years, if the layers of dust were anything to go by. But at least there was a window he could escape from, hopefully unseen. Peeking his head out, he smiled as he didn't hear, see, or smell anyone nearby.

Slipping out the window, with chakra sticking him to the side of the building, he calmly walked down, and began making the trek to his apartment, or the hospital. Maybe he could get one of those hazmat suits for himself and just wait out the next forty-seven hours, 56 minutes, and 32 second. His trip however, was cut short when he caught sight of Sasuke standing at the end of the street with his head bowed. Naruto was about to turn away when the emo-avenger stuck his hand into the air with a shout of "SMUT!"

Naruto's jaw dropped as an arc of flame sprang forth, streaking up and to the left, where he caught sight of Neji. A moment after their eyes locked, Neji activated his Byakugan and thrust his palm out, a jet of chakra shooting out as he cried out. "VOYER!"

Naruto's eyes tracked the jet of chakra across to the other rooftop, where he found Sakura with a huge pile of yaoi magazines. He couldn't help but pale when he noticed the cover picture of the one she had open had a man that looked very much like himself front and center, while a swarm of men came in at him. "SLASH!" were the words he heard her cry without looking up from her magazines.

Suddenly he heard a disturbance on the ground level, causing him to turn and look. And there, down the street almost even with Sasuke was Jiraiya hopping on one foot, doing his introduction dance. However, instead of his usual scroll, a huge edition of Icha Icha sprang out, landing in the middle of the road. "PERVERT!"

Next came a sight that threatened to put Naruto into the hospital from blood loss. For there, in only her fishnet bodysuit and a smile was Anko, however, what next he saw was the real eye catcher. For following on a leash was a gagged, and bikini-clad Kurenai Yuhi. A very small bikini at that, leaving little to the imagination. Anko smiled saucily at Naruto before wrapping her leg around Kurenai's hips and licking the gagged jounin's neck lightly. "Tart..." she whispered huskily, which Naruto barely heard over the thundering in his ears.

Anko then arched backwards and flipped open the giant Icha Icha novel, where a strange sight occurred next.

Naruto heard a deep voice speaking quietly but building in power. "By your powers combined..." the voice spoke as Kakashi Hatake, the lazy copy-nin himself rose slowly from the depths of the book, wearing only a speedo and a mask. He pulled out his trademark little orange book out of seeming thin air and struck a dramatic pose. "I AM CAPTAIN PORNO!"

As Naruto's mind tried, and failed repeatedly to reboot from the deluge of disturbing mental images, he faintly heard the thumping music in the background as Tsunade strode in purposefully, holding a microphone. The others all began to dance and jive in the background as she began singing. "Captain Porno, he's a hero! Gonna take morals down to zero!"

Tsunade smirked at the still stunned Naruto, pointing a finger at Kakashi. She never missed a beat as she continued singing, taking a mystical tone to her voice, "He's got powers... _**magnified**_! And he's fighting on perversion's side!"

Dropping to her knees while facing away from Naruto, Tsunade arched back, giving him an excellent view of her fabled breasts of holiest glories. Even in this pose, however her voice came out even more powerful than before. CAPTAIN PORNO! HE'S A HERO! GONNA TAKE MORALS DOWN TO ZERO!"

Rolling back up, she curled a finger off to her left, where Shizune pranced in dressed up in a disturbingly shiny pony outfit, dragging a rickshaw behind her. "Gonna help him... put asunder..." Tsunade sang as she climbed into the rickshaw, looking directly into Naruto's eyes. "Nice guys who like to look and wonder!" With a playful wink, Tsunade grabbed the hem of her shirt and flashed Naruto. The poor blonde's mind, which had just started to rebuild itself into something resembling working order was unprepared for the assault, and was sent reeling into the stone age.

In the background, Naruto thought he heard Gai yelling at the top of his lungs, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS CAPTAIN PORNO!" while Tsunade rode out of sight, but he had no way of knowing for certain.

This however was thrown out of his very limited capacity thinking processes as the original five suddenly surrounded him, chanting. "WE'RE THE PORNOTEERS!" Together as one they all pointed at Naruto, their fingers inches away from his head. "YOU CAN BE ONE TOO!" With this they pulled away, Anko began to grind against Kurenai with a heavy blush on her cheeks, while Jiraiya watched through his telescope, Sasuke memorized everything with his Sharingan, Neji examined everything in great detail thanks to his Byakugan, Sakura read her yaoi again, and Kakashi eye smiled at the scene before him, even as they continued to chant. "'Cause Perverting the planet is the thing to do!"

Just as Naruto's mind came to grasp with what he was witnessing, and how extremely hot it was, the group held up a group of mirrors, showing him in the wedding dress from several angles while shaking their fingers tauntingly. "Waiting and mating is not the way..."

The entire group dropped their mirrors to the ground and twirled, ending up on their knees, bowing down before Kakashi. "See what Captain Porno has to say!"

Kakashi eye smirked, and began rolling his hips around a few times, before pelvic thrusting at Naruto, claiming. "**THE PORNO IS YOURS!**"

Naruto stood gob smacked at the outer edge of the group's semi circle, his mind barely able to process all that he'd seen. He was suddenly aware that there was someone missing from the group kneeling before Kakashi, as slowly a leash was lowered over his head, and pulled tight across his chest. This caused him to stumble back into a very soft pair of breasts, and see that it was Kurenai who had captured him.

Leaning down to his ears, she whispered very softly, her lips tickling his ears ever so lightly. "Isn't it nice, Naruto-kun? They're all in my genjutsu... and if you want, I could have them do anything right now." Kurenai's voice took on a silken tone as she licked his ear ever so gently. "All you have to do... is say that you'll be mine... otherwise... I'm sure I can... convince you..."

At the word convince, she trailed the end of her leash over Naruto's whiskered cheeks. The poor mentally scarred Jinchuuriki's eyes bulged until they nearly popped out of their sockets. Desperately he looked around for something... ANYTHING to get him out of this mess. His answer came in the form of a swarm of bugs flying towards him.

Dropping down out of Kurenai's grasp he dove into the swarm of bugs, thankful that they weren't attacking him, but instead seemed to be protecting him as he ran away. Looking back, he saw that a smaller swarm was holding Kurenai at bay. "Thanks Shino... I owe you two..." Naruto muttered, guessing at the source of his rescue.

Meanwhile on a building a few streets away, one Aburame blushed slightly under his coat, while he knelt next to his teammate Hinata, who hid under a blanket, back in her usual attire. "Hinata, he is free of Kurenai, keep watching him please, but remember, we are to not get near lest his pheromones take an effect on us again."

Getting a squeak in reply he hugged her and whispered softly, "It's only another forty-six hours, one minute, and ten seconds... we can hold out."

Despite his brave words, he feared for Naruto, as he hadn't been able to track down his other teammate, Kiba Inuzuka. And many of the other ninjas of Konoha were still missing.

Back with Naruto, everything was working fine, the bugs were guiding him away from people, and repelling those that managed to come upon him. He had even managed to get some ramen from Ichiraku's stand, the owners having left a sign proclaiming it was his for him. After checking it for poisons and such, he was satisfied and began wolfing down the double portion.

Right now he was resting in the park, talking to the one of the insects that had settled onto his finger. "I wonder where Kon-chan is... I lost her when Ibiki tackled me and haven't seen her since... Hey, if you guys see her, could you bring us together? I'm worried about her..."

Naruto smiled when the bug buzzed it's wings, and bobbed its entire body once. Looking around he sighed and levered himself up. "Well, gotta keep going, I have a little over forty-five hours left... and there's a lot of people out there..."

Naruto followed the insects' guidance, until he ran into a problem that they didn't consider. Naruto couldn't fly, and the steep incline they'd came to was enough to send him sliding downward. If he had been more awake, he could have stopped his progress by any number of means. But instead he went sledding down to Kami knows where.

Unfortunately, Kami had little to do with what he had found at the base of the slide he'd just been sent down. For there before him, in pasty white glory, clad only in an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini, that he probably wore for the first time today, was Orochimaru. What was more disturbing then the fact for all intent and purposes there was little that Naruto didn't know about the snake sannin's body, was that he was currently licking both of his nipples with his own tongue.

Upon seeing Naruto, the pale, pedophilia inclined ninja slurped in his tongue, looking like he was enjoying it a mite too much. Naruto didn't want to even hazard a guess as to what the other was thinking, when suddenly thumping music filled the entire area, and Orochimaru began singing in a rather feminine voice. "I love myself... I want you to love me..."

Orochimaru began crawling towards Naruto, wiggling his rear in a seductive manner. "When I'm feelin' down, I want you above me..."

Standing before the frozen Jinchuuriki, he took one hand and lightly traced his own saliva slicked nipple. "I search myself..." he sang before leaning in to whisper huskily, "I want you to find me..."

"I forget myself," the ghastly apparition continued on, looking Naruto dead in the eyes. "I want you to remind me..."

As the music swelled, Naruto desperately wondered if it was possibly to die of revulsion, because there before him, the feared and renowned leader of Otogakure, was slithering his entire body along Naruto's shorter frame. "I don't want anybody else! When I think about you... I touch myself!" Orochimaru continued, rubbing his chests in what might have been a sultry manner, had it not been for the cheer creepiness factor that was rolling off him in cascading waves of yick. "I don't want anybody else! Oh no, oh no, oh no!"

Orochimaru leaned in closely, a slow seductive smile on his face as he moved in for the final sealing of the deal. For after all, no one could resist him after he'd kissed them, no one. The music continued to play, but he didn't continue singing, instead he was taking the sweet innocence of a young boy's kiss.

Naruto was thankful that Kawarmi was a jutsu he'd learned to do without seals. Though he don't think that particular log would ever forgive him, its sacrifice would not be in vain. He was running for the honor of that piece of wood, that had willingly and nobly sacrificed its honor and dignity to save Naruto.

Hopping out of the drainage ditch he had fallen into, he looked around for any sign of people, foxes, or anything that would give him a good reason to flee. What he got instead was an open field just outside of a forest. Slowing down slightly from his current panicked pace, Naruto took a moment to catch his breath and enjoy the isolation. Looking up at the sun he frowned when he saw that he only shaved off a half-hour at most. This, for lack of better words sucked.

More to the point, he couldn't help but feel that disaster was incoming. Looking around again, he sighed and knocked the tree truck he'd leaned against just to avoid jinxing himself. Sniffing around he smiled when he noticed the scent of a nearby river on the air. He needed a drink to help him continue, and the river smelled clean enough.

Getting to the river and gulping down several mouthfuls of sweet, clean, pure water he felt like he could go on. However, that's when a thumping beat caused his ears to tick. Looking around, he began to instantly wish he hadn't, for there, not even ten yards away on tree branches was Kiba wearing black leather studded with shiny silver, next to him was Kankuro who had traded in his regular attire for some dull brown leathers and an odd feather'd headdress. Behind them was Gai dressed in full ANBU regalia, while Lee was dressed in the Konoha military police uniform. Off to one side was Shikamaru dressed similarly to the construction workers from Wave during his first C-ranked mission, he was leaning back to back with Asuma, who was twirling a kunai around his fingers, barely missing the wide-brimmed hat he was wearing that matched what appeared to be Anko's trench coat far more than it did the rest of his Jounin attire. Below him were six foxes in matching outfits, he really didn't want to know where they got them from though, so decided to ignore that for right now.

Lee started waving and dancing about on his branch. "Youthful Naruto-kun! We had heard that people were trying to youthfully woo your youthful heart with youthful songs, and so we the youthful and virile men of Konoha have joined together to make our attempt!"

Naruto barely managed to decipher the meaning of Lee's words, before they began singing. "Body... wanna feel my body?" Naruto couldn't tear his eyes away as the horror that was the six of them pelvic thrusting at him. "Body... such a thrill my body."

Naruto decided that somewhere, far, far above him, Kami was laughing maniacally at his torment, while the others kept singing, rubbing oil over the bared chests of some of the members. "Body... wanna touch my body? Body... it's too much my body!"

The sextuplet of men posed, flexing their muscles while Naruto suddenly felt the desire to gouge his eyes out with a rasengan. "Check it out my body, body. Don't you doubt my body, body. Talkin' about my body, body, check it out my body!"

Naruto started backing away as they began to play with their clothing, looking like they were steps away from removing them. "Every man wants to be a macho, macho man!"

At that point Naruto's survival instinct kicked in and he bolted like a bat out of hell. Unfortunately he only managed to run directly into a tree, knocking several leaves loose, a few of which landed on his head. An instant later, there was a poof of smoke and his body was once again replaced by a female one, unfortunately, instead of the Chinese blouse and pants like last time, he remained in the wedding dress that Ibiki had slipped him into.

Looking back, he saw the awestruck and blush covered faces of the singers. He didn't take another second, he just bolted.

As he was running away, he swore he heard a fox snickering before shouting, "AHA! AHA! DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!" and with that, the chase was on. Much to Naruto's dismay. Somewhere in the village a clock gonged out the hour stoically ignoring the raging. hormonal mob in the village below it. In the back of Naruto's mind, the fact that she only have 45 hours, and 23 minutes of hell remaining comforted the pursued kitsune somewhat.


	17. Chapter 17

Ara ara... I suppose I have some minor authorial things to get out of the way before reviews. Part the first: I still don't own Naruto, if I did, I probably wouldn't be pissing off a lot of fans right now in the manga. Part the second: Congrats folks, you've just made this my top reviewed fic with 191 reviews at the time of this posting. Part the third: Fighting a bug, so updates may be shorter.

Now that that boring stuff's done... onto the Responses.

Celtic Reaper: Glad I could make you laugh with that chapter... thank you for your review. Aye, the log is now in therapy due to all the support for it. You're welcome, here's the update.

The-Eighth-Sin: Thank you, more's on it's way. Trust me, there's more disconcerting ideas to come.

naturokurosaki: Is that a compliment, or are you begging me to up the ante some more? I'm not entirely sure on this point... Anywho, people were already guessing that Captain Planet was coming in, so why are you surprised? I'm all for the entertainment value when they come to their senses... and probably kill Kurenai for making them do that... Not the worst by far, but if another person calls me a girl again, I will not hesitate to unleash it upon the masses.

badkidoh: Thank you, here's some more to enjoy.

Goategg: Oh come now, that wasn't that bad... and no, the Insanity is free with every Naruto-meal.

spottedstar2: I'm seeing a lot of support for the log, who was traumatized once... but not a whole lot for Naruto... Curious...

anotamous: Considering how long he's been on the run, the lack of sleep, the sheer mental exhaustion he's gotta be feeling by now... uhh... about 1-2%

geetac: Thank you. ^-^

WINDXNINJA: Can't turn away eh? Must be like a train wreck. And I'm not killing you... I don't think... anywho, here's the next chapter.

Anonymous: Hey Bob... Maybe I shoulda skipped updating this week then, if last week gave you enough to laugh about... NAAAAAH! What line is that again? Cause I think I may have just orbitally nuked it instead... you know how it goes... And Naruto's a resilient little bugger, he'll be fine... *notices the twitchy eye* I'm sure he'll be alright... How was Orochimaru's song when you heard it again? The log is in a better place now... some nice people from Blammo are taking it for retraining. (bonus points for any that get this reference) Captain Porno... just came to me one day and I ran with it. Glad to have lightened your mood. You're welcome. Hey it's better than the 29 days, 3 hours, and 37 minutes that he would have had if the times were reversed ne? Of course, he doesn't know it's about to get worse... Computer and everything's working fine. Bye bye.

Ezra Troup: *blinks* Uhh... thanks? Just remember, love letters can be sent as PM's instead of publicly... As for the slash pairing, I just wanted to show that not all homosexual pairings have to be a battle, sometimes it's nice just to be in love, no? Now, about the Captain Porno shirts... will you be sending them to Kishimoto for him to make publicly available? Cause I really don't wanna have to deal with copyright issues like that... though I want one of those shirts.

Sentiment Remains: Thanks for the favorite, I'm glad that you're finding it funny. Here's the update.

MissDude93: . . . Okay, I'm seriously not even sure how to heal this one... MEDIC! *watches a skimpy female nurse uniform wearing Asuma walk over to MissDude93* Take care of her... I've got writing to do. *aside* If that doesn't cure her... it'll bury her.

90MLLu: No... I am not kidding you... this is an awful mess, and I blame Jiraiya. I don't care if it's my fault, I'm blaming him. A lot of support for Captain Porno's theme it seems. Thanks once again for the details, helps me focus on my improvements. For you, I'm sending a special brain bleach.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Uh... sorry? *edges away* I don't know how they got like that officer, I swear...

jolteonforever: I see much love for the Porno theme... are you a Pornoteer? It's Macho Man, but you get the idea... and there is a Hidden Sand there too, as well as some foxes... in costume. Yeah, Shino's a good guy, isn't he? Less said about Orochimaru, the better right? Here's the update... as for Shizune she's in there ara ara... just look for her.

AkioofWind: Thank you. You're welcome, though I have to say in my opinion, that was a rather well done redubbing of the theme... *sniffs* Ara ara... anywho yeah, Orochimaru's ew factor was a good chunk to that part isn't it? The other two groups mention... gotta love fan service. I'll work on my spelling/grammar, sorry.

Alyondria: Here's the update.

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 16

Whatever faint glimmer of hope Naruto's sleep deprived mind could conceive at this moment was ruthlessly torn asunder, trampled, and left to rot in the middle of the street under the sun as the crowd of pursuers seemed to grow with every passing block. If it wasn't for years of a misspent youth spent setting up pranks, Naruto would bet that he'd have fallen for at least a dozen traps already, thankfully however, it was people of his horde of would-be rapist that got snared. Not enough to satisfy Naruto, but every little bit helped, right?

Coming to the outer defensive wall, Naruto decided to change course. Leaping the last few steps, he latched his feet on with chakra and ran along the inside of the wall. Ordinarily, this would be impossible, however the seals to prevent chakra sticking were never meant to deal with the sheer amount of chkra one panicked and desperate jinchuuriki could put out at a moment's notice.

Naruto's feat of chakra overload went unnoticed however, when people tried to use the same tactic, and instead wound up in a huge, writhing pile of twisted bodies. Apparently slowing down wasn't a thought that occurred to any of them. It did occur to them that maybe running past the Inuzuka kennels wasn't the brightest of ideas, when several massive dogs jumped on top of the dog pile.

Meanwhile, on a rooftop a few blocks away, Shino smirked as the bugs relayed what had just occurred. "It worked just like you suggested Hinata."

Hidden deep in her security coat of deepest shame, Hinata smiled shyly at the thought of her plan coming together. Maybe if Naruto-kun heard how well she was doing in his defense, he would come to her, and let her hold him in her arms, hug him tightly, kiss him, take off his p... err... maybe she wasn't quite clear of those pheromones as she thought. Though the thoughts weren't that much more intense then before he had undergone his transformation, they still seemed to drift along too fast for her comfort.

Naruto found herself lost in the back streets of Konoha, thankfully alone for the time being. At least that's what she thought anyhow, when an arm settled on her shoulders, and a feminine voice whispered gruffly in her ear, "Hey beautiful... can I see you swimming naked again?" she knew she was in trouble to say the least.

Naruto's fear was confirmed when she looked to the left, and found Temari's smiling face looking back at her. "Eh? Uh... I'm not really myself right now Temari-san..."

"I noticed," Temari purred, looking over Naruto's feminine and wedding gown clad form. "Means I have to see them both equally, for comparison's sake if nothing else... but since you're all dressed up, I know this little chapel where they won't ask too many questions. So how about it? Let's go have some fun, and then we'll go get hitched... I can show you so many... wonderful things about that body..."

Now, Naruto was reasonable sure that Temari was just under the effects of the pheromones, and not a lesbian. However, the rational part of her mind also pointed out that at this moment the Suna woman didn't care, while the tightly bound and gagged sex drive kept trying to shout something about riding her until the cows came home.

"That's alright Temari-san... it's just a temporary body, so I'll just be going now..." Naruto offered, trying to gain some distance from the other blonde. She was however pulled back by a rather strong grip, and pinned to a wall with the same arm.

"Oh, if it's only temporary, then I guess we'll have to make the most of it now..." Temari whispered huskily as she hooked Naruto's chin with her curled forefinger and thumb, lifting it up slightly. Naruto's eyes bugged as she felt a series of tender kisses creeping up her neck. She needed to get out of here, and fast. Looking around frantically, she let out a whimper as Temari's hand lighted off the buttons of the dress playfully.

Naruto's fervent prayers to any deity that was listening were answered, in the form of a fist connecting with the side of Temari's face, sending her sprawling away from the trapped Naruto. Just as she was about to make good her escape, a pink haired woman filled her view, locking eyes with the shocked blond. "Uh... Sakura-chan... good to see you again..."

"Yes..." Sakura whispered quietly as she placed her hands on either side of the pinned kitsune girl. "This seems familiar Naruto... true you were male last time... but I'm not so sure I would complain..." Sakura continued, smiling rakishly. "We're teammates Naruto, right?"

"R... right!" Naruto squeaked, severely annoyed at the high pitched tone his voice took in this form. "So you'll let me go, right?"

"Oh no..." Sakura answered with an evil little chuckle. "As your teammate, I'm going to protect you... by relieving the sexual... tension, you're feeling."

Naruto squirmed nervously as she tried to figure a way out of this without hurting Sakura. Her answer came in a similar manner to how she was saved from Temari. Only this time it was a fan smacking into Sakura's head.

As Temari and Sakura fought out who would be the first to claim Naruto's innocence, she decided that it would be a better idea to get the hell out of there instead of waiting for the winner. Her escape was nearly perfect, save that the hour of transformation finally wore off, giving off a familiar sound. Looking back nervously, he sweat dropped seeing Temari and Sakura whispering something while pointing at him. Taking the alarms in his mind as the clue they were, Naruto took off at a full on run.

He barely heard Sakura's shout "GET HIM!" as he barreled his way through the streets of Konoha, taking to the roofs after a near run in with Kakashi, and Gai holding a competition to see who could get Naruto to date them first. The worst part of it, was that they were wearing matching dresses to his own. That was something he could have gone a lifetime without seeing, though he could have gone longer without seeing them in speedos even more though.

Seeing that he wasn't likely to get away easily from two high level jounins, Naruto decided to fall back on his best skill. One set of crossed fingers and several puffs of smoke later, millions of Narutos split off in various directions, some even charging in at his pursuers. Naruto couldn't help but smirk as the group of chasers he'd been charging into simply leaped over him and continued chasing after the clone he had Kawarimi'd with shortly after summoning it.

Sometimes having been a prankster really came in handy, like when he had to hide what he was doing from pursuit in order to get away. His great, and brilliant plan came to a screeching halt however, when he saw a familiar red-headed, slightly psychotic, sand user in front of him. "Oh crap..."

"Hello Uzumaki," Gaara stated calmly. "I am here to warn you of something that will happen in 20 hours and fourteen minutes."


	18. Chapter 18

bobdd0: I'm gonna ignore that girl comment, cause I know you're my beta reader trying to cause trouble. Thanks for the praise though.

90MLLu: You can say anything you'd like, just might hurt someone's feelings... Thank you again. I'll try to continue my high level of quality, and hopefully keep it enjoyable. I thought Temari's part was one of my better strokes of genius... Gonna have to give that muse some candy... As for Sakura, ara ara... remember she was his first victim. All the way back in the beginning... Yeah, I can barely remember it myself. As for Inner Sakura... well I wonder... may have to get her in on the game too, ara ara. Here's the next chapter.

geetac: Thank you! Gaara's telling Naruto in this chapter.

Kokiiru-kun: Trust me, the speechless thing goes away shortly after the mind numbs.

spottedstar2: YAY! Speedoes, and catfights, and dresses OH MY! Speedoes and catfights and Porno OH MY! And sure it would be his day... if he wasn't so morally obligated not to take advantage of it.

badkidoh: Thank you. As for what happens next, read and find out.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Uhh... I'm gonna call SPCA while you guys read the story... tah...

The-Eighth-Sin: He's such a fun character. Here's the next chapter.

CelticReaper: Thank you. What evil cliffhanger? Oh you mean by having Gaara only say one line before cutting off? Yeah, sorry about that.

MissDude93: They haven't been since the very beginning? Or even in Naruto canon? Thanks for the compliment though.

Anonymous: Well Bob, I only have to ask one thing... WHAT LINE?! I'm often typing with only one hand due to distractions requiring the other, so I know your pain. IOn fact, as an added hallenge, I'm responding to you with my non-dominate hand. Thanks for the praise, and you knew that Gaara had to be showing up soon, right? Well... let's just say I've had plans for him from the beginning... ara ara ~.~ Shino and Hinata will get some more love from me later on... just waiting for the right moment. Enjoy the story!

AkioofWind: Thank you. Well, here's Gaara's chapter, enjoy.

Alyondria: Yeah, Gaara, he has a very special role for him coming up. Here's what happens!

Nithela: Thank you, I'm glad that you're enjoying it. As for the proposal... uhh... thanks but no, I'd make a terrible husband.

ratpigeon: I feel sorry for poor Naruto, ya know? All this happening, just because Jiraiya was bored... *sighs* Ara ara... I'm such an evil author... as for the Harem Jutsu... well we don't need to flood out the city, do we?

jolteonforever: You'll see, soon my friend, very soon... And yes, he is a proud member of the pornoteer group... the question is, Why aren't you? Not yet on the 'raeped' since he's still a virgin... how long depends on if I'm feeling nice or evil I suppose... Hey! No Sakura bashing please, while it's true that she was fairly useless in the original series, she redeemed herself in Shippuden, and also Naruto still holds feelings for her eternally, so I cannot very well simply ignore that fact. Also, there are worse things than speedoes for them to be wearing... remember that.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Right under the wire there, aren't ya? Ara ara... Thank you. Will do. How's this for soon? Only mere hours after your review. Yes, more interesting by the second, Gaara... will be explained... *revives Trinity and uses Alucard to turn her into a immortal vampire* NO MORE DYING! GEEZ! . . . Yeah, I did... Ain't screwing with childhood memories great?

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 17

"Hey Gaara..." Naruto answered nervously, backing away from the former blood-thirsty psycho. "Look man, I don't think you want to get near me right now, I mean, You're not into guys, are you?"

"No Uzumaki," Gaara answered, as a wall of sand blocked Naruto's retreat. "I am not, nor am I really here, this is a sand clone, and thus unaffected. I am merely here to warn you. The others like us are coming."

"Like us... you... you mean jinchuuriki?" Naruto asked nervously, growing pale when Gaara simply nodded. "Shimata..."

Gaara walked closer to the blonde he'd come to consider his personal savior, and inspiration. He had a sad look in his eyes as he stopped a couple feet away. "I am sorry Uzumaki... If it wasn't because of the demons, we wouldn't be effect. But because of the demons... and their limited heat cycles, this is a big event that we cannot stop."

"Wait..." Naruto asked, while shaking his head. "Are you telling me, that the demons we contain are the reason I'm gonna be running through hell?"

Gaara's nod caused Naruto to want to whimper and curl up in a ball. But he knew that two things would happen if he did. One, someone would capture him, and two, he'd get seriously depressed. "Alright, I can deal with this... I have a warning... anything else?"

"For the first eight hours, the demons are going to work individually. After that, they may attempt teaming up. Also, Shukaku told me that only two of the others are females," Gaara stated almost as calmly as mentioning that the weather was clear today. "I wish you luck."

Naruto nodded and pointed to the open side of the sand-made cul-de-sac casually. "May I go now? I think I should keep moving."

"Take care Uzumaki... Also, if you do lose, I think my sister would be a good choice for you..." Gaara suggested before disappearing into sand.

Naruto blinked in surprise for a moment before taking off running, as the sound of rumbling sand behind him, let him know that the wall was falling. As he cleared the area, he barely heard the sound of people after him. Turning down a side road, he had to leap over a kunai cornered net, that had come out of nowhere at him. Hitting the ground rolling, he barely managed to spring up and over a series of ankle snares, landing on the wall and looking around, he let out a series of swear words, as he found he'd walked into a mine field of traps.

Glancing around he tried to find a way out, unfortunately his prankster side told him that this was nearly perfect. That assessment changed when he found a single path out. He knew that he was up against a pro then. That one path would have been his way out, until he remembered that people were after him.

Forming a cross, he summoned up a large squad of himself and sent them to clear another path out of the trap zone, while he himself hung back with another trio, moving around to try and confuse anyone watching them. Not that he thought it'd do any good, however, keeping all four sets of eyes on the lookout ensured that he'd at least spot something.

Once a path was somewhat cleared, the four Naruto squad took off at a run, heading out of the area as fast as possible. Ten steps into the open area, the three clones disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and Naruto decided to get running faster.

Taking to running on all fours again, he sprang off the ground and walls, trying to keep a random running pattern to throw off pursuit, like he'd done in his prankster days. Stopping suddenly, he paled visibly as another net trap sprang past him. Turning to look where it had come from, he found something that made him want to just curl up in a hole and die.

There stood Tenten, the weapon-mistress of Konoha, with a nearly maniacal gleam in her eyes. "Hello Naruto..." Tenten seemed to whisper across the suddenly stilled area, before licking her lips seductively, which would have been less creepy if she didn't have two handfuls of kunai at the ready. "I see you found my traps... are they... suitable for a prankster like you?"

"Yeah... great work..." Naruto answered without really thinking, trying more to plot a way out, than listening her questions. "Didn't even notice them until I was in the middle of the area... loved the way a few of them only trigger on the way out..."

Tenten squealed and giggled like a school girl, while dancing on the wall, which would have been a lot cuter if it wasn't for the fact her hands looked like metallic porcupine. After she'd regained herself she smiled sweetly at Naruto again. "So... why don't we go talk somewhere... just you and me? Alone..."

"Thanks Tenten-chan, but I really gotta run right now, maybe later?" Naruto called back, taking a chance and springing up onto the roof and bolting in a random direction away from the weapon-mistress. He didn't get even two roofs before he was pinned down by dozens of kunai stabbing his dress into the surrounding rooftop. Looking back, he saw Tenten approaching, her arms pulling back from launch position. This, looked bad for our intrepid blonde ninja's purity.


	19. Chapter 19

Not much to say about this one, but the next one might be a bit more entertaining than this. _**EDIT: PLEASE READ THE ADDITIONAL AUTHOR NOTES AT THE END OF THE RESPONSES! YOUR HELP IS NEEDED!**_

CelticReaper: Yeah, poor Naruto, he's going to Rasengan me if he ever catches me. Thanks for the praise, updated.

geetac: Glad you did, thank you.

ratpigeon: Ara ara, patience my friend, there are things in this world that are worth waiting for. And I'm thinking the demon assaults on Naruto's sanity is one of them. Hehe, trust me, it's still relevant.

badkidoh: Thank you, updated.

volrath77: Well actually, if you remember, Kyuubi had been effected by the pheremones himself earlier on, or at least appeared to be, and also if you remember the first chapter, Naruto put all he had into the jutsu... so Kyuubi likely had something to do with it also. Naruto/Tsuande... hmm... that could work...

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Yeah, they're coming to chase him. Yes, Naruto's still in that dress. SPCA is the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, no more mythical beast abuse please.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updated. Yes you can. Always thought it was interesting. He has plenty of luck... it's just not working in his favor right now. I thought I was the only one that had characters from shows haunting me...

spottedstar2: . . . Ara ara *passes over the mop and bucket* You made the mess, you clean it up, then you can read the update.

The-Eighth-Sin: What they had meant to say, before swallowed it, is that they heart Tenten with the less than 3 thing. Apparently don't like that. I love Tenten too, she's number three on my charts for being with Naruto... tied with Shino, but in third place because of alphabetics. (Hinata, Shino, Tenten, Anko, Hana...)

Anonymous: Well Bob... Did I nuke it that bad that the line between trauma and humor no longer exists in the history of this fic? Whoops... *mock innocent* Ara ara... Typing with both hands is indeed much faster, and as an added bonus, I don't even need to look at the keys in order to type up responses, which is useful because I'm often reading the posts that I'm responding to at the time. ^.^ I think that Naruto's gonna be having fuuuun in the last twenty-four hours. Tenten seems the type to use weapons and traps to snare a fox, especially when working alone. At least to me she is... *pats gently on the head* Ara ara, here's what's happening next, enjoy it, please.

Alyondria: Can I get an actual picture of this? Please? Pretty please? Come on! Don't make me beg! Welcome to the edge of your seat, please try not to fall off. Enjoy, and I love making it.

jolteonforever: I really doubt the ring'd do much good... unless it acts as a sort of Kaiten shield. Thanks for the praise on the chapter. Glad you liked Gaara, and his awesomeness. Gaara's clone is made of sand, thus not under the effects of the pheromones, at least not that he's showing yet. Your Pornoteer t-shirt will be shipped in 5-10 business decades.

90MLLu: No worries, just glad to see you again on the list, with everyone else. Glad you liked the chapter also, it makes me happy. As for Gaara, the way I see it, is that he's trying to be a good person now that Naruto has shown him the way to beat Shukaku, and is doing the best he can to support his friend and family. Also, if he crushes Naruto, literally O.o he'd not get much mating out of him, now would he? Well, part of Tenten going nuts is explained in this chapter, and if you'll notice, Naruto's slipped through her fingers like 4-5 times before I think. Glad you liked her part. Ara ara... seeing past a part of the story isn't wise, but rather looking at it from a new perspective may give you the bonus of a deeper understanding of the character. Here's the next chapter, hope it was worth the wait.

AkioofWind: Yugito Nii, and number seven... ya know I'm gonna need names for the unnamed jinchuuriki... And I'm terrible with names... Ara ara... uhh... I'm open to suggestions... Thanks for the review.

Additional Author Notes:

The Jinchuuriki so far, using the numbers from the manga, as shown on the Naruto Wiki.

1: Sabaku no Gaara

2: Nii Yugito

3: Unnamed, blond male with a scar under his left eye.

4: Rōshi, older looking male (mid-20s to early 30s?)

5: Unnamed, big male covered in what looked to be armor from head to toe, with a smokestack on his back.

6: Unnamed, effeminate male, blows bubbles out of a pipe, likely to be a fun one to do.

7: Unnamed, tom-boyish female with green hair. Surprisingly not from one of the great five ninja villages.

8: Kirābī - For this one, you will see how horrendeously I murder the rap speak. Forgive me, please.

9: Uzumaki Naruto - Why does this name seem familiar?

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 18

Naruto looked at the stalking weapon-mistress, knowing that if he didn't do something and soon he'd be in serious trouble. Looking around nervously, he fought the rising panic as he noticed that no one was around, at least no one that was going to save him. Pulling on the dress to either rip it free or dislodge the kunai, he found that he couldn't even budge either one. "Hey Tenten-chan? Do you think that maybe you could just let me go? I mean it's the chase that's the fun part, right?"

"Oh silly Naruto," Tenten cooed as she finally arrived next to Naruto, and began rubbing his stomach and chest through the dress, outright molesting him. "The chase is good, but I'm not going to just let go of the prize in my arms now that I have it. Would you let go of a bowl of Ichiraku's special ramen?"

Naruto had to agree that, no he wouldn't. But right now he was a bit busy trying to figure out if he could gnaw out of his dress without hurting Tenten. "Well no, but I'm not just some prize to be won or lost Tenten-chan..." Naruto answered, contemplating a very destructive escape route. He just needed to get some space between him and Tenten, but he couldn't think of a way. "Hey Tenten-chan? You don't really wanna do this remember? It's all those pheromones, if you don't stop you'll regret it, and hate me, right? Maybe even hate yourself?"

Tenten leaned in to nibble lightly on Naruto's neck, causing a startled squeak to come out of the blonde before answering, "No Naruto," Tenten whispered lightly, her lips brushing against his ear's lobes lightly, "See... I've been watching you ever since you beat Neji. You are the type of man that I could be with. Brave, strong, passionate..." Tenten paused for a moment to lick Naruto's ear as her hand began traveling southward. "And... stamina to spare..."

Naruto's panic became even more intense as she began to go further than simple molestation, his mind was searching for an escape, but with her on top of him like she was, there wasn't a way he'd consider. Squirming around he tried to tuck the part she was searching for further between his legs, lest it betray him.

In the next instant several things happened all at once. First a familiar eight year old carrot topped form tackled Tenten from the side with a shout of, "NO TOUCHY MY DADDY!"

Second Shino's bugs converted the wedding dress into more of a mini-skirt, which Naruto wasn't certain he should be thankful for or not. And third, Kakashi and Gai sounded out that they'd found him on the rooftop behind him.

With a clear escape route, Naruto decided that he might want to take it, since going in any other direction would likely involve him getting violated several ways. Pausing only to snatch up Kon, to save her from the soon to be psychotic Tenten, Naruto took off at a full run out of the area. He couldn't help but swear that his life before this stupid jutsu wasn't so bad, loneliness he could deal with, being actively hunted and molested... not so much.

Hearing a poof sound, he looked down to see Kon back in her fox form, curling up in his arms, looking incredibly pleased with herself. Smiling back at her briefly, Naruto wondered what it'd be like to have kids of his own. This pleasant thought lasted all of five nanoseconds before he had to perform ninety-degree turn to avoid a weighted net that was thrown to ensnare him.

Hazarding a glance over his shoulder, he nearly wet himself seeing Tenten leading the group, passion and rage mixed in her eyes. Considering that Kakashi and Gai were flanking her, while a still trench coat-less Anko formed the fourth point of the diamond. If he got caught by them, he doubt very highly he'd be able to escape again.

Finding that another group was moving on an intercept course from the other direction, Naruto decided to alter his current course. Bending over, he tucked Kon firmly against his chest and charged in at the point man of the other group, smirking slightly as Neji's eyes widened slightly in surprise. Next to him Lee cried out that they're quarry was near, which was echoed by Kiba's shout, and Kurenai's bikini clad form calling out with catcalls and whistles. Judging the distance between the two groups, he knew he'd have to pull this off with perfect timing or he'd be at the mercy of first one group, then the other would likely just join in.

Getting to the midpoint between the groups, he smirked seeing that they were almost in range to catch him, that is, until gravity caused him to drop like a brick. Looking up, he watched the two groups smack into each other in mid-air, and fall after him. Okay, so maybe he hadn't thought this through all the way...

Looking down he smiled seeing an awning below him, sliding down the surface of that, he let that slow him down to the group, and took off towards his left, down the road he'd fallen onto. A quick right later, to avoid Temari and Sakura who had caught up on the ground level, he barely noticed that the other eight were still after him, though he would guess that they weren't likely to fall for the same trick twice. To be perfectly honest, he was almost certain it shouldn't have worked the first time.

Looking back to where he was running, he decided that instead of checking out the pursuit, he probably should have been paying attention to where he was going more. Skidding to a stop, he found himself standing in front of a wall to some building, at the end of a dead end street. Kon's whimpering as she looked over his shoulder informed him that the others were closing in.

A suicidally stupid idea struck him suddenly as he looked for an escape route, passing over the more mundane methods as being too easy for others to copy. Without turning around, he crossed his fingers and summoned forth a swarm of clones, one hanging back with him, while the others performed the first jutsu he had ever created with them.

"HAREM NO JUTSU!" was the only indication of what was going on behind him, before a tidal flood of warm moisture coated his back, that he refused to think about for right now. Instead he focused on his right hand, where a clone was helping him to form a Rasengan.

Tightening his grip on Kon with his left arm he prepped to slam the swirling ball of chakra into the ground. "Bit onto the collar of the dress and hold on tight!"

Once he heard her teeth biting into the dress, he slammed the Rasengan into the ground, and let it take the natural course. Instead of a target spinning and going flying, the moment he lifted his feet from the ground caused him to be spun around and launched into the air, flying off in a random direction. Getting over the vertigo of the moment, he looked around to see where they were heading, and smiled as he saw his apartment fast approaching. It wouldn't be much, but he could at least wash and change, then he'd at least not look and smell like he'd just fought and won a war single handed.

Taking the ninja path into the house is so much less painful when you are going slower, the window is open, or you manage to catch the window. Since none of the above seemed to be likely to come true, he curled protectively around Kon and went through the paper thin wall of his apartment back first. After pulling slivers of stone and chunks of wood out of his back, he looked at Kon, who seemed to want his attention, only to find out what she'd eaten last the hard way. He really didn't feel like identifying what she'd just thrown up all over his face, so instead he activated his traps, set up a couple noisy and non-lethal ones over the new hole, and went into the bathroom.

Ripping the dress the rest of the way off was easy enough, and the shower was mercifully hot right away. Apparently the month away did some good to his ancient water heater. Either that, or the water from the roof tank was heated by the sun enough to feel good enough. Scrubbing himself and Kon off was easy enough, catching Kon to dry her off less so. But soon enough he had his emergency set of ninja tools tucked away in his final spare outfit, before he'd have to break out the clothes from his childhood.

Looking around outside, he didn't see or sense anyone coming, so he decided to risk some time to make lunch. Ten minutes, and eight cups of instant ramen later he was full, and pleased that Kon had eaten the one he'd set aside for her. Rubbing her back, he got her attention and smiled. "Thanks Kon-chan, I'm sure your dad would be proud of how brave you are."

She looked up at him with teary eyes for a moment before a poof of smoke later, she reappeared in her human form and hugged him tightly, shocking the blonde as she wept into his shoulder. "I miss him! It's my fault! I'm sorry Daddy! Please come back!"

Naruto's initial shock wore off into a saddened expression as he hugged the young girl close rubbing her back gently. "Hey now... don't cry, I'm sure there's something we can do to make it better... How about you hang around me after I go back to normal?"

"Really?" Kon asked looking up at him with tear stained eyes. "Y... you don't mind me being around? I thought all humans hated us..."

Naruto gave her his biggest trust-me-I'm-the-good-guy-and-nothing-could-go-wrong smile he had, and scratched her behind the ears. "Sure kit, you're pretty cool, and one can never have too many friends. Besides, if the whole attack on the village thing was a mistake, I'm sure we can work things out to get your daddy back without killing me," Naruto offered, his smile never faltering, even as he doubted the possibility in his own mind.

"Sounds good... You can be my Aniki-san, right?" Kon asked with a cute little smile.

"Sure!" Naruto agreed, rubbing her back some more as her breathing slowed and a yawn escaped her mouth. "Tired imoto-chan? We've both had a busy day... let's catch a nap, ne?"

Naruto looked down to see Kon already fast asleep, clutching his shirt tightly in her small fingers. "Guess you don't need asked twice... will need to get you some clothes though..." Naruto mused gently, reaching over to pull his blanket off his bed to cover them, when she poofed back into fox form. A chuckle later, he covered them both, and let exhaustion carry him off to dream land, with his back to the wall.

A few rooftops away, Shino sat with the rest of the Aburame clan, discussing how using their Kikai bugs to form a protective dome around Naruto's apartment, with Hinata on the look out, was working as a defensive strategy. So far, there was no breakthroughs, but they could only give him so long before they ran the risk of losing control of their bugs, but the least they could do for the hero of Konoha was to give him time to rest.

_Naruto found himself in a familiar sewer, and sighed heavily. He figured that this would happen, he just really wished that it could have waited. This was the first time he'd gotten to sleep in a long time, and he just didn't want to deal with a horny nine-tailed fox._

_Sighing he walked towards the cage, and was shocked to find Kyuubi in his human form, looking at a still image of Kon in Naruto's lap. There were tears in the kitsune's eyes as he ran a finger along the jawline of Kon's chin in the image. Naruto sighed again before going over to the cage and banging on the bars lightly. "Hey Fox," Naruto called, deciding to be nice for once. "Why did you call me here?"_

_Looking up the kitsune blinked for a few minutes before lowering the image. "I just want to ask a favor... Watch out for her, I blew it last time when I attacked this village."_

"_You want me to protect her?" Naruto asked as he looked at the kitsune sternly, "I already decided to do so."_

_The Kyuubi smiled back as he leaned against the back wall of the cage. "Well, it's time for you to get some pleasant dreams, just walk out the tunnel behind you, and take the first left," Kyuubi instructed before looking at the image again. "Thank you."_

_Naruto left, walking away from Kyuubi for the first time he could remember. "You're welcome Fox, I'll see about getting you some visitor's hours."_

_Kyuubi watched Naruto's back as he walked away, smiling faintly. After a few minutes he whispered softly to the air, "Thank you... I know you'll hold yourself to that."_


	20. Chapter 20

Well folks, it's official. After 20 weeks of updates, it would seem that I can actually write a story that updates regularly... Just don't tell anyone that's a fan of my other stories this...

Beyond that, I've gotten the names for the jinchuuriki that weren't named in cannon, but I shan't spoil the surprise until I reveal them. And now, responding to my wonderful readers!

geetac: You and me both, thanks!

The-Eighth-Sin: Yes it was, thank you.

Iron Reprieve: Heh, yeah, I think Tenten was a little... busy with her hands, no? So fluffy, just makes you all warm and tingly inside no? You're welcome, and thank you for reviewing.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updating. Yes you can. Always has been to me.

spottedstar2: Soda? Uhh... yeah, let's just call it that... *edges away* Thank you, and yeah, he has some friends... Not much help in the immediate due to the jutsu, but good for the long run.

90MLLu: You do? Oh, well okay then... Speaking of images drawn... can I get fanart of this story please? Come on! As for that scene, shouldn't the smilie be more of a ^,.^ thank ^v^? I mean the first one has a nosebleed. ~.o Ara ara, the Rasengan was a bit of a cheat with me applying physics to the Naruto world... and yeah, I think it might have hurt a little... but Naruto's a tough little guy. *blushes* Ara ara... Yeah, I tried to make Naruto seem like himself, and he's always had a soft spot for kids in my opinion. The ending was a nice touch I think. Thanks for the review!

badkidoh: Thank you.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: You'll be happy to note that further molestation shall occur without Naruto being in a dress... unless it happens again sometime... Dunno... and yeah, lotta people liked the fluffy ending.

2lazy2log (The Arms of Blood): Hi there, I guess I have to thank you for giving me a chance, and hope that you will continue reading this. I guess this story is about as random as one can get. I'm glad that you've enjoyed the amazing and... 'disturbing' trip so far. Umm... sorry about the laughing yourself unconscious thing... do you think I should put a health warning on it? Ara ara... yeah hectic is the pace of the story, and I've got other that I work at a more sedated pace. If you find an award to submit me for... uh just lemme know what it is, and where.

volrath77: Yeah, I find Kyuubi being more interesting in fandom than in canon. If I make another scene with Kyuubi and/or Minato, I think I might just through in the explanation about Kyuubi being controlled. Ara ara... Not yet on Baa-chan.

ratpigeon: Yeah, he was cute, and Kon's a sweetie, at least... I hope so. ^.^

CelticReaper: Thank you ^.^ Well... just remember all that's going to be coming in during the next day and change... Updated.

narutokurosaki: Yeah, I listed them out in the previous chapter... and I knew of those facts you mentioned. But I'm gonna try using them as jinchuuriki than the bijuu themselves.

Dezric: Thank you. Yeah, Naruto's got support in his fight in the form of Kon, Hinata, Shino, and Tsunade (to a degree). Is the Sexual Harassment panda like Pedo-bear?

Sentiment Remains: Thank you very much. Glad that you're enjoying it, and here's some more.

Anonymous: *smirks* Well Bob, I'm glad that you're enjoying yourself. Please keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times, poor Naruto, ne? Ara ara... Thanks about the portrayal about Tenten, and I hope that you can forgive me if I ruined any of the characters for you. Yes, the liquid was blood... I think... I hope... *twitches* Blood transfusions could be in order I think. What I did was I went on a names database, went through the Japanese names until I found ones that fit. So, maybe I'm cheating a little bit. No worries! Now, get your homework done! *shakes a stick at it* SEE! It's not too much to shake a stick at it! Thanks for the awesome work comment, I'll try.

Alyondria: Thanks for your praise of the chapter, I'm glad that the feelings of it wasn't just the intense humor that I threw in throughout the fic, but rather also added in a slice of life to give it a more realistic feeling in my humble opinion. Wait no more, for it is here.

jolteonforever: Hey, when you need to know your way around your own mind... ask the demon that lives there, right? Thank you, I'm glad everyone seems to like the ending. Shino's cute, and Tenten... well she knew from past experience that if she took her time, he'd get away... which he still did. I'm waiting on my pornoteer shirt too! Ara ara... no fair... someone call up Kishimoto's lawyers and see about getting them made! (I'm kidding because lawyers scare the bajeebus outta me.) The jinchuuriki are coming! The jinchuuriki are coming! *rides away shouting that on a horse as two lanterns burn in a church window* Kirabi is the name given in the manga, and it's what I'm gonna stick with.

inote: I'd not put it as the greatest, but thanks for the compliment. It's been an emotional rollercoaster hasn't it? I wonder if anyone's laughed while crying? Ara ara, the tissues are in the box for them, Kon is an OC that I'm really glad came out as nicely as she did. Thinking about giving her life via art, so I might be mentioning it in future chapters. (Any fanart done for this fic should be sent to SilentMagi on deviantART. Thank you.) I'm not a perved person... am I? *winces at the shouts of yes* Well... uhh... I'd only like to defend that this isn't a yaoi gumbo, but rather the yaoi is the side dish to the culinary feast of this story. With a sappy cherry on top. (Please no jokes about the OTHER cherry refered to in this story.)

Enjoy!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 19

Shino leaned against the wall, letting his bugs return for a few minutes to feed and rest before going back out on guard duty. It had been about three hours since Naruto had gotten to sleep, and no one had approached the defensive line the bugs had set up. He only hoped that it continued that way, but if the captured and bound Tenten was any indication, the peace would not be long lasting.

Closing his eyes he reflected on what he'd learned about himself, and Naruto during this past month of which the blonde had been under the influence of the curse. The key thing that stood out above all else was that Naruto had accepted Shino's feelings for him, at least personally that was the most important fact. To Konoha at large however, was that Naruto would likely be uniquely suited for deep insertion and extraction missions. For even though he'd been captured a few times, only his holding off from hurting a person he considered a friend allowed him to remain such. True a few times it had been through help of friends, but they were on teams for a reason. To support each other.

"Shino-kun... there are a group incoming... fourteen of them in cloaks... with clouds on them?" Hinata whispered as she watched the group approaching with her Byakugan. Shino frowned and scribbled out a quick message, having one of his bugs fly it in, before coming to the edge of the roof where the rest of his clan waited.

"Father..." Shino intoned as he looked down at the streets below.

"I heard," Shibi replied, smoothing down his porn-stache before nodding to the others, who began to concentrate their bugs into a thicker defense. "We cannot hold them long, let's hope your boyfriend gets out quickly."

Shino colored slightly behind his jacket but kept quiet, as the hope echoed in his mind. Besides, he could dream Naruto was his, couldn't he? Instead he began prepping his own bugs to assault the group while they were distracted with the main wall.

Naruto opened his eyes when he felt a piece of paper thwaping his nose lightly. Following it down, he noticed the bug he'd been talking to earlier sitting on Kon's head, hitting him on the nose with a rolled up paper. Taking the paper he mumbled a quick thanks before reading it and paling. "Red clouds... Akatsuki... Pain..." Naruto whimpered out before shuddering, remembering his previous meeting with the group. Slipping Kon off his lap, he frowned in thought for a moment before popping open a little hideaway hole he'd used as a kid and slipped her inside, hoping she'd understand. Sealing her in again he looked at the bug that had remained with him and pointed at the hole's cover. "Protect her, please. I'm going to distract them."

Without waiting for a reply, Naruto simply ran out of the room, his fingers crossed in a familiar sign. Two steps later, dozens of Naruto filled the entire hallway, flooding out of it in droves. Some simply took off out of windows, others split off to leave from different floors.

Taking off with one of the groups, Naruto found that his plan had worked in that the groups had left his apartment alone and were chasing after the entire horde of Naruto clones pouring out of it. It have failed to leave him free without a follower however, as just a glance behind him showed a pair chasing after and taking out several of his clones.

Taking a chance, he had one of his clones talk to the approaching duo, finding out two things. One, apparently it was Kisame and Itachi, and two... Kisame apparently had two of everything, and he was 'sure he could fit them in'. Which was quite frankly more than he'd EVER need to know about him.

As the memories of torment from one clone came into his mind, he redoubled his efforts to get away, sending a group of five clones on a suicide attack run at the two missing ninjas. He took the momentary distraction they provided to turn down a side road, only to skid to a halt in front of a childish looking red-head.

"Naruto... come with me, I can make you over into everlasting art after we remove the demon from you..." the red-head stated calmly while holding his hand out. "My name is Sasori, and I want you to be my eternal puppet."

Naruto's response was simple and effective, he turned on his heel and took off like a bat out of hell again. Sasori paused in surprise before starting give chase, accidentally running smack dab into Itachi and Kisami. While the trio disentangled themselves from each other, Naruto made good his escape.

For all of a minute he was free and clear, getting the occasional flashes of memories from clones, that is... until he ran into... him. Ino's older brother, or so Naruto thought upon first hearing him, before that he thought he was Ino's older sister. The first words out of his mouth would haunt Naruto's nightmares for longer than he'd ever care to imagine, they were so bad. "Hello Naruto," purred the blonde male as the mouths on his palms licked their lips. "You must be art, because art is beautiful, and art is a bang. Well... I want to bang you."

Before Naruto's ears could try to stab themselves from hearing the king of lame pick up lines, Naruto took off running again, this time summoning up a swarm of clones to charge at the other blonde. That would ultimately be his doom, as he'd never be able to get the sound of Deidara shouting. "OH YES! GANGBANG!" out of his mind.

This particularly disturbing memory came to him at quite possibly the worst time ever, and for some reason he wanted to swear at some guy named Murphy. While distracted by that mentally scarring, and eternally painful mental image, he managed to plow straight into a tall man with silvery hair, carrying a scythe. The good part of that, was he did it at such speed that the other man was embedded into the wall, with parts of the steel support beams sticking out of his chest. The bad part, was that he was still alive, screaming in what he'd assume was orgasmic bliss to someone named Jashin, and vowing to return the favor to the blonde when he was free.

Naruto wisely decided to not wait for that to happen. His luck just didn't seem to be with him, as he nearly ran into a guy with glowing green eyes, and a face mask similar to Kakashi's over the lower half of his face. Naruto was about to apologize when a swarm of dark gray threads spread forth from inside the other's cloak, and he began approaching. "Hello Naruto, I'm Kakuzu... and I'd like to introduce you to some fun bondage before we take your little demon friend."

A quick Kurami with a sacrificial log later, whom would always be missed by the ninjas of Konoha, as it was soon after torn apart by the violation that Kakuzu was going to perform on Naruto, said blonde ninja was on his way out of town as fast as possible, knowing that they'd hurt anyone in town if they stuck around.

Coming upon a park in the center of the city, Naruto paled seeing a plant open up, and expose a black and white head inside, that simply smiled at him. "You are not ready yet, we will have a feast of you later. But would you mind watering us a little?"

Naruto grabbed the watering can and sprinkled it at the base of the plant man, wondering if he might have hit his head somewhere along the way, or if all the running around had finally made his poor malnourished mind snap into itty bitty pieces. After he set the can back down he started walking away from the bi-chromatic flower guy, Naruto walked away to find a white rabbit to follow again. "Thank you Naruto, I'm Zetsu, and I'll enjoy eating you another time!"

As Naruto wandered away from the park, he felt a prescience following him, one he'd felt before, and dreaded every moment of it. Turning around he found himself standing face to face with a familiar pierced orange haired man. "Hello Naruto, I'm hear to pierce you."


	21. Chapter 21

First of all, sorry for the short update, mind completely blanked out on most of this chapter. Hope ya'll still enjoy it though. Next comes reader reviews.

Dezric: Thank you, but you can keep the panda...

jolteonforever: And people wonder why I'm single. I don't think it's wrong so much as right in a different manner. Those that get a weak part in this, may make a comeback later on, uncertain at this point. I shoulda used that line, but I didn't think it'd be fitting... from Pain.

The-Eighth-Sin: Yeah... I seem to go where others fear to tred... His alone time could be painful...especially if those mouths have a gag reflex moment. If you have to ask about that, think about it some more. They're still hu... err have human emotions, and uhh... stuff like that... I'm sorry folks, but Kisame and Zetsu makes it impossible to say anything with the word human in it! Kakuzu probably has to help Deidara recover from 'alone' time, if you know what I mean... you've read some similar fan comics as to what I have.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updating now. Wait no more! I love how interesting it's been for me the entire trip. Tobi is a good boy, and he will be coming later. I think... No I didn't forget him.

Terminally Ambivalent: Why is it only at moments like this that people fear for Naruto? I mean he's been at this for over a month... I've got the straight jacket... you've just gotta put it on him... cause I have this little thing that says I can't go within ten miles of him... something about psychologic reasons... Thank you, updated.

CelticReaper: I'm hurt! Have you SEEN some of the things they do to those poor logs? I at least send mine into therapy, and pay for a decent cremation! I sleep in the morning actually... but that's another story. Thanks for the review. Glad you liked the Deidara and Zetsu parts. Here's the update.

Anonymous: Bob gets candy! Why don't I get candy! *pouts and sulks* NOT FAIR! Glad that you were enjoying it... even if the sheer range of emotions you threw together at the same point should really hurt your face one way or another... Blood pills maybe? I dunno, they'd probably have some blood left in the hospital... right? I mean there's gotta be a blood drive or... *stops and smiles creepily* oooo comedy fic idea! Konoha has an annual blood drive! Attendance: MANDATORY! I'll have the synopsis prepped before bed tonight! - - Uhh... hehehe... sorry... Yeah, I twisted their attributes to suit my needs, but it was worth it! Don't worry about the nit-picking, I love when people do it constructively... especially considering both me and my Beta missed it.

DazBoz: Hope the floor was clean o-O Will keep trying to!

Alyondria: A wild ride? Uhh... hehehehehe, yeah, it's gonna be fun! Poor Shino, getting embarrassed by his father in front of the whole clan... Wow... someone actually noticed that I always update on Thursdays... TvT Thank you... thank you very much. *passes over a cookie*

geetac: So do I.

volrath77: I thought Shibi was very wonderfully dignified in his role... (Okay, maybe not with that 'Porn-stache' comment, but come on!) And the yaoi is strong in this chapter, but we knew that it was coming.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: *looks at the note* . . . *looks at the two KO'd bodies* . . . *covers them up with a rug and walks away whistling innocently*

Kokiiru-kun: Uhh... this is T-rated remember... ara ara...

badkidoh: Thank you, updated.

ratpigeon: Glad you're enjoying Naruto's suffering. Will try to keep up the good work. Guess who you're gonna meet soon...

90MLLu: Ara ara, short's not better... *ducks from the hypocritically backlash there* Hehehe... uhh... Ara ara... Interfering? I thought they were starring... hehehe, still feel sorry for Naruto... Ino's brother (aka Deidara) is such a wonderful cracktastic character isn't he? Laughing's good, isn't it?

spottedstar2: . . . You guys do know that those logs are already dead right? And he's already planting three trees for every log he sacrifices. That game sounds cool though.

AkioofWind: Thanks! It's alright, I've had times like that myself. Konan's featured in this chapter, I hope it will suffice for you. Thank you again, and I hope you continue to enjoy it.

And since he or she thought they could hide back in Chapter 2's reviews...

inote: "when does chapter 21 come out" --- RIGHT NOW!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 20

Naruto stared at the form of Pain in front of him, it was one of the ones that he had met initially during his flight from Kakashi after making the deal with Pakkun. And where one was, the others were likely to follow. Looking around he felt his tail and ears droop in anguish, seeing that the six bodies of Pain were now surrounding him.

"Not again..." Naruto whimpered as he tried to figure out a way to get away. Finally he thought of a way, and though he was loathed to use it, he'd have to agree it might be the best. One set of crossed fingers later, he had a platoon of clones surrounding him, filling up the entire area that the Pains were surrounding. Another seal later, and all of those clones transformed.

It was at this point he learned two things, one the bodies of Pain didn't seem to bleed. And two, he'd never allow himself to get pierced in half the places that his clones had come up with. However, the sight of six bodies falling to the ground in orgasmic bliss, with obvious signs of arousal was enough to make Naruto assure himself that he'd be fighting to repress the memory of this encounter for the rest of his life.

However, his escape was marred by the simple fact that there was another person blocking his path. The blue hair was a very good indicator of who it was, however the unusual needle and clamp set in her hands screamed that Naruto didn't want to hang out with her even more. "Hello Naruto..." Konan purred as she sheepishly tried to hide the piercing tools behind her back. "Funny seeing you here..."

Naruto blinked slowly as his clones returned to normal, and some split off to run distraction, while others formed a blockade around their leader. "Konan wasn't it? Uh... how come you're not... ya know flat out?" Naruto asked while waving at the dropped bodies of Pain.

"Oh... it's simple dear..." Konan purred as she drew closer, her eyes burning with lust. "The one I was watching didn't change... and I want to correct that..."

With that incentive fresh in his mind, Naruto did the only sensible thing he could think of. He ran away, while his clones swarmed onto Konan, who began wielding the piercing tools with brutal efficiency. Those memories would forever haunt his nightmares, probably even after he died.

His final clone dispersed when he managed to get fifty yards away, causing him to glance back, finding something very disturbing coming after him. If it wasn't for the feel of the pipe banging his knee as he misjumped, he'd swear he was dreaming. There was literally hundreds of origami butterflies coming after him, each and everyone had a blue rose somewhere on them, informing who exactly those butterflies belonged to.

Instead of trying to run, he dove down at the first thing that had caught his attention, an open manhole into the sewers. It was shortly before he hit the liquid filling the bottom of the sewer that most fitting thought to this situation ran through his mind. 'Well... shit.'

Holding his breath, in hopes of avoiding tasting anything that he was currently swimming through, Naruto really wished that he could get his hands on Jiraiya for a few minutes. He'd nail him to the wall and shove every single page of every issue of Icha Icha ever produced straight up his backside, then comes the covers, then the notebooks, and THEN his pens and pencils.

His thoughts of vicious and highly justified vengeance were put off when he ran into a soft, squishy mass. Looking at it better, he let out a groan of dismay. There was some things floating in this sewer that he didn't want to think about, and this... this was probably the worst. Standing there in front of him looking down with madness induced eyes was something that made him glad his pants were already wet.

"Uzumaki," the form growled out, "It's time."


	22. Chapter 22

Alyondria: Look, just sit on the edge of the cliff... or let go, it's like a five inch drop before your feet hit the ground...

The-Eighth-Sin: Yeah... it was gross... sorry...

ratpigeon: Not just ANY jinchuuriki either.

CelticReaper: No... it's his cousin Cornelius... Corny for short, and it's far worse... Sorry about the shortness, hope this makes up for it. *has never really watched Southpark*

jolteonforever: No... but it's not a bad idea... Might have to think on that one a bit more... Here's what's next, see Naruto *gets censored for spoilers* And that's what happens in this chapter. So you can see that Naruto's innocence is keeping up with his body just fine. Hehehehe piecing...

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updating. Yes you can, just don't want to. Always has been to me. *pokes the bag of laughter*

O.o: Woah... a smilie name... trippy... uhh... you alright ma'am? Didn't hurt yourself, right?

anotamous: I have plans for Tobi... oh and he's a good boy... a very very good boy...

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Always a pleasure to see you two again... Thanks for the comments, and I just washed that rug.

HikariNoTenshi-San: First... DE-CAF... second, glad you enjoyed it. Hmm... a fandom self-insertion fic set during this insanity... yeah... I'm not gonna touch that one... but link me if anyone does it. Here's the update.

Anonymous: Bob talks in the third person I see... SR can do that too, since SR is the author and SR is just that crazy. But I won't cause it'd just end up annoying me. Sorry about the facial pains... hopefully this story cures it... oh wait it's the cause... uhh... hopefully the next one you read cures it! . . . Yeah... that's the ticket... (hey send me some info on those two characters you were talking about...) Shoulda, didn't cause it'd be just a smidge on the anti-climatic side, no? Ara ara... She was a bit creepy, wasn't she? Well it's Naruto, I mean of course there's gotta be sewers involved! Thanks for the review, next one below.

badkidoh: Thank you, I guess.

Gilligan's Ghost: No, thank you for reviewing.

spottedstar2: *noms on the chocolate bunny, still typing away at the next chapter* . . . *holds up a sign saying Happy Easter, and goes back to work*

90MLLu: Yay for short and liked! Good things come in small packages right? So my next chapter'll be 500 words! *ducks under the thrown objects* Yeesh... no sense of humor here... Uhh anywhosits... Ara ara... The clones were fun to contemplate how to use in new and interesting ways... and I think I'm having a lot of fun success with them. Well... he'll get clean eventually. Glad you're enjoying this, cause I'm sure Naruto's not.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 21

Naruto blinked a couple moments in realization of what Gaara had meant by 'it's time' and the one thing he could think about, was the last thing he wanted. "Come on Gaara, we're like brothers right? I mean you wouldn't want to do this with Kankuro, would you?" Naruto reasoned, trying to buy himself some time to get away.

Even as Naruto backed away, Gaara approached steadily. "No, I would not with Kankuro... he is not my type... however..." Gaara whispered softly as he pulled a leaf out of his pocket and held it up with two fingers. "Kankuro cannot become a woman just by adding a leaf."

Naruto's eyes widened as he turned to run, feeling only a momentary pause when the leaf landed on his head, transforming him into a woman again. Instead of wasting breath cussing about it, she simply ran for it, Gaara rode a wave of sand over the filth of the sewer in his pursuit of the now feminized Naruto. Even though he knew this was wrong, and that he shouldn't be chasing after the one person to have saved him, he had to admit the view on Naruto's female ass in those nice silk pants was a very tantalizing one. From what he could see of Naruto's front, she filled out the silk blouse she wound up in very nicely. Pausing only a moment in his chase, he considered that maybe he should pay more attention to women after this was over. They were very, very nice to look at after all, and he did have some of those fangirls who wouldn't mind being an experimental date for him.

Still, he had to chase after Naruto or Shukaku would try to take over his waking form and force him to go after Naruto. At least the rules only had him chasing the blond for an hour. If Naruto ever forgave him, he would like to get his advice on this dating thing, maybe even see if he could have his sensei try to improve the seal on Shukaku. After all it would be nice to try this thing called sleep without him destroying all of Suna.

Gaara sent out a wall of sand to block Naruto from taking an offshoot of the main or even to continue forward, instead forcing her to go out of a manhole. Following her up into the day light, he smiled seeing the hot springs just a short distance away. After all, Naruto could use a bath, and there was no place better than the hot springs for that.

Using his sand to contain and guide the blond, he smiled as Naruto leaped over one of the walls, only to look slightly guilty when a moment later Naruto's screams were drowned out by the shouts of "GET HER!" by several dozen female voices. He should have known that it wasn't going to be completely abandoned.

Seeing Naruto manage to get out of the other side of the spring, he smirked and just capped the top of the spring, walking over it slowly while he the women below ran into the bottom of it with shouts of protest.

Frowning he continued to stalk after Naruto, feeling more at ease with his pursuit. He knew that the pheromones were affecting him now, but he couldn't really find it in himself to care. He had spent ten minutes in his pursuit of Naruto, and if he could continue to restrain himself for the next fifty he would have proven himself the stronger man than the sex crazed Shukaku once again.

Pulling himself from his smug sense of victory over Shukaku, he couldn't help but wonder why Naruto was leading him to this isolated spring. Lowering the amount of chakra he was putting out, he let his foot dip into the water, finding that it was colder than the other hot spring Naruto had just left, however, he noticed that Naruto seemed to be smiling victoriously. Watching the blond dive into the water, he sighed and decided to follow, though his sand would be weakened by being wet, but that would be better for Naruto after all. Taking a deep breath, he dove into the cold water, feeling a current pulling him along. Ahead, he could barely see the form of Naruto slipping into a hole, a moment later he joined Naruto in her trip.

As the current carried him away, he watched as several forms of luminous algae passed by, each one clinging to a rock on the ceiling above him. In a way it was very soothing, he could see why his fellow Jinchuuriki would take this path. He wasn't sure how long had passed with him watching the glowing plants over him, but he noticed that he was running out of time to hold his breath, so he had to assume that it was at least three minutes. Just as he was beginning to worry for his own health, the ceiling pulled away from the water, and he drifted up to the surface, where he was able to take a breath. It was at that moment he found himself slipping out into an open area with willow branches brushing over his body. Blinking at the sudden light of the sun in his eyes, he looked around.

As his vision returned, he found that Naruto was sitting at a campsite looking ready to go completely insane. Gaara swam over to the far shore, trying to give Naruto some running room as he began talking. "Uzumaki..."

Naruto's head snapped up, and the fearful look of a trapped fox shown in the blonde's eyes. Holding up his hands in what he had learned was supposed to be a placating manner, Gaara stepped back from his friend. "I just want to apologize for chasing you, as you know this last 24 hours is to be the Bijuu's time. I felt it would be best to get out of Konoha, just in case one of them was not contained."

Seeing Naruto nod, he looked around the surprisingly beautiful clearing that they found themselves in. "This is beautiful Uzumaki, almost like a garden, but very natural."

"Thank you," Naruto spoke up softly, the feminine voice sending a shiver rippling through Gaara's spine, forcing him to fight every urge in his body to pounce on the sun kissed vision of beauty just a short distance away. "Sarutobi-jii-san taught me gardening, and showed me how to get here."

"We should leave here then..." Gaara suggested with a frown. "I do not wish to see such a thing of beauty destroyed because of this hunt..."

Naruto nodded and began to rise, shortly before Gaara held up a hand to stop her. "Wait Uzumaki... san... uh... would you mind sitting here for a few minutes?" he offered, seeing the look of exhaustion and insanity in his friend's eyes. "I will remain here, upwind of you... we could consider it a date... a step closer to the mating Shukaku wishes to have."

Naruto watched Gaara evenly for a moment before settling back down and hugging her knees to her chest quietly in thought. As the silence stretched, Gaara found that he hated seeing his friend so quiet and began raking his brain for any topic to get her talking. Something to let that beautiful and melodious voice to ring out and continue to send the shivers down his back. A second after he started, the idea hit him like a bijuu. The seals.

"I noticed... that you do not seem to suffer the insomnia that I do with my... guest..." Gaara started watching Naruto cautiously, seeing her body relax slightly he decided to continue on with his train of thought. "If it is at all possible... I was wondering if maybe your villages seal master, Jiraiya-san I believe, could look at mine... maybe improve it, if possible?" The look of surprise in his friend's eye at the hint of hope in Gaara's normally emotionless voice was worth every nano-second it lasted, made even more of a special occasion when the blond gave the sand user one of his patented mile-wide fox grins before nodding.

"Sure!" Naruto proclaimed loudly, jutting her thumb upward. Unfortunately, the reassurance that might have offered before, was lost when it tightened the blouse across her chest, causing Gaara to begin twitching, and fight off the strange urge he felt to stare. For some reason he couldn't specify, he felt that his nose should be bleeding. "Ero-sennin would probably be glad to help you out! Especially if I let him use this for his new book series. He owes me so much right now..."

The pout that Naruto ended with caused Gaara to whimper, for some reason, he found that this form of Naruto was very devastating to his promise of not pursuing his friend for himself. Biting his lip he focused his attention on the ground before him, counting to ten before speaking again. "I would feel ill at ease if you used up a favor for this request... maybe the day after tomorrow or the one after that I could go with you to be properly introduced. As an ally, it would be in Konoha's interest to strengthen my control... perhaps we could study each other's usage for weaknesses?"

"That sounds great!" Naruto exclaimed, with a sparkling smile on her face. "I've been wanting to know how you've grown since our last fight."

The odd choice of words for the second sentence was ignored for the moment since Gaara found himself stuck staring at the dazzling smile of the girl before him. Forcing himself to blink and look away, Gaara noticed the shadows of the tree were about right for them to move out. "Uzumaki... it is time we leave."

Before the sand user could even look up, he found that Naruto had already bolted, taking off like a shot through the trees. Slowly standing himself, Gaara walked slowly towards the ice cold water of the pool he'd drifted into earlier, and dove in with little preliminary hesitation. With his flaming arousal thus doused, he turned and began his pursuit of the foxy blonde woman. After all, didn't they say the chase was half the fun?

Gaara smiled warmly at the thought of having helped his friend. Somewhere deep in his heart, he knew that it was the right thing to do, and really... that was all he needed for now.


	23. Chapter 23

Hey folks, here's another chapter, hope you enjoy! This chapter was done a little later than I normally like, due to computer transition issues. But here it is! All done on my new computer.

WINDXNINJA: Yeah, Gaara's always has been a little unhinged though... and it's under 24 hours when Gaara started his hunt. Here's the next one.

AkioofWind: Thanks! Yugito's around here someplace... I'm not entirely sure where... and yes, the cat thing can be done in various interesting ways... hope you enjoy it. Again, thank you. No worries on the missed reviews.

badkidoh: Thank you, updated. I hoped it would come off nicely, glad it did.

volrath77: Not really in the Oiroke form... more of a blend between that and what genetics would really have given him if he was born female. Hmm... well a bit of warning I shoulda had Jiraiya give was that if Naruto were to... have foriegn bodies in his body at the one hour time limit, he wouldn't revert back. But that's in the past, so let's continue... Yeah, it'd turn it upside down for a few weeks, but things would adjust. Thanks! Shukaku's coming to visit you now.

CelticReaper: Thank you ^.^ Take a look below to see. Updated.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updated. Yes you can. I'm gonna stop replying to this part...

ratpigeon: Gaara's got more control than he had, but he also is taking his time, since he knows that Naruto will eventually wear down.

geetac: Thanks, glad you did.

The-Eighth-Sin: Yeah she is hot... and why let her being a former dude stop ya?

HikariNoTenshi-San: Angel of life is it? Thanks for the praise! Makes my heart soar! Ara ara... if you don't drink coffee... try caffiene free sodas...

Alyondria: Thanks, I wasn't sure how it'd mesh, but I'm glad it did so nicely. Here's more.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: Yeah, it kinda sucks, I suppose, but even if Jiraiya had fixed the seal, I think that Kishimoto woulda still almost killed him due to the influence it'd have on Naruto. And Gaara's got more coming, just watch.

90MLLu: Ara ara, thank you very much, yeah that was one of my nicer sections. Thanks again for the praise. I wanted to experience a different POV in that chapter, and I'm glad it came out as nicely as it had. Here's some more.

Anonymous: Ara ara... thank you Bob... One time OC's have potential, remember that. Just look at Kon, she was going to be a one time thing, but I fell in love with her, and just kept developing her as the story progressed... Really wish I had some fan art of her... *coughhintcoughhintcough* Heh, I dunno why I put it in, but I'm really glad I did. Updated.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Ara ara... you guys alright? Need a doctor or something?

spottedstar: Actually, I hadn't even planned on it getting this far o.O Ara ara, this fic has a life of it's own! RUN AWAY! Don't let it get you too! Wait... 50 mins? Ohhhh... heh... Thanks for the ideas, I might just use them... updated.

Kokiiru-kun: Gaara. With a nose bleed. Now that you have seen it, you cannot unsee it! Oh, I'm sure there'll be a lot of awkward moments, and blushing... and seppuku... and drinking... and... oh god... I've created a monster... ara ara

Seraph of Shadows: That's great plenty to say, welcome to the group. Here's the next chapter.

jolteonforever: I'm not entirely sure at this point... however, it is a good point to specify that the leaf turns him into a 100% female, including fully working reproductive organs. So yes, he can get knocked up in the female form. Sorry about the lack of innuendoes, I just felt that they'd detract from the chapter as a whole. And there is NO WAY on this green Earth, I will ever have Gaara do that baggy pants thing... it would just be too wrong. As for the clothes... uhh... chakra! *runs away*

Junexxx: Thank you. Especially for being the 300th reviewer. Your prize will be explained in a PM.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 22

Naruto sat under a tree several yards away from where Gaara had last talked to him. Shortly after he had transformed back to normal, Gaara had called out and told him that he would have a few minutes in which he could rest before the next Jinchuuriki arrived.

While he was sitting under the tree he found one of the bugs Shino had placed on him. "Hey there little buddy," Naruto greeted the bug as he held it on his finger, "Is there more of you on me?"

The bugs body bob of a nod was enough to get him to smile, knowing that he had some friends present cheered him up a great deal. Digging a few ryou out of his pocket, he held it up to the bug, asking him in a pleading tone. "Think you could carry this to Shino, have him buy me something to eat… and have Kon or some of you guys bring me it?"

A nod from the bug later, Naruto handed over the money and watched as it flew off. Pushing off the tree he stretched and looked around for the next Jinchuuriki, not that he knew what to look for, but he figured that anyone out this far from the village were probably the Jinchuuriki, or really, really horny.

Turning around, he came face to face with something that caused him to fall flat on his backside. There was a young woman climbing out of the tree, head first with a mile wide smile on her face, giving the woman a very insane look to her face. "Hello my dear… I'm Yugito… Yugito Nii, but you can call me pussy…" she paused, causing Naruto's cheek to redden, "cat."

Naruto crawled backwards as fast has he could move his hands. This girl was setting off the Anko alarms, which usually meant that he'd be bleeding soon. He also knew that turning his back to her would be a bad idea. "That's nice Yugito-nee-chan… but I've really gotta run so we'll talk another time, okay?"

"Oh no," Yugito purred softly as she slinked across the way towards Naruto, "See, normally I'd be willing to let you go with a promise to meet again… but right now, Nibi would be upset… very upset…"

"Nibi? Uhh… you're a Jinchuriki aren't you?" Naruto asked nervously as he glanced around nervously. "Two tails?"

"Oooo such a smart one," the feline female purred softly, still creeping nearly. "I'm sure our kittens would be perfect litters every time."

"NO!" Naruto exclaimed before laughing nervously, "I mean, I'm not smart, and I'm sure the kids wouldn't be that great…"

Yugito paused in her approach to tilt her head curiously before shaking her head and smiling widely. "Well then… what's your name cutey?"

Naruto gulped past the sudden lump in his throat as he continued to backpedal, never seeming to gain any distance from the approaching woman. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki… Kyuubi's container…"

"Oh! The nine tailed fox…" Yugito mused thoughtfully as she stretched her body out for Naruto to see. "Such a strong mate too… I think you would be ideal for my kittens…"

_Oh Kami…_ Naruto thought for a moment, watching as the limber, flexible woman continued to provide him with more than enough images about what they'd be doing to get the kittens. Oddly enough, for the first time in the entire month, he felt his resolve falter. _Dear sweet Kami in heaven… help?_

Naruto couldn't help but wince as his internal voice squeaked, which wasn't helped at all by Yugito arching her back forward, while curling her legs up, so that her toes and head met forming a very curvaceous loop for Naruto's eyes to behold. Naruto however, found that Kami seemed to be out to lunch at this time, because just as he stumbled over a root, a caped, spandex-clad man swooped in and spirited him away. Naruto didn't even need to hear the cry of "CAPTAIN PORNO TO THE RESCUE!" to guess who his would be savior was.

Looking up at Kakashi's masked face he whimpered cutely, his ears flattening to his skull, all from the perverse twinkle to the grey-haired man's exposed eye. Looking back the way they had come from, Naruto saw that the cat was still after her mouse, even if the hawk swooped in and stole it away. Not that Naruto wasn't grateful, he was really, but he wanted to get away from his sensei just as much as from the cat container pursuing them. Thankfully the squirming about provided him with an opportunity to effect an escape, when Kakashi swung him to the other hip, having Naruto's head and upper torso facing the opposite direction.

A one handed tiger seal, and a five hundred years of pain later, Naruto was free and running for his dear life. Not only was the now snickering, and still maniacally grinning, Yugito still after him, but Kakashi had recovered quickly and returned to the chase. Pouring more chakra into his legs, he took to bounding through the forest like an uncontrolled, orange-clad, rubber bouncy ball on speed. He knew that Yugito would only keep chasing him for another 50 minutes, but Kakashi he wasn't so sure about. Actually, he was surer that Kakashi wouldn't give him a break than unsure about it.

Seeing a split of the trees up ahead, he smirked and formed his favorite hand seal, summoning a full division of clones to mask himself. A brigade took off down the right side of the split, while another took the left, the remaining two brigades, including him poured into and through the clearing, only to find that something weirder than the entire past month was waiting for them.

There, in the middle of the clearing, laying on a rack stretched out was a black clad man in an orange spiral mask, with his head resting on a folded up cloak with red clouds, and an envelope on his chest with Naruto's name on it. One of the clones picked it up, and began reading it while the rest of the force restarted their charge to the rear. As the clone read, his face took on a sickly shade of green, only to look overly relieved when the two pursuers made it to the clearing. He handed over the note to Kakashi and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The perverted masked Copy-nin took one look at the note, and paled visibly. This in and of itself was a considerable feat, considering how pasty white his body was under the clothes he always wore. Looking over at the bound ninja, he blinked as his duty took control of his mind. He approached the trapped man cautiously, ready to summon Pakkun at a moment's notice. "Excuse me, but who are you?"

"Tobi is a good boy!" the masked ninja proclaimed, still bound on the table, as though an offering to a sex god. "Will you make Tobi an honest boy too?"

As Kakashi debated exactly what that meant, Naruto was still fleeing from Yugito, like any ninja worth his headband would be from a doctor with a needle. Screaming and crying like a baby the entire way. Every few minutes, he'd feel the dispersal of a clone, and with that, he'd gain the memories of purring, licking, fondling, and dozens of other sensual sensations that slowly stirred forth a part of his body he'd long thought hidden away.

"_**DAMMIT MAN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! SHE'S THE OTHER WAY!" **_Screamed his long thought beaten libido. After a few years with Jiraiya, he had taken that part of himself and locked it away as best as he could, but at times like this it would arouse, with it came a bodily function that made running difficult.

'_Not now… not like this...'_ Naruto lamely argued back. Fighting oneself while in the midst of a full on retreat was not exactly the smartest move he'd ever done, but right now he didn't particularly care. It was his life he was running for, so if he wanted to order his horny self to be quiet, he would thank you very much.

Looking back, he figured that he had about half of his clones left, dispersing a few squads of them, he sighed as the extra chakra gave him some more energy. Bounding over tree branch, he performed a quick Kawarimi with a log, which the suddenly appearing Sasuke tackled from mid-air.

"Dammit!" Sasuke shouted as Naruto continued running away, "I always confuse logs for people!" Naruto snickered slightly as he got out of range, thankful that Sasuke had decided to go after a group of clones instead of the real deal. Moments later however he felt two arms lightly curl around his neck.

"Now Naruto-kun... that wasn't very nice..." Yugito purred softly into the shorter blonde's ear. "Why would you run from me? I only want to be your lover."

"Yeah, but see, that's the problem..." Naruto responded evasively as he looked for any possible way to escape again. Seeing none, he decided to go with stalling. "I mean you are such a beautiful, intelligent older woman, that I am seriously intimidated by you."

"Oh that's so sweet..." Yugito purred as she leaned in to lick Naruto's neck. "You don't have to worry about that dear. I'm sure that just a few nights of pleasurable teaching would get you trained up properly..."

Naruto's whimper was only ended half a moment later by the sigh from Yugito as a siren went off in the distance. "Oh... it's time... you get a half-hour for lunch Naruto-kun... and then the next one comes..."

As Yugito reluctantly pulled away she leaned in for one last whisper, "If your bed is ever cold... just give me a little of your milk, and I'll keep your bed warm forever more."


	24. Chapter 24

Alright, before I forget again, the garden of Naruto's is and will remain my friend's Mouse's idea, sorry about the delay in posting that, and the log joke with Sasuke was blatantly stolen from Naruto Abridged... ara ara, please no suing for fan copyright infringement. Now for some responses.

volrath77: Easy there killer, the fic is only getting to the climax.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, I will, updated, yes you can, it's gonna get more interesting. Yeah, Tobi's cool, Sasuke's good for a laugh... and no... you can... cause I can't rap...

badkidoh: Ara ara, thank you, here's the update.

DazBoz: Glad you loved it, Sasuke always seems to hit wood... not implying anything mind, it's just that... yeah... Anko + Yugito = God. Save. Us. All.

ratpigeon: The biju are also under their own rules, and are also far less exposed to the pheromones than the ninjas of Konoha... and others. Kirabi is going to be... interesting...

Junexxx: Our lucky three hundredth poster, look for their prize in this chapter.

CelticReaper: He was probably a hair's breadth away I think, and yes, after they all get their first run, they'll make a comeback. Glad you enjoyed it, sorry about the logs, updated.

AkioofWind: Thanks... I think... and I'm pretty sure this story inspired the random/perviness.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Hey, I like the pairing too, but if one were to get Naruto... EVERYONE would get him... seriously, unless he keeps moving, the pheromones are going to draw people like a magnet, and sweating would make it worse.

jolteonforever: Glad you liked it, the letter... yeah that's special... ara ara, very sweet, very sweet indeed ^.^ *knows something you don't yet* I'm still waiting for my shirt, though mouse is threatening to make his own (and mine too), not too sure about the libido being greater with each meeting, but he's sticking around probably... crackness should be enjoyed. It's only five-hundred years of pain, since it was one handed.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: ^,.^ Isn't she?

naturokurosaki: Well if he didn't get away, the story'd kinda go straight to the XXX category, and I'm not ready for that... seriously though, the victors will get more than just a few minutes with him, if you know what I mean... *nudge nudge wink wink say-no-more* I wanna read that story when you find it.

spottedstar2: The log thing is a blatent rip off, and yes, he'll be forever scarred by them. Thanks, updated.

The-Eighth-Sin: Wow... never'd have thought to refer to it as that... yeah... a nice nod... ara ara... He could have, in more ways then one... Thanks

anotamous: Borderline you say? Hmm... maybe I should tone it back... I am pushing things I guess.

Anonymous: Yes Bob, there was a lot, wasn't there? Cup? Uhh... yeah... That line was interesting, especially the concept of ninjas being afraid of needles. Yugito is only marginally affected by the pheromones due to limited previous contact with him, and Nibi's restriction with being a demon. Good luck with the research, enjoy the chapter.

HikariNoTenshi-San: My bad, sorry, actually did mean to type light, not life... brain didn't reach all the way to the fingers I guess. Torture ends in under a day, and yeah... a bit of a surprise, but look at his teachers, it was bound to happen. It's dude, been mentioned a few times.

WINDXNINJA: No lie, most others would surrender by now too. Woohoo for the Naruto Abridged ripoff! here's some more of the story, enjoy!

Iron Reprieve: Wow is good right? Log rights activist? That's 500 years of pain... so very wrong... Tobi is a good boy! Thanks, prost!

Alyondria: Much love to Captain Porno, thanks, here it is!

CaptDutchboy: Yes... yes he does... The honorable one? The one looking for true love? Yeah... you'd think Jiraiya'd taught him better... *sighs* Ara ara... thanks, glad you liked it.

90MLLu: Captain Porno saves the day! And Kakashi's just great isn't he? Glad you enjoyed the vulgarity. That was a good pair of lines, in my opinion, glad others liked them too, Tobi was meant to be a surprise. And I liked that chapter too, glad others did too. Ara ara, is this soon enough for ya? And they said tomorrow never comes.  


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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 23

Naruto looked around nervously after having watched Yugito leave. He knew that she shouldn't have had the resistance to leave just like that, and yet she did just do that. Trying to figure it out was hurting his brain, but he figured out two things, her resistance was important, and Baa-chan should be told. Summoning up Gamatatsu, he discussed the findings he'd made and asked him to tell Baa-chan, promising a full bag of chips if he told her and came back with the information.

Shortly after the loyal toad left, he sniffed the air curiously as the scent of ramen drifted into the clearing he was in. Looking upwind he smiled as he found that Kon was carrying a takeout carrier from Ichiraku's on her back, with another familiar paled kitsune next to her. Walking over, he took the container off their backs and set it on the ground next to them. "Thanks Kon, and you too..." Naruto started to say, before pausing nervously and petting the pale one, "I'm sorry, I never learned your name."

"M...m...my n...name is.... is Miso..." the pale one stuttered out leaning into the petting, but still not meeting his eyes, "I'm... I'm g...glad to be of s...service Kyuubi-sama..."

"It's Naruto," the blonde shinobi corrected with a smile, "All my friends call me Naruto, are you Kon-chan's friend?"

"Y...Yes Naruto-sama..." Miso answered with a blush filtering up through her cheek fur.

"She's my bestest friend daddy!" Kon exclaimed proudly as she looped her tail over Miso's neck. "And you really made her popular when you asked her to help you earlier."

Naruto smiled widely as he scratched Miso behind the ears gently. "That's great! So... you two hooked up to deliver me some lunch eh? That's really nice of you."

Naruto reached over and opened the container and pulled out a bowl of ramen, slurping it down with one hand while petting and scratching his two little fox companions. After finishing the bowl he set it aside and leaned back with a sigh. It was nice to be able to take a break, but something was tickling the back of his mind. The demons had said that they would be giving him a half hour for lunch, but something about it didn't strike him as a good reason to relax his guard. With another sigh he lolled his head back and came face to face with a view most men would kill for.

In under a minute he learned two things that would change his life forever. First, Anko was very stealthy when she wanted to be. Second, Anko wore pink panties with red hearts and orange foxes on them.

It was while his brain was processing this that he heard a voice that haunted his nightmares since the chuunin exams. "Hey brat, enjoying the view?"

Letting out a startled gasp he rolled away from the psycho-snake lady, and started taking off into the woods, Kon and Miso flanking him while they sprinted through the trees. Anko on the other hand was right on his heels, giggling maniacally. "COME ON NARU-KUN! YOU SAW MY PANTIES! LEMME SEE YOURS!"

"NO!" Naruto shouted back, springing off a tree so that he turned ninety degrees from his previous course, "You've already seen me naked, so if anything you owe me!"

"But you were a fox!" Anko shouted back with a pout.

Naruto barely heard the whistling wind of her bolo before he found himself wrapped up in chakra wire and falling towards the ground. Before he hit however, Anko snatched him out of the air, and sprinted away. "Come on Naru-kun... it's time for some fun!"

Naruto's cries of panic and fear echoed throughout the forests surrounding Konoha, they faded out quickly as confusion overwrote his fear. Anko had tied him into a chair next to a table spread with food and tea. "Now... let's have some lunch Naru-kun..." Anko purred as she picked up a dango skewer and pulled one off with her teeth, leaning in as though to feed him from her mouth.

"_**Oh Kami thank you,"**_ Naruto's libido sang out happily, and Naruto could almost swear he saw himself wearing an odd white shirt with Kakashi's face on it, and the words 'Pornoteer' emblazoned in bold orange letters above it, crying tears of joy. _**"Now my stupid morals can't stop it!"**_

Ignoring his perverse self, he pulled away slightly. "Now Anko-san... I've already eaten, so I don't want to be rude, but I'm not hungry... sorry."

"_**MORON!"**_ his libido cried out in agony as he realized what his main self was up to. _**"Be honest here Naruto, you want to ride her like a pony and show off that stamina of yours!"**_

Anko paused looking hurt for a moment before inhaling the dango in her mouth devouring it. A moment later she swallowed and smirked evilly. "Well now, then I guess we just have to work up an appetite."

Now it was Naruto's turn to gulp as she stood up, and began to sway her hips seductively, drawing close to the bound blond boy. While she approached, Naruto couldn't help but notice how little that fishnet body suit of hers actually covered, and how the trench coat covered just enough to make one wonder what was underneath.

"_**. . . I take back the Moron comment. That was a brilliant plan!"**_ his libido spoke in stunned excitement as Anko drew near.

Naruto whimpered as he tried to figure out a way to escape, his nails clawing into the rope frantically in a last ditch effort to free himself. Fortunately for him, two little naked girls tackled Anko from the side, sending her into the table where she hit her head. Shortly after, the two girls poofed into their fox forms and gnawed through the ropes binding Naruto in place. After he was freed, he went over and checked Anko carefully, making certain she wasn't that hurt. Finding that she would have a nasty goose egg, he decided to get her help.

"Kon, there's a woman with hair similar to my own, and wears a green coat in the village named Tsunade. Can you go get her and bring her here?" Naruto asked kneeling next to his tenant's daughter and her friend. "Miso, I need you to stay here and make sure she doesn't stop breathing, okay?"

Getting a nod from the pair, Naruto pointed at the table with a smile. "Help yourselves to the food after you get Baa-chan, it'd be a shame for that to go to waste."

The happy smiles from the pair lightened his heart, and so after giving them a hug goodbye he left them to their tasks, while he went to draw away any pursuit that was bound to come. He didn't get far however, as there before him were two people leaning against the trees. "Err... hi?"

"Hello kitsune-kun..." responded the shorter straw haired boy with a scar running down his left cheek. "I am Juno Tri-ex, container of the Sanbi turtle. This is my brother Yukimaru."

"Hello," Yukimaru answered with a nod before tilting his head in thought. "Is he the reason Sanbi allowed you in control Juno?"

"Yes Yuki, it is he," Juno answered with a nod. "Apparently in this form only the containers can mate, however when uncontained the demons would have gone as themselves."

"Oh!" Yukimaru tapped his fist into his palm as he exclaimed while his long straw hair fluttered in the breeze. "Is he supposed to be running like that?"

Juno looked at his brother, before turning to see Naruto's backside retreating in front of him. After a moment he sighed before beginning to pursue the sunshine haired boy, dragging Yukimaru along behind him.

Naruto made his way through the trees, trying to get away from the disturbingly solemn pair pursuing him. He had some idea as to how he'd manage to get away, but for now just running seemed to be working. Now he just had to ignore his libido ordering him to go back there and make like a convict just out of prison.

The sudden arrival of dozens of new chakra signatures alerted Naruto to a new problem. Looking around, he paled when he saw that there was dozens of odd ninjas in black full body suits with face masks. On their masks were odd mesh coverings over the eyes, long red head bands where their forehead protectors should be, and an odd foot like mark on their forehead. "What are you guys, ninjas of the village hidden in the feet?"

Ducking beneath the kick to his head from one of the less than amused ninjas, Naruto frowned in thought as he knocked a second one into the kicker. "Or maybe it's the hidden in toe jam village... seriously guys, your feet reek."

"I've tried to get them to clean better," spoke up a familiar voice of doom from behind him. "But the foot clan ninjas don't listen to me."

"Are these friends of yours Juno?" Naruto asked while glaring at the jinchuuriki who had become his latest tormentor.

"They are loyal servants of mine; they are followers of Sanbi's container, and the Sanbi itself. I don't know why but they always refer to me as ninja-turtle-sama," Juno explained while two of the newly dubbed 'foot clan' ninjas pinned Naruto to the ground, while another pair latched onto his legs.

Naruto groaned as he looked at the two ninjas holding his arms down. They weren't even that strong, but they had gotten some leverage on him to hold him down . . . for all of ten seconds. He brought his arms up, and slammed their heads together, and then pushed their unconscious forms into the ones holding his legs. Watching them sprawl on the ground and trip over each other to get up, he let out a groan of agonized pity. "They don't train much do they?"

"No... no they don't..." Juno explained with a heavy sigh, his forehead resting in his hand. "Look, let's just say you went one tailed on them, and spare them some of their pride?"

"Yeah... I'll just be going then..." Naruto explained before running away again.

"What a nice guy," Juno mused for a moment before his brother pointed after Naruto.

"Weren't you supposed to chase him?" Yukimaru asked curiously while still pointing after the retreating orange clad ninja. Juno paused for a moment before slamming his head into the nearest tree. "Ah... I suppose that answer that."

While Juno took off after Naruto again, one of the foot clan ninjas was picking up the supplies they had scattered across the ground when they'd been knocked together. Yukimaru watched him for a moment before picking up a metal item and held it out. "Are you missing this?"

The foot clan ninja looked back and asked, "What?"

Yukimaru held up the metal device with a simple smile. "The shredder."

"Thank you Yukimaru-san," the ninja said before taking the shredder back.

Meanwhile, Naruto was springing through the trees like one of his toad summons on a sugar high. The foot clan ninjas and Juno were in hot pursuit. Crossing his fingers he summoned forth a few dozen clones to run interference, and sent them out in waves while he chose a random direction to run away. Seeing most of the foot clan ninjas split off to chase his clones he guided Juno and the remaining ninjas on a wild goose chase through the flora and fauna droppings of the forest.

At that moment, he was saved, to be hopeful about it, by the arrival of an orange wedding dress clad form that kicked Juno into the remaining foot clan ninjas. Naruto watched as the large male form stripped off his dress, and revealed himself wearing a seemingly painted on green latex speedo and some odd tasseled circles on his chest over his nipples. Somewhere deep in his psyche the voice of his libido questioned, _**"Why... why for the love of Kami is Gai wearing pasties?"**_

Fighting back the rising feeling of bile, Naruto barely heard Gai's proud proclamation of his arrival. "Fear not youthful Naruto-kun! I am here to protect you from the unyouthful ninjas who were pursuing you! If I fail, I shall do a million laps around Konoha on my pinkies!" Gai's shout ended with the most mental scaring thing Naruto would ever consider possible. Gai, proudly in his nipple covers and speedo was winking saucily and giving him the nice guy smile with the patented shiny ping.

"BONZAI!" Juno's cry of attack interrupted the nausea inducing vision, letting Naruto skip town while they were busy tearing each other apart. Naruto's escape lasted for about five minutes before he ran into Yukimaru, literally.

While they pulled themselves up and dusted off their clothes, Yukimaru tilted his head. "Oh, did your hour with brother end already? That's a shame, he was talking about how he wanted to thank you for giving him time as a human... his seal is not nearly strong enough to contain Sanbi..."

Naruto blinked for a moment before pointing to the village. "If you go that way, you'll find a ninja village. Ask for Jiraiya and Tsunade, and they might be able to help you out."

"Thank you very much Kitsune-san. Good luck with the remaining 19 hours," Yukimaru offered before hugging him close, groping him playfully. As he walked away he smirked at the stunned sunshine haired boy. "I was curious if your butt cheeks were as firm as they looked, thank you for letting me find out."

Leaving Naruto to his look of what-the-hell-just-happened, we find Yukimaru walking past a grizzly looking man with bright red hair back in a high ponytail, and a full beard, with a strap of grey fabric over his nose. "He's all yours in a few minutes Master Roshi."

"Gah, please don't call me that kid..." the redhead groused as he shuddered.


	25. Chapter 25

Author's notes: Please note that this story has been upped to an M rating. Sorry, but it's been a thought I've been thinking about for a few weeks now, and I like to be safer than sorry. Here's the responses.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, udated.

Elemental Dragon Swordsman: Glad your girlfriend has good taste... sorry about the mental scarring...

CaptDutchboy: Ya'll get them once I get one... and maybe some fanart? Please? I think I threw in enough references in that chapter to make a child hidden in a bomb shelter since the 60's get at least one of the jokes... (Don't tell me if I'm right, right? Ara ara...) Gai... is Gai...

akiharu-chan: Mentally disturbed... I think that describes the story entirely...

badkidoh: Thank you. . . & stuff. Updated.

geetac: Glad you love it, and that you laugh.

munky5: Heh, nice to see people like that joke.

Kokiiru-kun: Sweet, innocent Yakimaru... oh how I've corrupted him... Hmm... the 7-tails is as far as I know female, as stated by Kishimoto... ara ara... As for Sasuke... hehe so wonderfully special...

jolteonforever: See, laughter is good for you... What Simpsons episode was that? Ah well, just think about Naruto's firm butt cheeks.

HikariNoTenshi-San: Good show on the TMNT references, save Master Roshi is only from Dragon Ball metaseries. . . Yeah, the libido is coming forth in force! Oh be warned Konoha...

spottedstar2: Gai is... channeling extra Captain Porno waves it seems... Here's a wonderful Roshi chapter.

anotamous: Spoof, tribute, shameless ripped off... it's a thin set of lines...

Anonymous: Why... we'll never know... and he's wearing the speedo... his spandex is somewhere... hopefully being burned... Thanks for the personality comment, I tried.

AkioofWind: Congrats for the divergence from sanity... glad you're loving it...

WINDXNINJA: "Ninja Rap" by Vanilla Ice is what you're thinking about. The ideas will keep rolling out.

Iron Reprieve: Sorry about the end result... what's shraughed?

FairoNeko: How? Insomnia... and a little free thinking... Yeah, I know... Now how do I update again?

volrath77: You have seen it! NOW YOU CANNOT UNSEE IT!

Alyondria: Uhh... glad it was funny and all... but seriously nostalgia trips are best when you go with a guide...

CelticReaper: Laughter is a good thing... as in reminicence, sorry about anally violating your childhood and mine with the references I made... and the Gai thing... Ara ara... such an emotional roller coaster.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: So much scarring for Naruto, so painful... glad it's funny... Here's some more.

BlackRoseOfTheRose: After many weeks of consideration, I recieved your review on the matter, and decided to make the plunge, thus the new rating. Thank you for your support.

90MLLu: Sorry about the inner eye... Umm... how does one fix that? I try my best to weave all the characters in, but sadly to do that, would mean a story the size of the bible... so I just try the best with what I can do.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 24

Naruto ran through the undergrowth as fast as he could, trying to get distance between him and the new challenger, even if he didn't know where he was. He only had a random amount of minutes to get a good hiding spot, or at least a good distance away. Bursting into a clearing he found something very odd on the other side of it. For some reason Orochimaru was eating foot long hot dogs... without taking any bites or chewing. He tried to sneak away quietly, up until his libido pointed something out.

"**Dude! He has no gag reflex!**" the ever annoying part of his psyche screamed in his mental ear. At that point Naruto decided to just run for it, and pray he didn't have nightmares about this later.

Sliding under a few fallen trees that provided a nice little fox hole, he tried to catch his breath as he searched frantically for any pursuers. They say paranoia was how ninjas survived, and right now Naruto wouldn't be surprised if the trees started playing banjo music and came after him, saying they'd make him squeal real purdy like. Or maybe he should stop reading those weird manga...

Licking his lips, he took a deep breath and held it, letting it out slowly he counted to ten, before something tickled his ear. That's when he heard it, a second breath, that's what was tickling his ear. Letting out a small whimper, he slowly turned his head, hoping beyond hope that it wasn't a human. As their eyes finally met, Naruto's hopes were dashed when the red bearded man waved. "Hi! I'm Roshi, container of the four tails. Let's make some hot lovin' kid."

In the shinobi world, there is few things held as absolute, that it was impossible to run through solid objects thankfully wasn't one of them. After leaving a Naruto shaped hole in the logs that had been covering him, Naruto took off at a frantic run through the woods. Meanwhile, Roshi just sort of pranced after Naruto, letting him gain distance. "Oh, but he is shy... I love that in a mate... rowl rowl..."

Naruto growled in annoyance as he took to the trees, trying to lose his follower. He knew that only Konoha and her allies trained in tree clinging as chakra training. That was one thing he learned on his trip with Jiraiya, the other Elemental Nations had different training methods, and while he could see the benefits of each, he also knew that there was no way to train in them all, especially in areas like Suna and Iwa, were there were no trees, but they had their own styles.

Stopping stock still on a branch he stared at the bearded man before him, bearing a smirk and a bouquet of flowers. "Ah Naruto my pet, come away with me, I shall show you the magnificent cliffs of Iwa, our children will be strong as the mountain, and graceful as the trees. Come away with me mon petite kitsune, and we shall live in happiness ever more!"

"Uhh... yeah... thanks but no, I'm not interested..." Naruto replied before taking off in a dozen directions at once, thanks again to his ever useful Kage Bunshin. If it had been a less dangerous moment, he'd wonder about how he summoned them without using a hand sign, however right now his focus was on escaping the weird Roshi.

"Oh... he's playing coy..." Roshi mused with a smirk before spewing out several puddles of lava, which changed into clones of himself. A wave of his hand later and they were off to chase after the Naruto clones. "I shall play that game too... I shall be hard to get!"

Meanwhile, Naruto remained pinned to the tree he had been in, using its bulk to hide him from the lava spitting Jinchuuriki. Mentally he debated about the sanity of the heat exasperated Jinchuuriki after him. '_Okay... so Gaara gets awesome sand powers, I think Yugito-san got some sort of anti-gravity thing going on with how she hung in the air, I saw Roshi here spew lava... am I the only one that doesn't get awesome super powers from their tenant? THAT SUCKS!" _Okay, so maybe his focus wasn't where it should have been. But could you really blame him?

His thoughts however were cut off by a pair of rough calloused hands covering his eyes from behind, and a sing-song voice ringing out. "Guess who my little kitsune!"

Naruto paused to think, actually trying to figure out who the voice belonged to. "Not Jiraiya... too deep for any of the Konoha genin... Doesn't smell like cigarettes enough to be Asuma... Not a female voice..." Naruto pondered while Roshi sweat dropped from the other side of the tree. Little did he notice Naruto slipping chakra proof ninja wire into loops around the four tailed Jinchuuriki. "Let's see... That rules out Yugito... doesn't smell like sand so it's not Gaara... I KNOW!" Naruto exclaimed at last cinching the loops tight and dropping out from the grip. "It's a trapped lava spitter!"

Naruto leaped out of the tree, taking off through the forest's undergrowth as fast as he could. Fear and self-preservation pouring adrenaline helped him in ways he couldn't understand, but then again, the only thing on his mind now was getting away, though his libido felt that it was its duty to speak up at that precise moment.

"**Dude... that was kinky and all, but you're supposed to do more!**" the enraged figment of Naruto's delusional mind screamed, "**Look, let's just go back, and squeeze out a few rounds, I mean it wouldn't kill us, would it?**"

Naruto ignored that his sex drive was making a fairly reasonable request, and focused instead on the figure that was standing directly in front of him. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he'd seen that greasy, black hair, lanky body, and ungodly white skin before, but the stranger wore a trench coat, low pulled fedora hat, and a pair of sunglasses that blocked out his eyes, so he wasn't sure.

"Pst, hey kid... I got some ramen candy..." Naruto's eyes lit up at the idea of ramen candy, he'd never heard of it before, but anything was possible with the gift from the gods that was ramen. The stranger continued with a cold smirk, "If you'll just follow me into this abandoned cottage, away from anyone that could hear you scream, and I'll give you all the ramen candy you could want..."

Naruto was severely tempted to go with the man, after all he seemed like a decent guy and it was ramen candy. But for some reason he knew that going into that cottage would be the worst mistake to make, even if he wasn't under the jutsu. "Hehe, uhh... no thanks... see I gotta run..."

When he turned to run, the guy's head shot out extending on his neck like a bit of silly putty. Naruto barely cleared his attack by leaping over the head, watching it embed itself in the bark, leaving a dent. Slamming his fist into the back of the psycho's head, he smiled as it bounced out of the dent with a large goose egg on its forehead. Down below, the person dropped like a ton of bricks unconscious, the guy did attack him and was just really creepy otherwise. Naruto took off running again, unknowingly defeating one of the greatest ninjas ever, just by being incredibly lucky.

It was lucky that Naruto was already on the move, because half a step after his feet left the branch they were on, a net wrapped around the branch, leaving clear indication what it was for.

Tracing the net back to its source, he groaned as he saw two Roshi's coming after him. Sliding down the inside of a hollowed out log, he let it take him to the base of a ravine, where two Naruto's took off in opposite directions. The Roshi's saw the two Naruto's and split off to chase them. Shortly after they left, Naruto dropped out of the log trailed by a large plume of smoke, and breathed deeply, savoring the fresh air hitting his lungs. He'd have to remember next time he did that, to use a wind jutsu to create a breathing area.

Walking away he smiled, thinking that he'd lost his pursuer. Unfortunately, a tackle from behind alerted him to the presence of another. "I have found you my love!" Roshi cried out with joy as he hugged Naruto close. "Now let us away on a cloud called Numbus to my private island! I shall treat you like a god, and we will never have to worry about being hurt on missions, or by the people of our villages again!"

Naruto whimpered as his sensitive ears flattened to his skull from the yelling, but one thing got through his attempts to drown out everything. "Your village hates you too?"

Roshi paused in his attempt to strip Naruto naked while molesting him as much as possible. "Yeah kid... all of us are weapons, village pariah, or just outcasts," Roshi grumbled darkly as his eyes took on a distant look. "Well, except the Eight-tails container, but his big brother's the Raikage, so I guess he's lucky."

Naruto rolled over to look at the man on top of him, trying to buy himself enough time to finish out the hour; he only needed thirty minutes of bought time after all. "Hey, maybe we should all meet up and hang out sometime? Just us Jinchuuriki... exchange mailing addresses and work together to make the world a peaceful place..."

Roshi smiled sadly at the offer from the trapped blond, giving it due consideration as he sat down on the smaller ninja's stomach. "Not a bad idea brat, but I suppose it might be a bit impossible... see we have to follow orders of our kages, and well... right now Iwa hates Konoha... if it wasn't for both me and five-tail's container talking to the Tsuchikage about the heat thing for our demons, we'd likely not be here at all. Or if we were, we'd probably be told to kill some leaf ninjas..." pausing a moment, Roshi looked down at the trapped kitsune with a sad smile, "In fact, you'd probably be a top one for our hit list... you look just like the Yellow Flash..."

Naruto's mind sent up huge red flags at that, telling that now wouldn't be quite the right time to mention that he was the son of the Yellow Flash, but he really wished he could use Hirashin no Jutsu, he'd be out of there in a freaking heartbeat. "Well, we can at least keep an ear out for things the others should worry about... Like that Akatsuki thing, you know black cloaks and red clouds? The nine of us together would wipe the floor with them!"

"You've got a point... those cloud cloaks have been a problem..." Roshi muttered, looking off to the side, "The five-tails and I have heard about them from some people we trust, nice to have a name for them..."

"Yeah! See man, this is why we need to talk with each other," Naruto reasoned loudly, "because then you'd know I'm really sorry for this..."

Before Roshi could ask what the small blond meant, he had an orange clad elbow crushing his manhood back to where it came from. While the lava spitting Roshi rolled around on the ground, clutching his family jewels, Naruto took the moment to bow respectfully before running with a shout back over his shoulder. "I'm really sorry about that man!"

Roshi finally uncurled after a full minute of rolling in agony, he had to admit, that was a good hit, and the boy was bony enough to pull it off. Heck, the four-tailed skunk was laughing about the low blow being so like the fox. "He is a feisty one, ah amore, such a many splendored thing!"

Naruto was currently busy with running for his life, apparently while he was dealing with creepy pedophiles, and over aggressive nut job Jinchuuriki, Neji and Lee thought it'd be a good idea to hunt him down.

Lee had started it off by suddenly appearing directly in Naruto's path, arms wide open for a hug. When Naruto merely used his head as a springboard to leap over him, Neji was waiting, Byakugan active and ready for those paralyzing Juken strikes of his, okay of all the Hyuuga's but he knew how Neji fought, and couldn't afford to let him land a blow right now.

Spinning in midair, he summoned up a pair of clones that sacrificially tackled Neji down, while Naruto landed on them and took off running. Managing to keep barely ahead of Lee, who was talking about removing his leg weights. Naruto whimpered as he heard that threat, knowing that Lee would be able to catch and violate him before Naruto could even blink without his weights on. The only thing that let him know his rear was safe, was that Lee was too honorable to do anything like that... at least he hoped he was. The jutsu put that into question though, so he wasn't as sure as he'd like to be right now.

Summoning up a new set of clones, he spun on the ball of his foot, and suicide charged the two pursuers, hoping to throw them off their game while his clones scattered. Sure enough, Lee leaped over him, and Neji simply brushed him to the side and chased after a clone. Naruto wasted no time in celebrating, instead using the distraction to run as fast and as far as he could from the two hormones possessed teens.

His escape was short lived however as he ran directly into Roshi a moment later. "My sweet darling! So forward you are... it must be hard to resist me!" Roshi proclaimed as he held Naruto upright and close to him. Leaning down towards the smaller ninja, Roshi paused a moment before letting out a groan of dismay. "I finally get you to pursue me, and I fear it must be another's turn... The five tails shall be along shortly."

With that and a sad pout, Roshi pulled away and began to sulk towards Konoha, only to stop when Naruto called out. "Hey! Why don't you go find Gaara and the others, hang out for a while, and then we can all party after this stupid heat thing is over?"

Roshi smirked back, and gave him a cocky half salute. "Thanks kid, I'll think it over..."

Naruto laughed and started walking away, his eyes scanning for new threats. This last hour wasn't so bad, or at least he thought so, his libido on the other hand...

"**DAMMIT! WHAT'S WITH THE SAUSAGE FEST! BRING ON THE GIRLS!**" the pornoteer shirt clad part of Naruto's psyche bemoaned as it through a hissy fit. Needless to say, it wasn't entirely happy with the choice of pursuers.


	26. Chapter 26

I'd like to take this chance to apologize for this chapter, the beta reader had to take a week off, and the alpha reader was busy, so I'm not sure if I caught all the mistakes I'm bound to make. Not to mention I had to put this off two days from my usual time due to various things around the house for Mother's Day. But I hope you all enjoy it none-the-less.

geetac: Thanks, so do I.

badkidoh: Thank you, here it is.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you and all the usual answers... Roshi was fun... and I had considered that ending in a few of the endings in my mind... not sure if I'll go through with it though.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Well it's just a short snippet of a personality that's likely to be highly multi-faceted, and highly influenced by the demon in him... sorry you don't like it.

CelticReaper: Thanks, the girls are around... somewhere... Ino has a special role in my mind, but for right now she and Chouji are on a mission somewhere... updated

volrath77: Oddly enough I laughed more thinking about that joke than I did writing any chapter of this story.

spottedstar2: Thank you for signing in, and the compliment. Well he's older, more in control, has that nose thingy probably filtering what goes in, and not as exposed as the others.

HikariNoTenshi-San: Sorry about Roshi, he was meant more for comic relief than horror inducing terror. Roshi's personality is my fault, the character, not so much. I had other inspirations for Roshi though. Updated.

AkioofWind: Sorry about the whole M-rated debate you had to go through, but like I said, I felt it needed the bump in rating for several weeks, and the second person advising it confirmed it for me. Naruto's libido is just made of Win and good humor, isn't he? I have to say though that I prefer Kon, and might reuse her. Ara ara... am I causing mental division among all my readers? Naruto/Yugito might be a good idea... maybe for another fic.

Alyondria: Yes, so many wonderful things, and so little time to fully explore everything... I do so love corrupting minds ^.^

FairoNeko: Umm... happy Birthday? Be it belated or on time, glad that my cheap gift of crack fics is an acceptable one. Ara ara... enjoy.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: I'm evil? Anyone could pull this off... and I can probably name three people off hand that could do it better than me. Ara ara... Naruto's luck is a beautiful thing.

The-Eighth-Sin: Yeah, where is that chapter Kishimoto? Huh?

: Ara ara... there are just so many guys that it's easy to lose the girls in the shuffle (seriously, I draw names from a hat sometimes to decide who's in a chapter). Also, Yaoi is not wrong, it's just not right for you. Beyond that... Anko has been in a few times... Ara ara... well hope you continue to enjoy the fic.

CaptDutchboy: - Are you watching me write this? I mean Pepe was the inspiration for a lot of what Roshi did. And he is eating properly, for a snake...

90MLLu: Glad you're enjoying this chapter, it was such wonderful insanity, wasn't it? Perverted and gross? Isn't that the basis for this entire fic so far? Ara ara... don't tell me if I'm wrong or right, just enjoy. Most of the ideas that people like are the ones I come up with on the fly it seems... ara ara... so nice.

Lover of Ikuto: Thank ya so bloody much!

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 25

Naruto sighed as he kept walking along the woods; there was a lot he had to consider. First was the Jinchuuriki meeting up, it might be a good idea, may even lead to peace between the Elemental nations... or get the lot of them arrested as traitors. After that, there was the fact that he was being hunted by an unknown number of shinobi, with something far worse than death as a consequence of being caught. Then there was the fact he seemed to be suffering a breakdown of some sort, because he knew that hearing voices wasn't a good thing.

"**That's because you don't want to listen to me...**" said annoying voice spoke up proving Naruto's point, especially since the nerves based tic at his left eye was growing worse. "**Come on... let's just find that Hyuuga hottie, that stoic Shino, that sexy little pussy cat Yugito, and maybe that hot Anko woman and screw them into the ground!**"

Yeah, he really needed to get some help getting rid of that particular annoyance, maybe he'd want to take care of that before he planned anything long term. Really, he didn't want to have people running from him because of this new voice in his head, as if Kyuubi wasn't enough. With a sigh he looked around him and groaned seeing a armor clad form directly in front of him.

"Let me guess," Naruto started calmly, "You're the five tails, aren't you?"

Getting a nod from the stoic male, Naruto let out another sigh of dismay. "You're here for me, right?" After another nod from the massive Jinchuuriki, Naruto grimaced painfully. "How long until you start chasing me?"

A single hand full of extended digits told Naruto all he needed to know. While he bolted away, the fingers began dropping. Shortly after the index finger tucked in to the palm, the five tails sighted in on the bright orange clad Jinchuuriki and began plowing straight through the trees instead of around them.

Naruto looked behind him when he began hearing the sound of trees being destroyed and falling over. A second later he found himself leaping over an odd ball of milky white that he wasn't entirely sure what it was for. He watched it crash into a tree in front of him, and exploded like a katon jutsu, causing his eyes to widen almost like he was using the Hyuuga's Byakugan. He knew he didn't even want to be nearby where that hit, but still he knew that Kyuubi would heal him up just in time for the other to catch him.

"HEY! YOU WANT TO TRY NOT KILLING ME, YA BASTARD?!" Naruto called back just to attempt reasoning with his highly aggressive pursuer. Apparently, Naruto needed to work on his diplomacy for his future position as Hokage, or even to live for the next ten minutes.

Leaping over the swarm of incoming steam bombs, Naruto let out a cry of dismay as he started leaping over tree tops as they fell in his path. Looking back, Naruto prepared to call out something, but instead dove towards the ground to avoid the gout of flames shot out of the psychotic Jinchuuriki's back. This was insane! If the five-tail intended to mate with him, he was showing him it in weird ways.

Naruto's attention was diverted by a flash of pink going past him on his left. Turning around, he spotted Sakura leaping in at the five tails. A minute later the five tails container was flying away from the girl, with his hands cupping his groin as Sakura casually lowered her leg. Naruto decided against sticking around to thank her, when she turned a gleaming gaze upon him and ice flowed down his spine.

Unfortunately Naruto's attention was diverted with Sakura and he took a header right through a boulder. Following the boulder's trajectory back to it source, one would see Tenten and Temari smirking at the side of a huge catapult. Sakura chose to check on and bind Naruto before scolding the two about being overly enthusiastic.

Naruto meanwhile found him stuck standing in front of a familiar cage in the bowels of the sewers. "Oh great... what's up fox? I'm in a jam here, ya know?"

"**Listen good brat!**" Kyuubi shouted the blonde down with his insane presence, "**The stupid five tails is out to kill you because I stole some eggs and tried to eat him a few times. He's blowing completely out of proportion... stupid chicken couldn't take a joke.**"

Naruto's reply was cut off by getting shoved out of the sewers by whatever force Kyuubi always used. The last thing he heard was Kyuubi's voice, "**Just don't die on me brat!**"

Naruto woke up and groaned into whatever gag was in his mouth, blinking he found himself bound and gagged, bouncing along on a stick between Sakura and Temari. Sliding his eyes around he found that he had no less than a dozen ninjas surrounding him as they walked along.

"I'm telling you Sakura," Temari called out from by his feet, "We should just take him off by ourselves and have some fun after he wakes up!"

"No Temari, we promised the others that we'd bring him back so he could shadow clone and initiate a massive orgy with us," Sakura countered just above Naruto's head, which he had to admit, her backside was very nice.

"**Dammit! Just play unconscious and let them have their way with you!**" his libido called out while pointing neon arrows at Sakura's assets. "**Seriously! Just look at that juicy cut of prime rump roast! You want to tap it! BELIEVE IT!**"

Naruto sweat dropped at the last lines of his libido's psychotic rant. There was no way he'd ever say that, not in a million years. Someone would have to drag it physically out of him with pliers first. Instead of focusing on that, he decided to try and escape, despite his libido's mournful cries of dismay. Summoning all his focus, he brought his legs and hands together in the middle of the branch, and used the rope to break through the stick with just a touch of chakra. He couldn't figure out why it blew up the way it had.

Instead of pondering that, he sprung away, using both of his feet to power his jumps. Leaping through the trees again, he pulled down the gag and used his teeth to gnaw through the ropes around his wrists. For the first time in his life, he was thankful for his sharp teeth as they cut through the ropes with ease. Leaning down slightly in the middle of a jump, he undid the knots on his about his ankles, letting him regain the use of both legs. Maybe his life as a prankster wasn't wasted after all. Since this was how the ANBU had caught and held him more than once.

Just as he considered that for once his infamous luck might just be holding, he heard the familiar sound of trees being plowed through. Without even looking, he knew that the five tails container had rejoined the pursuit, and that he was in trouble. Looking up at the sun, he'd guess that he'd only been out for about five minutes, so that meant that ol' Five-tails there still had well over forty-five minutes left for his time. Apparently someone hated him.

'_Kami-sama, Kami-sama, please save me from this and I will do anything you ask!_' Naruto pleaded mentally as he spared the breath for running as fast as he could. The five tailed seemed to be gaining no matter how fast Naruto went, and that's when it struck him. He was making it easy for the guy to build up speed.

Springing off a tree, he turned to the left, catching a glimpse of the group he'd blown away finally waking up. Instead of taking time to worry about the damage he'd done, he took another left, so that he was running parallel to his previous course. Springing over a few of the steam bombs, he smirked seeing the five tailed container furrowing the ground as he tried to stop and come back after Naruto. Smirking Naruto knew exactly what to do.

Summoning up a few clones he nodded to them, sending them off on a mission of their own. Taking several sharp turns, Naruto continued to lead the five-tails on a wild goose chase, never giving him enough time to build up speed, or even to aim a shot. He also randomized his course enough to prevent the other to guess a direction. Instead of following them, let's pay attention to that trio of clones that had broken off.

One went back to the group that had been knocked out accidentally by Naruto's blast, to get their attention. A shake of his tailed butt later, he had the whole of the group pursuing after him, heading for Konoha, nets and snares flying out at the clone which he leaped and dodged while laughing at them, bringing up memories of Naruto's prankster days again.

Meanwhile the other two Naruto clones were on a mission to begin distracting the fifth jinchuuriki who was chasing the original. They set up ninja wire trip ups, loose gravel slides, tracts of forest filled with marbles on the ground, and other such juvenile slow down points.

Seeing the original coming towards their obstacle course of discomfort, the two dispelled each other, returning their memories to the original. The blond kitsune smirked playfully as he led the hard charging rooster jinchuuriki into the trip wires, watching with a smirk as they sent him sprawling on the ground. "Guess that's what you get for being so cocky there," Naruto teased as he sprang away, laughing as the ever silent jinchuuriki pushed himself up.

Next up was the marbles, which sent the steaming and armor clad figure skating along his merry way to the gravel slides, which spilled him out in a mud pit. "Come on... don't tell me old Clucky's giving up already," Naruto taunted shaking his backside in a way he remembered one of the women Jiraiya paid to dance naked for him doing, "I thought you wanted a piece of this..."

Unfortunately for Naruto, this pissed off the jinchuuriki and demon both. This meant that old tall, red, and masked was starting to get flamingly pissed. As he got flamingly pissed the mud pit dried up, and began cracking apart, flaking off the Jinchuuriki as he rose up to his full height. Naruto decided it would be best to spare himself the wrath of the approaching killer, and ran like his tail was on fire. Moments later, the branch he'd been on was blown to bits sending shrapnel in millions of directions.

Naruto decided that it was time to make his last ditch escape effort. Taking a straight course, he leaped through the trees, listening as smiley pursued him as usual, straight through anything in his way.

Smirking, the blonde leaped over an unusually large gap in the trees with ease and leaned against his landing spot, waiting. While he waited, he studied his nails in an almost bored fashion, making sure to keep an eye on the murderous psycho coming after him. Yeah, the hand stretched out in a choking manner might have seemed threatening to anyone else, but Naruto wasn't worried.

Picking some dirt out from under his fingernails calmly, Naruto continued to wait for the steam driven engine of destruction barreling down on him without mercy. As the other made five steps away from the clearing in the trees Naruto began waving as though in greeting.

One step into the clearing explained Naruto's lack of fear, as gravity took the heavily armored Jinchuuriki down with everything but his steam trial. Naruto ducked back behind a tree and covered his ears as a large explosion of steam erupted out of the lake that had been between the trees only moments before.

Seconds later he started walking away, whistling a cheerful tune, even as a whiney, nasally tone sprang up from behind him, "Awww man! It takes forever to get the pilot lit!"

And somewhere, a bell tolls the end of the five-tails turn. Nearby a blue kimono clad man sighed as he lowered something of 'medical' purposes. "Man... what a drag... it's my turn already... so harshing my mellow man..."


	27. Chapter 27

The-Eighth-Sin: Heh, well, you just have to wonder where it is...

geetac: Thank you, I do too.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks! Ara ara, I'm trying.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: They're actually not specified officially save for 1, 2, 3, 8, and 9... Yes... yes he did say it.

CaptDutchboy: Yeah, I've had to light pilots before... not fun... Ara ara... here's the next one.

Alyondria: Schizophrenic, stealth color challenged, loud, and hyper-active know-it-all ninja pranksters... Ara ara... I just scared myself...

volrath77: Congrats, you out perved me... you must be so proud...

CelticReaper: Yeah, eventually the girls will make a come back... there needs to be more kunoichi though... ara ara, so few among so many... updated.

jolteonforever: Thanks... no not viagra... sorry about the physical harm... updated... alpha reader reads it before the beta... normally while I'm writing it... good sounding board.

badkidoh: Thank you, next update below.

HikariNoTenshi-san: Not too sure about that, maybe... well he's earned his victory dance, no?

spottedstar2: YATTA! I wuv you so much! Yeah, the girls hit back... and fail... thanks for the review!

helovestowrite: Hey, love is love man... and lust is a dirty, confusing thing... also, a ninja's life is too short to limit one's romantic choices, no? Thanks for the grading.

Lover Of Ikuto: I'm not sure how I do it... maybe it's just a lot of build up... Ara ara, thank ya.

FairoNeko: He wasn't always sealed in Naruto's gut... and I figure demons can hold grudges...

AkioofWind: Here's more of my work, laugh away me hearty, laugh away all! ARA ARA!

Kenta Raikiri: Hope your ankle heals up nicely... glad that I can brighten an otherwise dreary day for ya.

Fallen Dragonfly: . . . Did someone let sniper!Hinata out of my random ficlets? Oi clean up!

Konoha no Kiroi Senko: Translation for that name please? Ara ara... yeah that was robi... and the hippie was hip.

90MLLu: Sakura is such a good character come Shippuden, strong and versitile, while in the beginning... to me she was just kinda... there... Here's some more.

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 26

Naruto's joyful tune was cut off when he wondered if he might have hit his head too hard the last time. For suddenly in every single direction he looked there were bubbles... millions upon millions of bubbles. Something smelt off about the bubbles, so Naruto decided that it might be best to give them a wide berth, until he could figure out where they're from. After a few minutes he stumbled upon a blue kimono wearing man, who could give Shikamaru a few pointers in laziness.

He was sprawled out in the center of the clearing, blowing bubbles out of an odd looking pipe, and then watching them drift through the air. With blurry eyes, he looked over at the orange clad Naruto and waved. "Hey man, grab some turf," the man called out, "We can chill and have fun with bubbles..."

"Uh that's alright... uhh..." Naruto prompted, trying to figure out this strange guy.

"Oh riiiiight the whole pheromone thing..." the blue clad man drawled out while blowing out a triangle shaped bubble. Watching it float away, he seemed content to enjoy the silence before he interrupted it again. "Don't worry about it... Rokubi's cool... he just wants to hang out. I suppose it'd be weird doing your brother... but hey free love is cool man. Want a hit?"

Naruto blinked at the information suddenly assaulting his brain, when the question finally registered, now he knew why he wanted to avoid the bubbles. They smelled of that weird opium stuff that weird lady smoked, Jiraiya said that it was a powerful, and highly addictive drug. And if there was one thing he learned from his younger days of reading manga, was that drugs were Bad!

"No thanks, I'm good..." Naruto replied, backing away slowly. "So... you're not going to chase me?"

"Naw man, too much hassle for us, Rokubi and I just wanna chill for a bit..." the mellowed Biju-container answered blowing a few dozen more bubbles out of his pipe.

Naruto blinked at the casual way that the container mentioned his demon contained within him. Against his better judgment, he settled down on the ground at the base of a tree a short distance away from the very odd and disturbing young man. "I'm Naruto... and you are?"

"Oh riiight the name thing..." the medicinally inebriated male answered as he took a deep breath in through his pipe, releasing it a moment later in a rather large bubble. "They call me Jin... dunno my real name, the people that raised me just called me that 'cause I was a Jinchuuriki..."

"I see..." Naruto nodded like some great plot point had been revealed.

"Yeah man, but don't worry, I'm not a ninja..." the newly dubbed Jin continued as he watched his bubbles dancing around. "The people I grew up with were against the whole war and killing thing..."

"Oh?" Naruto asked intelligently as he watched the weird bubbles floating towards him. "So... what were they like?"

"Mellow, they just enjoy life," Jin said lazily as he watched the bubbles forming castles in the sky over them. "They settled down on an island a few miles on the other side of the border from here, and lived in peace, not dealing with the ninjas and things..."

Naruto decided to leave the man to his peacefully lethargic state of being. Stepping away, he accidently let one of the bubbles get too close... FAR too close. In fact Naruto got stuck inside the bubble, feeling a pleasant buzzed feeling rolling over his body slowly. After the bubble popped, Naruto staggered out of the clearing, laughing faintly.

Twenty staggering steps into the woods, Naruto crashed into a familiar red garbed form. "ERO-SENNIN!"

Jiraiya groaned pitifully as he tried to stabilize the obviously influenced Naruto. "Hey brat... I told ya not to call me that..." Jiraiya sighed as he looked over Naruto, pulling him closer into a hug. "Come here, let me make sure you're alright..."

Naruto however caught the perverted twinkle in Jiraiya's eye, and applied the appropriate leverage to dangling bits in between Jiraiya's legs to disengage himself from the famous author. "Oh no you don't, you did this to me Ero-sennin, and now you gotta pay!"

The next thing Jiraiya knew, Naruto was wailing on him. Apparently Naruto when stoned, is possessed by the bully from every kid's days in school. As Jiraiya wanted to curl up in pain around his poor violated jewels, Naruto used his own hands to punch him. "Stop hitting yourself Ero-sennin! Stop hitting yourself! Why are ya hitting yourself?"

After curb stomping his perverted mentor into the forest undergrowth, Naruto walked away a bit straighter than earlier. Meanwhile, Jiraiya croaked out a pained moan from the crater of the forest floor in which he'd been beaten into. "Okay... so maybe that jutsu... wasn't my best idea..."

Naruto's body eventually cleared out the drugs from his system, with a lot of thanks due to Kyuubi. However, with the clearing of his system, Naruto passed out and collapsed to the ground. Finding himself in the ever dank and dingy sewers of Kyuubi's seal, Naruto sighed and went to find what the old fox was up to. What he found was likely to scar his mind for eternity ever more. There was Kyuubi, leaning against his cage's bars, a lampshade on his head, and a huge grin on his face. "**Oh yeah... bro always had good shit...**"

Naruto decided that instead of sticking around, he'd just turn around and find something more interesting to look at. Remembering the directions from his previous visit, he found his way to his dream room. What he found was somewhat damaging to his current mentality.

"**Hey there man... niiice... a small harem... and you doing that jutsu of yours at the same time...**" his libido commented while watching the writhing mob of body parts in front of them. "**Are you seriously that limber? DAMN! I mean come on... not only are you getting girls, and Shino... but you're also doing it lesbian style at the same time! Okay so you're also doing yourself, but it's all good mate...**"

Naruto decided that it might be better to wake up, thus after being rocketed away by the bloody nose geysers from the sight before him, he was more than happy that hitting the far wall woke him up, only to find himself staring into the lazy half smile of Jin. "Hey man... have a good trip?"

"Uh... no not really..." Naruto answered while rubbing his head. "Ugh... I hope never to see that again..."

"Dude... ya gotta learn to mellow out man..." Jin groaned as he leaned back, taking a hit off his pipe, releasing the sweet smelling bubbles into the air. "If you don't mellow out man, you'll never enjoy life... and then you'll just be a tool of the Man... but then I suppose you know that being a shinobi and all..."

"We're not all tools Jin..." Naruto countered as he rolled to a sitting position, "In fact, some of us are humans first... or at least we think of ourselves as humans first... and then we're ninjas."

As if to prove the point in some cosmically significant way, Kakashi showed up at that precise moment to show up, kneeling before Naruto. "Oh noble soul of Naruto... I, Captain Porno have come to rescue you! Come away with me and we shall be eternally happy!"

Sasuke chose that moment to enter in great gouts of flame, striking a victory pose, which Naruto would have sworn he copied off of Lee, and shouted his support, "YES! I, the bearer of the power of Smut shall support you ever more!"

Naruto was trying to figure out if Kakashi's speedo, or Sasuke's string bikini was the worse outfit, when Neji stepped out in a school girl's uniform, a blush on his cheeks. "I the wielder of the title of Voyeur shall watch over your relationship... always..." This was made a bit more creepy in nature, when Neji activated his Byakugan and Naruto could swear he was looking under his clothes.

Naruto's mind was still rebooting from that mental disturbance, and ignoring his libido's raucous laughter, when Sakura stepped out, still sooty and scuffed up from his little 'accident' earlier. "I the queen of Smut shall follow your yummy yaoi love fest," Sakura called out proudly, while holding up a camera, her smile going so perverted that Jiraiya would have been proud.

Speaking of the super pervert, Jiraiya stepped out with a bag of ice strapped to his crotch, a steak over his left eye, and his right arm in a splint. He groaned out softly, "I... the supreme Pervert... will chronicle... your relationship... for my next novel..."

Finally Naruto sighed and watched as Anko sashayed out, wearing only her jacket which was closed to hide her privates, but lacking the rest of her usual uniform. Attached to her hip was Kurenai who was wearing only a long t-shirt and a smile. "We the tart goddesses will accept your relationship, so long as you're fun about it."

Jin looked at his pipe and smiled widely. "Duuuude this some real chronic shit..."

"No... this is an example of genjutsu... done by someone with raging hormones..." Naruto groaned as he watched Kurenai eyeing him like a piece of meat, the others performing their song from the other day. "Yeah... I'm running now..."

A second later, Naruto was a puff of smoke, and the real one was half a mile away and gaining. Ducking around trees, and over branches, he shuddered as the memories of his clones reached him. It seemed that one couldn't get far enough away from the clones until you no longer gained their memories. "**DUDE! Why'd you run! They'd have been on you like broth on ramen!**"

Instead of responding to the figment of his overly aroused imagination, Naruto kept running away from the insane and horny mob that was just now realizing that their fox had slipped out of the trap. To be honest, he had no idea where to run to, but he knew that he'd have to keep moving, or else he'd never walk right again.

Diving under a tree's roots, he sighed heavily as he gathered his bearings. Finding that he was fairly safe for the moment, he rubbed the sides of his head, trying to jump start his brain into evasion mode. The lack of sleep, coupled with the seemingly endless amounts of sexual based insanity was driving his mind down a rather dangerous path, one that he knew if he succumbed to, would never release him.

Perking up his ears, he caught the sounds of padded paws approaching, and the high pitched whines that for some reason his mind assigned to foxes. Leaping into the trees, he began sprinting away, finding that his instincts had served him well once again. Moments after he had cleared out, the trio of speedo wearing foxes descended on the root hovel he had ducked into. Shaking his head as the three got stuck; he fought against the instinctive curiosity he always felt when he tried to figure out where foxes got speedos and other weird outfits like that.

A drawled out, "Hey man, welcome back..." caught Naruto's attention as he found himself in the clearing with Jin again. Coming to a dead stop on the branch, he rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out how he got that turned around. Blaming it on the foxes, he sighed and looked around the clearing, noticing that some bubbles were now enacting a game of chess.

"Hey Jin... uhh... where'd the others go?" Naruto asked cautiously, crouching down on the branch as he continued to survey the area.

"Oh man, you missed it..." Jin laughed before taking another toke from his pipe. "After you left, that Tart chick was all pouty and whimpering to the red eyed babe. She then did this freaky hand thingy and the guys all just took off running in different directions. The girls then started kissing and stuff, before disappearing. DUDE! You gotta let me move here!"

"Uhh... you'll have to talk to Granny Tsunade..." Naruto answered cautiously, "She's about a head taller than me, blonde hair in two pigtails, and a chest the size of two beach balls. Can't miss her, if you do, just ask anyone for the Hokage."

"Thanks dude, hey maybe we can chill out sometime and have some fun with bubbles..." Jin smiled as he lay out on the grass again, watching bubbles float through the sun. "Dude when I saw that pink girl start making out with the school girl... that was awesome!"

"Err... the school girl was a guy..." Naruto answered as he relaxed slightly. "At least I thought he was..."

"Don't go harshin' my mellow man..." the stoned man groaned as he released another bubble into the air. "Not cool dude... not cool at all."

"Right... sorry about that..."

"Hey, no worries man, just let's chill and dig the awesomeness of nature man, ain't it just far out?"

Naruto paused in answering for a few minutes, to really wonder about what was all in those bubbles once again, before considering what Jin had meant. Looking around he had to admit nature around Konoha had always been beautiful, and peaceful. "Yeah... I guess it is..."

"Oh yeah... before I forget man," Jin answered as he pulled out a bag of chips, "Know where I can get some ramen? I got some major munchies for it..."

"Ichiraku's in Konoha, just go down the main street until you smell the ramen, then follow your nose," Naruto answered, drawing out a dirt map in the ground for the stoner. "They are the best ramen place in the world."

"I've heard of it man, awesome..." Jin rolled up to his feet and began walking out with a swaying gait that made one wonder just how many trees he saw at that moment. A few steps out of the clearing, Jin looked back and waved. "Oh by the way, my turn ended ten minutes ago!"

No sooner did that registered with Naruto's already over taxed mentality, than a pair of orange eyes suddenly popped up out of nowhere. Staggering back, Naruto found himself looking at an odd feminine looking person. Their orange eyes were offset by the light green of their hair, a strange red 'X' of cloth over their chest masked any signs of whether they were male or female, as did their white low riding shorts. For now though, Naruto was ready to go with female, especially when she began talking in a smooth and soft purring like sound, which struck a slight discord with her words. "Hello Naru-kun... I'm Yua, and I'm here to rape you."

"**WOOHOO! A binding love! She's gonna be kinky!**" Naruto's libido exclaimed as Yua started coming closer, forcing the poor blonde to whimper softly. It grew worse when Yua held up a leaf between her first two fingers. "**AND LESBIAN ACTION TOO! ALRIGHT!**"


	28. Chapter 28

Ara ara... sorry about the delay everyone, completely blanked out on posting this this morning.

The-Eighth-Sin: Such a nice and mellow fellow, no? He was fun to write, thanks.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: No, Shichibi's not the badger like in the false legend of the biju, I think you'll like this one more though ^.^

CaptDutchboy: Yeah, he's cool, lotta people like him. Hope this chapter lived up to the build up I gave for Yua.

volrath77: Just remember, that Jiraiya would have to use the chakra to do the jutsu. And yeah it'd be karma, but not likely.

Kenta Raikiri: When you end your trip, thanks for the review.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Glad people liked Jin, he was fun. And I'm only making up names for the ones that are missing them. And you won't be celebrating after Kirabi's chapter.

Stephanie8D: Even if it's a genjutsu, they're at least getting some action...

FairoNeko: Yeah, I think that's what people say about the entire story.

90MLLu: Glad that you're enjoying it, and hey! Three parts that you liked, I musta done something right! Enjoy this chapter.

CelticReaper: Jin's just a wonderful character, and such a fun guy to right. I dunno about the use of him in future fics, but I'll consider it.

AkioofWind: Glad you are loving the story still.

jolteonforever: *smiles and waits for him to get it* See, that wasn't so hard, now was it?

gryphonsson: A psychiatrist? Me? *calls one up, and listens as he runs screaming into the night* No....

HikariNoTenshi-San: Let's see... Normal... Hidan... and the critic? Ara ara, I think you've snapped little light angel... Thanks for the review.

helovestowrite: Oh trust me, the dirty will come... and when it does... no one will be safe.

badkidoh: Thank you, updated.

Lover of Ikuto: Thank ya so bloody much!

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 27

Naruto panted as she hid in the hollow of a tree, trying to figure out what the hell had happened. One minute she'd been saying good-bye to Jin, the next Yua appeared in front of him with that dastardly leaf that had once again turned her into a girl. After the whole announcement of raping Naruto, Yua started stalking closer, so Naruto did the only thing she could think of: a strategic and full speed retreat in a multitude of directions, using Kage Bunshins to try and lose the insane female. More than one bunshin had fallen to Yua's assault, the memories of a few of their final minutes caused Naruto to shudder.

She wasn't sure exactly where those tentacles came from, but she was nearly certain that there was no way in hell she wanted to find out, especially with all the various and bizarre places they were going. After all, who wanted something going in that hole... Shaking her head she figured she knew a few that liked it. But that wasn't important.

Taking a deep breath, she looked around cautiously and leaped out of the tree, running as fast as she could away from where she felt any chakra. Two minutes later, Naruto whimpered because she knew the chakra signature behind him, and she really didn't want to be caught by her. Before this had happened, she may have liked it, but right now, she didn't even want to think what Sakura might do.

"**Babe, you know what she'd do...**" her libido called out standing on the running Naruto's shoulder in a distracting corset and heels number, with way too much oil on the riding crop in her hand. "**She'd ride you hard all night long, and invite some friends!**"

Grumbling something about annoying deviant voices in her head, Naruto barely had time to react before Sakura tackled her out of the trees and into the ground below. Struggling valiantly against her captor, Naruto squeaked out her annoyance at the tight grip, mostly because she couldn't get breath enough for more.

Meanwhile, Shino was watching Naruto's struggle with a pensive frown. He knew he had to help, but had promised to never use his Kikai bugs against fellow Konoha nins... but this one was assaulting his Naruto... and he hadn't sacrificed his own chances for so long, just so Sakura could have him. If he couldn't have Naruto, only Hinata was the only one he would approve for Naruto. Making up his mind he chose one of his bugs, instructing it to bite but not suck chakra.

A moment later Sakura let out a muffled scream of pain and curled up, her hands cupping her crotch protectively. Shino smirked as Naruto got up and ran off, with a friendly farewell. He would have to ask Naruto to keep this form around, for though he loved the blonde's male form with every fiber of his being, he still liked the pleasant way that form bounced while running along.

Naruto used her new found freedom from Sakura to get as far as she could as fast as she could away from her pink haired teammate. The places Sakura's hands were groping, really made her wish that she wasn't female right now. It just felt really weird feeling those places being touched, rubbed, and inserted into, though she had to admit that Sakura did have some skill at what she was doing, if the moisture between her legs was any indication.

"**Look, I can be reasonable...**" her libido whined as she begged on her knees to the fleeing Naruto. "**Just give me ten minutes... and I promise you'll never regret it! Believe it!**"

Naruto swore that she'd get her libido some mental help for that damn annoying catchphrase it had developed. Seriously, shouting believe it at the end of everything is completely idiotic, and slightly desperate. Putting it out of her mind, she sighed and tried to find a way to last the remaining fifty-five minutes of Yua's time.

What she found next put all concept of time limits right out of her head. She didn't want to know why Sasuke was fighting a log... she really... REALLY didn't... Especially since it seemed to be that Sasuke was losing, and badly. As she turned to sneak away she heard something that she was sure would haunt her nightmares for years to come, even on top of this experience all together. "Ima make yew squeal real purdy like... like a liddle piggeh!"

As Sasuke screamed "Oh KAMI! It's like Orochimaru all over again!" Naruto made good her escape from the scene before it was burned too deeply into her retinas. The sounds itself was enough to pray that she'd never remember this month.

As Sasuke got logged, Yua smirked at Naruto running away; she was heading right for her trap... now all she needed to do was let Temari send the blond the right direction. However, for some reason she felt that her log brethren were celebrating a revenge for past wrongs.

Kissing one of her tentacle like vines, lightly she laughed as a star-burst flair went up into the sky, signaling the next part as having begun. A good distance away, Naruto noticed the flair, but chose to ignore it as something more immediate took over her attention.

Temari had cut down several yards of the forest, leaving Naruto out in the open, where her accomplice, come lackey trapped her with a kage mane. Really, Naruto always thought Shikamaru was smarter than to fall into Temari's clutches like that... but love made people do stupid things.

Naruto had to think fast, as Temari and Shikamaru were both coming closer. Pulling out the last of her ideas out of her ass, she looked between the two. "So... which of you is first?"

Smirking as the two paused, Naruto pressed on to try and get her escape plan into effect. "Really... I mean I'm only a virgin, and not used to this soft and supple body, so I don't think I could handle the two of you at once. So will it be the strong and tender Temari of the Sand, or the smart and wise Shikamaru Nara to teach me the ways of love?"

As the two looked at each other, Naruto knew her plan was starting to work. After all, divide and conquer was one of the simplest and most successful plans for a reason. She just needed the final spike to drive them apart. With a cute pout she looked between the two and played lightly with her lower lip. "I guess if neither of you wants to be my first... you could find someone else to take my innocence..."

It was Temari that snapped first, just as Naruto predicted. "NO! You are going to be mine... there's nothing this wimp could say about it to make me change my mind."

"Don't be troublesome Temari, let's just capture her, and we can decide first later," Shikamaru reasoned, throwing a wrench into the plan. "After all, we could take turns..."

"That's true..." Temari considered eyeing up the other blonde lustfully. But Naruto saw that she was also reaching for her fan. "I'm sorry wimp, but this one's mine!" With that, her fan was out and smashing down onto Shikamaru's head with a solid crack. This gave Naruto two things she'd been wanting. A distraction, and release from the jutsu. Instead of waiting around to see if Shika was alright, she merely bolted away, unknowingly towards a trap that had been designed to capture her and her alone.

Getting a healthy distance away, a familiar and tantalizing scent filled her nostrils, dragging her in like a fish on a line. And there, in the middle of a clearing sat something that was almost exactly like one of her wet dreams from back when she was a guy. Hinata Hyuuga was laying in a bowl of ramen noodles and broth up to her neck, her hair hanging out the other side.

"**DAMN!**" Her libido cried out while taking in the gracious curves of Hinata's body hidden only in the barest sense of the word by noodles. "**Okay, I know what you're thinking babe... but she... is right there... and...**" the libido was cut off when Hinata lifted her leg out of the ramen, running a finger from the ankle to her thigh before licking the broth off the blessed digit with her surprisingly long and skillful tongue.

Naruto let out a strangled whimper as she felt every muscle in her body contract and tried to force her to step forward. It didn't help when Hinata blushed and tried to hide in the ramen either, only driving her to want to hold the heiress all the more. When Hinata smiled that sweet and inviting smile of hers, crooking the same finger she'd been licking earlier as though to invite Naruto forward, it was all she could do to remain in one place.

"**You want that, don't you? The passion swelling in your breasts now...**" the libido whispered, in an odd dark grey robe with a full cowl over her head. "**Take your chance, use it. She is waiting... Go down on her now... give in to your lust... With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servant.**"

Naruto shook her head, her eyes still transfixed as Hinata arched backwards, the noodles slipping off her creamy skin tantalizingly slowly. "No..." was all she could whisper out as Hinata squirmed in ecstasy.

"**It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your sex drive, are now mine!**" the libido called out, reaching out a hand, and then dropping it again shortly as a sea-foam green haired woman emerged from the broth, right between Hinata's legs, licking her lips lustfully. "**Oh, that's why she was squirming...**"

Naruto's reaction to the scene before her was a simple one, twin nasal geysers later and she was a few miles away, imbedded into the walls of Konoha.

Naruto's blissful trip into the land of unconsciousness was cut short sadly by her libido showing up. "**Listen babe, that was weak, ya know? So how about you dig yourself out of this wall and go show them how it's done?**"

Groaning, Naruto decided to follow at least half of that advice; she would pull herself out of the wall. Shaking the dust and debris from her orange blouse she sighed heavily, trying in vain to figure out a place to hide. Someone should have warned her about these insane Jinchuuriki, at least they weren't doing that annoying rap stuff; that would probably make Naruto want to claw out her eardrums.

Looking around, she sighed in gratitude that the nearest source of chakra was clear on the other side of the village from her. Getting out of the area, Naruto groaned as a now familiar chakra signature appeared on his trail, gaining fast. This day was just sucking more and more with each passing moment.

If she had to guess, she'd say that she had another twenty minutes left before she was free of Yua. That girl made Anko seem nice and normal. Speaking of the devil, here she was, coming at her from the front while Yua was still behind her. It just wasn't fair.

Rather than changing directions, Naruto bowed forward and pumped her legs harder, charging straight at Anko. It was a stupid, suicidal tactic, as the thunking of kunai nets on either side of her head indicated, but if it worked, she'd be able to make her escape. Smiling as she saw Anko drawing back, Naruto still charged forward, hoping to pull this off. Shortly after Anko's throw, Naruto dove to the ground, the net flaring open above her as she rolled through the undergrowth. Laughing she sprang to her feet and waved at the now netted Yua teasingly. "Bye bye!"

As Naruto sprinted away, Anko close in tow she felt so good that she didn't even notice her libido shouting at her. "**WAIT! Come on! Go back and play with her! She's all trapped and waiting for you!**"

Naruto's concerns only grew when she felt a chakra surge of epic proportions behind her. Without even bothering to look back, she knew it was bad, and that Yua was going to be coming after her now. Anko's shouting, "Whoa! Watch those vines baby!" only served to increase the bad feeling Naruto was suffering from. Looking back, she confirmed that those vines were coming after her, and fast. Dropping down to all fours, she redoubled her efforts to get away from both the kunai chucking psycho, and the vine wielding one.

Springing into the air, she barely cleared a fox that had bounded out of a den in a bonsai charge to tackle Naruto out of the air. Summoning forth a squad of clones, she used two to spring ahead, dispelling them, while the other three grabbed the fox and flung it at the pursuing duo of psychos, the last clone to dispel caught sight of the fox tripping up Anko, and Anko in turn getting tangled in Yua's legs.

Naruto used this distraction to good effect, where she dove into a roots nest, weaving her body into its depth to hide in for a quick breath. A puff of smoke later, and a tiny two-tailed fox bolted out of the roots, heading away as fast as its four legs could carry it, then another went in a different direction, every few seconds another would sprint out.

The real Naruto was among the middle of the mix of foxes running out. Her only hope was that the overwhelming numbers of foxes would make it impossible for the psychos to catch her. Using this method, she smirked as one of the farthest clones sent a memory of Anko pursuing it.

A moment later, she felt herself being picked up, and let out a little whimper, her tail curling protectively between her legs, and her ears flattening. She knew exactly who this would be, and she could only hope that bestiality was too kinky for her.

Oddly enough, Yua didn't look victorious, as a puff of smoke surrounded Naruto even as he was picked up off the grounds. "Alright brat, you won... don't get cocky though..." Yua growled as she squeezed Naruto with her vines, "I will get another chance, and you won't escape me. Understand?"

A squeak and nod was all Naruto could muster; however, he was happy that he had his twig and berries back. That meant her time was up, and it was another hour closer to the jutsu being finished. Reverting to human he smiled at Yua and extended his hand. "It was fun, why don't you go hang out with the others in town?"

Yua looked at the hand for a moment before leaning forward and kissing Naruto fully on the lips. "That sounds like a plan..."

Naruto stood gob smacked watching Yua walking away as he released several clones. Aside from the one that had been caught by Anko, most had been trapped by vine nets. Yua had the upper-hand the entire time, but it seemed she had wanted the chase more than anything else. Shaking his head he turned to walk away, when an idea sent a chill down his back. He was doomed if Yua and Yugito teamed up. Flat out, doomed.


	29. Chapter 29

Warning: Extremely baaaaad raping... rapping I meant rapping! The other one should have been on the summary... especially for your minds.

volrath77: I'm glad you liked it... tissue?

zeynel: Ya know... I have about ten or twenty endings in mind... gotta pick one.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: I'll add akatsuki in asap... and I'm REALLY sorry about the rapping...

geetac: Thank you.

CelticReaper: Glad you liked that part. A: No it would almost be expected at this point... updated

HikariNoTenshi-San: Heh, you know... the libido is a fun character to play with... updated.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Wow... two nasel discharges of vital fluids... nice.

helovestowrite: I hope you enjoyed it while I proved you wrong. Here's the next chapter.

badkidoh: Thank you, and here's the update.

The-Eighth-Sin: Glad you're enjoying it, and the genre of crackalicious fics. Makes me happier that I enjoy them.

FairoNeko: No... it's the eight tails. but you were only off by one...

Stephanie8D: Yep, FemNaruto... poor Konoha...

Aracade: Ara ara... I swear I didn't know it was illegal at the time! I'm sorry... I'll change my ways...

90MLLu: Thanks for reviewing, glad that there was so many parts that you liked. Though I'd have to disagree that the best way would be Sakura in a bowl of ramen, maybe making out with Hinata and Ino.

Kenta Raikiri: Is it worse that you're arguing with yourself, or that you lost?

esyas123: Glad you're enjoying it, here's the next chapter.

AkioofWind: You wouldn't last five seconds. Always fun to hear about how horrible I can make things.

CaptDutchboy: That she is.

Sasunaru101: Thank you!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 28

Naruto was trying to see if he couldn't find that huge bowl of Hinata flavored ramen again, when he heard the most spine chilling sound to ever reach his ears. "Yo yo yo yo! Kirabi is in the hizzouse!"

Despite every fiber of his body begging him to not look, he couldn't stop from looking at the source of the noise. What he found defied logic, good taste, and even decency. There was a large adult man with dark skin, midnight black parachute pants, white half-breastplate, white scarf, white gloves, white headband, and a mess of sword handles on his back. "I'm going to guess you're the eight-tails container..." Naruto groaned out as he looked at the shade wearing man.

"Oh, such a sweet, tight package as all that," the rapping man cooed while striding forward, "And still room for brains... love the tat..." With the compliment, Kirabi stroked Naruto's cheeks lightly, with lust in his eyes, incidentally indicating the tat being referenced.

Naruto pulled back with a nervous laugh. "Yeah... about that... what exactly are you going to be doing?"

"Awww shoot man, don't worry about that crap! All you gotta do is love my rap," Kirabi purred softly as he eyed up the blond ninja. "For once I start to suckle on your neck's nape... It will be your sweet ass that I r..."

Naruto didn't bother sticking around to let the rapping Jinchuuriki finish that sentence, instead booking it away from him as fast as he could possibly muster. And in anyone had seen him just now, they'd have sworn he ripped open a gate or something.

Naruto had learned in his travels with Jiraiya that rappers would only lead to trouble in the long run, especially ones that sang about sex, violence, or anything involving body contact. This one was worse than he could even have imagined. The parachute pants barely covered the arousal of Kirabi, and Naruto knew that if he lost to him, he'd never be able to sit right again.

"So it is a chase is his wish..." Kirabi chuckled out as he chased after the orange clad kitsune with a soft whistle. "I shall tame him as my bitch!

Naruto rebounded off a tree, and wished against all hope that his eyes didn't see what they had just burned into their retinas. Apparently the log that Yua had been using to 'distract' Sasuke, had gotten bored and left him plastered to the surrounding forest by what looked to be a thick layer of tree sap. It had now moved on up the traitor ladder, as was now coating Orochimaru in the same sap-like substance. "Ah yeah, yew like dat, don't ya twiggy?"

"DAYUM! Those two have been logged..." Kirabi observed as he caught up to Naruto, "How about I show you how to get snogged?"

"Pass!" Naruto shouted back, flipping in mid run, so that he was running back the exact direction he had just come from. Instead of passing by the scene of Orochimaru and Sasuke's violation by living plant life, Naruto hung a left, heading toward Konoha. If nothing else, he could at least find distractions for the rapper pursuer he had picked up.

However, the taller male instead sprinted ahead and stopped, holding out a gift wrapped box. "A gift for you, straight out of the blue!"

Naruto took the gift, and seeing the eager puppy look that Kirabi seemed to have on his face, he decided to just open it. After all, he didn't get that many gifts, so he could at least enjoy this feeling for a while. Opening the box, he frowned in puzzlement as a reflective surface inside shined back an image of his kitsune look, and he noted that he could use a shower, and if he was seeing right, a shave too.

Pulling the reflective surface free from the box, he blinked as he saw that it was the seat of a pair of reflective pants. "Awww yeah, I can't wait to see myself in your pants. Now let's talk about breast implants..."

Naruto did the only sensible thing he could think of... he let Kirabi see himself in the pants, by shoving them down over the rapper's head and running away. Sensing Kirabi coming after him again, he decided to use one of his best tricks. Summoning hundreds of clones to divert Kirabi's attention, he lost himself in the swarming army of clones.

"Now, that's what I'm talking about," Kirabi shouted with a laugh as he looked at the sea of orange jumpsuits before him. "That many clones mean a lot of clout. Let's go back to my place by the sea, and we'll have an old fashion orgy!"

Naruto suppressed a shudder through sheer force of will, mostly so he could focus on running away from the rapper's bad rhymes. Thankfully, the sheer mass of clones did the trick again, sending Kirabi off on a wild goose chase. Meanwhile, Naruto just wanted to curl up and die, for there before him was a severely pissed off Anko, holding what seemed to be a shaved and trembling fox.

"Did you really think this would stop me?" Anko growled out, drawing closer, her snakes hedging Naruto in on all sides. "I mean come on! At least use a Reynard, instead of a vixen!"

Naruto felt bad for the vixen that was now currently sporting a poodle cut, but to be honest, he couldn't really summon up the actual pity for the poor thing, especially as it was now eying him like a piece of meat. A minute later his worry about the fox was mitigated by another, smaller and more familiar pair sneaking up from behind Anko and latching onto her ankles viciously.

Springing forward, he kneed Anko in the gut, and then neck chopped her in hopes of knocking her out for a while. The puff of smoke told him that he was in trouble; the swarm of snakes binding his legs, arms, and assistants in place were just mere reaffirmations at this point.

The feeling of snakes holding your limbs in place was one thing, being physically turned around and forced to look at someone by the same snakes was another entirely different feeling. Neither of which Naruto could say he'd recommend, especially not with how that one snake seemed particularly interested in hovering around the base of his tail.

What Naruto found when the snakes managed to turn him around was that Anko was standing there, smiling seductively as she leaned forward, her trench coat opening just enough so that Naruto could see the defined curves of her breasts and if she moved a little to the left, the hard tips of a nipple through the fishnet material underneath.

"**OH YEAH! That's the sweet stuff...**" libido Naruto moaned while appearing as a professor in front of Anko, pointing out the breast area. "**As you can see here, they are firm... round... and so fully packed... You want to smother yourself in them. You want to motor boat them. You want to suck on them like a babe fresh from the womb. Do you UNDERSTAND ME!?!**"

Ignoring that his perverted sex drive seems to have a dress-up fetish, and has gone completely around the bend, Naruto had to agree that Anko really did have a nice pair of breasts. But he also knew that taking advantage of her during this jutsu was wrong. He had to think of something, and fast, before she did something he figured she would regret, nearly as much as he himself would.

The main problem with that idea was that he was trapped, and Anko had years of experience on him. He was lucky to get this far already, so he shouldn't be surprised if he lost.

"**Yes... submit... give in to the inevitable...**" the libido whispered as he rubbed his hands together evilly, "**You want this Naruto... submit...**"

That cinched it for the sunshine haired young shinobi, he would fight with every fiber of his being against surrendering to his impulses to breed. Seeing a clone on the far side of the clearing he smirked and laughed. "It's a shame, you got the wrong one!" Using a little bit of chakra, he summoned up a screen of cloud, while the other one called out, getting Anko's attention. Thankfully, the splitting of attention was enough for Naruto to get one arm free of the snakes holding him. This allowed him to swing his arm over to form the henge hand seal, changing his form into that of a small two-tailed fox again.

Not wasting a moment, he leaped out of the snakes trying to recapture him, and bolted for the gate. His breakaway was interrupted, sadly by the last person he wanted to see right now. There was Kirabi, holding out a collar already attached to a leash. "Oh foxy little thang, come and suck on my wang. For now you'll be my pet, and such will be no sweat."

Naruto did what he felt was the only justified and logical action. He sprang forward and up and bit down on Kirabi's crotch with as much force as he could muster. The high pitched squeal coming from the formerly low voiced male would have caused Naruto to curl in sympathy pain any other day of the week, but not today. Today he was sick of being chased around, hunted non-stop, humiliated, violated mentally and physically. Today, he got some pay back!

Springing away from the fallen male, Naruto turned on Anko shortly after she dispersed his last clone. His hackles raised, fangs bared, and aggressive stance was enough for her to realize that someone had crossed the line, and slowly began backing away. One sharp glance to where Kon and Miso were caged in by snakes sent a pretty clear indication of what he wanted to happen, his eyes going blood red helped in that respect too. As soon as the younger two were free, and safely beside him, he began looking them over for injuries before signaling them to go into town and stay there. He had some business out here to take care of.

A quick check of his libido found that the normally expressive and dominate mentality had its tails firmly between its hind legs, and was whimpering something like '**I'll be good...**' Anko had her hands up, and was still backing away carefully, knowing better than to rile a cornered animal. And that's when the atmosphere was ruined.

Apparently a month without decent rest or food brought back a familiar old pain in the ass. A grumble in his stomach was the only indication that something was amiss, shortly before he let the most gaseous and vile smelling fart he could imagine, and that was just the first wave. The brown matter that was blasted out on the second wave made it even worse. Anko could only gape at the horror developing before her eyes. The eight-tailed Jinchuuriki was soon coated in liquid fecal matter, and potentially suffocating from the odor.

Anko couldn't be certain, but before the odor knocked her out, she could almost swear that Naruto's fox form was blushing through his fur itself. At least she wasn't like her favorite pet snakes, they smelled with their tongues, and the thought of what that would have meant was more than even Anko would want to consider.

Naruto looked at the blast radius surrounding him sheepishly, hoping to any power that be that he could hold his breath long enough to get clear. Instead of checking the two downed people, he decided that it would be best to get clear. After all, Granny Tsunade would have special suits for rescuing them. At least he hoped so.

Getting to the clear area finally, he took a deep breath of fresh air, and hoped no one went too close to the brown vegetation without proper protection. Returning to his normal form, he began sneaking away as fast as he could. After all, what he had just done should probably be listed as a forbidden jutsu.

Naruto's reprieve was short lived however, as he soon felt chakra signatures coming towards him. Leaping away from the scene he decided that keeping on the move for the rest of the time might be a better plan than anything else, especially if he was able to calm down both his emotions and his stomach.

"**Hey dude... how about we send a toad to Baa-chan for some medicine and food? That might help you out... just tell the toad to talk to Anko and Kirabi, and she'll be able to help out...**" his libido asked, still slightly cowed from Naruto's snapping earlier.

Thinking about it for a moment he nodded and summoned up one of the smaller messenger toads, Gamaken, who seemed inordinately happy at having been summoned. "HEYA BOSS! OH WOW! YOU'RE NARUTO! TATSU AND KICHI TALK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME! THIS IS SO AWESOME! MY FIRST SUMMONS AND IT'S THE AWESOME BOSS! NOT THE PERVY ONE!"

Naruto looked at the screaming toad that had to have been ninety percent lungs to get the volume he was putting out. "Yeah... look can you do me a favor? I need someone to run into town and tell the Hokage or a doctor that I need some medicine sent out. Can you do that for me?"

"SURE CAN BOSS!" the toad bellowed while Naruto continued carrying him along the wall, keeping track of the other signatures as best as he could. "JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, AND I'LL TELL THEM NO PROBLEM!"

"She's tall, has large breasts, wears a green jacket, and reeks of alcohol," Naruto explained before slowing to a stop. "Here's where you get off."

"SURE THING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!" the toad shouted with glee as he was flung over the wall.

Naruto lowered his arm to massage his poor abused ears. He really wished that the ringing would stop, really he would, and it would be very nice. Springing away again, he began sprinting through the branches of trees to get away from the approaching chakra signatures.

Pulling out some remaining marbles from his pockets, he spread them out over the area he landed on in a clearing. Leaping up into the tree in a direct line from the chakra signature that was approaching he waited for his prey to arrive.

He was only mildly surprised when Kirabi landed on the marbles, slid into a young tree, one leg on either side of said tree. Wincing in sympathy pain, he heard his pursuer squeaking out. "Oh fair Naruto, you have laid me low. I merely ask that you quit turning my groin to goo. It is time for me to say adieu, while I get some ice for my crotch. So peace out BIATCH!"

"Go take a bath, and hang out with the others..." Naruto answered, looking down at him cautiously. "Do I get a break from you guys?"

"Yes..." Kirabi whimpered while slinking out cupping his abused groin. "One hour."

Naruto smiled and left the large dark skinned shinobi to go lick his wounds. He hoped that he'd at least get something to eat before the next round came. Maybe even some medicine too... speaking of which, he had to find a bush to deal with the digestive problem again.


	30. Chapter 30

Hey all, sorry about this chapter being short, and not responding to reviews. It's now 1:43 AM on Thursday locally, and I'm late posting. I'm not really feeling all too well, and have been busy. Again, sorry for the shortness and lack of responses. I'll try to make it up to ya'll. Just one answer. Naruto now has about 14 hours left... and it's going on evening. Enjoy.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 29

Naruto sighed heavily as he enjoyed the first few minutes of his break from the Jinchuuriki. It was nice that they would be leaving him alone; he could only hope that the others would follow their example. A minute later, he held out his hand to catch the arrival of a familiar loud-mouth toad that was falling down out of the sky with an ear shattering scream.

"HEYA BOSS! NICE CATCH!" Gamaken shouted, while digging out a bottle from his hip pouch. "THAT LADY TOLD ME TO GIVE THIS TO YOU! HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER!"

A moment later, he sent toad back home, reading the instructions on the bottle carefully. He smiled thankfully as Tsunade-baa-chan had added some ground aspirin to this batch, maybe he'd have to skip calling her baa-chan for a day as thanks. Quickly downing the medicine he winced at the after taste and shuddered. A minute later he sighed as the headache from the loud toad started receding. Tucking the bottle away in a pocket he took off into the trees again, hoping to avoid any of the attention that toad would have likely drawn.

Coming to a lake where he could get a drink to wash out the taste from his mouth, he looked around cautiously. He knew that anyone out hunting him would probably realize he'd need a drink eventually, and this was among a few of the drinkable water locations near Konoha. Seeing and sensing nothing nearby he allowed himself to settle on the ground, and creep closer to the water. His eyes kept scanning the area, knowing that he was in the open here. The bad news was that he was exposed due to how open the area was. The good news was that he'd get a good chance to see them coming before they got to him.

Kneeling down between two thick bushes, he scooped out a couple handfuls of water, gulping them down swiftly he continued to scan the area, feeling like he was being watched. For some reason his libido was singing a weird song. There didn't seem to be any words, but it set Naruto's nerves on edge. Was that a ripple on the surface of the water? Maybe he should just move on.

Taking a last gulp of water, he sprang away from the water, running through the forest. Behind him he heard a splash, which caused him to look back. Unfortunately what he saw made him ready to void his bowels into his pants. There was a dripping wet blue man with a huge jagged-toothed grin looking right at him. If the red clouds on the black cloak were any indicator, he was a member of Akatsuki, and that meant trouble. Finally it occurred to him where he'd seen him before; he was the one that said he had two of everything.

Naruto in a well rehearsed motion summoned forth a swarm of clones, hiding himself in them as they all ran away. Splitting the mass of clones into two groups, he sighed slightly in relief as the shark man took off after the other group.

A few seconds later, a giant fireball blasted the entire group of clones, leaving Naruto alone cooked medium rare by the sudden flaming. There standing before him with the trademark Uchiha was Sasuke's older brother, Itachi. "You avoided me before Naruto, but not this time…"

Itachi activated his Sharingan and strode forward, his spinning red and black eyes locked on Naruto. Naruto knew better than to look him in the eyes, from reading about the Sharingan in his preparation to face down Sasuke and dragging him back. Instead, Naruto began backing away slowly. "Nice to see you again Itachi… I just ran past your friend… he's that way…" Naruto offered while hiking his thumb off in the direction of his other group of clones.

Itachi chuckled as he finally got within reaching distance of Naruto. "I see… well Naruto, it would seem that you lack… experience…"

Naruto decided that now would be a good time to run away, unfortunately he knew that the Sharingan would tell Itachi ever move he'd make before he even began to make them. And so it was with great futility that he summoned forth a swarm of orange, commonly known as Naruto's fall back jutsu Taju Kage Bunshin. While Itachi was forced to sift through all the various clones, Naruto decided it was time to make his own escape route. Pulling a clone off to the side, he began forming a Rasengan.

As Itachi finally reached him, the older ninja smirked evilly. "Prepare yourself Naruto, for seventy-two hours I will stab you with my kunai…" Itachi stated, while groping his crotch.

Naruto decided that the lack of weapons on Itachi would be a bad idea to point out right now. So instead he decided to play his parting shot as best he could. Hiding the Rasengan behind his back he backed away slowly. "Now Itachi, you really don't want to do this… you know that, right?"

Itachi surged forth, trying to force Naruto to meet his eyes; however the blond had closed his eyes at the last minute. When Itachi laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder, the younger ninja smirked and lashed out his Rasengan into Itachi's stomach. With a cry of "RASENGAN!" Naruto sent Itachi spinning into the forest, crashing through several trees on the way.

Instead of double-checking to make certain the Akatsuki was dead or alive, Naruto took off through the trees in a random direction. He had to keep moving, he doubted that Itachi would be down just by a simple Rasengan. Even if Itachi was down for the count, the other Akatsuki would be after him.

If he ever saw Jiraiya again, he would break more than just one arm on the jackass. Right now, his mind was going to ripping out his intestine by his dick, and strangling him with it.

Disturbing thoughts of revenge aside, he had to skid to a stop when he found an odd pink wrapped box six feet high, by ten wide, and he's guess about three deep. Right at his eye level, there was a card with his name on it.

Pulling on the ribbon, he instantly regretted it, as the box opened to reveal the pornoteers inside, in various poses that would have made Jiraiya blush. He didn't know why Sakura was behind Neji, thrusting her hip foreward, but he figured that it would be something for Icha Icha. The way Anko and Kurenai were between each other's legs was interesting, especially with how they were squirming and moaning softly. Sasuke was leaning back in front of Neji, whose face was dangerously close to his crotch. Meanwhile, the devil spawn from hell named Jiraiya, was watching them all writing in a notebook.

While Naruto was staring gob smacked at the cluster of people posing in suggestive positions, he felt an arm looping itself over his shoulder and whispering in his ear. "See Naruto? This is the fun that you could have... if you just give in."

"**Bro's got a point dude... that could be fun!**" the libido agreed with the voice. Looking to the right for a moment, he paled after locating who it was.

A crinkled eye smile later, Kakashi waved at Naruto with a chuckle. "Maa... Naruto, did you think that Captain Porno would just abandon you?"

"No... but I was hoping for it..." Naruto admitted with a groan. Really he had hoped to never see them again after the entire Jin incident. Edging away, he slipped Kakashi's arm off his shoulder. "I don't suppose you guys will just let me get away, will you?"

Kakashi gave Naruto an eye smile that he would have sworn was the second most evil thing he'd ever seen. The first being Kiyuubi himself. He could swear that all eyes were locked on him at that moment, and the voice of his libido seemed to speak for them. "**Oh... HELL NO BOY! YOU GET IN THERE AND FUCK THEIR BRAINS OUT!**"

"No Naruto, we're not here to... well not right now..." Kakashi explained as he waved towards the others who parted, a table appearing out of a scroll with a spread of food on it. "Let's have some dinner, ne?"

Naruto was forced into a seat at the head of the table, where he noticed that the food wasn't sitting on dishes on the table. Instead, Tsunade smiled down at him from the other end of the spread over her entire body. The location of a thick sausage between her legs, coming out of a pool of gravy in her crotch was definitely unique, but at least everything else was tastefully prepared to cover her properly.

"**Dude! Eat some of those noodles on her breast first!**" the libido shouted, forcing Naruto to look away with a blush, most of which was ruined when his eyes bugged a second later, seeing a dessert cart with Shizune and Tenten covered in a variety of treats and other desserts. "**Okay... I stand corrected... dessert first?**" the libido whimpered with want.

"So impatient Naruto..." Kakashi mumbled softly as he pushed Naruto's chin towards the other side of his chair, "Should start with the appetizers first, ne?" What met Naruto's eyes made the libido sing out in a heavenly choir while birds chirped in the background. For there was Ayame leaning back, a bowl of ramen casually resting in her lap, with naruto stars on her legs, and a layer of fish paste coated her breasts like a bikini.

Something inside Naruto died a little as he made his decision. All he needed now was the okay from Kami, and he'd surrender right here and now. He was teetering on the edge of surrender even without the okay. He clapped his hands together, in prayer to Kami.

The breaking point came in the form of Sakura whispering in his ear huskily. "Eat up Naruto-kuuun... you'll need your energy..."

With a shout of "ITADAKIMASU!!" Naruto dove towards Shizune with a passion.

Libido was doing a happy little dance with himself, shouting, "**Yes! Yes! YES!"**


	31. Chapter 31

narutohaloevolved: You'd like it if he just gave in, wouldn't you?

Alyondria: Aren't I letting him get away with it? Are you sure that I'm not letting it win?

BrownPaperBag51: But I have so much I wanna do with Naruto... I canna just let one person capture him like that.

Sasunaru101: Now why would I tell you that?

Serenity Reigns: I suppose so... but ya know... It wouldn't be fun just telling people what happened.

CelticReaper: Got plans for Ino... life's going alright, just a small incident with glass yesterday, nothing major. Updated.

geetac: Thank you

AkioofWind: Thank you, and he's never been far away...

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, here's another heaping helping of more.

HikariNoTenshi-San: It's like a train wreck, you can't help but stare, no? Updated.

Kenta Raikiri: *ahem* Ara ara... seems that both of your are rooting for the libido's team... oh and about that bet...

helovestowrite: Thank you, something bad? Moi? *blinks* Oh, for shame... It'd be something horribly evil and mean, whiles still good...

WINDxNINJA: Sorry about your nerves, I hope you don't mind the stretching of the tension...

Volrath77: Heh... ara ara... so much lovely food, no? Where to start... where to start... shouldn't that be Captain Porno's voice?

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Hungry... or horny?

CaptDutchboy: I suppose the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... enjoy the continuing misadventures of Naruto in Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism!

The-Eight-Sin: By the blessed fecal matter of St. John! You'd have no chance with the dessert cart.

badkidoh: Tissues for nose bleeds and... other matters are to your left.

naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaruto-kun: Well now, I'm not entirely sure, I'm debating on which of several endings I want to do... we'll see I guess...

90MLLu: Thank you, glad ya liked it, here's some more of my attempt at keeping up the good work.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 30

"**I hate you...**" Naruto's libido growled out with a glare at the blond that was munching on a fire-roasted fish. "**You are either a right bastard, or gayer than Sasuke... wait he was there, and you turned him down too... fucktard it is then.**"

Naruto grumbled as he ate the fish, glad his clone had performed kawarmi with him at the last moment, but the orgasmic taste of the ramen he was only getting the memory of right now was masochistic in the cruelest sense of the word. Furthermore, the other courses were heavenly as well.

"**NOT just Sasuke mind you, but SAKURA too! Dude, we've been after her since the first year of the academy! AND SHE WAS RIGHT THERE!**" Libido screamed in dismay while bringing up a stilled display of the scene, pointing right at Sakura who was inches from Naruto's left arm. "**AND WHAT DO YOU DO?! YOU RUN AWAY! GODS ABOVE DUDE! YOU RAN THE FUCK AWAY!**"

Naruto flicked off his libido grumpily while eating another fish, wincing as the memories of the main course started filtering. The noodles, the tender beef slices, the juicy broiled fish, and the delicious sausages. It was nearly too much to bear.

"**Oh... don't you dare look at me in that tone of voice! You know we both wanted that meal, but you had to be noble and run away...**" libido shouted while driving a finger at Naruto, "**You've been nothing but a thorn in my side since I got here!**"

As the memories of the silky smooth chocolate creams, the rich sweet vanilla cream, and the warm sweet caramel that melted in ones mouth filtered into his mind, Naruto decided he'd had enough of the annoying mental splinter. "I've been a thorn in... YOU'RE SIDE?! Look at us! You are in my mind, and have been nothing but a pain in my ass all day and night since you've appeared."

Standing over his libido with a snarl of anger, he drove a roaster skewer at the hallucination that was cowering before him. "Now you listen and listen well, I am not a pervert like Ero-sennin, if I am to give myself to someone like that, it will not be because of some stupid Jutsu! There is nothing you or anyone else can say to deter me now that I am so close to being free," Naruto ordered the shrinking figment of his exhausted imagination, "I will get out of this, and that is final."

Turning away from his libido, he snatched up his last fish and tore into it viciously. A moment later, he pulled off a handful of fish meat and knelt down, holding out the fish for a familiar faded blue fox nose. "Hello there Miso, how are you doing?"

Miso smiled as she walked out into the open carrying a radio headset in her mouth. After Naruto removed the headset, she smiled and wolfed down some fish gracefully. "Thank you Naruto-sama, I am well thank you. Your friend Shino asked me to give this to you... said you dropped it a while ago."

"Thank you Miso, I did..." Naruto answered quietly as he pet Miso, slipping the headset on. Pressing the activation button he spoke into the microphone, "Hey bug-man, you listening?"

"Indeed I am Naruto," Shino's voice answered back calmly, "I placed a couple of my bugs on the headset, and they are keeping me informed about your whereabouts and status. I will help you as much as I am able, but we, the Aburame clan, have been contained for trying to help you. We cannot hurt members of Konoha, so we are unable to escape, but I managed to secret away this headset pair. I will help you as best I am able. Please keep your toads from eating my bugs."

Naruto blinked before chuckling, "Was that a joke bug-man?"

"Indeed... you should keep moving," Shino stated calmly, "The Jinchuuriki have moved out again, I believe the two females said they would go first."

Naruto paled at the end of the warning, he knew that if those two were coming after him, he was as good as caught. After a moment he swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke up. "Shino man, if those two are after me, I don't know if I'll be able to make it..."

"If anyone can, it is you Naruto. You are the most unpredictable, number one knuckle-head ninja of the world. I believe it is time you remind them of why that is..." Shino reassured Naruto calmly, his tone sounding as though he was reading off a grocery list, but for some reason it filled Naruto with more hope than any impassioned speech could.

"Thanks Bug-man... I'll be in touch..." Naruto replied calmly before removing the headset and tucking it into his kunai pouch. "Alright you two... come out and play..."

"Oh dear Yua... it seems our little mouse isn't going to run after all..." Yugito purred as she slipped gracefully out of the trees to Naruto's right. At the same moment Yua appeared leaning against a tree off to Naruto's left.

"That it does, such a pity that he's in his male form... it is rather off putting to chase a guy..." Yua whined playfully as she held up a leaf. "Maybe I can change that..."

"No need for that Yua-san..." Naruto replied with a smirk on his lips, holding up a leaf of his own. "You have until I revert to normal to catch and hold me... or you will..."

With a burst of red chakra, so dark and oppressive, even the demons inside the other two Jinchuuriki were quivering in their prisons, Kyuubi burst forth from Naruto. "_**Or you will submit to my host's will after this jutsu ends!**_"

After the squeaks of 'yes sir' from the two Jinchuuriki before him, Naruto blinked as the chakra receded back into him. "Uhh... yeah, that sounds good..." Naruto offered with a chuckled before muttering to himself, "Where the hell did that come from?"

Naruto looked at the leaf in his hand for a moment before smiling wickedly. "Well then, shall we begin?" Naruto asked with a teasing smirk.

The two women looked at each other nervously, they had to decide if they wanted to pursue it, and with the now squishing feeling in their pants, and the containers of their demons. As they were deciding, Naruto placed the leaf on his head, and transformed into a female once again. The simpering voice that spoke up, caught their attention however, "Well girls? Shall we?"

The two girls looked at the orange-clad female for a moment, before glancing at each other again and turned to run the hell away from the blue balls influenced demon, and his now feminine container. Jutsu or no jutsu, they didn't want anything to do with that insane person.

Naruto watched the two running away with a playful smirk for a moment before leaning down to get ready to run after them. "The tables have turned; I think I should have some fun..." Naruto purred softly before springing into action. Somewhere deep inside, a dark voice chuckled evilly inside his seal.

Standing at the edge of the clearing, libido just stared after Naruto's retreating form with a stunned look on her face. After a minute, she stamped her feet and pouted petulantly. "**And why couldn't she do that earlier?! It's NOT FAIR!**" libido screamed to the air in frustration, seeming to pull her hair out. "**Oh well, it's play time!**"

"Uhh... Yugito-san..." Yua called out as she sprinted through the trees as fast as her legs could carry her, somehow managing to keep up with the taller female. "Isn't this something like the opposite of what we were supposed to do?"

Yugito thought for a moment, though she could have just been taking a deep breath to stabilize the quiver in her voice. Not that it helped much at all. "Y...yes... b...but I d...don't think w...we're welcomed..."

Yua blinked at the stuttering and nervous tone that Yugito's voice had taken, she knew that the aura had been terrifying, even her demon had been quelled by it. But she didn't understand what had affected her fellow Jinchuuriki so. It wasn't until Yugito skidded to a halt pointing straight ahead in silent horror that Yua understood, it was the sheer difference in power; any normal human would have probably crumpled up and died. However, they had something else to deal with.

Following Yugito's finger's direction she let out a whimper, seeing the sultry seductress that had appeared before them. For there, leaning against the tree before them was the female form of Naruto they'd been running away from. The pout she had on her face was nearly irresistible, especially with how she was playing with her tail. "Don't you want to play with me no more?"

"We were just uhh... ya know... we don't want to play right now..." Yua let out a whimper of nervousness. "We'll be your servants later... like the deal right?"

"You can't win or lose if you don't play..." Naruto playfully whimpered in return, teasing the girls even more. "So like all of you did with me before hand... I won't let you just not play."

Yua and Yugito looked at each other again, while the logic of the first part didn't quite scan correctly in their minds, the look in Naruto's eyes, and the tone of the second part told them _exactly_ how much the blond woman meant it. So deciding to swallow their prides, and fears they did the only thing either of them could think of doing. They dropped to their knees and begged forgiveness.

Sadly this didn't seem to be overly effective, as the black aura of death swirled around Naruto once again, his eyes narrowing as Kyuubi took over again. "_**Look at you pathetic worms... where is your demonic pride! GET UP AND RUN YOU BRATS!**_"

A tiny little girl wearing a simple orange sun dress walked out, storming right up in front of the blackened Naruto and glared up at him, after a moment she spoke. "Knock it off daddy, play nice or I'll put you on a time out."

The effects of the ultimate demonic badass no jutsu completely and utterly ruined, Kyuubi sighed heavily and knelt down next to his daughter. "_**Kon-sweetie, daddy's a little busy right now... beside there're two things wrong with your statement, I'm already on a time out... and I don't do nice...**_"

"Oh... I know that daddy," Kon answered with a sugary tone to her voice, as she beamed up to her father. "But there is a good reason I stepped in when I did..."

Kyuubi groaned, knowing that he was going to regret this. "_**And what's that sweetheart?**_"

Kon smiled her best foxy grin, echoing ones worn by Naruto long ago, before turning slightly to her left and waving a hand towards where the girls had been groveling before Naruto and Kyuubi. "To give them time to run away from you."

"_**. . . That's my daughter alright...**_" Kyuubi stated after a moment of stunned silence. A couple seconds later he broke down in laughter and settled on Naruto's backside. "_**Well then kit, remind this brat to buy you some ice cream after the jutsu wears off...**_"

"Yay!" Kon cheered as she clapped her hands, bouncing up to hug Naruto close. "THANK YOU DADDY!!!"

Kyuubi wrapped Naruto's arms around his daughter, savoring the feeling of holding her for the first time in over thirteen years. It was more of a blessing than he could ever have hoped for from Kami, more than he could have ever dreamed of earning with Karma. And he wanted nothing more than for this to never end.

Yua and Yugito were once again running for their lives through the trees again. They didn't care that they had to serve Naruto once this was done; he seemed like the decent sort, when his demon wasn't in control. It might even be fun. However, their run was stopped short when they ran into the other Jinchuuriki forming an assault crew, working with the still food covered Pornoteers, as they had insisted on being called, Captain Porno, and the remaining members of Akatsuki. When the others turned to look at the panicking pair, they all seemed to wait for their results.

Yua looked over the group slowly, counting every single one of them at least three times over before gulping, and looking at Yugito again. It was the blonde woman who spoke the words that were filtering through her fear clouded mind. "Not enough... not nearly enough... he can be thousands... and he's out to get us..."

Out of the entire assembly of ninjas gathered there, only one could think of the proper response to the situation. In the back of the Pornoteers section, holding his notebook and pen in trembling hands, Jiraiya looked to be the most ready to piss himself of the entire lot. "Oh... shit..."


	32. Chapter 32

Sorry about the late update, and the weird formatting... is acting wonky tonight. Is it bad that I went to get the reviews for this fic... and was SHOCKED by the number I saw for hits? 90,009 and 493 reviews! Seriously guys, thank you! For that, reviewer number 500 will be getting a special sneak peek at my next story after II:AM is finished. You all rock so freaking much!

Elemental Dragon Swordman: So... uhh... where was he? I mean he missed a good chapter... *sighs* Ara ara... anyhow, we'll see exactly what Naruto is up to, ne?

BrownPaperBag51: Oh... I don't mind NaruSaku much... but normally it's just a bit on the contrived side... personally, if I'm going to write it, she's either on some happy drugs (or pheromones) or she's like a big sister... yes my big sister and I hit each other regularly growing up.

Aracade: Ara ara... Rule one for Turn-about: It's fair play! *pokes* Yua doesn't seem happy...

geetac: Hey, you know... Shino is the one with about ten more endings to his shipping(or some harem thereof) than any other, save Hinata.

badkidoh: Thanks, I try.

volrath77: Naru's such an evil one, isn't he? Going after targets that have been chasing him around all month... I have special plans for Jiraiya.

CelticReaper: Two slaves, a pair of crushes on both sides of the spectrum... so little time, so many orgies... err I mean people to satisfy... riiiight... ara ara -.o

AkioofWind: *bows* Thank you, and I don't think he could get far enough away.

Stephanie8D: There is an old song... let me sing for you the lyrics... "o/To everything turn, turn, turn... There is a season turn, turn, turn...o/" Sorry to all the bleeding ears folks.

HikariNoTenshi-San: Ara ara... so much to do... so little time... and yes, Libido is... well wasn't it always crazy? Glad that the loving, touching moment was loved, felt good giving them that.

The-Eighth-Sin: Only minorly

The Forgotten Hero: Alright, you make a lot of fairly good points, and reminded me of things I could have researched better thank you. And since I corrected you on the other points privately, I won't bring them up here. However, about the leaf thing? I feel that many are probably wondering. Basically in kitsune lore, a kitsune would use a leaf to transform... I just upped the leaf's power in this version. (P.S. Lemon... sounds good...)

anotamous: Served... like an atomic bomb.

Kenta Raikiri: Thank you for honoring your bargain, I.K. shall be returned to you after a few weeks. The muses are so hot and sticky, they just want to lounge by the pool in their togas and skinny dip. I assigned him as their servant for the duration of his stay.

jolteonforever: SHould have, but didn't... glad I went with my heart on the father/daughter scene... feels good, really good.

OverLordRevan: Smut will come when I feel like it.

Sasunaru101: That she is... I might keep Kon around as my little add in to writing... She's fun to write for!

FairoNeko: Evil... and wrapped around his daughter's little finger.

Kokiiru-kun: That would be a sight to see... wouldn't it? Another would be probably Pein getting stuck to a super magnet...

CaptDutchboy: Yep, glad you're liking it, and Jiraiya might have two braincells inside that skull of his...

90MLLu: Glad to have cheered your day up... here's some more!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 31

Naruto could smell it, the prey, it was strong this way. It was running scared right now, and by the smell of it, it was an aroused female. For some reason, the scent struck a familiar chord with him.

Rounding in on the scent's source, she smiled down at the prey that stood trembling before him. There she was, beautiful pink hair partially obscuring her lovely green eyes, her chest was sheaving for breath after having ran from Naruto. Dropping down to the ground, Naruto smirked at her prey, her hips sashaying tantalizing with every step. Softly she purred out to the cowering rosette-haired girl before her. "Hello Sakura-chan... are you trembline with fear..." pausing a moment she gave Sakura another look over with an assessing look, "Or lust?"

"**SHANNARO!**" a not so quiet or unfamiliar voice deep inside Sakura's psyche shouted out with a huge smile. "**IT'S BOTH DAMMIT!**"

Outward Sakura however chose that precise moment to not answer, but only squeak as Naruto leaned over the trembling rosette, a feat made all the more impressive by the fact that Naruto was shorter than her. "Naruto... please... don't do this... not like this," Sakura pleaded softly, tears welling in her eyes as she pressed harder into the back of the tree behind her.

The bitter laugh that reached her ears next wasn't what she had expected, even worse was the feminine lilt to it made it all the more sinister in her mind. "You know... I asked that of someone..." Naruto purred seductively, causing even Inner Sakura to clamp her thighs together in arousal, "And do you know what happened?"

"They kept going?" Sakura squeaked out, looking around desperately for an escape.

Naruto's laughter wasn't so bitter this time, but rather more like that old foxy snicker he had when his pranks were successful. She never could figure out how he could laugh like that, and still run at the same time, but now... now she wanted to know how this beautiful woman trapping her against the tree was able to pull off the same exact sound, and still make one want to piss themselves in fear.

"Oh dear... dear sweet Sakura-chan..." Naruto cooed out, her eyes soft, warm, and inviting; the tone however made it seem like she was mocking the poor girl. "For all your brains, you never could see the obvious..."

Naruto leaned in and kissed Sakura lightly on the forehead, before a swirl of smoke obscured the blonde again and in her place was the real Naruto. He however disappeared a moment later, the only thing lingering about his presence being his voice calling out, "Ask Shino about what happened when he had me caught!"

A few strides away, Naruto growled inwardly at the fox who was now smirking in his cage. "There, you had your hour, now will you shut up?"

"**_I am satisfied, thank you for letting me bond with my daughter and not counting it against my hour of control..._**" Kyuubi purred with satisfaction as he settled in for a rest. With a smirk, he thought that he might just give the brat a gift if he managed to make it the remaining ten hours. It took guts to turn the tables like that on the others like that, but soon they'll get wise that he's still running away from them. And when that happens, then that annoying libido who was currently screaming from under Kyuubi's paws would be happy.

That had been another part of the deal; the libido had to be contained for the duration of Kyuubi's control. And well... when there's a nice seal covered cell already available...

Convincing the cell's warden had been a simple matter, heck that Yondaime bastard loved the idea so much he laughed about it. Right up until his wife smacked him upside the head, and then agreed with the idea. Oh Kyuubi liked her alright; she had the spark of fire that refused to let foxes get tamed.

Now if only he could get Naruto to accept another aspect of fox life, that being the taking of multiple mates, he might just be able to pass on the title of king of the kitsunes to the brat, and entrust his daughter's life with him. After all, he was among the most honest and savage fighters among those weak humans.

Looking down at the oddly silent libido, he smirked as it was just laying there pouting. There was something satisfying in the way he had broken the sap. It paid to be a powerful demon after all, helping to suppress a mental aspect was nothing. But it was boring without the brat around. So he tapped a claw on the figment's head. "**_Stop pouting brat, he'll let you out once puberty starts effecting his brain. And besides, I think we can do more after he finishes this jutsu. Want to hear my plan?_**"

As the curious psychosis listens in to Kyuubi's plan, a chill ran up Naruto's spine as he strolled along the forest canopy. Looking around he tried to see if anyone was nearby, muttering "Why do I feel like my life is going to get more hellish?" Springing from the branch he extended his senses more, trying to figure out where the nearest solo chakra signal was coming from. During his turn, he beat up Jiraiya, teased Sakura, and now he wanted to finish strong.

His plans were derailed however, when he noticed the person standing directly in front of him. It was Jin, who had seemed like a decent enough guy, but there was something about his stance that put Naruto on the defense. Searching around quickly he found that they were alone.

"Hey Jin... what's up man?" Naruto called out cautiously, remaining away from the odd jinchuuriki.

Jin looked up at Naruto with a frown, before sighing and settling down on the ground. "Well Naruto, it seems that I have to at least attempt to capture you, or they won't give me back my bubbles and pipe..."

"I see... and you're not running from me why?" Naruto asked as he dropped out of the trees, landing next to the pouting guy. "I mean you know it's now my turn to chase the others, right?"

"It's a trick, you sly fox..." Jin chuckled as he watched Naruto land and dust himself off. "You're not the type to switch your mind suddenly like that. I can tell, it's in your aura man..."

"Really?" was Naruto's ever so witty reply.

"Naw man, but I saw how you was earlier... you were chilled out man, not all savage predator, dig?" Jin countered leaning against a tree while watching the clouds go past. "So... how about some tag or something, to say honestly I chased you... I really want my pipe and bubbles back man..."

"Yeah sure... and if you do manage to catch me..." Naruto answered flipping up into a tree, "I really need to practice more... you're it." And with that Naruto sprinted away through the trees, playing for the first time the game he'd seen several others playing before. And it sure did seem like fun, now was his time to find out.


	33. Chapter 33

Sorry folks, busy night, might edit in responses to reviews later. Sorry all. But Congrats to Stephanie8D on being the 500th reviewer.

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 32

Naruto walked away from the now neatly bound Jin casually. It had been the young man's idea to trick the others into thinking he'd lost badly by having him being found bound, while hanging from a branch. He'd had a lot of fun playing tag like the civilians did. True it wasn't like ninja tag he played with Konohamaru, but it was fun none the less. Now he just needed to keep on the move for another nine hours.

Wandering around the forest, he sighed he knew that his plans wasn't going to work, but he had to at least try and walk away. Unfortunately, he nearly walked into Hinata, who was wearing an odd facial mask which looked similar to those that the rain ninjas wore during the chuunin exams. Instead of jumping him or anything like that, she merely sat there on a log waiting for him. Patting her hand on the log next to her, she indicated for him to sit down, letting him choose whether to sit or not.

Naruto settled in to the seat that he'd been offered carefully, making sure to keep Hinata in sight at all times. He knew that the visual warning wouldn't be much, but it would still be better than nothing. Settling into the seat, he took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Hey Hinata... what's up?"

"I... I hhhad to s...see you again N...Naruto-kun..." Hinata's speaker distorted voice said while a blush formed on her cheeks. "Shino-kun a...and the Aburame clan have been trapped... I th...think I will be the next. I have come to warn you, the o...others are uniting to go after you. Be safe, I will try to remain out of the hunt as much as possible."

Naruto smiled warmly at Hinata for a moment before leaning over and kissing her forehead lightly. While the red creeped over the shy girl's entire face, he chuckled lightly and nodded. "I'll keep one step ahead of them as much as I can... Jin could probably use someone to let him go... Would you mind?"

"H...hai Naruto-kun..." Hinata answered before half-way skipping towards where the poor trapped Jinchuuriki was. Such a small thing, one kiss, but oh the world of difference it could make.

Naruto chuckled again lightly at the love struck girl, knowing that he had caused her brain to become to messed up stirred an odd feeling of joy deep inside his heart. Not that he'd ever admit it, especially within hearing distance of Hiashi, but Hinata was hot, and knowing he had her love meant a lot.

Turning on his radio again, he whispered into it gently. "Hey Bug-man, got your ears on?"

"Yes Naruto," Shino's voice spoke up as Naruto continued to move on his way through the forest. If he had to guess, he'd have said the usually stoic Shino was annoyed by something.

"I just talked to Hinata, most likely she'll be joining you guys soon..." Naruto continued pondering that annoyed tone in the usually stoic Shino. "What's up on your end?"

"Nothing Naruto..." Shino intoned, leaving silence fill the connection between the two of them, but he cut back in before Naruto could interrupt. "Did you have to kiss her?"

And like lightning from the sky if he was wearing a suit of iron and holding up a mile high pole, Naruto had a flash of insight into why Shino was annoyed. He was jealous! Smiling to himself, he held back a laugh at his friend, knowing that would make it worse. "I'm sorry Shino, but she looked like she needed it, you'll forgive me right?"

Shino's silence started to worry Naruto, who used the moment to look around and check for nearby chakra signals. Gulping the lump in his throat, he was about to apologize again, but Shino interrupted him before he could. "I expect that you will treat me equally next we meet. And you still owe me a date..."

Naruto's response was cut off sadly, when he walked face first into a low hanging branch. Spitting out leaf matter, he shook his head, trying to clear the stinging his nose was feeling. "I haven't forgotten Shino... don't worry, I promised. And you know I don't go back on my word."

"I know that Naruto..." Shino answered calmly, though Naruto swore there was just a hint of smugness there that Naruto wondered just how good his news network with his bugs was. Shaking his head, he laughed at himself, realizing just how foolish it looked what with the great and powerful Naruto Uzumaki being smacked in the face by a branch.

"Hey Bug-man..." Naruto asked after a few minutes of chuckling as an idea struck him. "Where'd Hinata get that face mask from?"

"Ino has been leading a resistance movement against those trying to hunt you down," Shino answered a moment later, his tone sounding pleased. "She has given one to Hinata, Chouji, Shikamaru, Anko, Gaara, a couple more of the Jinchuuriki, Shizune and Hokage-sama. Of these only Anko has continued their pursuit of you."

Naruto felt better during the first part, feeling that someone was looking out for his well being, and it increased with every person named, sadly however finding out about Anko still being out after him, he slumped, ready to give up all hope of making it out. "Uh... Anko is out there after me you say?" Naruto asked, barely dodging another tree branch to the face. "Did she give a reason? And why wasn't Ino hit by the pheromones like the rest?"

"Yes Naruto, and she said that she had a previous claim on you from before this began. Something about cheeks, and blood," Shino answered calmly, pausing a moment to gather his thoughts for the next questions. "Ino was suffering from a cold when this began, and was wearing a face mask to prevent spreading it. After finding out about your... affliction, she started the resistance to support you. Keeps muttering something about Sakura..."

"Ah, must be looking out for her friend then... I'll try to work with her if she wants to capture Sakura..." Naruto offered as he looked around nervously, feeling like he had just walked into the lair of a great beast. Maybe it was time to get off the radio headset. "Have her contact me if she wants to work together... I think I have to run now..."

"No you don't..." a familiar, pants wetting voice purred directly behind his left ear. "See... I've been waiting for you my dear..."

Naruto's first instinct, was probably what had saved him from the snake charmer, after all, screaming "BAD TOUCH NO MEANS NO!" while slamming his fist into the pedophile's face couldn't really be a bad idea, unless Orochimaru was into pain or something.

"Kukuku... playing hard to get, is that it Naruto-kun?" Orochimaru purred, licking the blood sliding down from his nose, all the way up to the base of said facial appendage. With a mental cry of eww, Naruto decided to do what any sane container of a nine-tailed fox demon in a world of ninjas would do. He summoned forth a swarm of clones that dog piled on the pedophilically inclined Sannin and took off like a bat out of hell with another swarm of clones masking the real one's location. If he was lucky, Orochimaru would only want the real one, and he wouldn't have to try and repress memories of Orochimaru's actions otherwise.

The next thing that Naruto saw was enough to turn his stomach inside out and yet... he found it oddly arousing, for there in the middle of a clearing was Sasuke dancing around wearing a dress, with what looked to be a training dummy dressed in Naruto's clothing. "Oh Naruto! My dear sweet Naruto! I knew the power of Emo would bring you back to me!"

Edging carefully away, afraid to even touch that with a ten mile long pole, Naruto decided that it might just be best to keep moving, lest the obviously insane Uchiha decide to come after him. Besides, he really didn't feel like disturbing Sasuke's 'me' time anyhow.

The sound of a twig snapping echoed through the suddenly still air. Looking down at his feet, he found that it hadn't been him, but who else could it have been? Looking around, he found one of his clones a few yards away sheepishly waving at Sasuke, who had his eyes locked on the waving clone. Deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth, Naruto sprang away silently pleading with the clone to give him a few minutes.

Naruto made the best escape he could manage, springing through the trees, summoning clones at random, and sending them out in random directions. It wasn't the best idea he'd had, but it seemed to work regularly. After all, one person can only follow so many clones before they lose track of the original. Arriving in another clearing he felt his heart leap up into his throat, and the blood to flow out of the same region. For there, across the clearing was something that would scare most sane men in the world.

For there in the clearing in front of him was Anko locking eyes with him, over a air filter device, twirling a kunai around her forefinger, while Tenten sat at her feet, running a whetstone over the edge of another kunai, and Kurenai-sensei was kneeling next to Anko, licking her tongue lightly over the naked flesh of Anko's thighs. The part that scared Naruto the most, was that he was the only one wearing clothing in this clearing, and he had to admit that it was tempting to not remain that way.

Somewhere deep inside he heard the echoing cries of "**OH FUCK YEAH!**" that sounded eerily like his libido, but he was fairly certain that was his imagination. His mind was forcing itself to reboot, and because of that, he nearly missed Anko's walking towards him, Kurenai and Tenten crawling after her like pets. The sway of their bodies as they drew closer, was definitely distracting, however he could still register Anko's speaker-distorted words.

"Hello brat... you're looking overdressed..." Anko attempted to purr, but it was slightly diluted by the filters' speakers. But the effects were still working against Naruto's body. For despite everything he might say in denial of the fact, he was still a young, virile, and hormonal male. "Come join us..."

"Come join us..." Tenten and Kurenai mewled in pleading echoes. This served to further deny Naruto a reason to retreat from them. After all, they were _**hot,**_ naked, beautiful, and wanting him to play with them. Somewhere deep in his brain, Naruto knew that giving in would be wrong, very wrong. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out the why that would possibly be so.

Before Naruto could surrender to his basic mammalian instinct to mate like there was tomorrow; a weird swirl formed in the air in front of him, followed shortly by a black and red cloaked form with an orange swirl mask. "HI THERE! I'm sorry but Naruto's late for a party! I'll just take him!"

A nauseating moment later, Naruto found himself in a far more disturbing scene. For there, sitting at a table set for twelve, was all six forms of Pain, Konan, Deidara, Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei, and Tobi. The most disturbing part of it all was the small fact that they were all completely naked, save for masks on Tobi and Kakashi. He found out many things in those few minutes, one Iruka-sensei had a bigger scar than he ever let on from the Mizuki incident, two there were more places to pierce on the human body than he had ever wanted to know, three Konan was had natural blue hair, and finally was number four, that Deidara's chest had a mouth that was currently sipping tea. Indeed, today was a day for learning a lot of new things.

And that was about the time his mind decided to reboot itself again. While he was out, it seemed that the Shinigami wasn't done jerking him around. Instead, he was pulled back into the land of the dead. This time however, the image that greeted his eyes would be forever scared into his memory.

Directly in front of him, was Old man Sarutobi, who seemed to be screwing some woman good and hard into the bed. A quick glimpse of the woman's face caused him to flashback to a picture that Sarutobi had shown him long ago. It was of his wife, shortly before she died. If he had to guess, he'd say that this woman was her... and he should leave now.

Unfortunately it was about this time that the Shinigami made his presence known to all. "AH NARUTO! HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" the evil, evil, son of a bitch shouted, causing Sarutobi and his wife to whirl their heads around. A shuffle of blankets later, they were hidden, and Naruto begged that his eyes would not have that burned into their retinas forever more.

The next moment that Naruto saw anything, he was back at the tea party clearing, listening to a naked girl bellow down at the cowering group of ninjas. "AND THAT'S WHAT'LL HAPPEN IF YOU TOUCH MY DADDY AGAIN! GOT IT?!"

Suddenly, Naruto was very glad that he had blacked out for a while, because the little girl has managed to scare some of the toughest ninjas alive. But at least the smiling face of Miso filling his vision a few seconds later made him relax. He knew these two, and knew they'd keep him safe... as much as possible. And with that thought in mind, he sighed and allowed his body to relax, and just enjoy the moment. Seconds later, Kon was crushing his ribs, but at least it was a hug and not something else. Someone really needs to teach the girl to mind her own strength.


	34. Chapter 34

volrath77: Now now, do put your feelings into their love... besides, are we even sure Shino's a guy under that coat? Aside from canon telling us so that is...

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Uhh... sorry about the blood loss.

The-Eighth-Sin: Heh, figured people'd agree with the little pervert...

CaptDutchboy: Ara ara... even the god of death needs to jerk people around sometimes, ya know?

badkidoh: Thanks, updated & stuff

Aracade: Well... Kon is a demon, remember?

jolteonforever: Glad you're loving it... sorry about the mental scaring.

CelticReaper: Well... Ino's going to be here and there from now on... updated.

Alyondria: Yeah, I'm glad of that fact too.

HikariNoTenshi-San: There might be an omake later, just not sure... ara ara updated

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you, here's some more. Glad you're enjoying it.

spottedstar2: A few chapters back actually... sorry... Thanks, glad you're liking it this far. Updated

FairoNeko: Yeah, just a moment though, or else the poor girl might melt

90MLLu: Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I'll try to keep it up.

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 33

Naruto sighed as he was half-dragged along by a girl half of his height, and a fraction of his age. If it wasn't for the fact that she had a grip that would rival Kakashi's, he might have been tempted to laugh at the scene. "So... where are we going Kon-chan?"

"Oh... someone wants to meet up with you aniki... she's wearing one of those masks, and says she isn't after you..." Kon answered with a nervous smile.

Naruto raised an eyebrow at the evasive answers coming from the usually expressive Kon, seeing her nervous smile as she mentioned who he was to meet. Deciding not to press he followed the little girl as she brought him to a clearing, where Tsunade was sitting on a log. "Hey Brat, how goes?" the speakers called out as she waved calmly. Naruto's experience with Kakashi had been enough to tell him that she was smiling by how her eyes curved and crinkled slightly.

"Well baa-chan, kinda sucky actually..." Naruto complained with a pout. "What was up with you being with the pornoteers? I nearly lost it seeing you like that."

"It's the pheromones Naruto, they effect the body chemistry so much that the brain isn't working the same way anymore. It doesn't change the initial sexual preference, but since most of humanity is at least bisexual to a degree... it amplifies feelings already there," Tsunade explained as she patted the log next to her for him to sit down. "Ino in fact only had a matter of minutes in our bodies before they started to reject her resistance without the masks. Then the others start playing around with genjutsu while the brains are not working... at all pretty much... the end result is basically what you've been seeing. Understand?"

". . ." Naruto settled to the ground in front of Tsunade just in case she wasn't as in control as she seemed. His mind kept trying to process all that he had just heard from her, but nothing seemed to be adding up right in his brain. Finally he just gave up and surrendered. "No, I don't... but that's fine, I just have to keep from getting captured by them until their brains are working again, right?"

"Except for Anko..." Tsunade corrected with a nod, "She's out for you without the pheromones..."

"I was hoping you wouldn't remind me of that..." Naruto whined as he cupped his hands over his ears. "She was after me earlier, and if that orange-masked Akatsuki member guy... uhhh... Tobi, I think... hadn't pulled me out, I would have been trapped."

"I see..." Tsunade mused while her eyes told him she was smirking, loving every minute of his torment, "I hear that your little sister here saved you from Akatsuki... and a few others..."

"Oh yeah! Kon-chan was amazing!" Naruto declared to the heavens above as he hugged his little savior, who had returned to fox form. Setting her down in his lap, he began petting her gently while sighing heavily. "Hey Baa-chan? Is there a way to repress memories? Cause I've got several... dozen from this past month that would be great to not have to see again..."

"Did you hear that Inoichi-kun?" A voice said from the left of them.

"Indeed I did," presumably Inoichi replied from their right. "The poor little fox wants to block some memories..."

"We should help him out, shouldn't we?" the voice from the left asked casually, with a throaty purr.

"Now... now... Chouza-kun... I don't think there is much we can do right now..." Inoichi replied to the voice casually, "Wouldn't you agree Shikaku-kun? Yoshino-chan?"

"Yes indeed Inoichi-kun..." a female voice purred softly just before a whip cracked, all directly behind Naruto, causing the poor blonde to want to wet himself in terror. Meanwhile, Tsunade's eyes widened in a panic as she realized what had happened, her own hand moving to grab the mask from her face.

"Kage Mane no Jutsu... Success..." A male voice behind Tsunade answered, letting them know exactly where Shikaku had gotten off to. And why Tsunade was grabbing her face mask.

Naruto was about to spring away, when a whip casually curled around his neck and slammed him back into the ground. A moment later a pair of huge hands pinned him to the ground. "Now, now Naruto-kun..." Yoshino purred as she sauntered over, pulling the whip back and cracking it on the ground again. "I didn't give you permission to leave yet..."

Naruto looked up at Shikamaru's mom who was clad in a painted on latex corset, and stiletto heels, and gulped after finding out more about her than Shikamaru had seen since birth. He was opening his mouth to say something when suddenly he had to shout about something else. "OI CHOUZA-SAN! WATCH THE FINGER YOU'RE GONNA CRUSH IT!"

"Indeed Chouza-kun..." Yoshino purred as she moved the offending finger out of the place it was in danger of crushing, "We can't have that, now can we?" Reaching down she gently rubbed the bruised organ, intentionally making blood flow into the area, and causing it to swell.

As the blood drained out of the functional areas of his brains, Naruto barely heard Tsunade's purring voice as she sashayed over. "I can help take care of that Yoshino-chan... Let me run a diagnostic and see if he needs healing..."

"A wonderful idea Hokage-sama..." Yoshino huskily whispered as she pulled the large breasted woman into a tender kiss, using her whip handle to guide the other's chin.

The blood spraying out of his nose coated a good part of Chouza's hands, while he maintained a weakening struggle to free himself. It wasn't that his will to get free was weakening or anything, but the redirection of blood to other areas of his body, including the external ejection of that crimson fluid, was causing his muscles to weaken slowly. It was only when he heard Ino's voice cry out, "That's enough!" that Naruto believed he might have even a chance of escaping.

Naruto managed to turn his head and lock on the one light of salvation he had at this moment, since Kon was currently trapped under Chouza's hands, between Naruto's knees, trying to bite his way through the entrapping limbs. "Ino-chan! Help me!"

"I plan to Naruto... and then you're going to help me rescue the others..." Ino answered, unfortunately this had distracted her enough that Yoshino was able to crack her whip and knocked her breathing apparatus off her face.

"Come now Ino, I'm sure you want to play with us..." Yoshino purred out, while crushing the filter system under foot. Gently she pushed the blonde girl to the trapped boy. Naruto whimpered as he saw the lust filled blush and bedroom eyes forming on Ino's face.

Suddenly, just as soon as it formed, the look was gone, and she was smiling at Naruto secretively. With a wink, she bent over, her hair hiding their faces while she whispered, "I'm on your side..." just before she drove a senbon into Chouza's nail bed, forcing him to pull his hands away. "Clones now!"

Naruto didn't need to be told twice, a second later; there was an entire army of himself filling the clearing, two of which were running away with Ino and Kon in their arms. With the five of them pinned down, they were unable to get away in time to pursue, but many of them got in some playful gropes and molestations on the clones holding them down. While they lay on the ground panting from the 'fight' with the clones, Yoshino looked over to Tsunade curiously before asking, "Why didn't she get affected like we did?"

"Well... as I told Naruto earlier, most people are to some degree bisexual..." Tsunade explained carefully, before sighing, "Ino isn't it would seem..."

"But that means..." Yoshino started, before her eyes widened, and she started laughing. "Oh my... and who would be the lucky one? I think Sakura would be a good choice..."

Tsunade smiled secretively as she put her breathing mask back on. "Well now, that'd be telling..."

Several yards and gaining away, Naruto was springing through the trees, holding Kon with Ino next to him. "That was awesome Ino-chan! I'm glad your immune... must be from your cold lingering or something... but we should get you another mask... just in case..."

"Yeah, that... might be a good idea..." Ino answered with a slight quiver in her voice. Splitting off from Naruto, she called out, "I'll contact you on the radio Shino gave you to set up our trapping Sakura."

Naruto nodded, feeling it better to keep as quiet as possible to avoid being found. Waving good bye, he tucked Kon close to his chest and whispers a thank you to her, smiling as she made a soft purring sound. It was nice having a friend right now, his mental clock told him he only had about seven hours left, and he knew that it would be the most hellacious seven hours of his life.

As if in indication of how accurate those thoughts were, Naruto was forced to dive as several snakes shot out of the bushes in an attempt to snare him. He was about to run away again, when he noticed his arms were missing one little fox kit. Looking around, he found her corralled by snakes with her friend Miso. Just as their eyes met, and he managed an apologetic smile to the young foxes, a gravelly, electronically distorted, female voice spoke into his ear, as two strong arms wrapped around his shoulders. "Hey there... don't worry about the kids... my snakes will take good care of them... let's go have some fun..."

Naruto whimpered as he knew exactly who had captured him, and his precise chances for a rescue at that moment seemed about the same as Orochimaru's dating a woman... less than zero. However, he did have one last thing to try come to mind. "Not now Anko-chan... I've got a headache..."

"Oh... alright then..." Anko answered, unwrapping her arms from around his shoulders and turning to walk away, "I'll just take the kits, and we'll go play then... you get some sleep..."

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise at the thought that the cockamamie idea might have actually worked, however that was before the idea of Anko and the kits struck him like Chouji at an all you can eat buffet. It would likely be a very, _**VERY**_ bad idea to leave them with Anko.

Biting his lip, he tried to think about what he could do... when the idea came to him, he let out a sigh and hung his head. Well if he was cursed, he might as well make it work for him properly. A crossing of fingers later, and three clones appeared in front of him. Two of them plucked a leaf from the trees each, and placed it on their heads. The remaining one walked over to Anko and hugged her close.

"Now, now Anko-chan... that was very rude of me..." the clone whispered into her ear, as the two female clones latched onto her arms, rubbing against them with their entire bodies.

The real Naruto allowed his clones to play out their part of the plan, while he snuck over to the cage for the kits, and snatched the two of them out. His feet were already carrying them far away, when he heard Anko's soft moans of pleasure. Desperately he hoped that his clones were giving her a massage or something, and not doing something he would come to regret in the future.

He'd just gotten the memories of his male clone removing Anko's mask, and his female clones kissing Anko from the male's perspective, when he felt a chakra presence drawing near. His initial instinct to run away from that signature was forestalled by him having to smack his forehead at the last memory of his male clone before it dispersed itself destroying her breathing gear. He'd promised her a date after he'd gotten over the jutsu.

Turning on his radio, he whimpered to the only person he knew would be sympathetic. "Shino? Could you kill me?"

Shino's voice came over the lines softly to answer him. "While I could, quite easily in fact, kill you... I won't... you are a man of your word, and would not rest easily if you did not keep it... Besides, I would like to see how you get out of this one..."


	35. Chapter 35

spottedstar2: Thanks! Uhh... sorry it was late? or Early? I just post around midnight Thursday my time... Updated ^.^

The-Eighth-Sin: What is shenanigans? Does that mean like game over or something? If so, I guess so... yep... she's 'immune' but why the quotes?

volrath77: It would seem so... however the pheromones blocked some neural impulses to make a person more dangerous... so she's more dangerous sans pheromones... What earlier stance? Please clarify. And yes... Shino is a guy.

Celtic Reaper: Now why would I tell you something like that? ^.^? Ara ara... so much you want me to just say... but I'll only give you this... Updated.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you, more Roshi hot and ready for lovin' from the oven!

Stephanie8D: Indeed it could... perhaps even should...

HikariNoTenshi-San: How? He lets me write this! Oh wait... he'll know I'm writing this now and come after me... If I fail to update next week, blame Hikari here folks! Ara ara... Updated.

geetac: So did I.

esyas123: Thanks, I'll try!

Kenta Raikiri: Just a bit of a spot... you know like Jupiter's storm... Your mini-me is currently scrubbing the sewers.

NarutosBrat: Did I say that? I wonder what would happen... You think Ninjas would be 'normal' lovers?

badkidoh: Thank you, updated.

FairoNeko: . . . . . Mind out of the gutter please... this one refered to a situation.

AkioofWind: Ya think? I'd say it's overdue... and yes... yes she is...

CaptDutchboy: *pokes the bleeding body* Uh... oh... Uhh... I was not here! *disappears*

jolteonforever: GAH! It's GAI! He's REAL!

90MLLu: Thanks, I really liked that line as I wrote it... and so many people agree with that, don't they? Thanks for the review

Googleyum: New reviewer! YAY! I could tell you, but I think the other reviewers might know the answer better... Thanks for the review!

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 34

Naruto grumbled as he walked along, cursing everything from Jiraiya, to Shino, to pheromones, to the kitchen sink. In fact the only thing he didn't cuss about was ramen, but anyone that knew him wouldn't be surprised at that at all.

Shino seemed to love the fact that he was struggling so much, and everyone else seemed either willing to keep distant once their mind is cleared, wanted him to help hunt down others to clear their mental facilities, or just wanted to screw him into the ground. At least he still had Kon and Miso helping him, even if what they could do was limited.

Looking up to the star filled skies above he sighed, wondering if everyone hunting him had gone to sleep yet. Save for the Jinchuuriki, everyone else were humans and needed to sleep. And if Ino had taken care of a few of the Jinchuuriki, that meant that he'd have even less people to deal with.

Maybe he should ask her who she had gotten next time he saw her, and thank her too. It was nice to know that someone was fighting back on his behalf. Even though, he wished that she had been around for more of the past month, he could understand that she was down with being sick, and had to be careful so that she didn't succumb to the pheromones as well. It still mystified him that she was able to resist their draw earlier.

Shelving that for later consideration, he let out a groan of dismay as Roshi stepped out from behind a tree. "Ah my sweet one, you have come back to me, as I knew you would... let us away my sweet fox," Roshi spewed forth, with great embellishing actions, "I will take you far away from here, and we shall be so happy!"

"Err... that's alright man..." Naruto answered back as he edged away from the gruff looking Jinchuuriki, "Why don't you go find someone else to chase?"

Roshi looked crestfallen at Naruto for a moment, before he noticed a leaf drifting down towards the blonde's head gently. "You are quite right Naruto-kun... I shall find someone else..."

As a puff of smoke surrounded Naruto, Roshi dropped to his knees and pulled a bouquet of roses and a heart-shaped box seemingly out of nowhere. As soon as the now pouting, and female, Naruto emerged from the smoke he smiled sweetly. "Now my dear, you are someone else, are you not? I shall win you over with my courting!"

Instead of replying, Naruto bolted like a bat out of hell, leaving an orange blur in her wake. Roshi looked after the orange blur for but a moment before traipsing after the escaping blonde boy. "Ah mon ami! It is the chase that is half the fun, non?"

Naruto kept running as fast as her legs could carry her, wondering what exact matter of horrible karma she had done to cause this. After the first ten years of her life, she decided to stop listing things. It was getting too depressingly long.

Instead she paid attention to where she was going, and forced herself to skid to a stop, for there directly in front of her were the newly reformed pornoteers, missing only the recently unmasked Anko. The only difference this time was that they were all standing around in those uniforms Jiraiya liked from that one school they passed, the girl's uniforms. "That's far enough Naruto!" Kakashi cried out, while striking a pose, "For denying the goodness that is sexual gratification, you must pay. In the name of porno, I Sailor Porno, shall punish you!"

"And we the Porno Scouts, will punish you!" the others echoed in a ragged chorus. Now Naruto wasn't the smartest person on the planet, but she knew that this was definitely going to be nightmare fodder for years to come, especially since none of them chose to wear anything under those skirts, and the posing they did flipped up the front sides often.

She really didn't need to see the two old guy's dicks looking ready to impale her. Kami above, she prayed that she'd not remember seeing that. Instincts chose that precise moment to kick in, and she ran. Within ten steps, she had a swarm of clones saturating the area with orange clad bodies, serving not only as a distraction, but also as a impediment to slow down any movement in the area.

As memories from her clones started filling her mind, she decided that she really didn't want to know about the basis for those attacks. Especially the one called 'Flaming Princess Slash Attack!', that one in particular she did NOT want to know about.

After the disturbing images from her clones filtered into her mind, she decided that the use of the clones was both a curse and a blessing. And that she might just have to take up bashing his head against the wall to block out some of the memories that will be coming out of this.

Diving under a branch she let out a shriek as she skidded to a halt again. "Dear sweet Naruto-chan, you have come back to me again," Roshi called out with a smile, "I seem to be without an bed for tonight... might we share yours?"

Naruto sweat dropped at the Jiraiya level pick-up line, and sighed. Finally she just shook her head and patted him on the head. "You're sweet, but it's not going to happen. Bye!" And with that Naruto was gone, replaced by a boulder. Roshi pouted playfully, before he got up and began chasing after where the five-tailed skunk told him the blonde woman had gone.

Naruto on the other hand was running as though her life depended on it, again. What she needed right now was to find a cave, and collapse the entrance for the remaining four and a half hours of the stupid jutsu. Her mind decided to focus on the glorious thoughts of vengeance that she would perform on that damnable Ero-Sennin. She might just have to ask one of the Hyuuga clan members to seal his chakra points, especially in regards to his sexual organs. That'd teach him, no pleasure from sex or even the arousal of it. Or maybe she should tie him down and force him to listen to a clone reading from those insipid children friendly stories Sarutobi forced upon her when she was younger.

Oh yes, the revenge would be a beautiful thing indeed. She couldn't wait until she could enact it. Jiraiya had called down the prankster demon that was Naruto, and she would answer like Kyuubi sealed inside of her.

"Naruto, come in Naruto," Shino's voice crackled through the radio Naruto had turned on in wait of Ino's call.

"Yeah Bug-man? What's happening?" Naruto answered back cautiously keeping an eye out for the sexual predators after her.

"Ino has just arrived back in town and regained a breathing mask," Shino stated calmly, "She has asked for our radio frequency, and should be contacting you momentarily."

"Thanks Bug-man," Naruto responded as she settled down on a branch to catch her breath, "Are they treating you guys alright?"

"Yes Naruto, we are merely confined," Shino answered calmly as Naruto rested, "They have fed us and provided sleeping and sanitary facilities. We are as well off as possible."

"Good... well, I'm going to listen for Ino's call now," Naruto grumbled as she got up from her short break. "If I don't answer her right away, tell her I'm running again."

"Will do Naruto..." Shino answered before silence reigned.

Naruto got a few yards in, before Ino's voice crackled in over the radio's earpiece. "Naruto? Are you there?"

"Yeah Ino, I'm here..." Naruto answered waiting for the inevitable.

"What happened to your voice? It sounds so ho... err girly..." Ino covered herself nicely, but Naruto still wondered what she had nearly slipped was, but decided against it.

"Leaf fell on my head, turned into a girl... All together, just a normal day this month..." Naruto grumbled cutely with a pout as she kept moving along.

"Ah..." Ino took a moment to get her mind back on track, despite how adorable Naruto sounded; she had to remind herself that she was not interested in him, but that her she was talking to... "Do you think you could help me trap Sakura?"

"I don't know if I can..." Naruto answered the pout evident in her voice, "She's still with the Pornoteers, and I think they've gone off the deep end..."

"Oh? Can you pull her off alone? Maybe send a squad of clones at them, and use a few of them to tackle her into the bushes?" Ino offered, with what Naruto thought was an odd sense of desperation in her voice.

Naruto paused for but a moment to consider that tactic, which unfortunately was enough time for someone to catch her. Looking ahead of her, she frowned and let out a groan of dismay, how do these people keep finding her?

"Look Naruto, I just want to talk..." Yugito offered through the static distortion of her face mask. "Yua and I agree that we lost, and are going to uphold our end of the deal... but to do that, we had to make an agreement with our demons... In the last hour of that jutsu of yours, we're all going to go all out. I suggest getting away as far as possible. If you can get a few hours away from here, you'll be safe."

"What's the catch?" Naruto asked curiously, her eyes narrowing at the Jinchuuriki before her, "There's no way that the others will let me just run away like that."

"You're right..." Yugito offered with a regretful look in her eyes. "If you run like that, they will assume you surrender... but Yua and I can try to convince them otherwise! You have to get away from here!"

Naruto smirked and gave her a victory pose. "I'm not going to run, heh, I'll beat them all no matter what it takes. That's a promise of a lifetime!"

Over her headset, she heard Shino and Ino both calling her an idiot, among other colorful names, but she knew that she could do it. She would show them all that a cornered Naruto is not a trapped one, but a much more dangerous one. Walking over to Yugito she hugged her and kissed her forehead, having to stand on her tiptoes to do so. "Thanks for the warning Yugito, but I'm going to either go down fighting, or go down in history. Either way, running is not my ninja way. Besides, I might just surprise you."

With a huge grin the sunshine haired girl left the bemused flax-haired woman behind, missing her shaking her head slowly in disbelief. "If anyone can... Naruto-sama can... Maybe I can get some more ramen while in his service..." she mused, before briefly giggling. "This is going to be fun!"

Naruto fought down a shiver of trepidation at the thought of what the last hour would entail. After a few minutes, she cleared her throat and spoke up. "Ino, if you can tell me the position you want in ten minutes, I'll help you get Sakura, as best I can."

Ino gulped audibly at the tone of resignation in the poor girl's voice. "Naruto, if... if you want to run away... I'll understand... you don't have to do this..."

"Naruto knows this Ino-chan..." Shino cut in before Naruto could respond, "But this is the way she is... she doesn't run, nor does she forget promises. Besides, she's not the number one unpredictable, knuckle-headed ninja of Konoha for nothing... I'd wager she even has a plan right now."

Naruto laughed as smoke surrounded her body again, turning to a male chuckle as it dissipated. "Yeah Shino, I do... and if anyone was to find out what I was planning, they'd probably lock me away in a padded cell... or promote me to Jounin..."

"Now that is crazy..." Ino muttered, getting a chuckle and nod out of Shino and Naruto.


	36. Chapter 36

Ara ara, gomen minna-san, I'm an hour late updating... My bad, I got distracted with an anime and lost track of time... Anyhow... some sad announcements before the torturing of Naruto...

First off, my beta has sadly hit a string of real life difficulties, and is no longer able to perform his duties... so I'm looking for another. Anyone interested please send me a private message via this site.

Secondly, as indicated above, this chapter has not been beta read, I apologize for this. Also for any mistakes made due to a building migraine-type headache the day of typing.

Thirdly, anyone that has stated making pornoteer or other fanworks based off this fic... could you remind me who you are? I lost the list of people I was watching for that.

Fourthly, thanks to newcomer, Vassago-Toxicity, for correcting me on the Jinchuuriki names and biju... Not changing them in this fic, but it's good to know them.

Now onto responses!

spottedstar2: Ara ara, sorry again for keeping you up late. AS for his crazy plan... this is Naruto we're talking about... Also, the plan is still in plan, so watch for it.

AkioofWind: No comment? But you're commenting by saying no comment... IT'S A PARADOX! HE'S DESTROYED THE STORY!

Kuro no Kitsune: ^.^ Ara ara... humor is a great way of destroying barriers, ne? And what disturbing images? I don't put those in this fic do I? Updated

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank ya, hope you like it.

CelticReaper: Laughter is good for you, no? Naruto's plan is... a s~e~c~r~e~t. Updated a little late sorry.

volrath77: *sweeping up mind shards* Oh, these are yours? Here you go...

Stephanie8D: ^.^ Ara ara... I wouldn't do that to poor Naruto, now would I?

HikariNoTenshi-San: Thanks to your valient efforts, I remain alive, and not rasenganed into the ground. Thank you... Ara ara... ^.^ Updated, mostly for your sake. People can stop hunting you down now.

badkidoh: Another great review, thanks. Updated.

Googleyum: Yeppers, fresh and hot from my mind to your screens.

CaptDutchboy: Seriously... you knew the end would have to happen mate...

90MLLu: Anyone else wanna see Sailor Ramen? I mean I love the Sailor Naruto thing that's been on youtube and DA lately... as for ruining your childhood... give me a show and I'll do my worst. You're welcome!

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Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 35

Naruto looked down at the prey milling about underneath him; for once he was thankful of his pheromones transferring to his clones as well, since they were running around with the others filling the entire area with his scent as a distraction. He was searching for one of many ninjas below in particular, and with her pink hair, it was easy to find and track her.

That's right; he was hunting Sakura for Ino, and knew what he had to do. He just really wished it was possibly to do it another way. As she paused directly underneath him, he dropped a pinecone and watched as it fell directly in front of her face, just as he had planned. As she looked up at him, he gave her a nervous little wave and put a finger to his lips.

As expected, Sakura crouched down and began springing up through the branches at Naruto's hiding place. As she got a quarter of the way there, Naruto took off through the treetops with a wide smirk on his face. It was going perfectly according to the plan, save for the fact that the occasional memory from his clones would make him seriously regret the plan itself. Seriously, he didn't need to know about how they were ripping apart his clothing to get at his privates. Really he didn't.

Getting to the clearing that Ino had specified, he sighed and forced himself to trip, landing at the base of a tree. As a leaf settled down on his head lightly, and a familiar swirl of smoke surrounded him he let out a groan in a now familiar girly voice. Sure enough, Sakura didn't slow her stride in the least while Naruto was now female. Scooting back against the tree she gulped nervously knowing that she didn't have strength enough to match the lust-possessed Sakura, even if she was male.

"S…Sakura-chan… y-you don't want to do this…" Naruto whimpered as she pressed into the tree. "Trust me, you don't…"

"Oh but Naruto-chan… I do…" Sakura purred as she pinned the blonde girl to the tree with a smirk. "Didn't you say that you loved me? I'm all yours right now…" Sakura's hands were busy while she continued to purr softly into Naruto's ears. One was tracing some random pattern on Naruto's leg, while the other seemed to be taking great interest in playing with Naruto's ears. "Or are you going back on your word there?"

Naruto was distracted for a few minutes at just how good the teasing her ears felt. It's like all the tension and pressure built up from the month of being constantly on the run melted from her in seconds. However there was a new feeling building deep inside her. "N…no S…sakura-chan… I… I still love you… b…but you're going to regret this…"

"Why would I? I lo…" Sakura stopped mid-word as her eyes widened in shock, before Ino's voice blended with hers as she spoke. "I've got her Naruto, hurry… I don't have much time… And you don't want to know what they're thinking about doing to you…"

Deciding it wise, Naruto pulled out some wire she had wrapped around her waist under her shirt and began binding Sakura up tightly, while remaining careful to not hurt her so Ino wouldn't be kicked out too soon. Just after she finished binding the last of the wire in place, she looked into Sakura's eyes and smiled at Ino inside there. "All set Ino-chan…"

"Good... now take my body and place it on top of her…" Ino commanded through Sakura's gritted teeth, telling Naruto just how much the other blonde was struggling to retain control. Nodding her understanding, Naruto leaped into the tree and picked up the limp form on Ino from where it was it was nestled in the branches.

Carefully carrying the body down, she gently laid her on top of the probably furious pinkette, and knelt to straighten out her hair slightly. "There you go Ino-chan, take care of Sakura-chan... please… she means a lot to me as well as you…"

Sakura's eyes blinked a few times before a playful smirk flitted across her face. "Don't worry so much Naruto, but if you don't leave now, I'm not sure I'll be able to stop her from going after you…" Sakura's body answered as it reached into Ino's kunai pouch and pulled out a breathing mask.

Naruto smirked playfully before springing away again, heading towards the cluster of people she had left running around earlier. Meanwhile, Ino opened her eyes, and looked at Sakura's clearing green eyes, once they were back to their crystal emerald normal; she hugged the rose haired girl closer. "Welcome back Sakura..."

"Ino-chan?" Sakura asked through the breathing mask, blinking at the blonde holding her and smiling directly above her. "Why am I tied up?"

"Well Sakura..." Ino started with a faint blush, "I wasn't sure you wouldn't go back to chasing Naruto after I left your mind... so I thought it safer this way..."

"Good thinking..." Sakura answered as she wiggled against the binding wires. "But why are you on top of me?"

"Err... that is..." Ino floundered as she tried to give an answer.

Back with Naruto, she had managed to find herself in another tight spot. Apparently her clones hadn't turned female the same at the same time as she had, in fact it seemed that more of them were males, but all of them were still trapped in a giant wire net. This was compounded by the fact that the rest of the porno senshi were currently sitting around the net, waiting for Naruto when she arrived.

Striking a sexy pose she blew a kiss at the assembled group of pheromone-junkies, and teasingly called out, "Hey there big boys! You going to come and get little ol' me?"

A second after the first step was taken; the clones inside the net dispersed themselves, creating a thick, impenetrable fog bank. When the smoke cleared, all that was left of Naruto was a hole in the ground where she had been standing.

Kakashi was on the spot within seconds, inspecting the hole. Finding a few drops of blood on the ground, he chuckled and summoned forth Pakkun. "Hey Pakkun, I need you to track this blood for me, can you do it?"

Pakkun took a quick sniff of the blood, and sighed. "Still after Naruto, eh? Let's go, he's digging just below the surface..." the pug grumbled before setting off the way Naruto's blood was heading. As the others trailed after the small dog, Naruto smirked from her position. Dropping the cloaking sheet away from the side tunnel she'd tucked herself into she smiled as her clones continued digging away. Eventually the pair would split up, and Pakkun would recognize the trick, but maybe he'd let her get away just to be nice. She could hope for that at least.

Pulling herself out of the hole, she looked around the forest clearing and smirked, letting it turn into a snicker one might recognize from her pranking days, if her voice was a creamy alto instead of his scratchy baritone.

"Good trick, Naru-chan," a disturbingly familiar voice spoke up from behind the poor blonde.

Naruto's ears flattened to her skull as she whimpered and turned to look at the voice, already knowing who had spoken. "Thank you Tenten-chan... oh hello Temari-san... beautiful weather out today, no?"

Sure enough, there was Tenten standing back-to-back with Temari, while twirling a kunai on her finger. And Temari had her fan at the ready. The really bad part of it all was, they seemed to have forgotten that they had stripped earlier. And that was really getting the juices flowing in Naruto's body.

"That it is Naru-chan," Temari purred as she sashayed her way over, seeming to put extra sway in her hips and chest, causing poor Naruto's mind to go blank. "But you're pouting on such a beautiful day... is it maybe because it cannot compare to the beauty of you?"

Tenten walked up behind Temari, her own body a pleasing contrast of firm muscles and slight breasts to Temari's thicker build. Together it was enough to make Naruto wonder if her sex drive had died because it was oddly silent at the moment. Then Tenten giggled, her features softening in those few seconds. "Now Tema-chan... her heart is just so big, I bet that she wishes she could share the day with us..."

"Well... that'd be nice Tenten-chan... but I really should be going now..." Naruto squeaked out as she crab walked backwards. "Maybe you should talk to Shino about the next time I'm free, cause I'm sure I'll be in the doghouse for life after this!"

"Tema-chan..." Tenten spoke up after a moment's silence where Naruto gained a little distance from the pair, "Get her."

Those two words were the last thing Naruto had wanted to hear, as Temari deployed her fan fully, and wound back. With nary a look back, Naruto turned on her heels and started running as fast as she could. She hadn't even gotten five steps when she heard and felt the wind. The odd thing was, it didn't feel as strong as she had expected. That was when she noticed her clothing was falling off with slices throughout the entire back.

Naruto clutched the last remaining shreds of her clothes covering her crotch desperately, trying to hide how aroused she was by the whole scenario, when suddenly an idea struck her, and she slumped to her knees. Pouting as cutely as she could, her eyes shimmering with tears, she turned to face the pair of aggressive kunoichi and clutched a hand to her trembling lips. "Please... be gentle... it.... it's my first time..."

The posing seemed to have its desired effect, as the pair of girls rocketed away with dual twin jets of blood streaming from their noses. And for the first time in ages Naruto was thankful she had learned that women were just as much perverts as men. Picking herself up, she fashioned a somewhat suitable bathing suit like loincloth out of the remains of her clothing, and walked away worrying over what was next, when a familiar crackle of electronics came over her radio.

Turning up the power, she heard Shino's voice calmly over the radio, though it sounded like he was pinching his nose. "... I would advise Naruto to warn us next time about such tactics Yamanaka-san... or at least tell him that Haruno-san was listening in... Has she recovered?"

"No..." Ino's voice answered quietly over the radio, sounding a bit light and airy, almost as though she was incredibly aroused. "But if Naruto gets out of this a virgin, I'm sure she'd want some private time with her..."

"Wait... what?" Naruto asked, informing the pair that she had been listening in, and of the current state of confusion she was in.

An awkward silence fell over the group, as Naruto made her way deeper into the woods, picking up sticks along the way. Finally, after a few moments Shino came back on, his voice still sounding like his nose was plugged. "Nothing Naruto... just... nothing... Yamanaka-san and I have been discussing your perform... err acting abilities from earlier, and its effect on members of the resistance trying to help you."

"Yeah Naruto! You just knocked out Sakura and Hinata with that stunt!" Ino shouted over the radio, causing Naruto to wince in pain, inadvertently causing three stalkers to gush nasal blood and disappear into the forest to regroup from the cuteness overload.

"Sorry Ino-chan... I'll try and make it up to you..." Naruto pleaded as sweetly as she possible, adding in a scolded tremor to her voice. "Please don't be angry, please?"

After a moment, Shino's voice spoke up for the suddenly absent Ino. "I think Naruto, that it might be wise not to be around Ino in that form any more today..."

Naruto pouted, sending several woodland creatures into sugar shock, and stamped her foot childishly. "It's not like I can help it Shino! It's those damn leaves! Every time one of them lands on my head, I turn into this girl... and it's starting to change my brain or something..." Naruto ranted into the microphone, "But soon this jutsu will be over, and then we can have our date like I promised..."

Naruto waited a few minutes before shrugging and moving on with her plan, never once wondering why Shino had fallen silent so suddenly, or where the others had gone to. She had plans to work on, and it was time to set up the field of battle.


	37. Chapter 37

Hey folks, it's your friendly neighborhood psycho again, just to let ya know, as of posting I am 6 away from 600 reviews. Since I'm such a fun guy, I'm putting up a gift for the 600th reviewer, notes for another epic fanfic I have in the plotting stages. I'll even let the person pick from generalized descriptions of the three in the work. So remember, number 6 is the big winner this chapter!

**_Still looking for a beta, have been using my alpha (mouse) to help me pick things out, but my verb tense problem is something terrible at times, and we cannot guarantee to catch everything. So please, help a guy out!_**

Now for responses...

spottedstar2: I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I SWEAR! Updated, and he's got about 2 hours by the end of this chapter.

FairoNeko: Glad you liked it.

Syed Talal Ahsan: Glad you're laughing and enjoying it, sorry about the soreness. As for your request, there's actually very little beyond a superficial viewing, and nothing serious save Shino, and Ino... Sorry, can't reduce it much more I guess.

Kenta Raikiri: Your Inner should be returning to you within a day or so. We all wanna know, don't we?

Celtic Reaper: Glad you're liking this, and updated.

Aracade: APST... a class that should be taught in Konoha Academy... The odds... unknown at this time, I don't think this is good enough for someone to do a follow up, so I'll have to see where the story takes me. Oi, Hinata's my cute little cuddle buddy! Ara ara...

volrath77: Is there a dentist in the audience? We got some cavities here...

The-Eighth-Sin: I do try hard to avoid the easy jokes... but sometimes I will fall, gomen if I fall. I will deal with your pun... ishment later.

HikariNoTenshi-San: Is it inadvertantly or is it subconsciously? Ara ara... teasing people is fun though, so I can't list them all...

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, I shall, keep reading! Ara ara... updated.

badkidoh: Thank ya, updated.

geetac: Glad you did.

Unis Crimson: So much you wanna say, welcome to the insanity, hope you're around for the fun!

AkioofWind: Here's some more of the insanity, no Time Paradox needed. enjoy!

90MLLu: Glad to see you again friend. Hope you continue loving it.

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 36

Shibi knelt over the prone form of his son, barely worrying about the blood stain forming on the coat over Shino's face. He knew exactly what had caused it, and couldn't justly fault him for such a reaction. After all, if he was to start scolding Shino for this, his wife would hound him about his own bout of nasal discharge knockouts while they were dating.

His concern however was more to making sure his son hadn't hurt himself when he collapsed, and that he was comfortable while in the blood loss induced slumber. After straightening out Shino, he settled in next to him, and began planning the courting for his son. After all, it wouldn't do to have his son lose out after getting his chance because he couldn't think properly. Looking over at his wife he felt a small tremor of fear at the gleam in her eyes, it wasn't himself he feared for, but Shino and Naruto. After all, his wife wanted grandkids, and soon.

He might just have to keep an eye on her while she's working in the poison lab. Don't need Naruto trying to figure out how he became 'with child' as a male. That would be an awkward conversation best avoided if possible. Stroking his porn-stache™ he let his mind focused on the problem at hand. How to get Naruto to accept his son as at the least a part of the harem he seemed to be building, especially with that Yua girl. There was something insect-like about her, and Shibi approved of that.

Thinking about Naruto, he remembered the first time he'd met the blond. It had been the day of the Kiyuubi attack, and he had been one of the few council members to support keeping him alive. He could tell even back then that the boy would do great things. His only regret that day was that due to his clan's own troubles he couldn't adopt the boy, until the day that Shino mentioned his feelings for Naruto. It would seem that his clan would be strengthened by the blonde's inclusion after all.

Behind his coat's collar he smirked as he plotted out the best possible way to ensure that even if his son and Naruto parted romantically, they could still support each other politically. With a powerful connection like Naruto, the last of two clans, and through him a bond to the other clans of Konoha, they could truly unite the hive in Shino's generation. And that was good.

Indeed, all of the plans he was making seemed to end well for the good of the hive, each of them would be strengthened, even should they fail. The only unknown element left in play however was one Naruto Uzumaki, who no one could control save maybe Tsunade. And like a bolt of lightning out of the clear blue sky, an idea began forming in Shibi's mind, Tsunade was the closest Naruto had to family, with Jiraiya, Kakashi, and that chuunin Iruka as the remaining members. If he could work through them, he could ensure that the plans were going to work. And plans that worked was very good for all indeed.

Little did he know, on a rooftop not too far away, another person was plotting in a similar vein to him. Hiashi Hyuuga was considering his daughter, and how she had long held affections for the unpredictable ninja. Maybe it was time to grant his blessing for her to pursue such a relationship. After all, it would be beneficial to have a powerful ally like Naruto, his having two clans to rebuild would mean that his daughter would no longer be the heir of the clan, and at the same time avoid Hanabi being branded as a branch member, recreating the rift that had just started to mend. He'd just need her engaged and preferably married to the boy before her twenty-first birthday. Not enough to rush things, but enough to ensure that the plan worked smoothly.

And since Naruto would be restarting two clans, he'd accept that the boy wouldn't be exclusively married to Hinata. In fact having a harem of women might even help Naruto in the long run. After all, with his strength and stamina, he'd likely outlast what any wife could take in a given night. Besides he'd need all the help he could get in the diplomatic realm, and while Hinata might be gifted at that, she lacked the backbone for politics.

For the most part, he couldn't blame anyone but himself. He had turned so cold to her after his wife's death, and she looked so much like her that it hurt. That's why he pushed her, wasn't it? Hanabi was easy, she grew up just like he expected, so why did he fail with Hinata? Was he not pushing her enough? Too much? In the wrong direction? There were just too many questions he was asking himself, and not enough answers for his like. But this... this might just be the first step he could make towards making amends. He should probably make it seem like he's crushing her dream of marrying Naruto at first, then he would surprise her with the boy and get to see the ultimate blush. It was so cute the way his wife had blushed, he just knew that Hinata's would be even more so.

First he would talk to Tsunade-sama about joining Hinata with Naruto's clans, and through that forming a firm alliance with them from the very beginning. The Hyuuga clan might have to share the secrets of the Byakugan with any offspring, but that could be dealt with when it arose. After talking with the Hokage, he'd try to convince Naruto privately, knowing that the blonde orphan would resent being ordered what to do in such a personal field. A little give and take with the rules would make things easier all around, and that was good for all involved.

A few yards away, on top of the same rooftop, Tsume smirked down at her children running around in the general chaos of the Konoha citizenry. Thankfully, she and most of the rest of her clan had managed to get breathing masks quickly, thanks to the early warnings of their partner dogs. She would have saved her children, but they were just so fun running around like psychos.

However, looking down at them, she knew that they had to grow up and move on with their lives. Hana was a successful veterinarian, and Kiba had finally learned to clean up his room, but still they needed to start a family of their own, get some pups running around for her to spoil.

After all, she'd put in her stint as the strict mother, it's about damn time she was the doting young grandma! And since Kiba seemed more interested in teasing Hinata than chasing her, she'd have to trust in Hana. Wasn't too hard to do so though, since her daughter had done nothing but make her proud throughout her entire adult life. First she tamed the Haimaru Sankyodai trio into an effective unit, and then she took over as the head of the pursuit shinobi, and still found time to hold a successful veterinary practice. The only thing Tsume wished her daughter was better at was her domestic pursuits, she sutures instead of sews, blackens instead of cooks, and Tsume did not dare think about her cleaning practices.

Needless to be said, sterile is not a state a room should be, save for medical reasons, especially when one spends all day steam blasting every square inch of every surface. Tsume spent the next three days trying to get Kiba to stop crying about his favorite chew toy being melted to the floor. He still hid every time that she got near a sink with anything resembling a bucket.

Yes, if she'd have to say, she'd pick Hana. And since she seemed interested in the blonde brat, she'd help him out. Maybe a little training in his animal instincts would get him charging at her daughter instead of away from her. And he'd been living alone since he was young, so he knew at least what he was doing, if not then hopefully at least one of the pack he was forming would. That brat would definitely make an interesting alpha. And that was good, since the alternative was so boring.

Letting out a laugh, she never once suspected that anyone else was plotting about the blonde, let alone the green beast of Konoha, Maito Gai. After being tackled and literally dog piled by half the Inuzuka clan's dogs, Ino had duct taped the breathing filter over the jounin's mouth. As she was leaving, she muttered something about there being enough mental scaring thank you, and shuddered a lot.

However, now that his mind was clear, he was a staunch supporter of Naruto in his youthful fight to preserve his fiery flames of youthful purity until after the youthful ceremony of marriage. And he had the most perfect youthful partner for the spirited and fiery youthful youth. It would be a youthful match made with youthful fiery passion and youthful splendor of flaming youth. Besides, it would unite his own youthful squad with Kakashi's hip and cool squad. Maybe the father's of the two squads could bring harmony between the two squads and allow Tenten's youthful seedlings of love to blossom into the beautiful and youthful spring flowers of fiery romance. Indeed that would be most youthful, and being youthful was good for everyone.

For was it not written in the tenants of youth that "Youthful youthfulness, is youthfully youthful!" He had noticed since the chuunin exams that Tenten seemed to have her target focus shift from the sadly unyouthful Neji, to the fiery, youthful and hardworking genius that is Naruto. And while he was saddened that it was not his prime example of flaming youthfulness, Lee, that Tenten had fallen for, he was still pleased to see her taking an interest in someone who might return her youthful interest.

Indeed it was decided, once Naruto had finished with this most youthful jutsu, he would seek permission from Tsunade for the two teams to work more youthful joint missions, so that Tenten's youthful smoldering feelings might blossom into a roaring flame of passionate and youthful love, and she may stand out to the youthful Naruto. And eventually the two orphans may find solace in their love for each other. Should he fail to do so, he would do two hundred laps around Konoha on his thick, luxurious, and youthful eyebrows!

Yes, this plan was most youthful, and would unite the two youthful orphan teams together, and allow them to form a deeper, more burning youthful bond through their shared fiery experiences. Never once did he stop to consider that Sakura wasn't an orphan, that Tenten or Naruto didn't want his help, or that he was still standing around wearing a neon orange dress with a green spandex Speedo underneath, giving people on the streets below eons of nightmares to come.

Striking nice guy pose number 152, and smiling so hard that the ping could be heard even through his muffled mouth, Gai never suspected that he was causing angels to weep in terror. Nor did he suspect that others were plotting Naruto's future. One however, was not.

Inoichi was a man that was very proud of what he'd accomplished in life. First there was being a ninja, and the head of the Yamanaka clan, and then there was making his floral business thrive, then the birth of his daughter, and finally how she had come into her own as a kunoichi. Recently however, he realized he wasn't young anymore, and that made him worry about someone to take care of his little girl after he was gone. She might have been a beautiful and fully grown woman, but she still needed someone to watch out for her.

He knew that her interest in the Uchiha brat was only a consideration because Ino wanted to fit in, and even more than that, she didn't like losing to others. However, even then he knew that there was someone else for his little princess, and it was the last person she'd ever admit to liking publically. Her top rival for Sasuke, and the woman she was now working so hard to prevent from getting to Naruto and ruining Ino's chances, Sakura Haruno was the woman that his daughter had a crush on. And he supported her choice fully.

While it was true that they'd be unable to have a baby in the traditional method, there were alternatives, and his princess would likely have already considered them all, since she wanted to be a mother someday. The thought of little grandkids running around made Inoichi's breath hitch as he thought about being a grandfather, he was getting old!

Now, the only problem seemed to be Sakura's budding affections for her other teammate, Naruto Uzumaki. It wouldn't have been too much of a problem, save that if she was to choose him, Ino would likely start in on her mule-headed rivalry act again, and it would just be a self-destructive spiral of lust, love, and loathing.

Maybe he could use Sakura's attraction to the blonde brat to his daughter's advantage. After all, his daughter wanted to be a mother, and Naruto could help them get that dream. Be it through teaching either of the girls that gender changing jutsu of his, or getting more involved physically.

Oh yes, their love would bloom to be a magnificent flower, possibly a lily, and he'd be there to help nurture it every step of the way.

Meanwhile, deep in the woods, at a secret location, Naruto sneezed for the fourth time in a matter of ten minutes. He really hoped that no one heard him, or that he wasn't getting sick. The last thing he needed to find out was that the jutsu reacted weirdly if one was sick during it. Suddenly an old wives' tale crossed his mind that made him laugh; maybe someone was talking about him.

If that was true, he'd probably have been sneezing the entire month long. But still, he hoped that if it was that, they were at least being nice about it. Tying off the last piece of his grand master plan, he paused to try and figure out something.

Looking around he asked out loud to no one in particular. "How do I make a lot of pheromones at once?"


	38. Chapter 38

Edit - I uploaded and wrote the reviews earlier, then spaced out... sorry about it being late.

Few notes: First, I'm looking for a beta still. Second, Since Garfish hasn't claimed their award, I'm bumping the award rank to 654, unless Garfish claims their prize.

volrath77: I'm so glad that people enjoyed this chapter, and Gai's rant... killed me inside just a little. I suppose the outfit was just to make people join in my pain...

spottedstar2: Only two hours... ONLY two hours... I feel sorry for Naruto, and I'm writing it! Updated

The-Eighth-Sin: . . . Well have fun with that Gai story...

Stephanie8D: Indeed he should...

Sentiment Remains: Welcome back, thanks.

Garfish: Seriously, claim your prize please. This chapter's your last chance. Glad you enjoyed it.

Syed Talal Ahsan: Glad you're enjoying the insanity. Please enjoy it.

Stephen N. Bourgeois: How I managed to write it? A lot of laughter, touch of insanity, and caffiene. Apparently I managed... somehow...

geetac: Yeah... selfless... that's what it is...

DazBoz: Great world? I suppose it is an alternate reality version of Naruto's...

Draxsis Felhunter: Umm... sorry about the breakfast... but Gai wouldn't approve of such an unyouthful meal anyhow...

Iron Reprieve: Thanks for catching the spelling error, that's what I need beta readers for.

Celtic Reaper: Yeah, the Porn-stache™, no Shibi Aburamae mentioning is complete without it. Sorry about the seizure... Updated.

Summon Boss: One word - YOUTH!

Kuro no Kitsune: What mention of male pregnancy? Guess you'll see the trouble after all.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: There's a harem?

AkioofWind: Yeah, Naruto seems to be a magnet for trouble, does he not? Thank you.

helovestowrite: Thanks for the praises! Here's the new chapter.

GG: Tick tick tick tick... It's almost time...

FairoNeko: Yeah, so much lovely future for him...

badkidoh: Thanks, updated.

bobdd0: Sorry about the youth poisoning

Kenta Raikiri: Grand master plan... or suicidal plan... depends who you ask...

NarutosBrat: Seems that way, doesn't it? As for your plan... lemme know how that goes.

duckmasta2020: Thanks, hope you stick around.

90MLLu: Glad you're still loving it!

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Hope your connection settles down... also what does Dragon eat?

CaptDutchboy: *reinstalls CaptDutchboy's mind with Windows ME*

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 37

Still puzzling over how he was going to get the massive amounts of pheromones he needed, Naruto idly buzzed the radio on his neck, being very surprised when a tired drawl of a voice answered. "Troublesome... Naruto, Ino gave me this headset and dragged Sakura off."

While Naruto processed that information, and let it pass out the other ear without much thought put into it, he let out a sigh of annoyance. "Could use your help anyhow Shika... I need a way to create a lot of those pheromone things, and fast..."

"I... see..." Shika muttered in disbelief while trying to get his mind back on track for what he had contacted Naruto for. Clearing his throat, he sighed and looked up to the non-troublesome clouds, floating lazily overhead. "Hey Naruto... I was just wondering... I mean you're not interested in Temari or anything right? So... do you think you could slap a mask on her and bring her to me?"

Naruto's fox ears perked up at this particularly juicy tidbit, while his face scrunched up in his trademarked, and patent pending, foxy grin of ultimate pranking. "Oh? And why are you so hot to get her out of here. Out of my pants and into your arms, is it?"

"URK!" sounded over the comm., which Naruto couldn't figure out fully if it was Shika or not, but that was hastily covered up by Shika's stammering, "N...no, Naruto... I... uhh... wanted to keep her safe as the Suna representative to Konoha, it should be our duty to protect her, and her brothers! But Gaara is one of the Jinchuurikiandhastogoafteryouinthelasthourorelsethere'dbetroubleandKankuroismucheasiertodealwithwhileTemarihelps!"

Before Naruto could call bullshit on Shika, and embarrass him further, Shino's voice cuts in smoothly. "Naruto, do remember that he is the smartest member of our class, and a member of the smartest, and potentially most devious clan in Konoha. It might be wise to have him remain a friend."

Naruto's mouth clacked shut audibly, realizing that what he was about to say was going to probably get Shika after him in a bad way. Clearing his throat as he paused to try and think of the best thing to say, he sighed and leaned back against the cave wall. "'I could teach you my Orioke no Jutsu ... she seemed to like it both ways.... Alright, I'll help, but first you help me... tell me how to make a lot of pheromones, and fast."

'_Then again ... this is Naruto ... he doesnt do 'subtle' ..._' the shadow user thought in dismay as his mind stored the offer away for a later time.

"Well you could create a massive amount of duplicates and gratify yourself in a contained area..." Shika alluded to while sounding vaguely uncomfortable.

Naruto meanwhile stared blankly into space; trying to figure out what the hell he had just heard the shadow user suggesting. Finally he gave up and asked, "What?"

Shika blinked in disbelief, trying to figure out if Naruto really was that dense. He knew that Naruto wasn't quite at his level, but he wasn't the complete idiot that everyone took him for. After all, despite not knowing the theory or planning behind it, he had successfully created his own original jutsu as a pre-gennin. None of the other shinobi he could think of could make such a claim.

True the jutsu wasn't much beyond a simple henge, save for Naruto's weird chakra turning it into a full physical transformation, instead of a mere illusion. Hell, he'd beaten the THIRD HOKAGE himself with it, and that counted for a lot if you think about it. In fact, usually it was a blessing for any average hormonal teenaged guy, but right now it was a curse beyond belief.

"Make a lot of clones, go into a cave, and masturbate or have sex," Shino's blunt reply was tainted by the fact that Naruto could hear his embarrassment.

"That's... what I thought he'd said..." Naruto answered nervously as he rubbed his eyes in annoyance, "I was really hoping that he hadn't though... REALLY hoping... cause I get the memories of the clones."

Shikamaru muted his microphone for a moment while he sighed and shook his head in disbelief. Naruto was one of the few guys who could go and fuck himself without it being homosexual in nature, and he was resisting it? Psychology would never make sense to Shikamaru. Looking up where Ino had gone he sighed and wished she'd stuck around for this. Turning back on his microphone, he let out another sigh, "Look Naruto, I'm only going to say this once... Go fuck yourself. You'll get everyone swarming you like you'd never believe. And throw in some female clones too, you'll get even more that way."

"I know, I just really wish it didn't have to go that way... Remind me to ask Ino or someone about memory blocking jutsus... cause I think this entire month will make me need it," Naruto groused before deactivating his microphone, and walking into the cave he'd set the trap around. With a deep and heavy sigh of dismay, he crossed his fingers in the familiar crossed position, and drew forth the chakra to summon clones. As a sea of torn orange clothes, bronzed flesh, and blonde hair surrounded him, he didn't even bother looking at them, leaving them behind him as he walked towards the entrance. "You know what to do... five of you make up some signs to point people into the cave... the rest set up for the coming... event."

Naruto leaped into the trees surrounding the cave as he looked out over the forest, waiting for people to arrive. What he was about to do had to be the most idiotic, completely hare-brained thing he will ever do in his life. Trapping the entire population of Konoha, plus a few extras in what basically amounted to a box filled with a scent that was designed to do little more than drive them into a sexual frenzy, while he went out to play with unleashed demons. Put that way, he really wished he had a last meal coming.

Taking a sniff of the air, he noticed that the scent filling the area was his scent, with the sweet underlying musk he had to assume was his female scent. It was so thick he could almost feel it sliding through the air. Shaking his head, he tucked himself tighter against the tree, and watched as the first ones began to arrive. They were trickling in, but the trap seemed to be working. However, he spotted one that he didn't want in the trap heading in. Signaling to a clone that was tucked behind a sign that read "HOT CLONE ORGY ACTION", Naruto indicated that they should get Temari out of the line. The clone did this in possibly one of the most blatantly stupid ways possible. He threw a rock at her head, and knocked her clean out. Sweat-dropping he wondered if some of the fox's chakra hadn't leaked into this batch of clones. It wasn't until a moment later when another pair of clones dragged her off, did Naruto realize that they were working around the fact that they lacked breathing masks. Turning on his microphone again, he spoke as softly as he could without the harshness of a whisper. "Shika, get a mask, Temari incoming... and tell her I'm sorry for the headache she's going to have..."

"Troublesome..." Shika moaned as he rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "You'll owe me Naruto..."

"I'll pay you back, I promise!" Naruto insisted, while taking up the slack on the rope hanging from a branch above. "Just remind me some time after the next few weeks... uhh... maybe next month..."

"I'll hold you to that Naruto, when I need a favor," the genius confirmed with a sigh as the two clones laid the still unconscious Temari at his feet before dispelling themselves. "As you probably know, one of the troublesome blondes in my life just arrived, we will speak again."

Naruto chuckled as Shikamaru turned off his microphone; it was going to be fun teasing him about this in the future. Right now however, he had to spring his trap, as most of the people were stuffed inside the cave. Leaping down out of the tree, with his hands firmly on the rope, he watched as a small rock popped out from where it was wedged, sending an avalanche of boulders down in front of the cave opening. Landing on the ground he braced himself for the deluge of memories incoming, and was actually pleasantly surprised at the inventiveness of his clones. The female memories in particular had an oddly pleasant feel to them that he couldn't quite shake off easily. He might just have to try some of those ideas later, if he survived the next hour and a half.

Standing up he found his eyes meeting Yua and Yugito, both with masks, and indicating a large pot of ramen, which was being stirred by Kon and Miso. Smiling at the friendly scene before him, he walked over. "Hey guys... this... thank you, all of you."

"It's the least we could do Naruto-sama..." Yugito's purring voice came through the distortion of her filter's speakers. "Now if you'll excuse us, Yua and I must prepare... you have won yourself a half hour, then the demons will begin. For what it's worth... I hope you manage to win, you deserve it after this past month."

"Yes," Yua commented, an extra buzz to her voice that couldn't quite be written off as the speakers acting up, "We know that you've done very well to get this far. Win or lose, Yugito and I will be waiting for you after this is over."

Naruto surprised the two other jinchuuriki by hugging them both in turn, and kissing their cheeks gently before smiling bravely for them. "Thanks girls, I'll do my best. And that just got a lot better now that I have ramen!"

The two girls blushed deeply before springing away from Naruto, giggling slightly behind their masks. Naruto watched them go for a few minutes before turning around to face the remaining girls. They were looking at him with large, teary eyes. They looked like they wanted something, but didn't feel right asking for it.

Kneeling down he spread out his arms and called the girls over. Even with having been braced for the charge, the two still bowled him over and the hugs were tight, almost suffocating, but he'd have not traded them for anything in the world. "I never would have made it this far without my two cute imouto... Thank you Miso, thank you Kon. Without you two..." Naruto trailed off as he kissed both of them on the forehead. "I can't possibly thank you both enough."

As the two peeled themselves off of him, he rested his hand on Miso's shoulder and whispered in her ear. "Promise me to keep Kon safe in Konoha, please Miso..."

Miso looked between Kon and Naruto a few times before smiling up at Naruto and nodding, a slight blush on her cheeks. "Yes Naruto-sama, I promise."

Naruto smiled at the girl, and mussed her hair up like he'd seen the old man do with his classmates when they were younger. "Thanks Miso... you're a good friend for Kon, a very good friend."

Miso blush deepened as she looked away and fidgeted under Naruto's gaze. "Th...th...thank yyou N...naruto-sama..." Miso stuttered out before rushing over to help Kon serve up three bowls of ramen.

Meanwhile, Naruto tilted his head in thought over Miso's peculiar actions. It reminded him oddly enough of Hinata's actions around him, but she didn't have a crush on Naruto like Hinata did, he hoped, and she seemed to be very focused on Kon. Putting two and two together, and getting twenty-two, he smiled widely, thinking that Miso was a shy young girl, making her first friend. It was very cute, and he felt that he should help her develop that friendship.

His only question with that was how to do so, well since Kon was going to be visiting, he could just extend an invitation to her to come with Kon. That way she could spend time alone with Kon, having fun. It would be good for the two of them to play together, and might even give Naruto a break from having to play with them.

Now he just had to finish his last meal, and then survive the gauntlet from Hell.


	39. Chapter 39

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 39: The End?

Naruto sighed as he stared at the eight figures before him. He knew exactly what each one of them was there for, and he knew that in two minutes, Hell would arrive directly in front of him. The one thing that kept him from running and hiding in some cave somewhere deep under the sea, was that an hour after this, he would be free. One hour more and he would be back to normal.

Oh how little did he know that deep inside him, two mental representatives of his greatest nightmares were plotting and scheming. And all of their plans hinged on one small point, they needed Naruto to trip that point in order for their plans to work since it counted on the jutsu still being active to work. And so while they couldn't quite claim victory yet, they could just taste its succulent and delicious fruits dangling in front of their figurative mouths.

The two minutes seemed to crawl as the time passed, allowing Naruto to study each of his opponents in turn. Sabuka no Gaara, the former terror of Suna, despite the heavy mask of indifference he wore, Naruto could sense a great feeling of unease about what was to happen. He was being consoled by Nii Yugito, her long blond hair masking her features as she whispered words of encouragement to Naruto's friend. She didn't look any happier about this than Gaara, but more resigned in her stature. He'd have to thank her for trying to comfort Gaara later, the poor guy probably needed it.

Next up was Tri-ex Juno, his face was very hard to read, though the scar on his left cheek twitched occasionally, showing that he was agitated about something. It seemed that he didn't like letting his demon in control again, or maybe it was Roshi's bad jokes from beside him. The big red haired man seemed to have a loud and boisterous voice that rivaled even Naruto at the height of his pranking. By startling contrast, the monstrous five-tails container, who went by the name of Han, apparently the Iwa Jinchuuriki only had given names or something, was just glaring at Naruto. Yeah, he'd be a fun one alright...

Jin just seemed to be staring off into space while making pink bubble elephants from his pipe. There was so much there that Naruto didn't want to touch, he couldn't even figure out where to begin. Instead, he looked at Yua, who was blowing kisses at him, and holding up a leaf suggestively. Yeah, that thought was what he wanted, turn into a girl so they'd have more fun catching him. After all, a guy has fewer holes to insert into. For the first time in his life, Naruto wished he could get drunk and forget everything about mental images.

Speaking of visuals best left unseen, Kirabi was passing the time by oiling his chest and arms. Naruto didn't even want to hazard a guess at that one, but maybe it'd help him get away.

Somewhere, a bird's song died out, and that's when it happened. Gaara went first, falling asleep, and a swarm of sand surrounding him, as the long remembered insane laughter of Shukaku rang out. Even as the sand form swelled, a screaming howl of rage sounded from the blond woman next to her. Sliding his eyes down the line, he watched as a swirling mass of blue and black chakra flowed and consumed Yugito in what seemed to be flames.

The rage screams were echoed a split second later by a more primal roar, as spikes grew out of Juno's body, and plates of armor began forming a turtle like shell around him. Naruto didn't even want to imagine how much that hurt. Meanwhile, Roshi and Han were transforming into some odd pair of monsters that looked, almost but not quite, absolutely nothing like the skunk and rooster Naruto had been expecting. Moving on down the line, Jin's slender form was engulfed in a giant bubble, which popped and revealed an ooze covered, and massive slug with six tails. Any noise that was made previously was drowned out by the buzzing of six massive wings, courtesy of Yua's demon, the seven tailed beetle, which was using its tail as an achor.

Even though all of these were massive and epic in both scale and power, they were all dwarfed by the eight-tailed bull. Instead of screaming out some animalistic sound, it leaned down and snorted. "You have one minute, transform or we'll force you to."

As he stared up at the massive demons before him, only one thought crossed his mind. '_Oh boy... this is going to be fun..._' he mentally groaned as the demons just seemed to swell before his eyes. Closing his eyes, he thought about the past month, and all that he'd gone through. He couldn't throw all that away in this last hour. He'd go in full tilt, but he'd go in as himself, not the fox.

It seemed that his minute was up, as eight tailed beasts all launched their attacks at him in a single instant. Naruto found himself busy leaping up and over tails and paws, using clones as spring boards, and in general using their larger size to hide in their whirling mass of lust filled frenzy.

Naruto's mind was a whirl of half-baked plots and plans, each of them more hare-brained than the last. However, each of them seemed to be more likely to work as he moved down the list. Finally, he came to an idea that he was almost certain to work, since it was completely ludicrous and not likely to be expected.

Summoning forth a horde of clones, he sent half to the ground, where they began digging into the ground, many falling to large paws and tails striking them incidentally, however a good number of them made it underground. The other half of them began leaping around and using his limited jutsu knowledge as best as they could. Two of the ones that had held back were currently helping Naruto form a Rasengan.

A moment later, he fell toward the ground, his arm cocked back with an insane laugh. As he hit the ground, several jets of dirt spouted into the air from the initial holes made by the clones. Slowly, the entire area began crumbling in on itself. Soon enough the entire area collapsed into a pit about six feet deep, however the sheer weight of the beasts created a compression wave that added another twelve feet. It wouldn't slow them down much, but Naruto wasn't finished yet. Because the clones were crushed, the actual second part of his plan came into play. Over five hundred compressed chakra overcharged clones suddenly let loose with all their chakra at once, sending up a massive wave of dirt, and deepening the hole again.

Using the demons as running boards and spring points Naruto got clear of the pit as fast as possible. It was then that he found one major problem with his plan, the demon tails were swarming after him. However, an idea sprang to his mind that could possibly work. Springing over one of the tails, he looped around the body of Shukaku, watching as the tails continued chasing after him.

A few dozen leaps and twists later, Naruto was standing on top of a massive knot of tails. Allowing himself a brief smirk of victory he leaped off the knot and went into the trees, using them to mask his presence from the extremely enraged and currently tied up bijuu. At least he resisted the urge to piss them off further by teasing them about being tied up and leaving them alone.

That consideration went out of his mind as the entire mass of tailed-beasts surged forth with that eight tailed bull leading the charge. That large of a wave of demons coming after him was bad. Very, very bad in his opinion. Summoning up as much chakra as he could, he summoned up more clones, infusing them with as much chakra as possible per each. The double squad of clones used up enough for him to make an actual army worth of clones, but there was a benefit to the overcharging clones. As the first one was stepped on, explosions ripped through the forest, sending the demons sprawling across the forest floor with at least one leg in five being completely blown off.

Naruto let out a groan of dismay as the missing limbs began repairing themselves and the knot in the tails he had so lovingly created turned out to be completely missing due to the explosion. Instead of sticking around to allow them to finish, he bolted like a bat out of hell.

Diving into a hole in the ground he capped his hands over his mouth to forestall any noises he might make, while the hordes of demons swarmed past the cave. After the last one passed, he let out a sigh as he took into consideration all the resources he had at his disposal. No chakra, no weapons, no tools, no energy, and no hope... he was screwed.

That's when an insidious thought filtered into his mind. The demon fox could lend him some chakra to finish out the remaining 50 minutes. But that would require him asking the demon for his help, and he knew that ol' fuzz face would require a price be paid for his help. Getting deeper into the tunnels he found himself in, he was pleasantly surprised by how silent it was in here. It was safer and calmer in this tunnel than outside right now.

Or so he thought, since the tunnel directly in front of him suddenly vanished in an explosion of dirt and rocks. That same explosion also sent the poor blond flying through the air as the pressure wave lifted him up and flung him like a rag doll. Mercifully a rock him in the head, and knocked him out so he didn't feel a thing when he impaled himself into the tunnel wall.

Finding himself in a familiar sewer, he groaned as he walked down into Kyuubi's cage room and found the demon laughing while sitting on the now trapped Libido. "Hey Fox.... what's happening?"

"_**YOU ARE MAGNIFICIENT!**_" the demon bellowed with a huge manic grin on his face. "_**I have an offer for you, for the price of one day every two months you allowing me to take control of your body, I will give you two tails worth of my chakra, and keep you topped off.**_"

"Are you nuts? I've done this well so far..." Naruto started to protest before letting it drop and sighed. "Every two months, and promise not to hurt anyone in Konoha. And the days have to be approved by Baa-chan... I'll even set them up so that the days coincide with Kon's visit."

"_**Sounds good, but I can store up days for longer control periods, especially if Kon's visiting for longer than a day.**_" Kyuubi countered while he seemed to be hiding a laugh.

"I suppose that works..." Naruto agreed while the tendrils of chakra flowed around and over him. "But before any permanent arrangements are made, Baa-chan will have to agree."

Kyuubi's grin didn't falter in the least as the chakra was absorbed into Naruto's body, slowly filling him and forming a chakra cloak over him. Kyuubi loved how his container's features became more and more feral with every ounce of his chakra that it absorbed.

"_**Go now brat, and win!**_" Kyuubi commanded as Naruto was flung from the sewers. After he was back in the waking world, with forty-nine minutes remaining, Kyuubi shouted out with glee, "_**This is working out better than I could have ever imagined!**_"

"**That's wonderful for you, but could you get your fat ass off me already? You're breaking my ribs!**" the poor neglected and abused Libido cried out from under Kyuubi's backside.

"_**Terribly sorry, I forgot you were there,**_" Kyuubi purred as it rose up and shrank down to more normal levels. "_**Why don't you go to his dream room and set up something, because I know he's going to sleep after this...**_"

"**Later Fox-man,**" Libido cried out as he went to set up a dream to end all perverted dreams. Now that his body had finally hit puberty, he was going to use every last trick in the book that Jiraiya had tried to teach the idiot.

Kyuubi simply watched as the absolutely insane Libido skipped off giggling like a school girl on her first acid trip. It was so easy to manipulate these pawns to do his bidding, and his bidding... Was to get time with his daughter dammit! Maybe he could even get the agreement to count retroactively... after the brat's harem got through with blondie first of course.

As he woke up in the real world, Naruto let out a deep chuckle at the sheer raw power coursing through him. He knew that the power alone wouldn't be enough to save him, but it was a start. Now about the psycho that blasted out the tunnel in front of him...

It was time for some payback, and Naruto didn't accept anything but pain.


	40. Chapter 40

First, I'm sorry that I didn't respond last week to the reviewers, was having a rough day, as the upload time might indicate. Second, I'm not to sure about how good this chapter is, because along with my beta, I just lost my alpha reader, so I'm still looking for a proofreader/beta reader. Please people, I need help. Third, I'd like to say thanks for keeping with this so far. I don't know if I can update next week on time, but I will try my best. Ara ara... real life is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Oh yeah, fourth, how many references can you find in this chapter?

Kuro no Kitsune: The plan shall be revealed next week. And yeah, poor Gaara, he just needs a woobie blanket.

The-Eighth-Sin: Totally righteous dude, absolutely tubular!

CaptDutchboy: I thought I made that clear in the story previously... ara ara... Here's the next chapter.

90MLLu: Glad that ya all liked it, and I hope to keep up the quality as best I'm able. Would you like to be my beta?

NarutosBrat: I almost spared the demons... almost, some got away...

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, here's more.

Aracade: Ara ara... long review ^.^ YAY! I let them out, yes it was me, I'm not sorry though. Yep those crazy dreams... Naruto's social life will be headed up by the commission for peace and harmony in Konoha... so it's a Hokage level project I think. Have you seen them? They're all awesome. I just wonder how big of a family Naruto'll be getting...

esyas123: That it is... I feel sorry for the demons...

spottedstar2: Revenge, serve chilled. I almost didn't make this chapter though... cause I was waiting for your cookies... Trust me, I know what shopping with younglings is like... I've filled the role as an older brother and then later as an uncle and friend's uncle... Shoot. Me.

CelticReaper: Updated, enjoy!

Alyondria: Is that jumbo sized?

badkidoh: Updated

geetac: Thank you, I like you.

Vassago-Toxicity: Do you honestly believe that?

Elemental Dragon Swordman: You know... how about I sign you two up for couples counciling?

AkioofWind: Thanks, I'm so happy to get this far... I'm making 666 the update that finds gets the story ideas, cause I forgot at 654. Sorry all!

HikariNoTenshi-San: Thank ya! Updated!

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 39: Final Dance.

As a deep and dark chuckle filled the tunnel surrounding the crevice Naruto's body had made, fell red chakra oozing with menace and power slowly crept forth from the hole. The two tail like appendages of chakra gripped the outer lip of the hole, and pulled the chuckling red chaka cloaked blonde out of the impact crater. The power was as always intoxicating to Naruto, but he kept grounded by remembering one thing, and one thing alone. His precious people, and how disappointed they would be in him should he fall into the trap that was power's corruption. That was what kept him human.

Looking around, his grin turned feral, aided by the enhanced whiskers on his cheeks, the blood red color to his eyes, and the extended canine teeth. All of this only looked scarier than the last time he'd taken this form by the addition of his ears and tails, both bristling with his agitation. It wasn't even so much the situation, as the power just made him angry.

Marching out of the tunnel, he began summoning clones, each one appearing with every step he took, until finally he had an army marching out, three wide, by several dozen deep. As each progressive wave reached the opening, they sprang away with a mission in mind. They were out for payback against the bijuu hounding them, and will suffer no fools trying to stop them.

The first target was one they knew that they could take on, having bested him before without the demon-chakra fueled boost. Shukaku was found a short distance away blowing trees away with jets of sand, laughing that insane shrieking laugh of his. That grating noise was all the incentive Naruto needed to wail on him for a while.

As the several of the clones encircled the great beast, the lead on smirked evilly as a dark chuckle rippled through all of the clones, causing the one-tailed beast to look around in shock. There was just a hint of recognition and fear in his eyes that told the clones everything they needed to know. The way it curled its tail over its own rear-end indicated that it definitely remembered what had happened last time.

An instant later, the clones were leaping into the clearing, chakra cloaks blurring out the bodies inside. A swarm of clones climbing all over the confused and panicking bijuu was an amusing sight, especially after one settled in next to Gaara and called down to Shukaku.

The poor demon barely had a moment to give out a cry of '_**NOOO!**_' before the clone reached out and pulled a small hair from the back of Gaara's neck, waking him up. The clone grabbed Gaara under the arms as the sand collapsed in on itself, carefully carrying him down to the ground.

"Hey Gaara, guess what?" the clone asked with a proud smirk.

"You believe that you're winning right now, correct?" Gaara asked dryly as Naruto set him on the ground gently.

Naruto's clone paused only a moment before letting out a laugh as it scratched the back of its head. "Yeah, I guess that's true. I won't know for another forty minutes, but I've already gotten the two and seven-tails distracted. And I've beaten you... the six-tails is more than happy to use up Jin's bubbles. Guess they both like them or something..."

"That leaves the three, four, five, and eight tails left..." Gaara supplied while he began to walk towards the cave-in holding the rest of Konoha, and his siblings inside. "Do you have a plan for them?"

"Something like that..." Naruto's clone alluded as it disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The three-tailed turtle was having fun playing getting its shell polished by the foot clan ninjas while its three tails formed an armored tube out of its backside heading down into the ground. It wasn't until a clone had gotten close enough to see eggs dropping out of the tube, that they realized how little of a threat she would offer right now. Instead they just took up positions to watch over her, and her egg laying.

The four tails was a bit more difficult. He was actively flinging flaming brown matter that he had extruded from his nether regions. Naruto really hoped that it wasn't what he thought it was, since it was currently splattering all over the place, and causing Konoha to burn. The smell was definitely nauseating enough to confirm what it was however.

Naruto let out a defeated sigh as he started heading for the fecal matter flinging demon, he really didn't want to deal with this, but he had to. That's when the idea hit him, pulling in a group of ten clones; he propelled them up into the air over the stinker, and smirked as they turned into a giant silver hammer. With a 'bang bang' Naruto's silver hammer came down upon his head and a 'clang clang' Naruto's silver hammer made sure that he bled. Naruto walked away from the now unconscious demon, leaving a token group of four clones to ensure that he'd know when and if it woke up.

The five tails seemed to be perfectly content playing target practice with his clones, so he just sent a few dozen more to replace those that had disappeared already. After all, it wouldn't do to let him get bored, now would it?

Finally he had to face off against the most bullheaded of them all. With a sigh he turned around to find said bull glaring down at him. As it snorted down at him, flaring its eight tentacles out behind it, Naruto thought quickly.

Five minutes later as he was running through the trees zigging and zagging in random directions. In hindsight, maybe smacking in on the nose with his tails and telling him he was being naughty wasn't the best idea in the world. But it certainly made him feeling a lot better.

Running into a cave he winced slightly as he heard the sound of a face impacting solid rock, and felt the entire cave tremble around him. Turning back, he peeked out of the cave entrance, and looked up to see a sight he could have lived without. An engorged bovine penis was among the various things he didn't need to see, especially when said penis was easily the size of the tallest building in Amegakure, and his balls were about the same in size as both two Hokage heads on the monument. The swollen black and red colors would certainly haunt his nightmares for years to come.

Leaving the cave seemed like a good idea, but he couldn't just count on dodging those eight giant tentacle- like tails waving about with abandon. And so he summoned up another swarm of clones to form into a giant silver hammer. And 'bang bang' Naruto's silver hammer swung up on the bull's 'head', and 'clang clang' Naruto's silver hammer made sure it was dead.

It is said that day, the people in furthest corners of Tsuchi no Kuni the sound of the ultimate suffering sang forth through the air, and a kendo master turned to his students and explained. "Do you hear that children? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered ninja killed my mother. The eight-tailed demon makes it now."

Naruto was surprised by the fact that the bull was able to pull its head out of the stone cliff face, even more so that it was able to come after Naruto like it was. True it was slowed down by the injury to its member, but Naruto was only barely making any gains in getting away.

He might have been able to make more distance if he had altered his path, but as soon as the bull started chasing him, he sent a group of clones out to set something up. Coming to the mouth of a tunnel he stood and waited for the bull, idly inspecting his nails. The bull continued to charge onward, horns down to turn our favorite chakra cloaked blonde hero into a yakitori.

Naruto looked at his sharpened claws, wondering why women bothered growing them out. They just seemed impractical this long. Even as the thunder of the hooves came closer, he just kept studying his nails. Finally at the last moment, Naruto disappeared in a puff of smoke, being replaced by a log, which disappeared a moment later and was replaced by a pasty white snake swallower. His eyes shrank to little black dots as he saw what was about happen.

The pair entered the tunnel and found the first of a series of traps, the grease slide. At his current speed, the bull was unable to slow even in the slightest. Shortly after he reached ten lengths, 'bang bang' Naruto's silver hammer hit his nut, and 'clang clang' Naruto's silver hammer made sure it was cut. After the hammer disappeared in a puff of smoke, a stream of glue covered the bull and Orochimaru while they passed, right into where Konoha dumped the hair from all the barbers.

As if that wasn't enough, the end of the tunnel collapsed under the impact of the pair, and they were flung into the waste reclamation center for this area of Hi no Kuni.

Naruto was walking away with a huge feral grin on his face, his plan had worked beautifully. And right now two of the greatest threats to Konoha were now in miles of liquidized waste from all over the nation. He was trying to figure out when the log had learned Kurami. Unfortunately he was so distracted that he didn't think to look up, and that's when it happened. A rock fell down out of the mountain and at our poor and abused blonde.

The resounding crack could be heard for miles, seconds later the two halves of the rock dropped to the ground on either side of Naruto. They were joined shortly by the blonde himself. A puff of smoke marked the end of the jutsu. He had done it, he had made it through the entire month, dodging horn dogs and ignoring his own libido, only to be felled by an errant boulder. Fortunately for the remaining brain cells several of the clones that were left, after being freed from their duties when the bijuu returned to their usual contained states for the most part. The three tailed seemed to be busy laying eggs, and Naruto's clones weren't about to go up to it and bother it about laying eggs. Instead they were more concerned with their boss.

Scooping him up they began the trek back to Konoha, over the broken, battered, and burned landscape that had once been a lush forest. Arriving at the gates to the village, they were more than a little relieved to see all of Naruto's supporters had gathered there to welcome him back. Because moments after a panicking Tsunade took the unconscious Naruto into her arms, they all ran out of chakra to support their function and disappeared in a massive cloud of smoke.

Tsunade took a moment to calm down as she inspected Naruto's head. He'd have a headache when he woke up, but otherwise his healing powers would have him back to 100 percent in forty-eight hours. Carrying him towards the hospital, she paused only a moment to point to a group of people, including Sakura and Ino, "You go free the people he trapped in the cave, bring them all back here by the crotch hairs if you have to. But I don't want anyone involved in this to leave without a full processing from the ANBU."

"Yes ma'am!" the two called out before they led the group away.

"The rest of you, go and see about repairing the damage he did to our sewage reclamation plant," Tsunade stated with a great resigned sigh. "If that bull is in there still, get him in the showers before processing."

The other group didn't respond, instead just saluted and left to take care of their assigned task. Tsunade took off to the hospital with her little bundle of unpredictability safely in her arms. "Come on Brat, let's get you taken care of..."


	41. Chapter 41

It has been a long and interesting ride for this fic... and I'm sad to see it end. But as with all things it had to happen. Ara ara... When I started this fic, I never thought it would be nearly this big. But I am very proud of the fic itself. I've enjoyed the reviews and comments from everyone, and hope to see many of you in the future. I will be working on other fanfics, and posting them here. Go ahead and check out my profile, and other fics. In closing, I just want to say one thing... Thank you all... without your encouragements, I could never have made this epic fanfic.

volrath77: The end is nigh! THE END IS NIGH! *gets carted away*

Kokiiru-kun: . . . *pokes the laughing nut* Uhh... wanna finish?

Alyondria: Yeah, he made it. Here's the next update.

spottedstar2: Glad that you found it funny, hope you stick around for the next one.

Orannis4: Aye, that is the sad fact of things, and this was far from the best of stories... Just remember rule 1 of all my fics, Look beneath the underneath. Glad to have made your early morning fun. Do hope you stick around.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Updated. Glad you've enjoyed it so far.

Aracade: I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and hope that you will stick around for my other works.

Kenta Raikiri: I still think it was a bit ironic that nature itself was out to get Naruto... ara ara... Yeah, the conclusion's coming, but like life... and to quote Miyuki-chan in Wonderland... Never End.

jolteonforever: Sorry about your eyes, I do hope that they can be cured...

CelticReaper: I'm glad you liked it, it feels weird to be writing this but I'm not doing anything with the Adventures of Loggy Mc Logstrom, and his amazing friends. That can be someone else's job. Updated.

Kuro no Kitsune: He was in the savoring victory, and dropped the cloak... Here's some more.

AkioofWind: Thank you as always, I did try my best. Hope you stick around for more of my work.

esyas123: Not kicked... but close enough... ^.^ Ara ara...

anotamous: You're not the only one with mixed feelings about that.

The-Eighth-Sin: Here's the chapter for ya, enjoy.

CaptDutchboy: Technically he was of the monkey's family... here's the next chapter.

90MLLu: I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and hope that you'll stick around for more.

Orchamus: Well... that's what's henge is for, no?

Elemental Dragon Swordman: *yawns and sighs* Swords scare me not... I sent my reply, now enjoy more mental scarring.

Vassago-Toxicity: Don't worry about it, I'm just glad people enjoyed it thus far.

badkidoh: Updated.

HikariNoTenshi-San: It... would appear so... wouldn't it?

NarutosBrat: Freedom is relative.

* * *

Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 40: Wake Me Up!

Naruto felt himself waking up, having made it through the odd dreams that he was sure he could blame on bad milk, and the massive headache he felt. After all: him becoming a half-fox and running around Konoha, was utterly ridiculous. And that ending dream, after the stone had hit his head, and sent him into a massive city-wide sex pit. Yep, he was definitely glad that the dream was over, even if it meant he'd have to rub one out.

Without opening his eyes, a few problems assailed his brain about his presumed location of his own bed. First was the clinically disinfected smell hovering in the air, then came the beeping noise of a heart monitor, after that there was a fact that his regular pajamas and nightcap were replaced with his regular clothes and what felt like a cast on his head. Maybe he hit his head while in the throes of a dream; that would explain his headache.

Hearing someone moving around, he opened his eyes to find himself staring up into Sakura's emerald eyes, with an odd sense of warmth he'd never seen her with before. Correction, he'd seen it right before she tried to molest him in his dream. It had to have been a dream, since anything else wouldn't make sense in reality.

"Uh... hey Sakura-chan..." Naruto began nervously as he licked his suddenly dry lips. "Do you think you could tell me how long I'm going to be here?"

Sakura smiled silently at Naruto for a moment before disappearing from view, a door shutting his only audible answer to his question. Blinking in confusion he tried to get up out of the bed, only to find out that he'd been chained down again. This was odd, since he'd not been chained down into a hospital bed since he gave the Hyuuga elders Mohawks in their sleep. He'd broken his leg jumping off the wall, and was chained down because the old man had forbidden the Hyuuga clan from pursuing him into the hospital. So that was also the only time that Naruto had stayed in the hospital for the entire duration of his recovery.

Sighing he sat up and let out a yelp as something just above his butt pinched itself. Reaching behind him, he felt something furry sticking over the waistband of his pants. Gulping with eyes wide in panic he slowly worked the furry object out from under him, and whimpered slightly as he could feel his hand on the object. Shortly later, he found himself staring at his tail from his nightmare.

Letting out a groan of dismay he reached up to the top of the cast on his head, and felt two little furry triangles sticking out of custom made holes. As they flattened, he looked around his room for anything reflective he could look into. Surprisingly enough, he found a mirror laying on the bedside table just inches away. Reaching over, he scooped up the mirror and looked into it, finding his reflection showed him exactly what he had hoped he wouldn't see.

Setting down the mirror back where he'd picked up from, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. It seemed to work for all of five seconds before he let out a scream of frustration and panic that echoed throughout the small room. His next idea held more merit, even if he couldn't chew through the chains; he at least felt he was doing something. That's when he heard footsteps approaching. It sounded like a lot of them, and that made him chew all the harder, actually making progress against the steel chains holding his arm to the bed.

He never had a chance to be free, when the door swung open. At first nothing happened, causing Naruto to slowly turn his head to look at the now wide open doorway. After a moment, Tsunade stepped into view and walked over to check him over.

"Oh thank Kami!" Naruto cried out as Tsunade approached. "Look Baa-chan, I can't explain how I got the tail and ears, but the Kyuubi's not escaping. Just ask Erro-sennin to look over the seal and he can verify!"

Tsunade continued walking over with a strange smile on her face, pulling over a tray of medical tools. Picking up a flashlight, she shone it into Naruto's eyes. "Jiraiya has already confirmed that brat, the chain was to make sure you didn't leave until the concussion went down."

"Huh?" Naruto's intelligent response came. Blinking slightly he barely even flinched as Tsunade tapped the cast, cracking it open. He felt the hardened plaster cap leave his ears free, allowing them to twitch freely. Tsunade lightly rubbed the left ear, causing the blond to purr softly. "But... they... uhh... they are new... how..."

Interpreting the babbling blonde, Tsunade smirked as she finally found a way to keep the unruly brat under control when she wanted him to be. That and there was something therapeutic about rubbing his ears. Sitting at the head of the bed, she pulled him down onto her lap carefully adjusting him so his tail stuck out to the side, rubbing his ears the entire time. "You've had them for about a month now brat... don't you remember?"

Naruto's eyes widened slowly as the word's meanings suck into his pleasure clouded brain. Finally two words sprang from his mouth. "THE JUSTU!" he cried out in panic trying to spring up and away, only to be pulled back down by an iron grip on his ear. Tsunade wasn't finished with petting him it seemed.

"Yes brat, that's right," Tsunade answered calmly as she continued petting him, she just might have to make him come to her office every night as a D-rank mission, just so she could pet his ears and forget about paperwork for a while. "The justu that Jiraiya tricked you into doing, which has ended, had unfortunate secondary effects on you. Apparently, due to you using Kyuubi's chakra, they're permanent. Not that anyone dislikes them... they all think it's adorable, and fitting."

Naruto nodded as pleasant feelings clouded his mind again, for the first time he felt that someone was here that loved him, and would keep him safe from everything. He barely heard the faint click as the pressure of the cuffs around his wrist released. Instead his arms instinctively curled around Tsunade's waist, as he felt something new trickle down his cheeks, tears of joy. He was crying because he was so happy to have someone treating him like family.

Tsunade just held him as he cried silently, rubbing his ears and back gently. "It's over Naruto, and you helped us all build new relationships with some of our greatest enemies. It might just help us prevent any future wars. Itachi and a couple other members of Akatsuki have been found dead, so you and the other Jinchuuriki are safer now. You really are the luckiest ninja I've ever seen."

The pleasant silence was cut off by Naruto letting out a whimper as Tsunade stopped rubbing his ears and slipped off the bed. "I have to fill out some paperwork, and then you can go. If you wait here for me, I'll buy you some ramen, okay?"

Naruto's ears perked straight up, and the rest of his body seemed to vibrate with joy, including his tail swaying behind him. This look caused Tsunade to chuckle lightly and walk out the door. "I'll take that as a yes..."

Naruto settled back down onto the bed, awaiting her return, thinking about the wonderful and delicious ambrosia known as ramen that he would be having soon. So much so that he never thought about the fact that there were multiple footsteps coming towards the door, and only one had sounded off as it headed away.

Indeed, his thoughts were so distracting that he barely noticed the forms slipping into his hospital room stealthily. Finally it was the feeling of someone settling down on his bed that brought his mind back to the real world. Turning around he smiled seeing Shino sitting next to him. "Hey Bug-man, I don't know if thanked ya for your help. You saved my ass."

"Think nothing of it," Shino answered calmly, his shade hidden eyes locked on the blond. "Tsunade asked me to inform you that Kon-chan and Miso-chan are both comfortable in your apartment, and have been watched over by Iruka-sensei. Gaara-san told me to tell you that he will visit you in a few months, and to be good. Finally, Kakashi-sensei asked me to tell you that you can have the next three days off."

"Well that's good," Naruto answered as he relaxed, leaning back on the bed and letting out a sigh. "So... I still owe you a date, don't I?"

"Indeed... and not only me..." Shino answered with a flourish of his arms, drawing Naruto's attention to the others in the room. Slowly turning his head; Naruto's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull at the sight before him. Not only was his mind skipping like an ancient record, but he was fairly certain his blood all flowed down into his nether regions.

Not only were they not alone in the room, but all the others were girls. Hinata, Tenten, Yugito, Yua, Anko, and if he remembered right the Inuzuka was named Hana. Beyond that, they were all dressed in the same outfit.

First were the high heels in a very sharp eggshell white, and then the knee high bright white socks leading up to their exposed thighs. The zettai ryouiki was cut off as it should be by a shiny white vinyl mini-skirt with a red stripe up the left side. The stripe continued up the side of the shirt, which otherwise was a white material of similar nature to the skirt. All their hair was pulled up into high buns hidden behind the white caps with red crosses on the front. It seemed like an afterthought that he noticed the red crosses were copied over their left breasts, forming an interesting focal point. Especially from what he could tell, those bulges in the vinyl meant that there were no bras worn by any of the girls.

Deep within, he heard a strange, almost mechanical voice speaking calmly.

**Warning: Mental processes have stalled.**

**Please reboot the system at the earliest convenience.**

**Thank you.**

Even as the voice advised him to reboot his mind, a pair of arms looped over him from behind, pulling him into a gentle hug as Shino's voice filled his ears. "They're your nurses Naruto, and we're here to make sure you have recovered, in all sense of the word..."

While Naruto was getting a very thorough check over by his girlfriends and Shino, Tsunade smiled sweetly at the bound and gagged Sasuke Uchiha sitting in the chair directly across from her. After the jutsu's end, Sasuke had been found plastered to the forest floor by what seemed to be a sea of tree sap. He refused to tell anyone what had happened, and when Ino Yamanaka went into his mind to find out what had occurred, she ended up breaking down in tear-filled laughter. The only thing she could make out from the giggling mind bender was trees and rape.

Sasuke was pouting because he was being treated like the traitor he had been for the past nearly three years. True he'd given himself over to the ANBU without any fight after he had been freed of the sap, but that might have been a trick to get back in good graces with Konoha. Tsunade loved the pouting and the broken look on Sasuke's face when she had announced that she wouldn't let him go just yet. He was going to have to serve at least three years in the jail, maybe getting out in two with good behavior, and then he'd be followed by the ANBU for another year to ensure he wasn't going to turn traitor again.

However, he had provided a wealth of information about Orochimaru's Otogakure, and even confirmed something she had only hoped for. With the vanishing of his curse seal, he confirmed that Orochimaru was now dead.

"Well Sasuke," Tsunade spoke calmly as the ANBU entered the room. "I feel it is my duty to tell you that Itachi is dead and burned. Further, your request to join Naruto's harem is put on hold until after your time in prison. At which point, if he wishes to be your friend, you may contact him and begin from there. Though I might suggest you look into your own fangirls instead. You are expected to continue the Uchiha line after all..."

"Hn..." Sasuke growled as the ANBU helped him up and began walking him away. "I suppose Sakura would be good... she was tolerable after the Chuunin exams..."

Tsunade let out a snicker as Sasuke was being led away. Turning to look out her window, she saw two forms outside the hospital under a tree. A taller pony-tailed blonde was holding a shorter pink-haired form in her arms as they leaned against the tree. The pink seemed to be laughing, but that ended when the blonde leaned down and captured the pink's lips in her own.

Tsunade smiled warmly as she turned away and pulled out a bottle of top quality sake. Pouring out two wooden saucers out, she held one out and waited, sitting in her chair. After a moment a calloused hand took the offered saucer.

"What are we celebrating?" Jiraiya asked as he settled down across from his teammate, looking into the sake.

Tsunade lifted her own saucer and smiled warmly. "To the future of the brats."

Outside the door, Shizune smiled as the two old friends joined in the toast and gulped down the sake. Closing the door she let out a mental laugh as she snuck away. Maybe Tsunade would tell Jiraiya her feelings if left alone with him, and some sake. It would be nice if they got together.

Getting to her own office she looked around carefully before opening a drawer on her desk and pulled out some rare imported chocolates from her desk. If Tsunade was going to celebrate, then so was she. Unwrapping the bar carefully, she carefully shut the drawer, trying to keep it quite. All caution left her mind as she bit into the chocolate and the amazing bliss overtook her.

So great was the bliss that she never noticed the other person entering her office, until it took her chocolate. Whipping her head around, she nearly attacked, until she saw that it was just Ebisu who was smiling at her warmly, with his shades lowered to show her his eyes. "You're in a good mood..."

Snatching her chocolate back, she held it carefully. "Why shouldn't I be? I have the day off."

Ebisu blushed slightly as he pulled something else from behind his back. "Would you mind going out with me tonight then?"

Shizune's shocked look was a surprise to Ebisu, but thankfully he was able to catch her chocolate before it hit the floor. Setting it carefully on the desk, he scooped her hand and carefully wrapped it around the stems of the flowers. "At least consider it, and contact me if you feel I am acceptable for you. I will await you outside Ichiraku Ramen Bar, and we can make our plans from there..."

With a bow and a kiss to the back of her hand, he left her to think. Shizune slowly blinked as a blush formed on her cheeks, and tried to go back to eating her chocolate. Only to find out her chocolate had been replaced by flowers.

Blushing heavily she put the flowers on her desk and snatched up her chocolate, biting into it and trying to slow her racing heart. She had to answer him, but her heart belonged to another. She just wasn't nearly ready to tell him yet.

Maybe she should tell Ebisu that she wasn't interested, and bring her crush some ramen. After all, he would have to be hungry, what with watching those two fox-girls all day.

Besides, his blush was so cute behind that scar of his.

At Naruto's apartment, Iruka sneezed, but wrote it off as one of the girl's tails tickling his nose. After all, who'd be talking about him?

Kakashi smiled at the man sitting in his kawaii student's living room, playing dress up with the two young girls. He had brought Iruka some lunch, rice balls and sushi for the adults and ramen for the kids, and hadn't exactly left the area. After all, with everything that had gone on, he had to ensure that he wasn't in danger. Iruka was _**his**_ little cuddly chuunin, and no one was going to touch him if Kakashi could help it.

Gai and Lee were training, trying to find a way to resist such an insidious jutsu in the future. Neji had been there earlier, but he'd left shortly after seeing the training. After all, he doubted dressing up as women and flirting with each other would help at all.

Neji went off to paint pictures since he had nothing better to do.

Everyone else, was trying to build up the courage to walk outside after what had happened.


End file.
